Ace Attorney: Long Arm of the Law
by Sith Droideka
Summary: In this amazing collaboration, Wright Anything Agency expands, prosecutors are very bad at team work, and why is everyone out of prison? Is it just Edgeworth, or are there more than one Oldbags? Why is everyone so attracted to Apollo? Is Phoenix gay or is that just Maya? Let's find out together in Ace Attorney: Long Arm of the Law! Picture from dirtyaceattorneycrackfessions.
1. Turnabout Release

**A/N: Co-authored and beta'd by aireyverkhovensky. This is mostly her idea. Blame her, not me. Warning: writing a little rusty, don't expect it to be same style as other fanfics. Also, huge spoilers.**

* * *

Thunder.

Rain drummed on the rooftop, faintly heard through the ceiling.

Thunder.

Wind howling outside, causing the rain to splatter loudly on the glass.

Thunder.

And the power went out.

April May sighed and rummaged through her purse for a lighter. She found one, flicked it on, and held it up so that she could see. Outside, thunder rumbled again. She walked by a mirror- and paused.

A gun barrel glinted in the flame. She dropped the lighter, and the fire cut out. There was a bolt of lightning outside, and the harsh light illuminated the gunman's blank face. And then he fired.

The building shook from the thunder.

* * *

**Turnabout Release**

_January 3, 9:54 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #3_

"C'mon, Nick, I'm telling you, I didn't do it!" Larry Butz wailed.

Once again, Phoenix Wright's old friend Larry had been accused of murder. Admittedly, it had been over a decade since the last time he was accused. And Larry was no longer the bumbling idiot he'd been; now he was a well-off bumbling idiot. That didn't stop him from grabbing Phoenix's shoulders and shaking him as he plead his innocence.

"Your old friends are weird, Mr. Wright," Athena Cykes commented.

"I didn't do it!"

"Ok, we know!" Phoenix said. Larry backed off, wide-eyed. "Don't worry, I know you're not the killer."

"I'm not sure you'd have the ability," Athena said, "you don't look very competent."

It was true: even if Larry was richer than he used to be, his clothes were scruffy "artiste" types and had paint stains on his poncho-thing. "Aren't you an animator?" Phoenix said, looking up and down Larry.

"So what!? Who says I can't dress how I want!?" Larry said. "By the way, who's this other girl?"

"This is Athena Cykes, one of my attorneys," Phoenix said. "Didn't I mention her and Apollo to you?"

"No," Larry said flatly. "So, uh, is she any good?"

"Of course I'm any good!" Athena said, "Mr. Wright brought me with him, not Apollo!"

"…so you're not just his assistant?" Larry said.

"Actually, Athena'll be handling this case," Phoenix said, "since not only is this about the time when Payne shows up again, but it's you…"

"Hey!" Larry said, "I can't believe you're not taking this seriously, Nick!"

"What, you don't trust me, Mr. Butz?" Athena said. She was obviously trying to sound hurt, although the effect didn't seem noticeable.

"Hmm…" Larry said, "well… I know! Who's the murder victim!?"

"Um… a Miss April May," Athena said. "I think she works as a receptionist."

"And the cause of death?" Larry asked, wringing his hands.

Athena pulled out her autopsy report. "One bullet to the forehead," she reported.

"Oh. So that's what happened," Larry said, wide-eyed. Phoenix felt the sudden urge to face-palm. It seemed that Larry still hadn't changed.

* * *

_January 3, 10:00 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #6_

The courtroom was mostly in order. The Judge, dressed in his black robe, his impressive beard as gray and bushy as ever. Phoenix and Athena were at the defense's stand. The crowd in the gallery and theoretical jury were there as well, as well as the security, clerks, and bailiff. All that was missing was the prosecution.

"…it seems as if the prosecution has chosen not to arrive," the Judge said. "They must have decided that the defendant is not, in fact, guilty, which would not be a stretch for Mr. Wright's clients. Especially when it feels that Mr. Payne should be prosecuting. With that in mind, I declare Larry Butz **NOT GUI**-"

"OBJECTION!"

A coffee cup when flying through the air and smacked into Phoenix's face, covering him in the scalding liquid. By the time he was done cleaning it off with a hastily-grabbed towel (which every defense stand had for just this emergency) he could see the newly-arrived prosecutor: tan-skinned, red-visored, with a green suit, white tie, and white-striped vest. And, of course, a smirk.

What was Godot doing here?

"The prosecution was taking a moment to find out what was going on, your honor," Godot said, taking his place.

This all seemed strangely familiar...

The Judge was as wide-eyed as Phoenix felt. "P-prosecutor Godot!?" the Judge said, "weren't you in prison-"

Godot shook his head and took a long draught of coffee. "Always keep yourself up-to-date on the news, or it'll come back to haunt you in court. That's one of my rules," Godot said, and then he elaborated, "for some reason, a large portion of the local jails has been pardoned. They gave us clothes to change into and threw us out onto the streets. Then I swung by the prosecutorial offices and the chief prosecutor gave my badge back and sent me to take this case. Practically begged me to go since apparently all the other prosecutors are busy and he didn't want to take this one."

As if to prove it, he quickly showed it off, and then pocketed it again (any self-respecting lawyer would pin their badge to their coat. But for some reason, no one ever believed Phoenix on that regard). "I-I see," the Judge said. Then he banged his gavel. "Very well," he said, "court is now in session for the murder of Miss April May. Mr. Godot, your opening statements please?"

Godot leaned on the desk and did his usual "summon coffee psychically" trick. Then he took a long sip of coffee.

"Prosecutor Godot?" the Judge said.

And then Godot- was it Godot? Phoenix couldn't quite remember now- slammed the cup down on the desk. "I see that there's a new defense attorney," he said. "Your outfit's been growing, Wright. And I heard you were disbarred until just last year."

"Mr. Godot! Please focus on the case!" the Judge demanded.

Godot shook his head again and took another long sip of his coffee. "The facts are simple," Godot said. "A member of hotel security named Wendy Oldbag witnessed the defendant, Larry Butz, shooting the victim, April May. Apparently he demanded her money at gunpoint, and when she refused, he shot her. Thanks to, ahem, Miss Oldbag's raygun, Butz retreated. Miss Oldbag then contacted the police and had Butz arrested."

Athena looked both exasperated and perplexed, if that was possible. "Raygun…?" she said.

"The prosecution calls Miss Oldbag to the stand," Godot announced. And then he took another sip of his coffee.

Wendy Oldbag was still dressed in that security uniform Phoenix had seen her in back in the Matt Engarde case. Actually, she still looked completely the same despite the eleven years that had passed since then. And she was currently glaring at Phoenix. "Mr. Wright," Athena said, "do you… know this woman?"

"Darn right I do!" Oldbag snapped. "Phoenix Wright again, eh? Well let me tell you about that whippersnapper! Of course I remember him, he was always the rival of the much more handsome young man who I saved the life of by the way multiple times but yes I know Phoenix Wright and I know what kind of trouble he is and he once accused me of _murder _and he wants nothing more than to _demonize _meandIdon'tknowwhatthepolicearethinkingbring_him_toacourtcasewith_me_init-"

"Objection!" Phoenix said. "I request that the witness simply state her testimony and allow us to continue with the case!"

The judge banged his gavel. "Objection sustained!" he said quickly, "will the prosecution please commence the trial?"

Godot took another long sip of his coffee. "Now is the time for the coffee to begin drip down into the cup," he said, "witness, name and occupation." Jazz played faintly in the background.

"Wendy Oldbag," Oldbag said, "member of security, you whippersnapper! Can't you tell from how I'm dressed!?" She put her globe helmet on and pointed her raygun at Godot. Then it made a whirring sound. _Ratatatatatatatatatatata!_

"How did _that _scare off the culprit?" Athena said.

"Something tells me that Oldbag isn't going to be the most truthful witness," Phoenix said.

"What did you just say about me you whippersnapper when I was your age _I _respected my elders you're not going to accuse _me _of murder again-"

"Objection!" Godot said, "witness! Your testimony."

"Ah, right," Oldbag said. She took off her helmet again. "Let's see… it was ten at night. I was walking down the hallway when I saw it- the door to the dead whippersnapper's room was open. A strange blond man was showing that whippersnapper over there squirming in that seat where Miss May's room was. Two hours later, I came back by this room to see what had happened, and what did I see but the defendant leveling a gun at April May from the hallway! He said, 'give me all your money or you get it!' and then she refused. So he shot her! And then I pulled out my raygun and scared him off!"

She finished her testimony, and the entire court was silent.

"Does… does anyone even talk like that?" the Judge said.

Athena turned to Phoenix. "Boss, she's lying!" Athena said, "and I think I can prove it!"

"It's not really that hard," Phoenix said.

"What did you say about me!?"

"Focus, Ms. Oldbag," Godot said.

"Very well. The defense may begin its cross-examination," the Judge said.

"Ms. Oldbag," Athena said, "according to the autopsy report, the bullet wound had a burn mark, implying that the gun was pressed against her. Can you tell the court where exactly Miss May was?"

"Uh… she was in her room," Oldbag said, sweating nervously.

"You're lying, Ms. Oldbag!" Athena said, "I can tell!"

"W-what!?" Oldbag said.

"Objection!" Godot said, "the defense will refrain from accusing the Oldbag of anything until they have proof."

"¡Por supuesto! If it's proof you want, it's proof you'll get!" Athena declared. "Just look at the autopsy report! It had to be point-blank range… and yet Ms. Oldbag clearly said she saw the defendant 'leveling a gun from the hallway'… meaning that the victim _wasn't in the hallway!_" Athena slammed the bench. "Ms. Oldbag! Where was the victim!?"

"Uhhhh," Oldbag said, sweating. "I- you- now listen here, sonny!"

"Objection!" Athena shouted. "I'm not a sonny, and I want an answer to the question! Because I can already answer that- the crime scene photo clearly shows that _she was killed in front of the mirror in the hotel room_!"

The crowd broke out into chatter, causing the Judge to bang his gavel repeatedly. "Order! Order! Order in the court!" he declared. "Miss Cykes, can you explain where this mirror was for the court?"

"Certainly, your Honor!" Athena said. She pulled out a hotel schematic. "The mirror is here," she said, pointing at the schematic, "just next to the door in the bedroom!"

"…Exactly," Godot said, and he smirked, his coffee raised to his lips. "If the victim was shot right inside the hotel room… then it stands to reason that the defendant could have held a gun to her even if he was standing in the hallway."

"Wh- no!" Athena started. "Hey!"

"Athena, calm down and take another look at the court record," Phoenix said quickly. "Specifically, look at the schematic."

Athena glanced at the schematic again and pointed dramatically. "Objection! This hallway is too long for that to happen! The only explanation is… the witness is lying!" She slammed the bench again.

Godot gave off the distinct impression of raising one eyebrow skeptically. "Why would the witness lie? What purpose would that serve?" He slammed his coffee mug on the bench. "Oldbag! Explain yourself!"

The wicked witch of the witness stand was sweating like a sinner in church. "Uh… I… huh… y-you whippersnappers! How dare you doubt me? Every time I get dragged in this horrible courtroom I get accused of the most awful things like lying and even murder and of course you're going to accuse me of being 'the real killer' next won't you you disrespectful unsophisticated whippersnappers! Back in my day-"

The Judge banged his gavel. "The witness will explain herself! …please."

"Hold it!" Phoenix yelled. "Actually, the defense requests that the witness testifies about the 'strange blond man' she mentioned in her earlier testimony."

Athena looked at Phoenix, puzzled. Phoenix grinned at her.

"Um… does the prosecution have any objections?" the Judge asked.

"Does the finest coffee come only from the best beans?"

Phoenix rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Godot's coffee metaphors are somewhat… lacking, don't you think?"

"I wouldn't know." Athena replied.

"They didn't feed me real coffee while I was in prison. All I got was instant," Godot said, his voice flavored with self-pity. Phoenix accepted this a suitable explanation.

"Anyway, I'll take that as a no," the Judge said. "Witness, please testify about this strange blond man."

"Oh, fine," Oldbag said. "As I said earlier, the defendant was being shown the room by a blond man with shiny glasses. His blond hair was like a pony-tail. Back in my day, no self-respecting man would-"

"We get it," Godot said. "You can begin your cross-examination, Yellow."

"Yellow?" Athena said, and then she shrugged. "Ms. Oldbag! Do you know why this blond man was showing the accused where Ms. May's room was!?"

"EH!? Uh, I mean, whippersnappers stick together!" Oldbag yelled.

"Objection!" Phoenix yelled. "That's not a real answer! Why would the blond man and my client work together in the first place!?"

"I! He! He has guilt written all over his face!" sputtered Oldbag.

"Objection!" Athena shouted. "The defendant normally looks like that! Furthermore, do you even have any evidence besides your testimony-"

"Objection!" Godot said. The court room fell silent as Godot summoned a coffee cup and drank from it. Then he slammed it down on his desk. "The murder weapon was found in the room of the defendant!" The gun was submitted to the court record; there were no fingerprints, and apparently, the police had determined that only two shots had been fired.

Wait, two…?

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "there are no fingerprints on the gun!"

"Objection!" Godot said, "the defendant might've worn gloves!"

"Objection!" Phoenix said, "the defendant is too stupid to do that! This is Larry Butz we're talking about!"

"Objection!" Larry shouted from the defendant stand. "Why do you guys always gotta be so mean! I would totally have worn gloves if I was trying to kill someone!"

The entire courtroom fell silent again. "Can Mr. Butz dig his hole any deeper?" Athena said to Phoenix.

"That's Larry for ya," Phoenix replied.

"...I see that even the defendant agrees with me," Godot said. "In any case, there is no reason for the witness to choose a coworker from ten years ago as her phony murderer. Clearly, Oldbag saw something, and the prosecution charges that it was, in fact, Larry Butz!"

"Someone doesn't know Wendy Oldbag," Phoenix muttered.

"Hold it!" Athena yelled. "There is still an inherent contradiction in what Ms. Oldbag claims she saw!"

Apparently talk of the blond man would be put off. "And what would that be, Miss Cykes?" the Judge said, "and remember, there must be evidence!"

"Of course, your Honor!" Athena said. "According to the gun that Mr. Godot submitted to the court record, it was _fired twice_! And yet, Ms. Oldbag testified that it was only fired _once_!"

The crowd broke out into an uproar again. "Order!" the Judge said, banging his gavel. "Perhaps the witness, in her old age, simply mistook the number of shots-"

"Objection!" Oldbag shouted. "My ears are just fine you black-robed whippersnapper I'd think that at least the oldest man in the room would know to respect his elders but no he just claims that my hearing is bad well when I was your age I could hear-"

"Objection," Godot said, "we're not here to hear you attack the judge. You can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that the gun was fired only once?"

"Darn right!" Oldbag said.

"Perhaps the gun was fired prior to its use in the crime," Godot said. "As it is, the only sign of damage in the hotel is when Ms. May's body fell over and cracked the glass. As proof, here is a second photograph of the crime scene." Phoenix examined both pictures. In the first, the source of the crack on the mirror appeared to be about head-level. It seemed likely that it had been a bullet that shattered the mirror, but apparently a bullet had not been recovered. In the second picture, there was an open window with a soaked carpet but no sign of a bullet.

"Mr. Godot," Athena said calmly, "can you explain why the window was open and the carpet was wet."

"It is unknown why the window was open," Godot said. "However, the carpet is wet due to the thunderstorm in the area that caused a power out for fifteen minutes at the hotel, starting at midnight." He submitted the electrical company data and the weather report. "Further, when it rains and the window is open, things _do _tend to get wet."

Athena looked smugly at him. "You're right," she said, "they do, Mr. Godot. Now, Ms. Oldbag, at the time of you seeing the murderer, was there a blackout!?"

"Eh!?" Oldbag said, "why, of course there wasn't-"

"In that case," Athena said, "then how do you explain that Ms. May was shot at _12:05 AM_, _after _the blackout had already begun!?"

The crowd broke into an uproar. The Judge banged his gavel several times. "Order! Order! Witness, how do you explain that?"

"I, eh, well-" Oldbag said, "young people these days! Back in my day you wouldn't see them doubting their elders like this little things like light don't matter to old experienced people like me and anyone could tell you that those clothes are the most obvious thing in the world a blackout doesn't matter when the lightning from the room lights everything up-"

"Hold it!" Phoenix said. He slammed his hands on the desk. "Ms. Oldbag, could you please testify on those last two points?"

"What?" the Judge said.

Godot took a long sip of coffee.

Athena looked at Phoenix. "Boss… you were listening to her?"

"Eh?" Oldbag said.

"About the clothes and the lightning," Phoenix said.

The Judge nodded. "Please inform the court of these two points," he said.

"Well," Oldbag said, "it was true that the lights went out. And it was also true that I'd forgotten my flashlight. But it didn't matter because the lightning that came from the room lit up the attacker! I'd recognize that paint-stained poncho and blond hair anywhere!"

"Blond?" Athena said to Phoenix, "I don't think Mr. Butz is really all that blond…"

"Exactly," Phoenix said.

"Er… and why exactly is the defendant wearing a paint-stained poncho anyways?" the Judge said.

"The defendant purports to be an artist," Godot said. "However, he is normally employed as an animator."

"I…I see," the Judge said. "You may begin your cross-examination, Ms. Cykes."

"Ms. Oldbag," Athena said, "I want to make something clear. You are _absolutely sure _that you saw the defendant."

"I'd recognize those clothes and hair anywhere!" Oldbag said, heaving.

"What about his face?" Athena said, "did you see the defendant's face!?"

"Objection!" Godot said, and he threw his cup of coffee at Athena. "How does that have any relevance to the case? She already said that she was absolutely sure about the clothes and hair!"

Since Athena was covered in scalding-hot coffee and currently trying to dry off Widget, Phoenix took over for her. "If she didn't see Larry's face, then Oldbag has no proof that the murderer was Larry Butz! Instead, the murderer is attempting to frame Larry Butz!"

The crowd broke out into a discussion. "…that's how it always turns out with your clients, isn't it, Wright," Godot said.

_It's not like it's my fault! _Phoenix thought.

"Further," Athena said, mostly recovered, "you said that you saw him thanks to a flash of lightning coming from the hotel room, implying that the door to the room was open. And yet, there is no sign of the bullet that was supposedly fired!"

"What are you implying?" Godot said.

"I'm saying that either that bullet was never fired," Athena said, "or that it went out the window that's been established to be open! Further, the defense has already proven that Ms. May was killed at close range in front of her mirror!"

"Then are you saying that Ms. Oldbag is still lying?" the Judge said.

Athena opened her mouth to speak, but Phoenix said, "I don't believe so, your Honor." He scratched his chin, and then added, "I think that she saw exactly what the killer wanted her to, though."

The crowd's discussion became a full-blown uproar. "Order, order, order!" the Judge said, "well, Mr. Wright, what are you charging!?"

"Simple, your Honor," Phoenix said, "that when the killer yelled threats at Ms. May and shot at her when he was in the hallway, that she was already dead!"

"Objection!" Godot said, "prove it!"

"It's simple," Phoenix said, with absolute confidence, "the gun was fired twice and we know from Ms. Oldbag's testimony that the window was open. Therefore, the defense claims that the bullet that was fired never hit Ms. May but instead went out the window!"

"Th-that's not proof!" Godot said, hunched over with his visor smoking.

"Then we request that the building opposite the victim's room be searched for bullet impact or broken glass!" Athena said.

The Judge brought his gavel down. "Very well," the Judge said, "Mr. Godot, please look into that. While you do so, the court will take a thirty-minute recess."

* * *

_January 3, 11:21 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #3_

"I can't believe anyone would suspect me," Larry said, tears in his eyes. "Don't they know that I was at an empty bar all night?"

"Empty bars aren't exactly air-tight alibis, Larry," Phoenix said.

"What about the bartender?" Athena said.

"I said empty," Larry said. "And I meant it."

"Still, that blond man is still bothering me," Athena said. "We should go back to him during the trial, but who is he?"

"…I might have an idea," Phoenix said. "Someone who would know Larry, at least indirectly, and would know he's kind of an idiot, who has blond hair and may have recently been released from prison."

"You mean Kristoph Gavin?" Athena said, "Apollo's old boss?"

"Exactly," Phoenix said. "There _was _still one mystery about him…" _The black psyche-locks,_ Phoenix thought.

"Well, we don't have any proof that he was behind it," Larry said.

"Not necessarily," Phoenix said. "Larry is innocent, so it really could have only been him. Which means there's proof somewhere; it has to exist."

They were interrupted by a security guard. "Court will resume shortly!" he announced.

"We'd better get going," commented Phoenix, rather pointlessly.

* * *

_January 3, 11:25 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #6_

Court was back in session, and the prosecution was not looking very pleased.

"Mr. Godot," the Judge began. "What were the results of your investigation?"

"The defense got lucky. As they guessed, a bullet was found lodged in the outside wall of the building opposite the victim's room. The rifling marks match the murder weapon," Godot explained, and downed a cup of coffee before slamming it down on the bench. "However! This doesn't prove anything."

"What?!" Athena yelled. "Of course it does! We were right!"

Godot shook his head, and he brought his coffee back up to his lips. "No. You still can't prove when that bullet was fired. Who's to say the shots even happened on the same day? Windows do open _and_ close, you know."

"Objection!" Athena shouted. "That's- that's ridiculous! Our client hadn't been anywhere near the hotel in months, so-"

"Stop making stuff up!" Widget chirped.

"Objection!" Godot slammed his coffee down again. "The gun is not registered to the defendant. If it had been previously been fired out of that window, it could be completely irrelevant to the case. Perhaps the real owner of the gun wasn't very diligent about reloading it."

Athena growled and glared at Godot.

"Athena," Phoenix said, "It's true that we can't really prove that that particular bullet was fired at the time of the murder. What we need to prove is that two bullets _were_ fired at the time of the murder in the first place."

"How are we supposed to do that?"

"Mr. Godot," Phoenix said, "was the prosecution able to find the bullet casings?"

"We were unable," Godot said.

"And they weren't in the defendant's room, or on his person?" Phoenix said.

"Clearly he was smart enough to dispose of them," the Judge said. _Whose side are you on!? _Phoenix thought.

"Mr. Godot," Athena said, "where was the gun found?"

"It was found in the trash can," Godot said.

"The trash can in our client's room, correct?" Athena said.

"Correct."

"So he was smart enough to dispose of the smaller bullet casings, but not the gun!?" Athena said, pointing at Godot.

Godot summoned a cup of coffee, took a swig, and spat it out. "That's- yes, so it seems," he said, recovering.

"Which means now that the bullet casings must be found, your Honor!" Athena said.

"Hold it!" Godot said. "And where, exactly, would you propose that we find those bullet casings?"

"In the true killer's possessions!" Athena said, "now tell me, Mr. Godot, was one Kristoph Gavin released from prison!?"

Godot took another swig of his coffee, then spat it out again. "H-how… wait, I suppose I practically told you myself..."

"Just a hunch," Phoenix said, feeling and looking triumphant. "The defense charges that the murderer is none other than Kristoph Gavin, recently released from prison, on the grounds that he matches the description of the man who supposedly showed my client to Ms. May's room!"

"Objection!" Godot said, "you haven't answered why your client would be shown to Ms. May's room in the first place."

"Well, Mr. Wright and Ms. Cykes?" the Judge said.

"I think that's a question for Larry himself," Phoenix said. "Larry, do you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh… no," Larry said.

"And why, exactly, did you go to the bar to drink that night? Was it perhaps because you were rejected?" Phoenix said.

"How- no!" he wailed. Psyche-locks appeared.

"He's lying," Athena said, "there's noise in his heart! His sadness emotions are off the scale!"

"Is that even admissible?" Godot said, "things sure have changed since I was a lawyer."

"Your Honor, the defense requests that Larry Butz himself provide testimony!" Phoenix said.

"Very well," the Judge said.

Larry was sent up to the witness stand. "Uh, do I really have to do this, Nick?" he said.

"If you want to be found 'not guilty', then yes," Phoenix said.

Larry was sweating bullets. "Um, right," he said, his eyes wide. "Well, I, uh, was celebrating my marriage when-"

"Objection!" all three lawyers shouted.

"There's no way you of all people got married," Phoenix said.

"You're still lying!" Athena said.

"Stick to the facts, Butz," Godot said.

Larry's sweating increased. "Oh, yeah," he said in a small voice, "um… ok, the truth was that I came back here to LA to hold a surprise party. But I had nothing to do, so a blond man with a ponytail and glasses wearing a bellboy suit told me where I could meet a new hot chick."

"I'm not sure I like where this is going," Athena said.

"I agree," the Judge said.

"Hey! Don't interrupt me!" Larry screeched. "Anyways, she slapped me so I ran off to the bar to sulk. To make things worse, I couldn't find my card key when I got back!"

"Why didn't you mention that sooner?" Phoenix said.

"You can check with the hotel staff," Larry said, "I don't know where that blond man went, though."

"Hmm…" the Judge said. "Mr. Godot, do you have any decisive evidence that proves that Larry Butz must've been the murderer, in light of these revelations?"

Godot summoned another coffee and took a long drink of it. Then he slammed it down and said, "Coffee metaphor!"

"C-coffee metaphor?" Phoenix said.

"Is he serious?" Athena said.

"I can't think of anything," Godot said. "And we have no way of proving that Mr. Butz was the murderer."

"Now, Ms. Cykes," the Judge said, "can you please explain the defense's full theory, and provide conclusive evidence?"

"Ja, your Honor!" Athena declared. "On the night of Ms. May's murder, Larry Butz arrived at the hotel and met Kristoph Gavin, who'd recently been released from prison and had somehow acquired a bellboy outfit. At some point, Mr. Butz mentioned that he was looking for a girlfriend, leading Gavin to bring Butz to May's room, where they were seen by Ms. Oldbag. May rejected Butz's advances, and Gavin stole his keycard while Butz went off to sulk."

"At around midnight, Gavin somehow gained access to May's room," Phoenix continued, "probably using his bellboy disguise to get her card from the front lobby or somehow bluffing his way in. Then, at 12:05, shortly after the power went out, he shot April May at close range, killing her. He then disguised himself as Larry Butz by putting on a large, paint-stained poncho, hiding most of his hair, and taking his glasses off. Then he opened the window and the doors to allow him to seemingly shout threats at May before 'shooting' her. This was also witnessed by Oldbag, and was probably planned with her schedule in mind."

"And as proof, we present the first crime scene photo!" Athena said, "it's clear from the fracture pattern of the mirror that it shattered about head-level, but no bullet was found. Therefore, we charge that the only way to find the bullet or the casings is by finding Kristoph Gavin!"

The crowd was silent. Godot summoned his coffee, drank it, and then slammed it down. "Cup number 17, your Honor," he said, "the prosecution has no objections."

"Indeed?" the Judge said.

"We will begin a manhunt for Kristoph Gavin," Godot said, "especially as the easily-found gun contrasted sharply with the missing bullet and casings. Like… milk, in a cup of coffee."

"You came up with a coffee metaphor!" Phoenix said.

"Shut up, Wright. And that's a synonym, too," Godot said, and he threw his coffee cup at Phoenix.

"Very well," the Judge said, oblivious to Godot's antics. "This court finds the defendant, Larry Butz, **NOT GUILTY**." The crowd began cheering and confetti fell mysteriously from the ceiling.

"We did it, boss!" Athena said.

"Great job, Athena," Phoenix said.

"I'm not dead!" yelled Larry.

"Where's the coffee-making machine?" Godot said, slinking out of the courtroom.

* * *

_January 3, 1:01 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #3_

"Thanks, Nick, you're a life-saver!" Larry said.

"You mentioned a surprise party, Mr. Butz," Athena said. "What's that about?"

"Well, Nick's old friend Maya's coming back!" Larry said, "so Phoenix called as many people as he could to plan a party for her!"

"Oh yeah," Athena said, "Pearl's driving you to the airport tonight, right, boss?"

"Yeah," Phoenix said, "still don't have a license…"

"C'mon, Nick, even Edgey and I have our licenses!" Larry said.

"Speaking of Edgey…"

Larry, Phoenix, and Athena turned around to see Godot, holding a cup of coffee. "Is something wrong, Godot?" Phoenix said.

"You didn't tell me he was a tea person," Godot said.

"Edgeworth?"

"The chief prosecutor, yes. He's a tea person," Godot said with venom in his voice. "Tea people and coffee people don't get along well."

"Ok…" Athena said, "what do you want us to do about it?"

"I used to be a defense attorney," Godot said. "And I'm willing to join your ridiculous firm. You can pay me in coffee beans for all I care. All I need is a constant supply of coffee."

On the one hand, he was Diego Armando, the famed defense attorney who'd helped out Mia and stopped Maya from being killed. On the other hand, he was Godot and he'd probably ring up a high bill.

"I say we hire him, boss!" Athena said.

"By the way, I need some place to live," Godot said.

"Go squat in Apollo's new house," Athena said, "I'm pretty sure he hasn't left the office in six months."

"Really?"

"Yeah, did you not notice this, boss?" Athena said, "don't you live there?"

"That's why he's always early to work…" Phoenix said. He didn't ask where Apollo got a house from. Lamiroir?

"Well, I'm glad that I'm hired," Godot said. "I'll go there now." Godot left.

"Don't you love your business-managing skills, Nick?" Larry said.

"Yeah, sure…" Phoenix said. _Makes me wonder what would happen if _I _made any decisions_.

* * *

_January 3, 7:03 PM, Wright Anything Agency, Lost Angeles_

"Surprise!" everyone shouted, except Godot, surprising Maya Fey so much that she dropped her suitcase. She had changed in the nine years away: she now wore the clothes of a master and now resembled Mia more than she had in the past, although admittedly she still didn't match her sister's bust size. But she had insisted on stopping for burgers on the way back and quizzed Phoenix about Steel Samurai on the way back, so she still seemed to be the old Maya.

"Wow, Nick," Maya said, "all this for me!?"

"Well, we need to welcome back our old manager," Apollo said, "er, ignoring that you were never actually _my _manager-"

"Don't worry! I've magnanimously decided to retake my old job!" Maya said, hands clasped.

"Don't you have a real job now, Mystic Maya?" Pearl said, "you know, Master of Kurain?"

"They can handle fine on their own," Maya said dismissively, "if my mom could wander off, so can I!"

"That's the spirit," Phoenix said. Godot laughed nervously in the background. Why was he doing that? Wait...

"And you've gotten a lot older, Trucy!" Maya said, interrupting Phoenix's thoughts, "last time I saw you, were like half my size!"

"Hi Aunt Maya!" Trucy exclaimed.

"Well, the company's grown a lot today, Nick," Larry said. "Two new people in one day!"

"No, I'm not hiring you," Phoenix said.

"B-but Nick, isn't this a talent agency?" Larry said.

"Of course, Uncle Larry!" Trucy said. And Godot threw his cup of coffee at Larry.

"We aren't hiring," Godot said flatly.

"Well, you're making decisions fast, Mr. Godot," Maya said, "how long have you worked here?" Godot said nothing and jut stared at her.

"About six hours," Apollo said. "He just showed up and commandeered the coffee machine."

"And he lives in Apollo's house now," Athena said.

"Wait, WHAT!?" Apollo yelled. "You know that's not actually _mine_, right!?"

Edgeworth chose this moment to arrive, fashionably late. He glanced at Larry, dripping coffee, and then prepared to leave. "Wait, Edgeworth!" Maya said, "aren't you going to say hello?"

"Hello," Edgeworth said. "I'll be leaving now."

"Wait, Edgey!" Larry said, "c'mon, we have party food!"

"We do?" Apollo said, looking around the office which looked the same as normal.

"Yeah, they're in my magic panties," Trucy said, and she began pulling finger foods out of a pair of bloomers.

"I'll stick to my coffee," Godot said, and he left to go find the kitchen-area.

"I think I won't be eating anything produced from a pair of _underwear_," Edgeworth said, but before he could leave Pearl shut the door.

"C'mon, it's time to party!" Larry said.

"Go away," Edgeworth told him.

"Aw…"

"Did you hear about the court case today, Mr. Edgeworth?" Athena said.

"I heard that that _witch _appeared," Edgeworth said. "Wright. Where is your Earl Grey?"

"I threw it out!" Godot yelled from the kitchen.

Edgeworth sighed. "…it wasn't very good anyways," he said, and he stalked off. Larry left as well, to go find a towel no doubt.

Leaving Maya, Pearl, Trucy, Phoenix himself, Apollo, and Athena. And then there was a knock on the door. "I'll get it," Apollo said. He opened the door to see Klavier Gavin, with one arm around an uncomfortable-looking Simon Blackquill (and Taka) and the other hovering just by Franziska von Karma's shoulder. She, however, had her whip out.

"I heard there was a party," Klavier said. Apollo slammed the door.

"I… think we should get out of here," Phoenix said.

"What are you talking about, Daddy!?" Trucy yelled as Phoenix tried to drag Trucy off and failed utterly.

And then the door was whipped down. "You foolish fool," Franziska said, "no one can stop me from attending a party, especially a party organized by a fool for a fool."

"Let me guess," Phoenix said, "our defenses were foolish."

"I'm surprised you have such insight," Franziska replied. "Now, has anyone seen my little brother?"

"He's sulking in the corner," Phoenix said.

"I see," Franziska replied, and, cracking her whip, she walked off.

"Hey, I can play some music," Klavier said. "Anyone else play? How about you, Herr Forehead?"

"Uh… no," Apollo said quickly.

"And you, Fräulein Cykes," Klavier said, "perhaps you can play something?"

"Not right now," Athena said, "I have grape juice to drink!"

"Can I have some, Mr. Nick?" Pearl said.

"Neither of you are old enough to drink," Phoenix said.

"I am!" Apollo said, and he ran off.

"Wait for me, Apollo!" Athena said, "it's not like I'll be driving!"

"No, don't listen to him!" Phoenix called out. Klavier followed them. "Everyone's going to get drunk."

"…how does one get drunk on grape juice, Wright-dono?" Blackquill said.

"Don't ask me," Maya said.

"…I didn't ask you, ah-" Blackquill said, "who are you again?"

"Th-this is my party. If you don't know who I am why are you here?" Maya said.

"_Piano_ Gavin dragged us here," Franziska interjected from her position by Phoenix's office door.

"Piano?" Blackquill said, "does she mean _Klavier _Gavin-dono?"

"I-I think so, yeah," Phoenix said. "I'm going to go hang out with Charley."

"Me too!" Maya said. "Pearly, how about you and Trucy go… bother Edgeworth, or something."

"Okay, Mystic Maya! We'll leave you and your special someone alone!" Pearl said, and she ran off.

"Is she seriously not over that," Phoenix said.

"You two are romantically engaged?" Blackquill said, scratching Taka's feathers. "Taka and I will also meet with this… Charley-dono."

"Uh, Charley's a plant," Maya said.

"...In that case, I too will partake of grape juice," Blackquill said. And he left, Taka flying behind him despite the small space.

Phoenix and Maya entered Phoenix's office. Edgeworth was sulking in the corner, Franziska taunting him, leaving Phoenix and Maya to talk. Loud music began to thump from over the wall, and they vaguely heard Godot and Apollo yelling about coffee. "Is Apollo drunk already?" Maya said.

"He can't hold his grape juice," Phoenix said. "So, Maya, did you hear about everyone being released?"

"Godot called me and told me," Maya said, "that's why I wasn't surprised. I mean, I don't know _why _everyone was. The news said that they already found Matt Engarde dead, too."

"Shelly de Killer?" Phoenix said.

"Yes," Edgeworth called from his corner of woe.

"We'll catch him eventually," Franziska said. "You stay out of this, Phoenix Wright."

The door opened, and Apollo already had his tie wrapped around his head. "Guysh!" he slurred (had he already begun drinking grape juice?), "Ema'sh here! Ema Shigh!"

"Skye," Edgeworth said. He stood up. "It appears that I must perform damage control." He sighed.

"Oh, and shomeone named Oldbag," Apollo said. "Er… two shomeones."

"…I'm going to the roof," Edgeworth said. "Franziska, you're in charge."

She nodded and began whipping Apollo out of the way. The door to the office shut, and they heard Pearl call, "Don't fall off the roof, Mr. Edgeworth!"

"Uh, anyways," Maya said, "so, I see you're actually doing better for yourself now. Four attorneys?"

"Sort-of," Phoenix said, "Godot just hired himself, so…"

"Well, at least you can handle three cases at once," she said, "and since Trucy, Pearly, and I are here that means everyone gets their own assistant!"

"What about Godot?" Phoenix said.

"I'm sure he'll cope," Maya said cheerfully. "I can double-time. Oh, and check this out!"

She closed her eyes and pressed her hands together and did the spirit-channeling thing, letting Mia stand in her place. "Good job, Phoenix," Mia said.

"Chief!" Phoenix said, "um… you wouldn't happen to know anything about the prison releases, would you? You know, news of the dead or something?"

"Well, other than Dahlia running around more than usual, not really," Mia said. "Hey, is Diego out of prison?"

"He was making coffee," Phoenix said, pointing at the door. Mia nodded and left. "Uh, Chief?"

Phoenix looked at Charley. "Great party, huh?"

And then he heard a buzzing sound. "Great party," Eldoon said, appearing out of nowhere as soon as Phoenix exited his office, "thought I'd call some of my regulars and not-so-regulars."

"…Eldoon, this is for _Maya_'s friends. It's bad enough that-"

"Go, my Galactic Scooter! Full speed ahead!" Phoenix jumped out of the way just as Yuri Cosmos astride his Segway soared past them. "I have arrived to apply my glorious self to the situation! Sol Starbuck sends his regards!" Cosmos declared, and then he pressed the button and sped off faster than Phoenix really thought should be possible. There was a slamming sound and a lot of shattering, and then someone began talking loudly about the HAT-1 and HAT-2 miracles.

"Huh. Didn't invite him," Eldoon said, and he pulled his harmonica out and began playing. It was going to be a _long _night…

* * *

_Meanwhile, with Godot_

"So apparently Wright still hasn't gotten over his 'other people walk all over him' problem," Diego Armando said.

"He missed my sarcasm," Mia replied, and she sighed.

Armando nodded. Wright could be like that. "There's something afoot here, though," Armando said, "something not good. I can feel it in my coffee."

"…what?" Mia said, and she shook her head. "Diego…"

Armando smiled at her- he'd been told that his smile scared small children, so he did his best to spread it around- and turned back to his coffeebean grinding. "There's got to be a reason we were all released."

"Change of heart?" Mia said, "if it's any condolences, my mother's not especially angry about being dead…"

"No, it can't be that," Armando said, "there's something up." He paused for a moment, and added, "the Hazakura incident rattled a lot of higher-ups. They wanted me in prison for life. Or dead. All so that they could avoid saying that someone dead testified in court."

"Well, you'd think they'd tell Phoenix or Maya or something," Mia said.

"Wright was disgraced. Maya's already a mystic," Armando replied. He picked up his cup of coffee and took a deep drink of the scalding hot black elixir.

The building suddenly shook and someone downstairs yelled "Nine-Tails Vale forever!"

"Sounds like some wrestler Maya's fond of," Mia said. "What's he doing here?"

"I wonder if Wright invited him," Armando said. "Anyway, you should probably let Maya go actually enjoy her party. I'll see you later, kitten."

Mia nodded and de-channeled. "M-Mr. Godot," Maya said, "done talking to sis?"

"Yep," Armando said, "Mia says hi. Well, she would've, at least. By the way, I want to ask you something, Maya: do you remember what happened at Hazakura Temple in the case before Wright was disbarred?"

"…I didn't know you called Nick anything besides 'Trite'," Maya said, suddenly sounding… sad? Or was it suspicious? Something was wrong. "Um, anyway, they found me in the Sacred Cavern and the trial was done by then, so why are you asking?"

How could she forget something like that? Even if she didn't remember testifying in court… surely Wright or Mia would've mentioned it?

"It's… nothing, Maya," Armando said, resolving to look into it further. "Just… go downstairs. You have a party to go to."

"Oh… okay, Mr. Godot," Maya said. "Have fun up here."

Armando smiled at her. "Don't worry," he said, "I'll just make sure that no one ruins _Trite_'s apartment."

Maya nodded and ran off. What had happened? Was Maya's memory just bad, or had something happened to her…?

* * *

_Meanwhile, with Klavier_

Tonight was a great night for a party. Herr Forehead was somehow already drunk and currently aggressively hitting on Fräulein Cyke's friend from the school trial and on the Fräulein Detective. Numerous people, most of whom Klavier did not recognize, had also turned up even though he was 99% sure that this Maya Fey didn't know them either.

He could be wrong, of course.

There was a man with stitches down his face and a woman with short blonde hair trying to find Fräulein von Karma to show her a large, intimidating black whip. There was a man who looked like a savage murderer yet spoke like he was about to cry and a bellboy. There was that 25-year-old crane operator and his 18-year-old hyperactive friend from Themis Academy, a man with strange, bun-like hair with his hot wife, and a man in a trenchcoat and a unlucky woman who seemed to be looking vainly for Fräulein Fey or Herr Edgeworth. There was the Judge and his blond-haired Canadian brother, a nosy woman with an afro and a camera, a corpse-like woman and that gangster boy from about a year ago that started arguing, a former chief prosecutor looking for her sister, the head of criminal affairs, a man in an orange suit with red glasses, a fat sweaty dude who spoke in l33tspeak, Valant Gramarye, an insanely tall guy with no shirt and a top hat, an unfunny clown, a spray-tanned guy who vaguely resembled Herr Wright and sounded like a tiger, a man with an afro, penguin mask, and a penguin in said afro, an author wearing something that just screamed 'Soviet Spy', and even a lady pirate. And there was a cowboy detective, a court bailiff, Vera Misham, a professional wrestler and his daughter (who slapped a charm on Klavier's forehead), a lunchlady, a sickly-looking ventriloquist and a raccoon-like man who made off with a ventriloquist dummy, a woman with a key in her hair, a buff dude who looked like a wolf, an ambassador, and an extremely muscular rapper.

In short, this was the kind of party Klavier _liked_. The entire building had been appropriated, so now all he needed… was some music. Klavier set out to find some musicians (or closest approximation thereof) and had some instruments driven in while a sound system was wired up by some hired technicians. Before long, Klavier had assembled a team: he, of course, would play guitar. Herr Godot would play sax. Fräulein Woods was on vocals, with help from Herr Rimes. Herr Forehead was to play bass and join in the chorus. Herr Eldoon was playing his harmonica and Fräulein Pearl Fey was on a large Japanese drum called a "byo-uchi-daiko" (and no longer resembled herself either. What was up with that?) and Franziska von Karma cracked her whip to the time.

Much of the assembled band was, however, drunk. Not Klavier, of course, he was responsible. Herr Forehead was shouting random nonsense by this point, and Fräulein Woods seemed too embarrassed to actually sing, leaving Herr Rimes to rap about Fräulein Fey.

They set the stage up on the first floor and before long Herr Wright stumbled down the stairs. "KLAVIER! WHAT'S GOING ON!?" he shouted over the music.

"It's just a little tribute we made for Fräulein Fey," Klavier replied, handing his guitar off to the lunch lady, who proceeded to 'drop some totally sick beats', as Herr Kitaki nearby put it. "Is there something wrong, Herr Wright?"

"How am I supposed to PAY for this!?" Herr Wright demanded, "and imagine what this will do to Trucy!"

Fräulein Wright suddenly dropped onto stage with the Gramarye man and the woman with a key in her hair and all three pulled guitars out of nowhere. "I see you've raised her well, Herr Wright," Klavier said, while Herr Gant began leading a gathering crowd in rhythmic clapping. "It's a good thing this is set up to record… what should we call this?"

"I'm going to go find Athena," Herr Wright growled, "and I am _not _paying for this-"

"Don't worry! I am," Klavier said. It wasn't like he couldn't afford it. "All good parties end with someone paying damages, Herr Wright."

Herr Wright glared at him and stormed off. Fräulein Wright threw Klavier a second guitar and he joined Fräulein Starr…

* * *

_Meanwhile, with Athena_

Tonight was the best night ever. Someone had set up an awesome music system that, while it seemed grating to Simon and Taka, Athena loved. This was great! Also, there were tons of people here too! Which also seemed grating to Simon and Taka.

"Come on, Athena," Robin Newman said, "you know what time it is! It's time to D-A-N-C-E! Come on, Hugh!"

"Oh, yes," Hugh said, and he glanced at a cardboard box on the ground. "Myriam?"

"Ssk ssk ssk ssk ssk," she said, "I don't dance!"

"I don't blame her for hiding," Simon commented. "Come, Taka. We have better things to be doing."

"How about a G-A-M-E, then?" Robin said, "I found a great game in Mr. Wright's closet!"

"I'm not sure that I want to play any games that come out of Wright-dono's closet," Simon said. "Still… is it Yu-gi-oh? Or perhaps Magic: the Gathering? There was a man in the clink I knew who loved to play those with me, a man who was a former orthopedic surgeon…"

"Let's hold off on any orthopedic card games," Hugh said, "and I suppose a game can't hurt. Does anyone know where Juniper went?"

They were answered in what was unmistakably Juniper started singing… er, a very cluttered, slightly-rap filled version of the Guitar Serenade over the PA system that Athena could've sworn wasn't there before. "I guess she's busy," Robin said, "alright! This is called 'Master Criminal'! Let's go upstairs where there's more room!"

They left the boss's office, passed an exasperated-looking Mr. Wright currently arguing with a man who looked vaguely like him about who was the _real_ Mr. Wright, and sequestered themselves away in Trucy's cluttered bedroom. They were joined by a butler with stitches down his face and Dr. Herman Crab. Besides a few hiccups (for instance, part of the game required you to act as if you had killed someone; Mr. de Butler seemed to have a hard time remembering exactly which person he'd killed according to the cards) but the game ended when a man with a long nose and lightning-bolt hair appeared, shouted, "Zvarri! I have determined the murderer again!" and told everyone what Simon had "done".

"I would be impressed if he hadn't been looking at my sheet of paper," Simon said, and he and Taka drove him out.

The party went on into the early hours of the morning, and at least to Athena, it seemed like a good time.

* * *

_Somewhere far away_

"I wizh I was not busy with work," Jean Armstrong said, peeling rose petals, "my party senzes are tingling!"

"Tell me about it," one of his customers, a large Russian man (and apparently a coroner) said, "I too wish I was at party. Where is party, though? Does it have vodka and dead bodies for me to dissect?"

"Oh, who cares!?" demanded one Victor Kudo, and he threw seeds at the Russian. "Us old folk don't need no parties! They'll be filled with sin and immorality!"

"That's why ah want to go…" Armstrong said.

"Just drink vodka with me," the Russian man replied, "come, drink! Drink to mother Russia! And mother America! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!"

Meanwhile, in an apartment, two young adults were arguing. "Will you stop oppressing me, you ugly wimminz!" Cody Hackins shouted, and he sheathed and unsheathed his sword, careful not to knock his trilby off.

"Check your privilege!" Penny Nichols yelled in response, "vile oppressor!"

Also meanwhile, Kristoph Gavin was reading a newspaper and drinking tea. He wasn't all that disturbed. Outside, Regina Berry was waiting in the rain, holding a bright pink umbrella and looking up at the sky, wishing that the stars would come out.

Also also meanwhile, at Hazakura Temple, Iris suddenly perked up at dinner. "I think someone's bothering Phoenix," she suddenly declared.

"Well, you can go get 'em after lights-out bell," Bikini replied, "I'm going to go take a bath! Wa hahahaha!"

And at the Grossberg Law Offices, Marvin Grossberg threw a cup of coffee at a sniveling Redd White. "Armando was right!" he said, "this is therapeutic!"

"Someone kill me now…" White wailed.

The thunder rumbled again.

* * *

_February 11, 11:50 PM, Hazakura Temple, Eagle Mountain_

It had been a very long time since Iris had been out of prison life. Now, she had spent a month as a monk again. It had been hard adjusting to monkly things, because monkly things were very different from prisoner things. Tonight, that meant that even though it was after dark, she was shoveling snow. You know, to make up for lost time.

The last month, actually, had consisted of shoveling snow, in between sudden feelings that someone was bothering Feenie. Sister Bikini's rationale had been that her sentence would be complete after an indeterminate amount of work, since her actual prison sentence (which only had about one year left) had been terminated. Iris didn't mind; while she didn't regret saving Maya's life, she did regret that Maya's mother had died to do so.

There was another matter that Iris regretted: she knew that her old boyfriend, Phoenix Wright, was yet to contact her or her him. She knew from prison gossip and Sister Bikini what had happened to him and she understood why he only ever visited on her birthday, but it still stung. Maybe it was just that she'd never gotten over him; spending most of your life on a mountain temple would do that to you.

Iris shoveled up more snow and tossed it into the mounting snowbanks. The cold was getting worse. Soon, she would have to return to the temple and her nice, warm quarters, go past the entrance hall currently producing thick black smoke and perhaps stop by the kitchen for a little hot chocolate in between the flames currently coming out of the windows.

Wait.

Iris turned around sharply to see the temple lit up in flames. Someone was trying to get out of the temple, and Iris began running up the road towards them. Was it Sister Bikini? But the door opened and Iris saw not Sister Bikini, but a large man wearing a strange outfit with a cravat. He looked familiar… she pulled out her phone and snapped a picture of him, just in time for the man to run off. She heard the sputtering sound of an engine starting, and then the snowmobile drove off. Iris called 911 as she struggled to get to the temple, and had just sent word for help when the temple exploded.

When Iris arrived at the temple, the blizzard was getting even worse. Fortunately, Sister Bikini was still alive and well. "Over here, dear!" she called through the snow, and the two huddled in a maintenance shack. With a loud _crunch_, the rest of the temple collapsed. "Who would do this to our humble temple?"

"I-I think it was this man," Iris said, and she gave Bikini her phone. Bikini gasped, but Iris just concentrated on hugging herself and trying to keep warm. It shouldn't be hard to make a fire now, with all the remains of the temple smoldering and burning…

"Manfred von Karma," Bikini said. "I _knew _they shouldn't've released him."

Manfred von Karma? She'd heard him mentioned in the news over ten years ago, come to think of it… "w-w-what's going to happen to us?" Iris said.

"…the temple may be finished for now," Bikini said. "I'm going to head back to Kurain village. But I've heard that Mystic Maya is currently in the city… you should go find her and the police." She gave the phone back. "Now let's go make a fire."

Iris nodded. Perhaps she would also meet with Maya. After all, she had a good idea of where she lived.

* * *

**A/N: We totally have a serious plot planned for this. Feel free to review or to express confusion and distaste.**


	2. Turnabout Romance, Part I

**Turnabout Romance**

The body fell into the water, a knife sticking out of it. The blue felt bobbed for a second, and then it sank. The lifeless eyes and smile of the Blue Badger looked up into the rain as it slowly sank into the waves.

* * *

"Mr. Nick! MR. NICK! Wake up, it's time for you to plan your date with Mystic Maya!" Pearl shouted, knocking on the door aggressively. Phoenix groaned and sat up. Pearl had spent the last month trying to pair him and Maya up, to no avail; personally, he wasn't even sure _why _Pearl was at the agency right now, other than something vaguely related to Maya and spirit channeling.

Fortunately, she had seemed to move on: "Mr. Apollo! Mr. Apollo! Wake up, it's time for you to plan your date with Miss Athena!" Pearl yelled. As of late, Pearl had added Apollo and Athena to her list of couples to push together, mostly on the grounds of them being Phoenix's underlings. She had also been getting together with Trucy, and to Phoenix's discomfort, they were starting to giggle together and carry around large paper maps. Phoenix was also _sure _that Pearl had a hand in Trucy's "guest of honor" seats only ever fitting two.

Phoenix left his room to find Apollo lying on the couch in the recreation area, rubbing his eyes. "It's official," Apollo said, "I'm moving back to my house."

"I thought Godot turned it into a coffee laboratory," Phoenix commented, "and that it wasn't yours." Apollo nodded wearily and left to go take a shower.

Pearl emerged from Maya's bedroom. "C'mon, Mr. Nick, don' t you have any plans?" Pearl said, "maybe a movie, and some flowers and chocolates? Valentine's only in two days~"

"Do you have any plans, Pearls?" Phoenix said, affectionately tousling her hair. Pearl glared at him and slapped his hand away.

"That's my business, Mr. Nick," she said. "It's not _my _fault if I don't have a special someone for Valentine's Day."

"And maybe," Maya said, emerging from her room (that she currently shared with Pearl and Trucy), "it wouldn't be a problem if you didn't keep trying to pair Nick and I."

"M-mystic Maya!?" Pearl said, "but don't you like Mr. Nick?"

"Of course I like him," Maya said, "but that doesn't mean I want to date Nick."

"Wh-what?" Pearl said, and she added, nervously, "but isn't he your special someone?"

"Um… well, he's special, but I wouldn't go _that _far…" Maya said.

"There's someone in the way," Pearl said. "It's Edgeworth, isn't it?"

"No," Phoenix said flatly. He heard Apollo shout something, but he wasn't sure what it was.

The three of them left the third floor residential area to go to the second-floor Wright Anything Agency, to await the other lawyers. Apollo would probably take a little while in the shower, since he had been spending as much time as possible away from Pearl and her machinations.

The door to the agency opened and Godot walked in. "Good morning," he said. He was already holding a coffee cup and lazily sipping it. "Hey, Trite. Did you hear the news?" For whatever reason, Godot had been calling Phoenix "Trite" for the last month or so; in other words, he was back to normal.

"Did they find Kristoph?" Phoenix said, scratching his chin.

"No," Godot said, and he took a seat at his new desk. "Nice. 'Bout time I got this."

"What's the news?" Maya said.

"Turn on the news," Godot replied.

They did so. "Police authorities have recently re-arrested prosecutor Manfred von Karma for a case of arson on Eagle Mountain," a news anchor was saying, "in addition, former police detective Dick Gumshoe has also been arrested for the murder of mascot Maggey Byrde."

The door slammed open, and Maggey Byrde rushed in. "Mr. Wright, Mr. Wright!" she said, almost slamming the door on a newly-arrived Athena, "please, Mr. Wright, you have to help me!"

Maya switched the news off while Maggey panicked. "They arrested Mr. Gumshoe!" she said, "he didn't do it!"

"Well, obviously," Godot said, "you look alive to me."

"She's supposed to be dead?" Athena said.

"According to the police, I'm dead," Maggey said, "but that's not true! I'm not dead, sir! And Mr. Gumshoe's going to be punished for nothing, pal!"

"Calm down and tell us more about the incident," Phoenix said. "Detective Gumshoe's completely innocent, right?"

"Well- well, he wouldn't stab me!" Maggey said, "I-I promised to go on a date with him! He wouldn't kill me before that, I was paying!"

_That-that seems to miss the point_, Phoenix thought. "So, where did the murder take place?" Phoenix said.

"Th-the Gatewater Land main gate!" Maggey said, taking out a map and pointing repeatedly to the stadium, "o-over here!"

"That's the stadium, Ms. Byrde," Athena said, "so, uh, boss, how're we going to investigate us?"

"I take it we're taking Gumshoe's case," Godot said, "very well. Sit down and have a cup of nonexistent coffee, Byrde. I need your testimony."

"Y-yessir!" Maggey said, and she yanked a chair up to his desk. Apollo arrived from upstairs as well.

"We've got a case," Pearl said, "alright! Apollo, you and Miss Athena are going to go investigate the crime scene!"

"Wait, what?" Apollo said, "already!? And I usually go with Trucy!"

"Trucy can go with Nick," Maya said, "I have to go back to Kurain anyways."

"Wh-what!?" Pearl howled, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-"

"Is something wrong, Pearl?" Trucy said, finally arriving.

"Mystic Maya is leaving a few days before Valentine's Day!" Pearl growled, "stop her, Trucy!"

"Look, I got a text this morning that said I needed to come back to Kurain for a little," Maya said, "probably related to that temple burning down that the news mentioned."

"You'd better-"

"Don't worry, Pearly, I'll be back by tomorrow. The train trip only takes two hours," Maya said. Then she left the agency.

"B-but in that case…" Pearl said.

"Don't worry! You can come with Daddy and me!" Trucy said, "right, Daddy?"

"Uh… why are you taking her side, Trucy?" Phoenix said.

"I've had a single parent for too long," Trucy said, and she began pouting.

"How about this," Apollo said quickly, "we're taking up far too much time! I'll go with Trucy, and Mr. Wright can go with Athena. And Pearl can make sure that Godot doesn't drink all the coffee."

"It's too late for that," Pearl said, as Godot chugged another cup of coffee. "I'm not sure where he even gets his coffee _from_." Godot summoned another cup of coffee.

"And Athena should go with Apollo!" Trucy said, "that's what Pearl and I agreed on!"

"Why are you trying to hook _us _up!?" Athena demanded.

"Everyone should have a special someone!" Pearl declared.

"You don't," Apollo said.

"Sh-shut up!"

"How about this," Phoenix said, "Charley and I will go talk to Gumshoe. Or maybe Maggey Byrde when Godot's done questioning her. Pearl, you go with Athena and go distract the cops. I mean, go get more details. Apollo, you and Trucy sneak into the crime scene. And as your boss, you can't say no."

"But Daddy, Charley's not a lawyer," Trucy said.

"Neither are you," Godot said.

"Well, let's go!" Athena said, "c'mon, Pearl-"

"I _guess _we can talk about which movie you want to watch," Pearl said, "Athena, what kind of chick flicks do you like?"

"You can talk more at the crime scene!" Phoenix said, pushing the two towards the door.

The two left, and with a thorough glare from Phoenix Apollo and Trucy also left, leaving Maggey to dictate her testimony of what happened to Godot ("I wasn't actually there, but considering my lack of a stab wound and that I play the Bad Badger…").

Phoenix went to his office to go grab Charley. He wasn't going to look like a hypocrite in front of his own daughter. He picked the tree up and left the office, and all he got was a strange glance from Godot. He tried to pull Charley out of the door when he heard a squawk. "Hello, hello!"

Phoenix turned around to see Polly the parrot. "I haven't seen you in like twelve years," Phoenix said.

"Hello, hello! Don't forget DL-6!" Polly said.

"DL-6 is _over_," Phoenix said. And then he got an idea. "Actually, maybe you could comfort Gumshoe too," Phoenix told Polly, "come on." He put Charley back and then walked out of Wright Anything Agency, a parrot following him. He bumped into a black-haired woman who looked slightly familiar on his way out and then headed off to the Detention Center.

Gumshoe was already waiting in the visitor's area. "Hello, Detective Gumshoe," Phoenix said, taking a seat across from his retention booth, "I heard you were arrested."

"…" Gumshoe… said? How do you say that anyways? Well, he looked perplexed. Or more perplexed than usual.

"Detective Gumshoe? I know it's been a long time since we met…" Phoenix said.

"…do I know you, pal?" Gumshoe said.

Phoenix sighed and showed him his attorney's badge. "Remember now?" Phoenix said.

"I've never seen that before, pal," Gumshoe said.

"…!" both Phoenix and Polly "said".

"Hello!?" Polly screeched.

"Nice bird," Gumshoe said. "So, uh, who are you?"

"My- my name is Phoenix Wright," Phoenix said, "I'm a defense attorney. And I'm going to be representing you in court."

"Oh! Oh yeah! I didn't do it, pal, I've never even _seen _a Blue Badger before!" Gumshoe said. And a psyche-lock appeared.

"Um, Detective," Phoenix said, "I don't think the news has actually _said _what happened-"

"!" Gumshoe's psyche-lock broke. "Yeah, I admit it, pal. I was there. But I didn't stab the Blue Badger! You can believe me!" Gumshoe said fiercely.

No psyche-lock appeared; he must've been telling the truth. "Well, then we'll prove that in court," Phoenix said. "Can you tell me about that night?"

"Well, I work as a private detective, pal," Gumshoe said. "I was hired to protect someone. Someone…? I think? Well, I was hired to protect someone! But I fell asleep, pal, and when I woke up… the police put me under arrest." He looked sad, like if he was a puppy who'd been kicked.

"And who accused you?" Phoenix said.

"Well, it must've been the manager or one of the other badgers, pal!" Gumshoe said, "Although… I don't remember who was who…"

"I-I see," Phoenix said, "'other' badgers? You were one?"

"I… I think I was?" Gumshoe said, looking confused again. "I-I think it was… blue?"

"T-that's not very helpful, Gumshoe. If there's nothing else…" Phoenix said, and Gumshoe shook his head. "Well, I guess I should go talk to Athena now. She's getting information from the police," he added, getting up.

"See ya, pal." Gumshoe paused, and looked at Phoenix again. "By the way, who are you…?"

Phoenix sighed and headed to the Criminal Affairs Department. He found Athena before even entering it; she was standing just outside the doors, looking somewhat dejected.

"Hiya."

"Boss! They kicked me out!" Athena yelled.

"Those tight-lipped jerks!" Widget chimed in.

"Did you find anything out before they did that, though?" Phoenix asked.

"Well, I learned that Ema is a jerk," Pearl said.

"Do you even know her?"

"I met her at the party," Pearl said. "She's nicer when she's drunk."

"So, where's Charley?" Athena said, "and who's the parrot?"

"Hello! Hello!" Polly squawked.

"This is Polly," Phoenix said, "my sidekick. Did you seriously think I would drag around a tree?"

"Yes." Athena and Pearl looked slightly surprised and Phoenix turned around to see Godot, holding his usual cup of coffee. "You got it out the door, Trite," Godot said.

"G-Godot!? Aren't you supposed to be at the office with Maggey Byrde?" Athena said.

"She didn't have a lot to say. She didn't even know it happened until she saw the cops." Godot looked around. "By the way, do you know where the coffee-shop went? This place is pretty new to me."

"Do you ever think about anything besides coffee?" Athena said.

"Yes. Lawyer things," and he took a sip of coffee, "and Mia Fey."

"That's kinda creepy," Pearl said.

"She's dead. She doesn't mind. I asked her," Godot said. "Anyways, let's go talk to the police. I'm sure they'll let me and Trite in."

"Stop calling me that!" Phoenix said, "you work for me now!"

"Right, Tripe," Godot said, and he entered the Criminal Affairs Department. Ema was standing up at her desk, and appeared to be reading papers. She looked up and scowled at Athena, and then she smiled when she saw Phoenix.

"Mr. Wright!" she said, "so Ms. Cykes _is _with you, then?"

"Do I _need _to prove my identity!?" Athena growled.

"_Apollo _brought me fingerprint powder," Ema replied.

"You can tell she works for Wright Anything Agency," Godot said, "just look at her clothes. Who else would hire such poorly-dressed people?"

"Well, Mr. Wright is always well-dressed, and Apollo looks pretty fine!" Ema said. "And there are some pretty poorly-dressed prosecutors." She coughed, and sounding suspiciously like "Klavier Gavin."

"So, can you tell us about the crime? And why you would just throw out Athena for being poorly-dressed?" Phoenix said.

"Well, at around eight at night a woman called the police to tell us that she had seen someone stab the Bad Badger, which was apparently being played by Maggey Byrde," Ema said, "of course, we haven't found the body yet, and the costume we found, the _Blue _Badger, has evidence of blood in it. Not much, though, we really can't get a sample."

"Well, it's not Byrde's blood," Godot said, "she's back at our office."

"I… I see," Ema said, "but, don't you guys employ someone who can summon the dead? I know I was drunk, but I'm _pretty _sure I saw Mia Fey at that party last month. Great party, by the way."

"That's… that's different," Pearl said. "…and I don't remember much of the party."

"That's probably for the best," Phoenix said quickly, shuddering to think of what Klavier had done. _How _did Eldoon know all those people in the first place?

"Anyways, we also have a witness," Ema said. "A Mr… von Karma?"

"Hmm," Godot said, and he smirked. "I see."

"Is something wrong, Mr. Godot?" Ema said.

"No, nothing," Godot said. "Well, perhaps we should regroup now, Tripe."

"Anything else?" Athena said.

"No. Nothing," Ema said after a moment. "If there's anything else, you'll find out in court tomorrow, I'm sure."

The four (and parrot) left the police department. "What now, Boss?" Athena said.

"Go out to the park and help Justice and Trucy," Godot said.

"Yeah, what he said," Phoenix said after a moment. "I need to speak to Godot." Athena and Pearl nodded and left, followed by Polly. "Godot," Phoenix said, "why did you smile when Ema mentioned von Karma?"

Godot responded by pulling out a phone Phoenix didn't recognize and handing it to him. "I was given this by another client," Godot said, "regarding the recently-burnt down temple. Tell me, do you recognize this picture?"

The picture showed Manfred von Karma, standing in front of a familiar-looking temple that was currently on fire. "Von Karma's an arsonist?" Phoenix said, "but that doesn't make sense…"

"No, it doesn't," Godot said, "but that also means that von Karma couldn't have been at the theme park. That, or…" He glanced at the police office again. "I need to go ask for something," Godot said. "I'll leave you to your work, Tripe."

Leaving Godot at the Criminal Affairs Department, Phoenix headed to the amusement park.

It didn't take him long to find the crime scene, considering it was right by the entrance, and it was hard to miss a group of lawyers (and lawyer-hanger-ons) congregated on the shore of the lake, watching a few police boats go back and forth across the water.

"We looked around, Mr. Wright, but we didn't find much," Apollo said when Phoenix arrived. "It seems that the Blue Badger was stabbed and fell into the lake. The police are trying to find the body right now."

"But I thought that they thought that Maggey Byrde was the victim?" Phoenix said.

"The police we talked to said that they had to be sure, Daddy," Trucy said.

"But- she's at our office!" Athena said.

"That wouldn't be the first time, would it, Wright," Edgeworth said, approaching the Wright Agency group. "I distinctly remember seeing Mia Fey at that party last month."

_Not again_, Phoenix thought. "Edgeworth, we know where Byrde is."

"Even in that case, there's still blood in that suit," Edgeworth said. "And we have eye-witness testimony that the killer was Detective Gumshoe. Admittedly, concerning who they are, I have my doubts. But I'll leave that to Gavin and Blackquill."

"Aw, why don't you join in, Uncle Edgeworth?" Trucy said.

"Because… _she _is testifying," Edgeworth said, looking out at the lake with a look of distaste. "Don't make me say it. It'll summon her."

The Pink Badger emerged from the park gate and began walking towards the group. "Speaking of summoning, it's the Pink Badger!" Pearl said, pointing at it. "I was just thinking about it!"

"Uh, _why_?" Apollo said, just as Edgeworth ran off towards his car. There was a sound of a revving engine and the car sped off the bridge and onto the road. "Mr. Edgeworth!?"

"Someone's in a hurry," Athena said, "we didn't even learn anything."

The Pink Badger arrived and pulled off its mask to reveal… Wendy Oldbag. "You whippersnappers, you scared off my Edgey-poo!" she snarled.

"You again?" Phoenix said, "moved jobs in the last month?"

"What're you talking about, I've had this job for years," Oldbag replied. Everyone looked at her with a shocked expression. "Whippersnappers these days! Why when I was their age I knew I could keep a job but apparently that's not true now I've heard about you Phoenix Wright I know how many jobs you've held in the last three years so before you look down on someone for staying in a job for nine years you should take a goodlonglookatyourselfinthemirrorthenerveofsomepeople-"

"SILENCE." Now Blackquill arrived, and he looked over the group. "I see that Wright-dono is preparing a defense of the accused," Blackquill said, scratching Taka, "it seems as if this will be a difficult trial. Let us see how well polished his blades are for this upcoming duel..."

"I know what I saw," Oldbag snapped. "I know who was killed!"

"We'll see," Blackquill said sharply. "Return to your occupation."

Oldbag put her head back on and stormed back to the theme park. "I wish I hadn't been thinking of her now," Pearl commented.

"Ach, Herr Forehead and his lawyer friends!" Klavier said, arriving to stand next to Blackquill. "I take it you're all here to discuss Detective Gumshoe's trial?"

"We're trying to have something for trial tomorrow," Phoenix said.

Klavier nodded. "Well, then we'll see you in court tomorrow," he said, "as I take it the two of us will be opposing you three." Then he left just as suddenly as he arrived. Blackquill snorted and followed him.

"Let's recoup at the agency, then," Phoenix said, "Maya should be back sometime tonight too, so we'll have to fill her in. And maybe we can find out what Godot was looking up."

"Hello," Polly added.

And the group of six headed back to Wright Anything Agency. When they got back, Maya was already waiting, as was Maggey. "Hey Nick! They worked it out while I was at the train station, so I came right back!" she said, "also, why is Charley next to the door now?"

"Uh, that's not an important question," Phoenix said quickly. "So, since Godot isn't here, can you explain why everyone thinks you're dead?"

"It was the news, sir!" Maggey said, "one of my coworkers called the police and then talked to the media, in an attempt to shout out to an 'Edgey-poo'."

Phoenix felt the urge to groan. "The Pink Badger?" Athena said.

Maggey nodded. "That's her," she said, "the Pink Badger. She thought I was dead! Admittedly, I haven't actually _talked _to her…"

"So the news jumped the gun?" Apollo said, "what else is new?"

"Well, hopefully that won't create any problems," Phoenix said.

The door opened again, and Godot stepped in. "Pearl, Trucy. I stained your plans with coffee on accident," he said.

"Our plans!" Pearl said, "come on, Trucy!"

"Right!" The two ran out of the agency and, by the sound of it, up the stairs.

Godot chuckled. "Ah, Valentine's," he said, "glad I'm the only one here in a stable relationship."

"I-I am too, sir! Or I was," Maggey said.

"Also you don't count," Maya stated, pointing at Godot. "Mia's dead."

Godot shrugged. "I got what I wanted from the police," he said, "the Phantom's been released from prison too."

"Wh-WHAT!?" all the lawyers (sans Godot) said.

"The Phantom?" Maggey said, scratching her head.

"Who's that?" Maya said. Phoenix explained. "Oh."

"And von Karma apparently burnt down Hazakura temple," Godot added, and he summoned a cup of coffee. "And now, like sugar and milk added to a perfect blend, the bitter truth has been obscured by a sweet pinch of lies."

Everyone stared at him blankly. "One of our witnesses might be the Phantom?" Apollo said, "but-"

"We'll find out in court, I suppose," Athena said, looking exasperated. "We _always _find out in court."

"That's not what I was getting at," Godot said, "I was referring to the mass release of prisoners. Doesn't that strike you as odd that even a noted spy that someone tried to kill was released and pardoned, even though that would only increase his chance of death? You heard what happened to Matt Engarde."

"Well, yeah, it's odd," Apollo said, "but what can we do?"

"Thanks to Pearl, we're more focused on Valentine's than the President's pardons," Athena added, exasperated.

"Something tells me that there's something at work here," Godot said. "Now, is it quitting time?"

"Can we get hamburgers, Nick!?" Maya said exuberantly.

"It's only noon!" Phoenix said, "and we have things to do!"

"But Nick…" Maya said, looking downcast.

"Oh yeah, Tripe," Godot said, "you have a visitor I sent to your office. I'll take over the investigation until you work it out. It's about von Karma."

Phoenix sighed and nodded. He watched Godot marshall everyone out the door, even Maggey, and began walking towards his office. He passed the calendar Pearl had added which had a very large "Mr. Nick and Mystic Maya's Date!" written on it and entered his office. The same black-haired woman from earlier whom he'd almost bumped into earlier was waiting, her back to the door as she looked out at the street. "This is about von Karma, correct?" Phoenix said.

The woman turned around to reveal Iris, Phoenix's old (ex?) girlfriend from almost twenty years ago. Phoenix had barely kept in contact with her: after her imprisonment, he had at first visited her anywhere from once a week to once a month. This time had increased after his disbarment, mostly because it took him a while to be hired as a poker player/piano "player" and because she had experience buying things on a stringent budget that he needed to support himself and Trucy. But after that, they began drifting apart. Or, rather, Phoenix began drifting away (after all, it wasn't like Iris was going anywhere) and only went to talk with her on her birthday, which was not for two months anyways.

And the end result was the mutual silence at the moment. No wonder Godot had left. "Hello, Phoenix," Iris said softly. "Yes, this is about Mr. von Karma."

"Oh, well, um… p-please take a seat!" Phoenix said, feeling suddenly embarrassed about the person who was totally the only one he'd ever loved romantically. He sat down in his own chair and quickly put a picture of Edgeworth suddenly standing out to him on its face. Iris, meanwhile, took a chair opposite to him.

"I assume you've heard about the temple and von Karma?" Iris said.

Phoenix nodded. "Godot showed me the picture."

"Oh. I thought he might do that," Iris commented. She sighed. "I… guess I'll be going, then. That's all I came to say…" Abruptly, multiple psyche-locks appeared. Apparently it was going to be one of _those _days.

"Um… Iris, is there something else?" Phoenix said. "There… wouldn't happen to be anything else that happened, is there?"

"Of course not," Iris said quickly. "I'll just be going now-"

"Is there a case you need to do? You work for Maya anyways, I think, so I won't charge you," Phoenix said, "although we're kind-of only defense attorneys-"

"No, you should focus on the case Mr. Godot mentioned," Iris said. She stood up. "It's nothing."

_Yeah right_, Phoenix thought. "Please, Iris, I want to help," Phoenix said, standing up as well.

"W-well, you could've started that by visiting more than once a year," Iris said, her voice wavering. "I've _never_ had many friends and of all of them, only you and Sister Bikini even knew I was in jail. The news only talked about M-Mr. Godot, you told me that yourself. So forgive me for being wary of asking you for help." She turned her back on him and left the office.

Phoenix was momentarily stunned, and the thought _what about the psyche-locks _ran through his mind. Then he chased after her. "I'm sorry, but I've been busy supporting a child by myself! Is there something wrong with that!?" he demanded, catching her just before she left the office.

Her hand rested for a moment on the doorknob, and then she withdrew it. "Y-you're right," she said, sounding guilty, "I overreacted. But I need to speak with Mr. Godot before I can tell you anything." Then she left.

And just in time for Pearl and Trucy to arrive again. "Mr. Nick!" Pearl said, "is that that girl that was keeping you from Mystic Maya ten years ago!?"

"Technically, it wasn't ten years ago," Phoenix said.

Pearl glared at him, and Trucy looked between the two in confusion. "So, are we going to go help Polly and the others now, Daddy?" Trucy said.

Phoenix nodded. "C'mon, girls, and Pearls, don't you dare think of hitting me."

The investigation continued. Further evidence was uncovered during a reinvestigation of the crime scene, specifically, a bolt that Athena found washed up on the lake shore. Edgeworth reappeared again as well. "I see you've all returned to the scene of the crime," he commented, "I wouldn't think that you would need four lawyers, a magician, and… whatever Pearl and Maya are to investigate."

"Well, we're looking for things the police overlooked," Apollo said.

"The more the merrier!" Maya declared.

"I… I see," Edgeworth said, "last time I checked, that didn't apply to law. Wright, I need to speak to you. Privately."

Everyone glanced at Phoenix. "Twice in one day!?" Pearl said grumpily.

"It's not like that, Pearls!" Phoenix said sheepishly, and before he could get a response he ran up to the road to await Edgeworth.

When Edgeworth arrived, he shook his head and said, "they all said, 'yes it is,' Wright." Edgeworth glared at him for a moment. "Just to be clear, I _do not _share the same feelings towards you." Phoenix waited for the psyche-locks to appear, but they didn't. "You seem surprised! Or are you waiting for those psychic locks?" Edgeworth said, a faint hint of amusement on his features.

"I-I've got a perfectly fine relationship with Godot right now!" Phoenix squeaked.

Edgeworth arched an eyebrow. "Diego Armando? Him?"

"He was the first person I thought of!" Phoenix said, "what do you want, Edgeworth!?"

"In two days, let's meet privately at a cafe or something, for tea," Edgeworth said, "I wish to discuss a recent case with you."

"Uh, two days? As in, Valentine's?" Phoenix said.

"It's not like you'll be busy, will you, Wright?" Edgeworth said.

"I- I'll definitely have a date!" Phoenix declared, "with a girl!"

"Oh? Trucy doesn't count," Edgeworth said. "It has to be romantic, Wright. And someone roughly your age."

"B-but!"

"No 'friendship' dates, Wright," Edgeworth said, "and I can't believe I'm stipulating all of this. In any case, I still need to meet with you. It is a very serious matter, related to the death of Miss April May."

"What about her?" Phoenix said, "you guys still haven't caught Kristoph Gavin, right?"

Edgeworth shook his head. "We've mobilized the Shelley de Killer task force to finding Gavin too. So far, there's no progress on either of them."

"What about the witnesses?" Phoenix said, "let me guess, one of them is Wendy Oldbag?"

Edgeworth shuddered. "That woman is a demon, I tell you," he growled.

"Hey, I dated a demon once," Phoenix said, "does that count?"

"That was over ten years ago and you were dating her sister and somehow didn't notice," Edgeworth said. "You have no grounds to talk about romance, Wright."

"You've never even been on a date before, have you!?" Phoenix demanded.

Edgeworth shrugged. "How is that relevant?" he said, and he returned to his car. Swearing under his breath, Phoenix turned around to see an audience consisting of everyone who went with him plus Polly.

"Hello, hello!" the bird squawked.

"Shut up."

* * *

_February 13, 9:45 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #2_

Today's case would be handled by Apollo, with assistance from Athena since apparently, Phoenix was busy calling people to "find information", aka, arrange a fake date. Fortunately, Trucy had somehow caused her father's phone to disappear so now he was sitting on the couch, sulking. Meanwhile, Gumshoe was still confused. "It's nice of you all to help me, pals, but I think the decor is kinda tacky," Gumshoe said.

"You've been here dozens upon dozens of times!" Athena said, "how can you not remember!?"

"Who are you again, pal?"

"I'm your lawyer!"

"I thought the blue one was my lawyer."

"He's sulking," Apollo said, "he's having relationship issues with the Chief Prosecutor."

"I AM NOT HAVING RELATIONSHIP ISSUES-"

"Don't worry, boss, we can handle this!" Athena said cheerfully. "And when we're done, you can start harassing people again. And before you ask, I'm already going on a date!"

"I wasn't going to ask you!" Phoenix said.

"T-that's cold, boss," Athena replied. Phoenix sighed.

"Well, personally, I'm feeling fine about this," Apollo said. "I mean, the murder victim's not actually dead. How hard can this be?"

* * *

_February 13, 10:00 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #6_

The crowd was bustling already. For some reason, Godot had decided that his work today would consist of him and a channeled Mia sitting just behind the defense bench and stage-whispering to each other. Phoenix would have to have a talk with them. Apollo was bright and fresh and fine, ready for the trial; Athena was fiddling with Widget but seemed cheerful enough; Phoenix had his eyes on the prosecution, which currently consisted of a laid-back Klavier, an also laid-back Blackquill, and a seemingly-wary Miles Edgeworth. Behind them, right behind the prosecution in the gallery to be more exact, sat Franziska von Karma, who was currently practice-whipping. The Judge was eyeing Franziska and the bailiff looked nervous.

"Court is now session," the Judge said, "but, uh, I want to know: why all the prosecutors?"

"I'd… rather not talk about it," Edgeworth said, a look of unsettlement on his face.

"10 bucks he's being blackmailed," Godot stage-whispered.

"No bet," Mia replied.

"Now, is the defense ready?" the Judge said.

"Yes, your honor!"

"And the prosecution?"

"More or less, your Baldness."

"Will the prosecution please give their opening statement?" the Judge asked.

"Very well, Herr Judge," Klavier said, and he stood straighter. "The prosecution charges based on evidence and eyewitness testimony that former Detective Dick Gumshoe murdered character actor Maggey Byrde after a disagreement on the evening of February 11."

"Very well. Court is now in session for the trial of Dick Gumshoe!" the Judge declared, and he banged his gavel.

"The defense would like to call Maggey Byrde to the stand!" Apollo declared.

Maggey Byrde timidly stepped up to the stand amidst loud chatter. "Witness," Apollo said, "can you please state your name and occupation?"

"Um, my name's Maggey Byrde and I was the Bad Badger at Gatewater Land," she said.

"And is it true that you are, in fact, dead?" Apollo said.

"Um, no, pal! I'm very not dead!" Maggey said loudly.

"OBJECTION!" Edgeworth said. He pulled out a death certificate and showed it to the court. "As you can see from this death certificate, Maggey Byrde is, in fact, dead. As a matter of fact, we even have an autopsy report, although it's not much. And of the suit."

"Objection!" Apollo yelled. "Prosecutor Edgeworth, are you claiming that the witness is some sort of zombie!?"

"I am claiming that this would not be the first time that someone who is dead has testified in court," Edgeworth replied. "And while I see that Mia Fey is in the crowd today, that does not exclude one of the Fey cousins from being here to channel Miss Byrde."

"Uh, if you want I can just call Pearls here," Phoenix said.

"Objection!" Blackquill thundered. "That has no bearing on this case!"

"Objection!" Apollo shouted. "The Master of Kurain village and its channelers is here herself, and is our agency's manager! If anyone has a list of all spirit-channelers, it's her, and thus we can guarantee that Maggey Byrde is, in fact, alive!"

The Judge nodded. "Objection sustained," he said, "I think we can assume that Maggey Byrde is in fact alive. With that in mind, I declare Dick Gumshoe-"

"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "Herr Judge, even if Fräulein Byrde is not dead, there are still traces of blood in the suit, as you can read in the autopsy report. Further, we still have multiple eyewitness that attest that the defendant stabbed the Blue Badger. Obviously, Herr Forehead, _someone _was murdered."

"Yeah, well, since you don't even have a body-"

"SILENCE." Blackquill rumbled. "The prosecution would like to call its first witness, Wendy Oldbag, to the stand."

"I thought we agreed to delay that-" Edgeworth was interrupted by Franziska's whip.

"You foolish fool, foolishly attempting to silence a witness because you foolishly harbor a foolish dislike towards the fool!" Franziska said. The Judge banged his gavel a few times, not that that would stop Franziska.

"What great teamwork skills," Athena observed sardonically.

Edgeworth "dropped his pen" and hid underneath the stand as Wendy Oldbag entered the courtroom. "Where did Edgey-poo go?" she said loudly, and then she sighed loudly.

Klavier kicked Edgeworth. There was a yelp of pain and some indiscernible mutterings that Oldbag didn't seem to hear.

"Witness," Blackquill said, "your name and occupation."

"Wendy Oldbag," Oldbag said, "I've been the Pink Badger for a very long time now."

"And you witnessed the stabbing?" Klavier said.

Oldbag nodded. "Please testify, Oldbag-dono."

"Well… it all started two nights ago," Oldbag said, "we had just gotten off another rehearsal. There had been death threats against the actor who played the Blue Badger, Tim Vicch, so we hired a private detective to protect Vicch from the whippersnapper who threatened to shoot him. So to protect him, we put Gumshoe in the Proto Badger suit."

"Hold it!" Apollo said. "Ms. Oldbag, can you describe the other badgers' actors?"

"Hold it, you whippersnapper!" Oldbag snarled, "let me see… Vicch in the Blue Badger (he's so _~dreamy~_), me in the Pink Badger, that female whippersnapper in the Bad Badger, and the Detective in the Proto Badger! Was that too hard to figure out, detective!?"

"Actually, I'm a lawyer," Apollo said.

"Please continue," the Judge said.

"Vicch left for his special locker-room without saying a word," Oldbag said, "and the Detective and the whippersnapper followed. I saw Vicch and the whippersnapper later that night, going to the Gatewater Trés Bien restaurant. Later that night, I was leaving the restaurant I ate at, the Baby Badger Café, and was walking toward the entrance in the rain when I saw it: the Bad Badger being stabbed by a man in a trench-coat like the one that the Detective was wearing! I quickly hid until the man left, and then I called the police."

"I see," the Judge said. "How is the food at those places, anyways?"

_Th-that's not the point! _Phoenix thought. Oldbag simply shrugged. Then, after another moment or two, she said, "Trés Bien's food is awful. Baby Badger Café's isn't bad."

"Your Honor," Apollo said, looking exasperated, "may we please begin the cross-examination?"

"Hm? Oh, oh, yes!" the Judge replied, wide-eyed. "Please begin the cross-examination!"

"Miss Oldbag," Apollo said, "I want to make some things clear. First, did there seem to be any bad blood between Detective Gumshoe and Maggey Byrde, or between Detective Gumshoe and Tim Vicch?"

"Not that I remember," Oldbag replied. "Did you think I would keep track of what those whippersnappers say?"

"I suppose not," Apollo said. "Now, I want to know something else: can you prove that the man you saw was actually Dick Gumshoe?"

"Are you doubting me you whippersnapper!?" demanded Oldbag, her eyes turning white with fury. "Why when I was your age I always listened to my elders but no you think that _you _know all there is to know and that youcanjustdecidehowusoldpeopleseethingsornotmyeyesightisperfectlyfineletmetellyouandIknowwhatIsawand-"

"OBJECTION!" Edgeworth shouted from underneath the desk. "The witness will answer the question in an understandable form!"

The judge frowned and slammed his gavel. "Objection sustained!" he declared, "Miss Oldbag, take a breath!"

Oldbag hissed and then calmed down. "Like I was saying," she said, "I saw what I saw."

"Then could you please testify in more detail, Fräulein Oldbag?" Klavier said.

Oldbag sighed. "Fine, but only if you tell me where Edgey-poo is," she said.

"Ach, he's right under here," Klavier said. Then he doubled over and collapsed, leaving Blackquill as the only remaining prosecutor.

"I'm starting to think that was a bad idea," Athena commented.

"Testify, witness," Blackquill commanded. "Now."

"Hmph. It was about time for me to leave the park. I was walking out the entrance, past the vending stalls, when I saw it. A man in a trench-coat, that detective whippersnapper, was standing in front of a badger, the Bad Badger. He stabbed it, and it fell into the water. Naturally, I called the police to tell them about Gumshoe attacking that young whippersnapper! Somehow, the media found out and I talked to them too, anything to catch that Gumshoe!"

Apollo slammed his hands on the desk. "Are you absolutely sure that you saw the Bad Badger being stabbed!?" he demanded.

"Of course I am," Oldbag replied. "These old eyes don't lie."

Apollo smirked. "Well, then, Miss Oldbag, what if I was to tell you that the police found the leftover suit of the Blue Badger, and not the Bad Badger?"

"!" Oldbag shrieked, "but I definitely saw the Bad Badger! Do you think I would fib!?"

"Actually, yes," Apollo said, "especially as I'm told that you claim to have been the Pink Badger for years, despite the fact that you were working for security at the Gatewater Imperial Hotel!"

"!" Oldbag shuddered. "You whippersnapper!" she hissed, "that isn't me!"

"Objection!" Blackquill shouted, "this has no bearing-"

"Objection!" Apollo shouted back, "it shows that the witness is hiding something!"

"Well?" the Judge said, "where have you been working?"

"You must be thinking of another Wendy Oldbag," Oldbag replied resolutely. "But none of this changes what I saw. Tell them, Edgey-poo!"

"The prosecution dismisses the current witness!" Edgeworth called from underneath his desk, "we have a second witness who will hopefully be more reliable!"

The crowd burst into conversation, which the Judge silenced with three mighty swings of his gavel. "Very well. Bring out the next witness," the Judge said. The bailiff lead Oldbag away while she complained very loudly about everyone in the court room.

"Whippersnappers!" was her final word, and then the bailiff slammed the doors. Klavier stood up again. "The prosecution calls Manfred von Karma to the stand!" he said dramatically. The crowd burst into conversation again.

"Didn't he die?" Athena said.

"Apparently rumors of his death were highly exaggerated," Phoenix said.

Manfred von Karma took the stand next, but he looked… different. He was paler, and his face was covered with a cold mask. Instead of his usual court uniform, he had a thick, long-sleeved pastel pink-colored sweater with a heart and an M in the middle of it.

"That looks hideous," Athena said.

"Why would anyone wear that?" Apollo said.

Mia began laughing in the gallery and Phoenix decided not to mention his nostalgic sweater. "State your name and occupation," Edgeworth said, having returned to his standing position and looking entirely unconcerned about von Karma.

"I am Manfred von Karma," von Karma growled, "former prosecutor, former prisoner, and former perfect being."

"OBJECTION!"

Franziska stood up from her place in the stands. "A von Karma can never stop being perfect!" she declared, "if you really are my father, you would know that!"

"SILENCE!" replied Blackquill, and when Franziska tried to whip him, he grabbed the whip and pulled it out of her hands. Franziska growled and leapt over the gallery railing onto Klavier, knocking him over, and grabbed the whip.

"He's down," Blackquill said, looking down.

"Then I shall take over for him!" Franziska declared.

_Oh boy_… Phoenix thought.

The Judge banged his gavel a few times to return the courtroom to order after the sudden adjustment of the prosecutorial team. "Will the witness please begin testifying?" he asked.

"Certainly," von Karma said stiffly. "On February 11th, at approximately 7:53 PM, I was on the bridge. I saw the defendant stab the pants-wearing badger in the chest. I was on the other side of the bridge, but I could still see it clearly, even through the rain."

"Very concise," commented Apollo.

"I'd call it a perfect testimony," said Athena, "except that he has to be wrong! Gumshoe didn't stab anyone!"

"The Defense may begin it's cross-examination," the Judge said.

Apollo nodded. "Witness," he began, "you said it was raining…?"

"He is correct," said Edgeworth, holding up a piece of paper. "I have the weather report right here. 'Storms began at approximately 1:00 PM on February 11th and continued to intensify throughout the afternoon, causing power outages in some areas. At around 7:30, trains stopped running'… as did the power to the theme park, which is why we don't have any security footage… 'The rain subsided at about 6:00 AM on February 12th.'"

"…and, witness, the badger you saw stabbed was wearing pants?" Apollo asked.

"Yes."

"Hold it! So it was the Bad Badger?" Athena said.

Von Karma looked disdainful. "I only recently exited prison. I do not know nor do I particularly care which badger is which."

"But if it was wearing pants, it must have been the Bad Badger," Athena said. "None of the other badgers wear them."

"Then yes, it was the Bad Badger," von Karma said.

"Hold it! Prosecutor Blackquill! Has the Bad Badger costume been examined?" Athena said.

"Yes," said Blackquill, and submitted it as evidence. "There was, in fact, damage to the costume in the chest area." He submitted it as evidence.

Apollo checked the court record. "Objection!" he yelled. "There was no blood found in the costume! How could somebody in the costume be stabbed and not shed any blood?"

"Objection!" von Karma yelled back. "Clearly, the murderer picked it out of the water and cleaned out the blood!"

"Objection!" Apollo replied, "then why was there a Blue Badger suit found in the lake!?"

"Clearly, the murderer threw it into the lake to put the police off the trail," von Karma said.

"Is that so," Apollo said. "Well, Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Blackquill, Ms. von Karma?"

"Traces of blood were found in the Blue Badger suit," Edgeworth said, "but not in the Bad Badger suit."

"It's understandable how the witness could make that mistake," Phoenix said, posing confidently, "after all, there's only one difference between the badgers."

"Silence! That has no bearing!" Blackquill said.

"Objection! I am perfectly capable of answering the defense's questions," von Karma said. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms. "The Bad Badger's only differing characteristic is his pants."

The prosecution was silent.

The Judge was wide-eyed.

The defense was silent.

The entire courtroom was silent. Von Karma opened one eye. "Why are you all silent," he demanded, and he snapped his finger imperiously. "Answer me!"

"The Bad Badger has two other differing characteristics, Mr. von Karma," Phoenix said, "his sunglasses, and his gun! If the Bad Badger was stabbed in the chest, then _how did you not see those too_!?"

von Karma recoiled in shock, but the three prosecutors seemed completely fine. "Mr. Wright, are you trying to undermine your own case?" Edgeworth said.

"Not at all," Phoenix replied, smiling confidently, "if the Blue Badger, and not the Bad Badger, was really stabbed, then those pants are missing. Therefore, someone must've retrieved those pants so that they would not be found by the police, and due to a certain characteristic of my client, that would have been impossible!"

"Certain characteristic? And what would that be?" the Judge said.

"Your Honor, Mr. Gumshoe is currently afflicted with amnesia," Phoenix said, "I witnessed it myself when I met with him yesterday. Not only did he not recognize me or my attorney's badge, but he also forgot about me at the end of the visit even though I'd already reintroduced myself."

"Objection!" Franziska called. "He might be faking it!"

"Unfortunately, no," Blackquill said. "A medical professional looked over Detective Gumshoe when he was first arrested and submitted a report that we now submit to the court." Phoenix brought it up at the defense's computer: Gumshoe was, indeed, suffering from amnesia, as well as having a bruise on the back of his head and marks around his wrists and ankles 'that were probably from too-tight socks and gloves'.

"OBJECTION!" von Karma roared, "I must submit a new testimony, one that will make clear why I could not have seen the Bad Badger's other paraphernalia!"

The Judge banged his gavel. "Very well," he said, "Mr. von Karma, submit your new testimony."

"It was earlier in the day. The rain had begun. I arrived at the park at around five PM and witnessed the Badgers in a performance," von Karma stated. "I was some distance from them, and because of the rain it was difficult for me to make out any specific details. I saw two badgers that looked the same, one badger wearing pants, and one pink badger."

Apollo brought a schematic of the park up. "So then, Mr. von Karma, you were in the pavilion opposite the performance area," Apollo said.

"Correct."

"And this is about the same distance as it is from one side of the entrance bridge to the other," Apollo said.

"Yes," Franziska said, "your point, Apollo Justice?"

"I was just clarifying, Ms. von Karma," Apollo said. "I have a second question now, Mr. von Karma: when did you see Detective Gumshoe in his full dress?"

"I knew what Detective Gumshoe looked like from twelve years ago," von Karma replied, his arms crossed again.

"Is that so, Mr. von Karma?" Apollo said. "Then how did you know that it was the detective who stabbed the body, and not someone else?"

"I admit that that is a possibility," von Karma said, his arms still crossed and his eyes closed, "but I knew that he had to be the only one there who could be the killer since it would be unlikely for a private detective to be overpowered."

The defense, the judge, and the prosecution were silent.

And so, too, was the gallery. von Karma opened his eyes and looked around. "Is something wrong?" he said, and he snapped his fingers and ordered, "Answer me!"

"How did you know that he was no longer in the police force, Mr. von Karma?" Apollo said, "and how did you not only know who Dick Gumshoe was despite spending over a decade in prison, _but you also recognized him on a stormy bridge and in costume!?"_

Von Karma recoiled again and clutched at his face-mask. The crowd burst into conversation and this time, even the prosecution looked shocked. "W-what!?" Edgeworth gasped, "how would he-"

"Order! Order! Order!" the Judge declared, bring his gavel down. "Well, Mr. Edgeworth, Ms. von Karma, Mr. Blackquill?"

"Clearly, the witness met Detective Gumshoe while he was also observing the show-" Blackquill said.

"Objection!" Apollo said, and he slammed his hands on the desk. "Detective Gumshoe was playing the Proto Badger by Ms. Oldbag's testimony!"

"I- clearly, he came out at some point!" von Karma sputtered.

"Objection! You could remember, despite the rain, the face of someone in a trench coat in a storm powerful enough to knock power out to the theme park, but you couldn't remember where you've seen Detective Gumshoe in his uniform?" Apollo said, "formerly perfect indeed!"

"Now, Mr. von Karma," Athena added, also slamming the desk, "_tell us how you knew he was a private detective, too_!"

Von Karma recoiled again, while the crowd's noise grew to massive levels. "I-I sought his aid-" von Karma sputtered.

"Objection!" Franziska shouted, "my father would never seek out the help of someone, especially someone he knew to be mediocre at best like Dick Gumshoe!"

"What are you suggesting!?" von Karma said, "do you even have any evidence that I'm not Manfred von Karma!?"

Franziska cracked her whip but had said nothing and smirked at von Karma. "I do," Phoenix said, and he pulled out Iris' phone (maybe he should've returned it yesterday. Whoops). "Mr. von Karma, if you really are him, how do you explain this photograph of you burning down Hazakura Temple!?"

"Objection!" Franziska shouted. "That cannot be my father either!"

"And the trains were not running," Edgeworth said. "Which means… one of these von Karmas is an impostor."

"Then there's an easy way to test that," Phoenix said. "Your Honor! The defense requests that a metal detector be applied to Mr. von Karma!"

von Karma grabbed his head and howled something, but the Judge nodded and banged his gavel. "There will be a ten-minute recess while a metal detector is retrieved," the Judge said. "Dismissed!"

* * *

_February 13, 11:48 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #2_

"That was a great job you did in there, pal," Gumshoe said, "even if I don't know what we're even talking about anymore…"

"Well, we have proved one thing, Detective Gumshoe," Athena said, "there's something funny about von Karma."

"Where did you get that cell-phone, Mr. Wright?" Apollo said.

"He got it from me," Godot said, entering the room. "I've got to admit. I'm worried."

"Worried about what?" Athena asked.

"It's going well!" Widget added.

"Then I have a question for you: where did the murderer go?" Godot said. "Unlike with May's murder, we can't just blame this on a well-known serial killer. This time, I think we will have to solve the question of who the murderer was, and something tells me it wasn't von Karma or Oldbag."

"What makes you say that, Mr. Godot?" Apollo said, looking curious.

"Of the two, it makes sense for Oldbag to have seen Gumshoe, but not von Karma," Godot said.

"Not just that, but it's not in-character of a von Karma to kill a cartoon mascot, and I highly doubt that even if he was blackmailed that he'd follow through, because a von Karma wouldn't be sent back to prison twice." Everyone turned around (or, in the case of Godot and Gumshoe, merely glanced slightly up) to see Franziska von Karma, her whip in hand. "I, too, doubt that that is my father."

"Then what about the arson?" Apollo said, "would a 'perfect von Karma' burn down a temple?"

"No," Franziska replied, quite curtly. "My father did not burn down that temple either."

"Do you have proof!?" Athena demanded.

Franziska smirked. "Of course I do," she said, "I have been tracking him for some time. Although I do not currently know his exact location, I do know that it'd be impossible for him to have either burned down that temple or to have witnessed that murder, because he is currently in a hospital in San Francisco."

"W-why didn't you tell the court!?" Phoenix demanded.

"Because you seemed to have it under control, Phoenix Wright," she said lightly. "I, unlike Simon Blackquill, Piano Gavin, and my dear little brother, have no reason to want Scruffy thrown in prison. It is not my job, as I am not, technically, supposed to be prosecuting. If the need arises, I will share with the court what I have just said. But for now, it doesn't seem to be an issue."

Then she turned around and left.

Godot chuckled. "You have an odd bunch of friends, Tripe," he said, and he took a swig of coffee.

* * *

_February 13, 11:57 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #6_

The police had found their metal detector and were waiting as everyone filed back in. Maya, or rather, Mia was back in the gallery with Godot, as she had apparently been keeping an eye on Trucy and Pearl while Godot left to go talk with the other "official" lawyers. von Karma was back at the witness stand, while Klavier was back on his feet and Franziska was seated behind the prosecutors. The Judge brought his gavel down to begin proceedings. "The test please, bailiff," the Judge ordered.

The bailiff nodded. He brought the metal detector up to von Karma's right shoulder, but it pinged. "Hmph," von Karma said, "so you see that I am the real thing."

"It seems he is, your Honor," the bailiff said, and he let the metal detector trail down… and it kept pinging. "Hmm?" The bailiff swept the metal detector across an increasingly-nervous-looking von Karma, and the metal detector kept pinging. "Are you hiding something, Mr. von Karma?"

"N-no!" von Karma said, and he began clutching at his face again. Only this time, he clutched too hard and the sides of his head began warping. "I am! I am Manfred von Karma!" he screeched, and von Karma's eyes flashed and electrical crackles emitted from the sides of his head. "I am!" And then there was a small explosion, and a cloud of smoke obscured von Karma. The bailiff ran for it.

When the smoke cleared, von Karma's face was mostly ruined. The head was warped and metal plates were visibly peeled away from a metal skull, and the face mask's cords were all that remained of it, showing a speaker grill. "I am… Manfred von Karma…" the robot said, its voice now sounding tinny and very, very bass.

"You clearly are not," Apollo said. "Witness! State your real name and occupation!"

von Karma looked up at him and its eyes appeared to slit. Or would've, if one of the eyes didn't blow out at that moment. "My name is Proto Calvin C'threpio, Proto Cal to my friends," von Karma said, "not that you're one of them, Apollo Justice. My occupation is a roboticist. The second best in the world, behind that Blackquill woman."

"And why was there a robotic equivalent to von Karma attending the theme park that day?" Apollo asked.

"I was hired by the manager of the Badgers, Prima Rose," C'threpio stated. "I was to also provide security. However, I only had this robot to send out. Thanks to that, I knew who Detective Gumshoe was and what he looked like."

"Is that so?" Phoenix said, "now tell me, Mr. C'threpio, was that your only involvement?"

"Of course," C'threpio said. "Why?"

Phoenix smiled. "Because we have evidence that proves that you did not," he said.

Athena and Apollo both glanced at him in alarm. "I'd love to see it," C'threpio said, "Phoenix Wright."

Phoenix nodded and took out the bolt that Athena had found. "This bolt bears the mark of your robotics company on it, Mr. C'threpio!" Phoenix shouted.

"WHAT!? NOO, IT COULDN'T HAVE- wait, no it doesn't!" C'threpio said. "Nice try, Phoenix-"

"Objection!" Apollo shouted. "Mr. C'threpio, you clearly are hiding something!"

"Objection!" Klavier shouted, "him falling for Herr Wright's bluff is not grounds for him being questioned on this front!"

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "the witness's wording is very odd for someone who's not hiding someone!"

"Objection!" Edgeworth called. "Lack of proof that someone is _not _something is not sufficient proof that someone _is _something-"

"ENOUGH!" C'threpio said. "I can't stand your arguments! I was only at the theme park to protect Tim Vicch and that's that!"

"Then why was it important for you to know what Detective Gumshoe looked like?" Phoenix said, "and why didn't you say that you knew which Badger was which?"

"Who would believe that an old man who'd never seen those badgers in his life would be able to differentiate the badgers in the rain?" C'threpio replied, the robot somehow looking dismissive.

"Is that so, Mr. C'threpio?" Apollo replied, looking confident.

"It is," C'threpio stated.

"Then could you please perform a simple test for us?" Apollo said. "An eyesight test. I'm sure it's not hard with robotic eyes."

"It wouldn't be at all, no," C'threpio said. "But is there a point-"

"And please do so while water covers the lens," Apollo added.

"!" The robotic von Karma clutched at its face. "Why, of c-course I can see through the water! My robot is perfect, it can simply blink the water away!"

"So it won't be a problem at all, then?" Apollo said. "Your Honor?"

"Are there any objections from the prosecution?" the Judge said.

Both Blackquill and Klavier opened their mouths, but Edgeworth shook his head. "I am curious as well, your Honor," Edgeworth said. "It seems to me that the courtroom from the witness stand to your Honor is roughly the same length as the two distances von Karma would've seen the badgers and the crime at. If your Honor would merely hold up a sign for Mr. C'threpio to read…"

"Very well. Bailiff, please acquire some water," the Judge said, "and apply it to the von Karma's remaining good eye."

The bailiff nodded and, before too long, water was applied to the remaining eye. The Judge held up a piece of paper that read, "the Great Judgini chooses the right sentence" quite clearly (for the Judge, at least), and said, "please read this, Mr. C'threpio."

"Ah, of course, that would be, 'Tho Groat Tulqini, er, gneeses?, tho risque santa ents?', yes?" the von Karma said, leaking oil as if it were sweating. "No, I misread that! The Goat Tuleri sneezes the risky santa ants?"

The courtroom was silent.

"It seems that you cannot see in the rain," the Judge said, "or at least, when your lenses are wet. Mr. Edgeworth, in the security recording, was the robotic von Karma sitting under an awning or umbrella of any sort?"

"No, your honor," Edgeworth said. "He was sitting in the rain."

"At the time, some of us thought it confusing that an old man would sit in the rain for hours on end," Klavier added. "We thought he must've been entranced by the Badgers."

"Not my father," Franziska commented, very loudly, from the gallery, and she cracked her whip.

"Regardless," Apollo said, "it seems that Mr. C'threpio was lying about being able to see Detective Gumshoe clearly."

"I-I can wipe my eyes!" C'threpio said, "I- okay, I can't, but I could hear!"

"Really?" Apollo said, taking out the weather report transcript and hitting it to prove his point, "and yet, according to the weather reports, the storms intensified at 7 and lasted through the night. There was sufficient lightning to knock out power to the trains and to the theme park, and yet it apparently made no noise?"

"!" von Karma recoiled yet again, and its facial plate popped off, revealing a mass of robotics.

"Mr. C'threpio," Athena said, "you also have not explained how, despite the amnesia, Detective Gumshoe retrieved the Bad Badger's pants! It's clear that you can't be trusted to tell the truth, if you will not answer that question!"

C'threpio sputtered. "O-of course I won't answer!" he snapped, "I have modeled myself after Manfred von Karma himself! My testimony was perfect! How should I know what Gumshoe did to remove the pants, gun, and monocle!?"

"Hold it! 'Pants, gun, and monocle'?" Apollo said, "I thought you only saw the stabbed body from afar?"

"Yes- I mean, no- yes- no- perfection, I must be perfection- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" C'threpio howled, and the robot collapsed onto the witness stand.

"Mr. Justice, are you proposing an alternate strategy?" the Judge said, seemingly oblivious to the robot's literal breakdown.

"Certainly, your Honor," Apollo said, and he dramatically pointed. "The defense advances the theory that Proto C'threpio was the one who stabbed the Bad Badger, not Dick Gumshoe!"

The crowd burst into conversation. "Objection!" Klavier shouted, "Herr Forehead, there is no evidence to substantiate this-"

"Objection! I have evidence, and I'll show it to the court!" Apollo shouted back. "I wish to turn the court's attention to Mr. Gumshoe's medical report! He had a light bruise on his head implying a recent assault and his wrists and ankles showed signs of being tied together! Therefore, we propose that our client was attacked and tied up, and had his clothes stolen in an attempt to frame him!"

Phoenix braced for the prosecution's inevitable counterattack, but Edgeworth's face was impassive and he was tapping his fingers against his arm. Klavier and Blackquill seemed unwilling to move against Edgeworth, and in any case, they seemed to realize that the case against Gumshoe had dissolved.

C'threpio was just moaning something. "How do you explain the Bad Badger suit's disappearance?" the Judge said.

Athena rubbed her chin. "We can take this!" Widget chimed. "I know!"

"Your Honor," Athena said, "Mr. C'threpio is a roboticist who was hired to keep Mr. Tim Vicch safe, or so he claims. In addition, the Bad Badger suit somehow removed itself from the lake. It had a stab wound but no blood, unlike the Blue Badger suit. Therefore, the defense proposes that Mr. C'threpio put a robot in the Bad Badger suit, stabbed it, and then had it swim ashore in order to confuse the police and throw off the proper time of death for whoever the occupant of the Blue Badger suit was!"

"Silence!" Blackquill said, "there is not a shred of evidence-"

"Don't silence her, you fool!" C'threpio hissed. "Let them speak! It no longer matters…"

"Will you tell us the full truth now, Mr. C'threpio?" Phoenix said.

"Hah… it began over a month ago," C'threpio said. "I was hired by Prima Rose to help protect Tim Vicch. I'm sure you all might not realize this, but Vicch is the son of a powerful Chicago politician named Tory Vicch, a possible VP pick in the upcoming election. But Tim and Tory aren't the best of terms, so time and again Tim's rejected private security… until recently."

"Apparently, about a month ago, Vicch began receiving warnings in the mail. He was proud and refused to take them to the police, and threatened Rose if she revealed them as well: he wanted no press to harass him, or to be reminded of his father again. Instead, he made her hire private security. That was where Detective Gumshoe and I would come in. I provided two robots: one, to be used inside the Blue Badger, the other, to monitor the practices. Unfortunately, my only other available robot was my robotic copy of my idol, Manfred von Karma, so I was forced to use him. Regardless, the plan was simple: Vicch would speak through a speaker connection, while the robot would act out his parts in the shows and around the park."

"And then everything changed a week ago. A new letter arrived, this one telling us when Vicch would be murdered. Unfortunately, Vicch burnt it like the other letters, but I understood what it meant: decisive action would be necessary. So I concocted a plan with a coconspirator. First, after practice, I would transfer the robot into the Bad Badger while we would spread rumors that Vicch was being moved to the Bad Badger to protect him. Then, I would knock Detective Gumshoe unconscious, position my von Karma robot, and wait for the security cameras to align such that I, dressed as Gumshoe, would appear to stab and kill the Bad Badger, and thus, Vicch. However, this would be a ruse; Vicch, in the Blue Badger outfit, would disappear. The Bad Badger suit would, under its own power, sneak back into the theme park, and I would bring it home with me."

"And that was our plan," C'threpio finally concluded. "Do not worry. I doubt you can find me, and I must now be on my wa-" and then he paused. "What was that…?"

A gunshot rang out of the robot's voicebox, and then a second gunshot sounded and a horrible electronic screeching filled the courtroom. The bailiff whacked the voicebox with his club and the screech stopped, and then the crowd burst into conversation. "Order! Order! Order!" the Judge declared. "It seems as if this case is not yet over! At this point, I do not believe I can give Detective Gumshoe a guilty verdict, but before I do so, I wish for this case to be resolved! If it is true that Vicch was in this Blue Beagle suit, we must find him."

"Very well, your Honor," Edgeworth said, "however, I must warn that we will be searching for not one but two bodies, along with the missing Prima Rose. While I doubt this will take longer than a day, I do not believe that we can reconvene court without evidence of where they at least were."

The Judge nodded. "Then court is dismissed for investigation into the disappearances of Vicch and Rose, as well as the potential murder of Proto C'threpio. Court will reconvene on February 15th, assuming that the bodies and persons have been found." He brought his gavel down one last time and said, "dismissed!"

* * *

**A/N: Extended April Fools', I suppose. This was, by the way, written before my other casefic. Any differences in case quality can be attributed to that.**

**Also, don't assume that any pairings set forth in this fanfic will stay that way.**


	3. Turnabout Romance, Part II

_February 13, 2:06 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #2_

"Well, looks like we have a hard day of investigating tomorrow," Phoenix said once everyone from Wright Anything Agency, plus Gumshoe and Byrde, gathered. They had already mutually decided to put C'threpio out of their mind; after all, there was no proof that he was dead yet, so for now, all they could do was hope that he was still alive.

"I'll help, sir!" Byrde said exuberantly, "I wish Mr. Edgeworth had put me on the stand but I'll look for clues, sir!"

"I-I dunno," Phoenix said, "you're not still-"

"Don't worry, sir!" Byrde said, saluting, "I'm only the Queen of Bad Luck now, pal!"

"Uh… how about you try and see if you can get anything out of Detective Gumshoe at the detention center?" Phoenix said. _Maybe she'll be able to restore his memory somehow, too_… Phoenix thought.

"Yes sir!" Byrde said, "my Valentine's plans were with Detective Gumshoe anyways, sir!"

"Well, now that that's handled, what are we going to do about the case?" Maya said, frowning. "Nick, do you think we'll be able to find the murderer?"

"This time around, I think we'll _have _to find them," Apollo said. "But even if that weren't the case, we still should work hard towards solving it."

"If all goes well, the crime scenes will be empty too," Godot said. "But we'll need a good way to get in…"

"How about the boss?" Athena said. "I mean, he knows a lot of the police, right?"

"Uh… isn't that a _bad _thing, Athena?" Trucy said.

"Hmm… not necessarily," Apollo said, "but it depends on who's in charge."

"There's one other thing, though," Maya said, "tomorrow's also Valentine's Day. I bet a lot of the police will be trying to go home early. Speaking of which, does everyone have a date?" she added with a huge smile on her face.

Phoenix laughed nervously. "I-I'm working on it," he said, and everyone stared at him.

"We know about your agreement with Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Nick," Pearl said. "I know! How about you take Mystic Maya out-"

"It has to be romantic, Pearls," Phoenix said. "And besides, Maya's already out tomorrow. I asked." He felt himself blushing as everyone, save Maya, stared at him.

"Godot and I are going to go have coffee and share stories about prison and you, Nick!" Maya said, excitedly. "And, you know, the case and other stuff!"

Phoenix felt the sudden urge to face-fault. _Of course she'd want to swap stories about _me_..._

"Don't worry, Pearl," Godot added quickly, "it's nothing romantic. Just as friends."

Pearl frowned, and Trucy scratched her head. "What about you, Polly, Athena?" she said.

"I'm going out with Ema," Apollo said, "I mean, mostly, on accident, but eh."

"See if she can use her police access to get us into the crime scene," Maya said, "I'm sure she'll let you…"

"I dunno… if Edgeworth gave the order, she won't break it," Apollo said. "Now, Klavier on the other hand…"

"Piano Gavin? What do you need with him?" Once again, everyone turned around to see Franziska, who looked smugger than usual. "If you need him, tomorrow he shall be treating me to a romantic dinner, complete with my whip," she said, and she whipped the air. "I will be teaching him to have a _proper _German accent."

Klavier stumbled in behind her. "I'm coming, don't worry," he said, and he stopped when he saw everyone. "Ah, Fräulein von Karma, why've you dragged me here-"

"Do not worry, Piano Gavin, you will make a fine German some day," Franziska declared. "Godot, I believe you are in charge of arrangements?"

"Don't worry," Godot said, raising his coffee mug. Franziska left, followed by Klavier, and everyone glanced at Godot. "I'm getting us all a restaurant in the theme park. Thanks to the prosecutors, I think I can get everyone in. Now, one more thing: Cykes, Tripe, you need dates."

"Oh, don't worry about me," Athena said, "I'm bringing Juniper and Simon along! And maybe Polly to see how she reacts to Taka!"

"I-I still need a date," Phoenix said, "not Edgeworth."

"Then don't invite Edgeworth," Godot said, taking a sip of coffee. "And you two, little ladies?"

"Hey!" Pearl said, "Trucy and I will be going to spy- I mean, make sure that Mr. Nick remains faithful to Mystic Maya!"

"Hopefully she'll be back to normal after Valentine's…." Maya said as Trucy and Pearl began whispering to each other again.

* * *

_February 14, 9:03 AM, Wright Anything Agency, Los Angeles_

Today was still going to be a normal work day, of course, despite being Valentine's Day and despite the fact that all of their investigation would be done after work anyways. And as usual, somehow Godot was the first person in. "You've got a visitor, Tripe," he said, not even looking up from his coffee, "and if you can't guess who it is, I'll thrown a cup of Godot Blend # 103 at you. Don't make me waste good coffee."

Phoenix nodded and summoned up his courage. He would hand the phone back, he would try and see what those psyche-locks were about, he'd apologize again for forgetting about her, he would ask her out on a date tonight and rub that in Edgeworth's face- wait. He stopped in front of his office door and, for a moment, was paralyzed by indecision. Godot coughed, and Phoenix quickly entered his office.

Iris was already seated at the desk, and actually seemed to be asleep. It was kind of cute, or it would be if she hadn't taken that moment to totter forward and begin using the desk as a pillow. The lights were out and Charley was back in his normal place; Phoenix picked his way past some of Trucy's stuff that had fallen and sat opposite Iris. It didn't take long for her to wake up, and when she did, Phoenix said, "Had a nice nap, Sister Iris?"

"Uh, oh, Phoenix!" she said, and she blushed. "Um… should I turn the lights on?"

"It's fine," Phoenix said. "Is this about von Karma again?"

"Sort-of," Iris replied. "D-did you know that there's now a law against convicted criminals serving in religious outfits in California?"

"What?" Phoenix said, "wouldn't that be-"

"Yes," Iris said quickly, "but we would need a lawyer, and not one like you. So until that law is overturned… I'm out of work. I only have a few more days worth of money left, Phoenix, and I was wondering if I could, um… if I could meet with Mystic Maya?"

The psyche-locks appeared again, only less this time. "So in other words, you want a job?" Phoenix said.

"Um, yes, s-sir," she said, "at least until the law's overturned. But we need to hire a new lawyer, and the temple needs to be rebuilt, and Mystic Morgan is suing us, so that's a lot of money we need that we don't have, which means people like me are out to collect more. I'm sure you could ask Mystic Maya about it."

"She hasn't mentioned it," Phoenix said. "So, uh, what skills do you have?"

Iris looked confused for a moment. "Um… I can use a cell phone? And I can do religious rites. And, um… clean toilets?"

"Hm… we might actually need that," Phoenix said, "anything else?"

"Type. A-and I can write," Iris said.

"Well, let's meet at a restaurant later tonight and discuss that," Phoenix said, "I'll ask Godot to do something, since I'm pretty sure he's the only person here who actually handles stuff like that."

Iris nodded and left the room. And then Phoenix realized that he _still _hadn't returned her phone or broken the psyche-locks. He rushed out of his office again, but she was already leaving, and Godot had stood up. "Tripe, a word," he said.

The door shut. "Let's take this to my office, then," Phoenix said, and before long Phoenix was at his desk and Godot was sitting in front of it. "What is it, Godot?"

"Are we a business or a charity outfit?" Godot said. "I imagine you're going to give her a secretarial job, but can you really afford to pay her?"

"O-Of course we can!" Phoenix said. "We're a law firm with four lawyers. That should bring in more than enough… right?"

"Not with how picky you are about clients. And the fact that you always take cases pro bono. _And_ the way everybody works on the same case." He took a swig of coffee. "You either need to change the way you run this place or we're going to go bankrupt faster than I can drink this." He slammed his cup down on Phoenix's desk. "You can start by not hiring random people just because you feel sorry for them. We don't even need a secretary."

"Yes, we do," Phoenix protested. "The less we have to deal with paperwork, the more time we can spend investigating and… lawyering. Besides, Iris isn't some random person. I _know _her."

"You haven't talked to her in a decade and whether or not she can actually file legal paperwork remains to be seen, Tripe."

"That's not the point."

"No, it isn't," Godot said, finishing off his cup. "The point is, you're doing a terrible job of anything that doesn't involve bluffing or getting lucky. Neither of those things factor into anybody's paycheck."

"I don't even know if we're going to hire her yet! Her interview's not until tonight!" Phoenix protested again.

"You're grasping again," Godot said. "We both know you're going to hire her as long as I can't convince you to see what a terrible idea it is."

"We _need_ a secretary."

"That's hardly the biggest issue, Tripe. And I'm sure I could find someone more skilled that you'd be willing to pay less, anyway. Don't hire her. At least not until this place has seen some serious changes, anyway."

"She wouldn't need a job right now if she hadn't tried to cover for _you_," Phoenix said, feeling somewhat insulted. "If I need to dock wages to pay for her, then I know whose I'll start with."

"Hmph. I don't really care. This isn't about her," Godot said. "This is about Wright Anything Agency. We can't just be some small outfit anymore. It's time to do more."

"Are you my boss or my employee?" Phoenix asked, a dangerous edge to his voice, "you know that I could fire you."

"And I know that you can't," Godot replied, "because I'm the one with all the information and Maya wouldn't let you. All I'm saying is, don't hire Iris if you're not planning on making the company larger. Or at least changing things up."

"Fine," Phoenix said, "fine, we'll implement new changes when and if I hire Iris. And the first thing will be you teaching her how to do secretary jobs or I'll get Apollo to kick you out of his home."

"Technically, it's his mother's home," Godot said, and he took a swig of coffee. "Not that he knew why a relative of a former client gave him her old home after she won the lottery and moved off."

"Well, that was a lucky break," Phoenix said.

"Oh, there's one more thing," Godot said, "about those changes? Can I implement one of them now?"

"And what would that be?"

"I want to defend Kristoph Gavin."

* * *

_February 14, 12:00 PM, Eldoon's Noodles_

Edgeworth was not very happy to learn that the restaurant that he and Phoenix had planned to go to was completely filed with Valentine's Day couples, so instead the two bought noodles from Eldoon's Noodles cart and ate on the curb. "So, what's wrong, Edgeworth?" Phoenix said.

"It's about the May case, like I said," Edgeworth said. "Specifically regarding Kristoph Gavin."

"One of my lawyers wants to defend Gavin," Phoenix said. "Do you think he even has a case?"

"Possibly," Edgeworth said. "Gavin was spotted on the day of the murder, in a meeting with a blonde-haired woman who looked vaguely familiar to me from the security footage. A Miss Regina Berry, if I remember correctly. While it was possible for him to be in Los Angeles to murder April May, the case is looking shaky."

This was a surprise to Phoenix. He had been dumbfounded by Godot's request and had quickly made an excuse to go, ineffectually, ask Gumshoe questions for the next couple of hours. When Godot swung by with Apollo and Athena, Phoenix went to the police station to begin looking for Edgeworth. He hadn't talked to Godot again, or given his approval, yet. "But I thought according to Larry and Oldbag's testimony-" he said.

And Edgeworth cut him off. "Larry is an idiot and Oldbag is unreliable at best," he said, "and neither of them knew Kristoph Gavin either. The fact is, we don't have any decisive evidence, and the bullet casings we found in his apartment have another set of fingerprints on them that we can't identify." Edgeworth sighed and crossed his arms. "A serial killer is going to go free, because we can't prove it was him."

Phoenix frowned and scratched his chin. "Maybe Godot's on to something," he said after a moment, "maybe Gavin _is _innocent."

Edgeworth glanced at Phoenix. "Yes, well… it certainly doesn't help the investigation that everyone is more focused on the Gumshoe trial. Klavier Gavin and Simon Blackquill were pushing the force to look harder, but I don't think everyone's heart is in it. Especially not mine."

"You didn't think that Gumshoe was the killer?" Phoenix said, although he supposed that wasn't much of a surprise.

"No," Edgeworth said. "I doubt he is. I've known him for almost sixteen years, and that amnesia's even more suspect." He rummaged through his suit and produced a paper. "This is a pass into the crime scene, as signed by the chief prosecutor. I've let Blackquill put the scene under strict protection, but I'm willing to let you in," Edgeworth said, looking determined, "so long as you find a way to catch the real killer like you always, somehow, do. I'll assist in court from my position, if necessary."

Edgeworth adjusted his glasses and stood up. He gave his bowl to Phoenix, its contents now eaten. "Thank you for lunch, Wright," he said, "and I assume that you won't exactly have anything to do tonight regardless. Have fun investigating."

"Hey, wait, Edgeworth!" Phoenix said, quickly standing up and almost spilling his remaining noodles, "this isn't just applied to me, right? I mean, anyone can use it?"

Edgeworth nodded. "Read the paper sometimes, Wright," he said, "although I'm curious. Did you actually find a way to tempt the opposite sex to go somewhere with you?"

"Uh, no," Phoenix said, "it's more of a job interview. With a girl. That I technically used to date. Wait… no, that should count!" he declared. "I, Phoenix Wright, am going on a date tonight! For work too! A… romantic work date!"

"Sure you are," Edgeworth said, seemingly completely unimpressed. "Well, I'm sure your date won't take long. If she isn't driven off, then a bleeding heart like you-" _Was Godot in contact with him? _"-will already make the hire. Until then…" and Edgeworth walked off to his car, and then sped off at a surprisingly fast pace as two Wendy Oldbags took that moment to appear, emerging from the empty clinic next door.

Wait, two?

"Edgey-poo!" they called in unison and ran off after Edgeworth's car. Phoenix shrugged. Maybe they were just old people? Old people usually looked the same, right?

* * *

_February 14, later that night_

Love was in the air. Yes, it was that time again: Valentine's Day evening. Work was over, with basically nothing accomplished by the defense because no one had time to read those scary law-books. And when work was over at five, everyone left to get ready.

For some people, that was simple. Godot was simply watching two overambitious teenagers and chatting with someone much younger than him, while Athena was going out with friends and Apollo really didn't see the need to dress up all that much. For others, it was much more complex. Pearl and Trucy spent much of the day on the phone with someone and baking, and now they were getting the best "combat" dresses they could for spying on Phoenix. Maya also spent the day on the phone, apparently business involving channeling, and then left with Iris to go find something for her job interview. Phoenix took a shower and chose his best (blue) suit and put his locket in it. Functionally, he looked the same as ever, but he didn't seem to realize that.

And then they took off for the Gatewater Trés Bien, the home of their reservations. They met up with the other people being ushered into the park for the romantic evening that would inevitably end in disaster. Blackquill looked the same as ever, only this was probably intentional. However, Taka had a pink bandana with little hearts on it, meaning that there was no doubt that it wasn't actually Blackquill's idea. Athena was dressed cute-casual, in her usual yellow, while Juniper was apparently dressed in the best thing she had: her ruffly Lamiroir-esque dress while she knitted a very, very long Valentine's scarf and kept a firm eye on Apollo and Ema.

Speaking of them, they had both decided on normal clothes. They had also decided that it was neither of their ideas. To be honest, nobody knew whose idea it was, so they blamed Godot. He just smirked and drank his coffee. In any case, Ema was wearing a lab coat and looked like she could not be trusted with Apollo's drink; Apollo, for his part, was wearing his work suit.

Pearl and Trucy were met by a surprising person: the Judge. And for some reason, they were handing him several crates worth of baked goods. Surely all the lawyers present felt like this would not bode well, but chose not to question it, especially because the bailiff and his club had showed up to help. The Judge thanked the girls, said, "I'll be sure to raise that question," and walked off.

"Pearls, Trucy, you aren't planning on bribing the judge, are you?" Phoenix said.

"Don't worry, Mr. Nick, we'd never think of that!" Pearl said. Five psyche-locks appeared. Phoenix groaned.

"She's lying," Widget said, sounding exasperated. Pearl giggled and ran ahead with Trucy.

Then Franziska and Klavier arrived. They seemed to be the only people who had actually chosen to dress for the occasion. Well, beyond Phoenix and Juniper, at least. Franziska was wearing her normal clothes, but they looked more… fluttery than normal. And her whip was merely hanging from a belt that she was wearing. Its only function seemed to be to hold that whip. Klavier actually buttoned up his shirt all the way, which meant that he was now wearing black pants and a raspberry suit jacket. His necklace was still visible, though, he had just moved it to in front of his suit.

Phoenix, as said, looked the same. He didn't know he looked the same, but he was also pretty nervous and had stuffed some of his important legal papers in his inner suit pockets. The last person to arrive was Iris, who now had a business suit with a dark purple tie, both of which she was borrowing from a Fey cousin living somewhere in the city. Phoenix thought she looked very nice. "I'm ready for our interview, Mr. Wright," she said, a clear look of determination on her face, "give me anything, I can prove that I can do it or I'll be able to learn it!"

"We'll see about that," Godot said. And then the police arrived to let everyone into the park. Before they left WAA, Phoenix, Athena, and Apollo had agreed that Phoenix would be the one to investigate since he was the person who was the least likely to have a forged letter from Edgeworth, on account of them being friends. Hopefully the police wouldn't mention the whole "forged evidence" thing.

Phoenix had also confronted Godot. "You can defend Kristoph," he said, "and if I hire Iris, you're showing her the ropes."

And at this, Godot smiled and sipped his coffee. "Sometimes, Wright," he said, "you need to know the the best coffee takes a good grinder." Phoenix had no idea what that meant, and Godot left before Phoenix could press him any further.

Back in the present, the group arrived at Gatewater Trés Bien, which first required a meeting with its chef. "Ah, magnifique! I recognize some of you!" Jean Armstrong declared, as flamboyant as ever. "Ah, that is la famous defense attorney, Phoenix Wright! Why, I cried all day when you were dizbarred! It made this poor woman's heart so sad that ze man who saved me from la crushing debt was removed from hiz career!" He flounced over to Phoenix and gave him some aromatherapy stuff that Phoenix handed off to Iris when Armstrong turned his back.

"And it iz the lovely Maya!" Armstrong said, dancing over to a flummoxed Maya, "and ze magnificent prosecutor Godot! Why, 'ave you returned to partake of some of my coffee?"

"Only if it's gotten any better," Godot said.

"Hello, Mr. Armstrong, sir," Maya said, regaining her cheerful demeanor and bowing slightly.

"Ah, you still remember how to treat a lady!" Armstrong said. "Now, I must go off to prepare ze meals! Do not worry, you will have my special Valentine's discount!" And he returned to the kitchens, a rose clutched in his teeth.

The entire group was silent. "…well, that just happened," Klavier said, sounding somewhat amused. "Do we just… sit ourselves?"

"Ah, non, non!" said the waitress, arriving at the scene and bowing. She had long brown hair, a young face, and was wearing some sort of orange dress with a white apron. "My name is Miss Ima Rose," she said, and she curtsied. "Please, wait a moment while I show you to your seats."

She started by showing Klavier and Franziska off, leaving Ema to fill in a little blank. "We've already checked in with her," Ema said, "she's the daughter of Prima Rose, but she doesn't seem to know where her mother is. They do look alike, though."

"That kinda thing usually happens," Godot said, and then Ima arrived again to show him off to his table, followed by Maya, Pearl, and Trucy. Then Athena and Blackquill were taken away, and Juniper "just so happened" to forget to go with her friend and instead joined Apollo and Ema, much to the latter's loud disapproval. Finally, Phoenix and Iris were shown to their table, a private one towards the back of the restaurant.

"I've never been to a place like this," Iris admitted when they both sat down, and she glanced through the menu. "I don't think my budget will cover this…" Phoenix glanced through his own menu and grimaced. Apparently Armstrong hadn't lowered his prices. Maybe his food had improved?

"You look very nice, Iris," Phoenix said.

Iris nodded. "Thank you, sir," she said, "um, I should call you sir, right?"

"Just call me Phoenix," Phoenix said, "we're a casual workplace."

"Oh, is that so, Phoenix sir?" Iris said. She began fidgeting. "Um… I'm sorry if I seem nervous, but this is my first job interview…"

"It's perfectly understandable," Phoenix said, "I mean, this is my first date in sixteen years or so."

"Um, I was under the impression that this was a work thing, Phoenix," Iris replied, blushing. "I-I'm just looking for a job… I, um, actually overheard from Mystic Maya what Mr. Godot said to you in your office…"

"Don't worry about that," Phoenix said, "I'm the boss, not him." Ima stopped by to give them their drinks and asked them to order appetizers. Then she left again, once they were done ordering. "Anyway, if I want to hire you, I will. It doesn't matter what he thinks."

"Please don't hire me because we used to know each other, Phoenix," Iris said. "You are still raising a daughter. I don't want to be the straw that breaks your financial status."

"We're fine, we have four lawyers and we can branch out into more cases," Phoenix said. "But if we're going to do that, then we're going to need someone to oversee comings and goings and other matters like that. Someone who can type and answer phones. Do you think you can do that?"

Iris nodded. "Here, try calling me now, sir," Iris said firmly. Phoenix nodded and dialed her phone, and it promptly began buzzing in his pocket. "Um, please give that back too. I don't think you need it for court anymore…"

"Oh, s-sorry!" Phoenix said, feeling very embarrassed all of a sudden. He handed her back her phone and made the call: "Hello, I'd like to request a lawyer-"

"Wright Anything Agency!" Iris said sharply, almost barking the introduction (well, barking for her), "What is the nature of your case!?"

"Um… I need my ears, Iris," Phoenix said, "anyways, I've been accused of killing a man…"

"Please wait for a representative to come meet you in prison," Iris said, more softly this time, "we can discuss payment after you're freed."

"Okay, I like the confidence, but what if a murderer tries to hire us?" Phoenix said, terminating the call.

"Um… we can discuss the payments after the case?" Iris said.

Phoenix frowned. "I guess we'll have to ask Godot about that…" he said. The appetizers arrived and, to Phoenix's great surprise, they were actually really good. "Anyways, so you can answer phones. I know you can write and you can text, and you said that you can use a computer. I'm pretty sure that that's everything, so I guess you're hired. Your first day of work is tomorrow," Phoenix said.

Iris nodded. "Thank you, sir!" she exclaimed. "I promise I'll be worth my wages!"

Their discussion moved on to small talk and eating appetizers while they waited for the food. They talked about prison life (apparently, Iris had had to change in order to fit in prison, although what these changes were Phoenix was yet to see), last year's cases, life under disbarment, and Maya. "It's rather odd that the Master of Kurain has just run off, though," Iris said quietly at one point, "I know that Mystic Maya has her own life, but her position requires a lot of work and responsibility. I asked her about it, but she didn't seem to care. I must admit I'm worried…"

"Maya'll do fine as the master," Phoenix replied. "I know that she knows what she's doing."

"Yes, sir," Iris said. Then the food arrived, and it was actually really, really good. He fed a bit of it to Iris and she gave him some her own food, which was also really good.

"This food is amazing!" Phoenix exclaimed, "Armstrong's actually improved a lot!"

"Ah, it warms the 'eart of thees little girl to learn that!" Armstrong said, suddenly appearing with another rose in hand. "I spent a long time trying to make sure that people would come to my restaurant in Gatewater Land. I was in deep debt at first. But now, thanks to Tim Vicch, I am now the most popular restaurant in ze park!" He began pulling the rose petals out of the rose. "Ah, if only I knew where Tim went with Ima…"

"Your waitress went somewhere with Vicch?" Phoenix said sharply.

"Oui, oui, it was on the day that the murder occurred," Armstrong said. "I 'ave not told ze police, since I do not think that my waitress could've done it. I… I already did zat once, and you know what 'appened zen, Mr. Wright!" He nervously pulled petals off of his rose. "Perhaps… perhaps I _should _tell ze police?"

"Um, you probably should," Iris said. Armstrong frowned a little and then flounced off. "Phoenix, where did my phone go?"

"That… was probably the chef stealing it," Phoenix said, exasperated, "he did that with Maya's Magatama once." Iris nodded and left for the kitchens, which left Phoenix to dwell in his thoughts. It seemed that Ima Rose was connected to the crime in some way, and that the police did not know this. The paper that Edgeworth had given him gave him free access to any protected crime scenes, but Gatewater Park was huge and he knew that he at least had to go investigate the staff quarters. Maybe Ema would know more?

He had closed his eyes to think and heard someone sit opposite him again. "Got the phone back, Iris?" he said, opening his eyes, when he saw not Iris but Kristoph Gavin.

"Hello, Mr. Wright," Kristoph said in a falsetto, and he speared a bit of Iris' fish. "Do you want me to feed you a little, Mr. Wright?"

"What do you want, Gavin?" Phoenix said.

Kristoph chuckled dryly. "Make no mistake, Wright. I hate you," Kristoph said. "I've hated you since Gammarye chose you over me. But unfortunately, it seems I have to speak with you."

"And why's that?" Phoenix said, glaring at Kristoph.

"An ally of yours loves blackmail," Kristoph said. "And it seems I have to dance to his tune or he'll ensure that the decisive evidence that proves me innocent of May's murder is never released." He pushed his glasses up a little and said, "now tell me, Wright, doesn't something about all of this seem… off? I had a reason for killing those I did," Kristoph said, "every killing I committed was a rational choice and I know, even if you don't, exactly why I did those 'crimes'." The black psyche-locks appeared, but Kristoph pressed on: "I don't know if you already know this, but I had no time to get to the Gatewater Imperial because I was meeting with a Miss Regina Berry. She's… odd, that one. She told me she used to be in the circus, but now she's a paranormal investigator."

"A what?" Phoenix said.

Kristoph shrugged. "She investigates the occult," he said, "she mentioned, actually, that she met with Morgan and Iris Fey and with Damon Gant as well. Isn't that odd? She met with me because, in my anger, I apparently manifested psychic powers."

"Oh… oh, yeah," Phoenix said, recalling Apollo's first case in court.

"I don't know much more about her," Kristoph said, "and with that, I think that's all I can really say. It's been nice speaking with you, Wright, but now I leave you to your date with that doormat and your investigation. Maybe it'll leave you with a bullet in your head. You certainly deserve it." He gave Phoenix a smile and left.

"I don't know what Godot sees in defending him…" Phoenix said as Iris walked back to the table, staring in the direction that Kristoph had left in. "Did you find your phone?"

Iris nodded. "Doormat indeed," she said, sounding bitter, and she took her seat. "In prison it's eat or be eaten. I chose to eat," she said. Phoenix decided not to press further. "And that man also mentioned Regina Berry." Iris frowned, reminding Phoenix of Dahlia. Probably the wrong association on a date.

"You know her, then?"

Iris nodded. "It was three months ago. Regina Berry visited me in prison and started asking questions about the temple, about Kurain village, about Mystic Maya and Mystic Misty, stuff like that, things I wouldn't know since I'd been in prison for nine years. She told me that if I didn't lie to her, then I'd be released. But if I did, then she'd make sure that I could never be a nun again."

"And you lied to her?" Phoenix said, "that seems… out-of-character…"

"Mama doesn't tell people what they want unless it benefits her," Iris said with a very hard edge to her voice. Phoenix was, understandably, shocked. Had Dahlia possessed her sister? "I didn't see any gain to telling her about Kurain village, especially since she didn't even need to ask me. I wasn't going to fall for another person's trap, so I lied to her. Somehow, she could tell."

"She… didn't happen to have a weird bracelet, or a magatama, or a little robot, did she?" Phoenix said.

Iris shook her head. "She was able to boss around the prison guards, so I guess she has some sort of mental powers," Iris said. "I also got the impression that she was working for someone. But I don't know who."

"I met her once," Phoenix said, "she seemed nice. Actually, she was pretty attractive."

"Wasn't she 16?" Iris said. "Phoenix, I'm pretty sure that's illegal…"

"Er, well, uh! Yes! Yes it is!" Phoenix said. _I can't believe I just said that! On a date, no less! _"Um, anyway, yeah, I guess she's changed?"

"Well, did she used to be a huge nut for the occult?"

"Um, no. That sounds more like, I dunno, Lotta Hart or something. Not Regina," Phoenix said. "Come to think of it… maybe Maya is still in contact with her?"

"That… might not be a good thing," Iris said. "In any case, she clearly has enough power to be able to make that law or to promise a pardon."

And then they returned to eating dinner. Phoenix decided not to bring up 'Mama' until later.

* * *

_Meanwhile_

Apollo was not having the best time of his life. He knew that most people would kill to be in his position: two girls arguing over him? To the average man, excellent! But to Apollo, it was unbearably embarrassing. Why was he even on a date with Ema in the first place? And where did Juniper even come from?

"Step off!" Ema yelled at Juniper. "I was here first!"

"You don't even like him!" Juniper yelled back, knitting furiously. "Or at least you don't _act_ like it!"

"Oh, because Apollo is _such_ a _prince_ to me!"

"Leave me out of this!" Apollo attempted to protect himself. They both glared at him.

"This about you," Ema hissed, producing a bag of Snackoos from seemingly nowhere and throwing one at him. Ka-tonk!

"Stop that!" Juniper yelled, spearing the Snackoo bag with one of her knitting needles. There was now murder in Ema's eyes.

"You're _way_ too young for him, anyway!" Ema snapped, grabbing at her bag.

"_You're_ practically a senior citizen!" Juniper pulled. "Cradle-robber!" The bag ripped in half. Ema screeched and tackled Juniper. Apollo covered his face with his hands. _I'm not here. This isn't happening. This is all a dream and I'm going to wake up and-_

"Apollo!" both girls called at once. He dared to look at them. They still had each other's hair balled up in their respective fists.

"Oh, no," he groaned. "What?"

"You have to pick!" yelled Ema. "Who do you like better? Me-"

"-or me?" Juniper demanded.

Apollo's expression could only be described as something akin to the look of someone who had just noticed that the timer on the bomb he was standing right next to had just reached 00:01.

"Is that you, Apollo?" said a new voice.

Apollo and both girls looked up to see Vera Misham. "Vera!" Apollo said quickly, eager to find some way out of the situation. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"You should have called," Vera said, holding up a drawing of a disappointed-looking face.

"Called?" Juniper said, dumbfounded. "Apollo? Who is _she_?"

"Yeah!" Ema added. "Just because you got her a not guilty verdict-"

"Am I interrupting something?" Vera asked, chewing on her thumbnail.

"A date!" Ema and Juniper said at the same time, glaring at each other.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you…" Vera held up the disappointed face again.

Apollo returned to his face-hidden position.

"I was here first!" Ema yelled again, presumably this time at Vera.

"I'm leaving now!" Apollo yelled, standing up and attempting to walk away. All three 'dates' followed him, but he was stopped by Pearl, who was dragging Athena along.

"Apollo!" Pearl said, "How can you just leave Athena this?"

"Pearl, I told you, it isn't like that-" Athena attempted to intervene but was cut off by Juniper.

"Thena," she said, tears in her eyes, "How could you?"

"You are all just children!" Ema shouted at her three 'rivals'.

Apollo screamed and ran out of the building. Ema, Juniper, Vera, and even Athena followed him (the last to make sure he didn't get eaten alive).

* * *

_Meanwhile_

Going on a date with Franziska von Karma was simultaneously the best and worst idea that Klavier had ever had. (Even if, technically, it wasn't his idea. It was more like Franziska had invited herself on the date. Klavier didn't have much of a choice.) On one hand, she had decided that, in order to carry on the von Karma name, she and Klavier would get married because Klavier was "adequate breeding stock." On the other hand, she threatened multiple times to "whip the German back into him" and the only thing currently stopping her was the relatively cramped conditions of the restaurant.

"Obviously, you'd be taking on my last name, Piano Gavin," Franziska said. "After all, I have no intention of continuing the inferior _Gavin_ line."

"Ouch," Klavier replied. "But Fraülien von Karma, shouldn't we, you know… go on more than one date before deciding to marry…?"

"No. I am 29 years old. Time is running out."

"That's not that old."

"That's for me to decide," Franziska said, smacking her whip on the table.

"Um. Right." Klavier said. "Maybe I should get a restraining order," he added, mostly to himself.

"You will not," Franziska stated, cracking her whip.

"Yes, ma'am!"

"This relationship is off to a great start," Franziska said, waving her finger at him.

It was at this point that Kristoph passed by the table.

"Just as I suspected, Klavier," he said in passing, shaking his head. "Becoming a whipping boy to a wild mare." He continued on his way.

"Should we arrest him?" Klavier asked.

"I would like to see how this turns out," Franziska replied, leaning past Klavier to watch Phoenix's table. Her view was interrupted by Apollo exiting, pursued by girls.

"Woah," Klavier said. "Lucky Apollo."

"You will never again be so lucky," Franziska said, snapping her whip. "Now. Let us go for a walk around the park."

"Yes, ma'am."

* * *

_Later, around the park_

Apollo had somehow managed to attract more girls, mostly police officers, although some he had no idea how they even got in the park in the first place. With the exception of Ema, Juniper, Vera, and Athena, he had never met any of these women in his entire life. The air was thick with desperation. All the females present were arguing. He was doomed.

"He's fine and he's mine!" a random black-haired girl chanted.

"No! Leave him alone, you creep!" some brown-haired girl yelled. "He obviously would prefer me, anyway!"

"I will steal his heart!" a black-haired girl with weird hair and a scarf declared.

"I was here first!" Ema could be heard shouting over the din.

Juniper had, at some point, stabbed someone with her knitting needles. Apollo was no longer sure it could have been an accident. Then again, Athena was the one stabbed (in the hair), and she was the only one here who wasn't actually fighting (she was attempting to mediate). Of course, from what little Apollo had seen in his determination to escape, it looked more like Vera had tripped Athena onto Juniper's needle. Or something.

"Help me…" Apollo whispered into the night.

As if summoned, Klavier walked by, with Franziska's arm draped over his shoulder in a manner that could only be described as aggressive. He took one look at the crowd of warring females and said, "Nice one, Herr Forehead."

"Klavier, help me! I didn't ask for this!" Apollo begged.

"I always had my suspicions about you, Herr Forehead," Klavier replied before walking off.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Apollo yelled after him. He would have pursued him if one of the women hadn't been able to catch hold of his jacket and drag him into the crowd. "Help me! You jerk!"

"Stop it! Stop fighting!" Athena was yelling. "Can't we all just get along!? There's more than enough Apollo to go around!"

"ATHENA NO!" Apollo yelled.

Fortunately, a Wendy Oldbag arrived to disperse the women. "WHIPPERSNAPPERS!" she screamed, "back in _my _day we never fought over the men we would nice and peaceably discuss the situation amongst ourselves and realize that there were more fish in the pond but we also only went after our interests when we were alone so there'd be none of this fighting!" The fighting stopped, the girls looked at each other, at Oldbag, and then ran off, leaving Athena to pull a needle out of her hair, Juniper to pull a badge off her dress, Ema to pull a flashlight out to find her lost Snackoos, and Vera to look sadly at her destroyed sketchbook. And so Apollo escaped with his dignity more or less intact, even if he was now at the mercy of four angry women.

* * *

_Meanwhile, back at the restaurant_

Pearl's plan wasn't going very well. Mystic Maya had spent the night talking about her special someone with Godot, but she never actually went to check on Mr. Nick. Trucy was a huge help, but even after they convinced Chef Armstrong to steal Iris' cell phone, some blond man that Trucy recognized named Kristoph Gavin showed up to harass Mr. Nick more. And then Iris arrived again. Although they were sisters, Pearl was not feeling very charitable towards her.

At least her backup plan with the Judge was set to go. Valentine's Day wasn't over until she _said _it was over. And _everyone_ was going to find their special someones if it was the last thing she'd do. And speaking of which, her plans to pair Klavier and Ema (opposites attract, after all) or Apollo and Athena (they were so cute together!) had also fallen through. And Trucy was starting to dissent on those two: "C'mon, Pearl, Apollo and Juniper are adorable together, and she could be a huge help to daddy in court!" or "I don't think we can stop Aunt Franziska's whip…"

And then another disaster struck. Apollo had already left, pursued by four arguing women, and Mr. Nick and Iris were also leaving. Who knew what would happen if Pearl didn't stop them! But before Pearl and Trucy could leave, Blackquill arrived to talk to them. "Cykes-dono said that I should get to know you two better," he said, and Taka screeched. "Well put, Taka. So, uh… do you like the Steel Samurai?"

Pearl loved Steel Samurai! However, she also loved keeping Mr. Nick true to his special someone. What to do? "Aunt Maya showed me Steel Samurai!" Trucy said, "But I prefer the Jammin' Ninja!"

"SILENCE," Blackquill boomed. "I will not allow a daughter of Wright-dono to be a fan of that heretical show!"

"You tell her, Mr. Blackquill!" Pearl said. Trucy liked _Jammin' Ninja_!? How were they friends!? "C'mon, Trucy, what do you see in that show!?"

"Um… I like the music? I prefer watching magic shows…" Trucy said.

"This is intolerable!" Blackquill declared. "Godot-dono, Fey-dono, what do you think!?" he said, and he glared at the table across the aisle with Godot and Maya at it.

"Steel Samurai all the way!" Maya said.

Godot sipped his coffee.

"Godot-dono?"

"I have better things to do," he said, slamming his coffee down, "then watching your television shows."

"He likes soap operas," Maya said.

"You can't prove that," Godot replied.

"I have video, Mr. Godot," Maya replied.

Godot took a swig of his coffee and then spat it out, narrowly missing Maya. "What!?"

Wait, where did Mr. Nick go!? "Um, has anyone seen Mr. Nick?" Pearl said, trying to sound cute.

"No one else would record a soap opera to watch in the middle of the night," Maya said.

"The Jammin' Ninja is all-around inferior to the Steel Samurai. It is inferior to all Samurai!" Blackquill said, his eyes flashing dangerously. Taka screeched. "You tell Wright-dono, Taka!"

"I-I just like magic shows!" Trucy said, "the special effects are kind of like that!"

"Well, how do you know Tripe wasn't recording those soap operas?" Godot said, "besides, at least I'm not the one watching _My Little Pony: The Next Generation._"

"Oh? And who's watching that? You seem to know the whole title, Godot-dono," Blackquill said.

"Has anyone seen Mr. Nick!?" Pearl demanded.

"Polly watches that! I've caught him doing it before!" Trucy said. "Last time he threatened to steal Mr. Hat if I told anyone, but I have a backup Mr. Hat now! Watch!" And the Amazing Mr. Hat sprang out of nowhere. "I am Mr. Hat," Mr. Hat said, "Apollo is a brony!"

"Yeah, well so is Godot-dono!" Blackquill said. "I will expose your shame!"

"I much prefer Littlest Pet Shop," Godot said firmly. "Besides, at least I don't like your dumb Japanese animation. How can anyone stand to watch that harem crap?"

"That's mine!" Trucy said, blushing. "I mean, that's, uh, that's Charley's!"

"Objection! Plants can't watch animé!" Godot yelled, throwing his coffee at her and hitting Mr. Hat instead.

"WHERE IS MR. NICK!?" Pearl screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Wright-dono left with that black-haired girl," Blackquill said. "Now, as I was saying-"

Pearl felt the overwhelming urge to hit her head on the table.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the Staff Quarters_

Phoenix had set off to investigate the crime scene. Iris had accompanied him in her first official job as the secretary. This meant that she would record any evidence Phoenix found, a job usually delegated to the nearest teenaged girl and/or Apollo. Getting past the police was easy, since all Phoenix had to do was show them the note from Edgeworth and vaguely explain away Iris' presence. And then he set to work.

It felt good to actually accomplish something. On the way out to the staff quarters, they had heard Blackquill shout "SILENCE", seen a whole bunch women chasing Apollo, and Franziska probably threatening Klavier with her whip for some reason. Phoenix wasn't sure he wanted to know the whole story.

And Iris had started talking about her illustrious life in prison. "At first, I tried to be nice," she said while they entered the staff quarters, the rehired-at-some-unknown-point Detective Marshall keeping an eye on them but otherwise keeping silent (probably so that he could overhear them). He was unintrusive besides the cowboy music in the background. Phoenix was pretty sure that Marshall was the source, somehow. "I tried to be nice, but people in prison didn't much like me," Iris said.

"And then what?"

"I made them like me," Iris said. She stomped on the ground, and said, "the people who didn't like me I crushed like a bug. Don't worry, I didn't hurt them. I just made them wish that I hurt them." She gave Phoenix a smile that he shakily returned.

"Sounds like you had a lot of fun," Marshall commented. "I heard somethin' about a demon monk of the women's prison?"

"I only did what I had to do to survive," Iris said. "Also, they called me Mama. Apparently named after some old musical I've never seen. I mean, I wasn't really that matronly…"

"Um, what _did _you do?" Phoenix said as they arrived in Vicch's locker room. Vicch's room was rather Spartan and only had a locker, a bench, and some hooks for the costume. There was also a fire extinguisher, which looked somewhat odd to Phoenix. Not because it was a fire extinguisher (Phoenix still didn't trust them), but because the paint looked a little… flaky?

"Well, it was pretty simple," Iris said, "over time, a built up a posse of strong women and I used my sister's tactics to keep them loyal to me. Even those girls couldn't help but feel sorry for me… which was a mistake."

Phoenix laughed nervously. "So, I shouldn't feel any sympathy for you, right?" Phoenix said, and he put gloves on and examined the fire extinguisher. "By the way, Detective Marshall? You're armed, right?"

"Don't you worry 'bout that," Marshall said. "Somethin' wrong with the fire extinguisher, Mr. Wright?"

"I think you should see if you can get anything off of it," Phoenix said, handing him the fire extinguisher. Marshall nodded and left Phoenix and Iris. "I wonder why he returned to the force."

Iris shrugged. "Anyway, first I got the lunch staff on my side. If I asked, they'd give me more food or better food. Some people tried to use this and threaten me to get more food. I put as much salt as possible in their food, hid it, and then, when they came for revenge, out-fought them."

Phoenix decided not to ask how a slender, pacifistic girl like Iris had been able to outfight hardened criminals. And Marshall still hadn't returned, and there was no point in investigating more until he arrived. "I did a lot of thinking along the lines of 'what would Dahlia do?' whenever they put me in solitary confinement. But, lacking poison or any real desire to kill, I just made it clear that I was not to be treated poorly. After a while, no one even attempted it, not even the warden."

"That's… nice," said Phoenix, glancing around the room some more. No distractors jumped out. "Ahahahha…"

"You sound worried, Phoenix," Iris said, glancing at him. "Don't worry! I probably won't hurt you. Besides, you were a huge help in prison. All I had to do was mention that my boyfriend had access to police stores and it'd be easy to repeat the salt trick with something a bit more deadly."

"Boyfriend?" Phoenix said, "now you are sounding like Dahlia…"

"D-don't take that wrong way!" Iris said quickly, "I'd never actually _kill _someone, and I'm sorry for claiming that you were still my boyfriend… sort of, since, you know, you're a defense attorney who was disbarred after like a month and the only thing you could sneak me was grape juice."

"You're welcome," Phoenix said.

"I gave it to the guards. They liked that," she replied. Had he wasted that grape juice, then? Wait, maybe that was the wrong thing to take away…

And then Marshall returned. "There's definitely somethin' up with that fire extinguisher," he said, "someone hit it with somethin' hard to enough to chip the paint, pardner."

"So, like, hard like a skull?" Phoenix said.

Marshall shrugged. "I 'spose so," he said, "y'all thinkin' that Detective Gumshoe was hit over th' head with it? That's how they do it in Texas."

"I… wasn't aware that fire extinguisher assault was even common," Iris said. Phoenix laughed nervously again.

"Well, let's move on," he said, "Detective Marshall, have you guys found C'threpio or Vicch?"

"Actually, we have," Marshall said, "both in the theme park, actually. There's an underground maintenance area in Wild, Wild West. I discovered it, actually." He adjusted his hat as the music finally returned inexplicably. "We found C'threpio there, and we found evidence that someone killed somebody in it besides C'threpio. There was a bullet casin' with no fingerprints and the access tunnel was covered with a prop."

"And Vicch?" Phoenix said.

"We found him, and sure'nuff, he was dead. Stabbed in the chest, stuck inside a tote bag, and thrown in the lake! We couldn't find his body because it was weighed down with rocks. And he ain't even wearing a stitch of clothin', too! Someone really hated that varmint…" Marshall said.

"Um… by the way, you aren't actually from Texas, right?" Phoenix said.

Marshall adjusted his hat again. "I visited for a week after I got fired," he replied. Phoenix winced. That was, what, eleven years ago?

"Did you not like Mr. Vicch, Detective Marshall?" Iris said.

"Never ask a barber if you need a haircut," Marshall replied. Iris looked confused, and Phoenix was confused. "That man don't like Southerners, or Westerners, or anyone who talked like 'em," he elaborated, "so he ain't that nice to me."

"W-what does that have to do with barbers?" Iris asked.

"Nothin'," Marshall replied. "Let's go see C'threpio's scene now."

They headed over to the underground office that formerly belonged to C'Threpio. It was dark and filled with computers, only about the size of Phoenix's room, with an access tunnel capped by a manhole cover and a wooden door that lead into a maintenance tunnel. There was dried blood covering one of the keyboards and there was a bullethole in a monitor above said keyboard. There was also blood on the floor, albeit also dried up, that trailed down to a bad-smelling drain. Strangely, there was no chair. There was also a security camera with a severed wire.

"Detective Marshall," Phoenix said, ducking down to look at some of the large rectangular computers, "was the computer on when you got here?"

"No, but we were able to check it out, pardner. Everything was wiped clean," Marshall said. "Ain't no data on there anymore."

Iris nodded and scrawled something down on a notebook she'd mysteriously acquired. "What about the chair, detective?" she asked, glancing up at him.

"It had the body in it and was also covered in blood. We took it to the station," Marshall said, "and before ya ask, the security camera was also like this. It was positioned such that we saw the victim got shot and then we saw the security feed cut off. But we didn't find any evidence that the wire up there was severed with a bullet. It don't look like it, actually, which is odd."

"What do you mean?" Phoenix said.

"Well, it only looks like one bullet was shot in here, but we heard two," Marshall said. "We haven't found that second bullet yet. Or a casin', or even an impact. That cord looks like it was severed with a knife."

"So we have a phantom bullet here," Iris said, putting her notebook away, "anything else, Detective Marshall?"

"Actually, there _was _one more thing…" Marshall said. "It's the body. You'll see in the autopsy report, but… for some reason, somebody stabbed him after he died. Whoever it was did a lot of cuts, all surgical-like. And they removed somethin', not an organ, but…" Marshall frowned. "We don't know what it was, all we know is that whatever it was, it had to be taken out."

"Where was the cut?" Phoenix asked.

"Right beneath his rib cage," Marshall said. "Right nasty sight."

"Was there any sign that it was a bullet?" Iris said.

"We thought it might be that too," Marshall said. "There was precision with the wound, but none in the organs. But there's no telltale other signs of a bullet. We don't think it could've been that. But rumor has it… that it's a microchip."

"A microchip?" Phoenix and Iris said together.

"Apparently one of the lab boys said that somethin' like that was the right size, but there weren't no reason for it to be in him," Marshall said. "And there's one last thing. We can't find the robot that was in the Bad Badger. We know it had to exist because sure'nuff, there was a security recording of it bein' put in the Bad Badger by C'threpio, but we don' know where it is now."

"The mysteries just keep getting deeper…" Phoenix commented.

"Well, you'll find out with the others in court tomorrow," Iris said. She glanced at Phoenix. "Isn't that right, Phoenix?"

"Yeah… for Gumshoe's sake," Phoenix said.

"I wish y'all luck," Marshall said, tipping his hat.

"Now… maybe we should go find Apollo and free him from those women…" Phoenix added. Marshall and Iris nodded, and the three set out to find him before anything _too _bad happened.

* * *

**A/N: Aireyverkhovensky: Why can't you present profiles in Dual Destinies? This is a travesty, I tell you! And you can't examine absolutely everything! #bringbackgumshoe2k14**

**A/N: Normal author: Pearl is me (in that part where she considers banging her head on the table).**


	4. Turnabout Romance, Part III

_February 15, 9:30 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #6_

"Good morning, pal!" Gumshoe exclaimed when Phoenix arrived. "You're, uh… Phonics Flight, right?"

"Um… close enough," Phoenix replied. Gumshoe seemed, as usual, confused and was glancing around the defendant lobby. Today, Apollo and Godot weren't here, so Phoenix and Athena would have to take over the defense. Maya was off helping Godot and Pearl and Trucy had gone to the courthouse early with more baked goods. Polly the parrot had also tagged along with them. Iris had stayed behind at the agency to do some filing work and begin transferring information from the books to her secretarial computer.

Maggey Byrde also rushed into the room. "Good morning, sir!" she said.

Athena also entered. "Apollo seems fine," she said, scratching her head sheepishly, "there was no permanent damage."

"Remind me again what he did?" Phoenix said, "I saw the ambulance, but…"

"It was just a, uh, minor case of needle-induced injuries. Junie's at the hospital right now, I'm pretty sure Apollo's not going to press charges," Athena said.

"Uh, what?" Byrde said, "did Mr. Justice's Valentine's Day not go well?"

"Y-you could say that," Phoenix said.

"Yeah…" Athena added, exasperated.

"Well, Mr. Gumshoe still doesn't remember me," Byrde said. "He's calling me 'Clumsy' by now, if that's anything. I somehow broke one of the bulletproof glass barriers in the detention center."

Phoenix decided not to ask how that was possible. Quite frankly, he was afraid. Athena just looked confused. "Is that even possible?" Widget said.

"Boss, you have weird friends," Athena added.

"So, aren't I innocent, pal?" Gumshoe said.

Phoenix nodded. "I have no doubt, Detective," Phoenix said. "There is one thing, though… you're sure there's nothing you can remember?"

"I'm sure, pal," Gumshoe said. The door opened and Edgeworth walked in.

"I heard from Marshall that you investigated the crime scene with a new assistant. Is she a teenager too?" Edgeworth said.

"Didn't you hang out with a teenaged _thief_?" Phoenix said.

"That is completely different, Wright," Edgeworth said, glaring at him. "Regardless, I cannot be here today. I have to attend to Kristoph Gavin's trial. As I understand it, Blackquill and Gavin be prosecuting today."

"Why are they working together anyways?" Athena said.

"I… am not at liberty to say that," Edgeworth replied. "By the way, Wright, how did your 'romantic' evening go?"

"It went well," Phoenix replied. "I actually had a date."

"On accident," Athena said.

"It still counts," Phoenix said. "By the way, Edgeworth, do you know why Trucy and Pearls were giving so many cookies and stuff to the Judge?"

"That's another reason I won't be in court today," Edgeworth said. "I'm sure that you don't need to resort to bribes…"

"Actually, _we_ don't even know what they're planning," Athena said.

"I might have an idea…" Edgeworth said. He straightened a little. "Regardless, I must be going. Goodbye, Detective Gumshoe, Wright, Cykes, Byrde."

"Do I know you…?" Gumshoe said.

Edgeworth frowned. "Remember me or I'll cut your pay," he said, glaring at Gumshoe. "Even if I actually _can't_…"

"!" Gumshoe snapped his fingers. "I remember everything now, pal!" Gumshoe exclaimed, "Mr. Wright, yellow girl, Maggey, Mr. Edgeworth, sir, I remember everything!"

"Well, it's about time," Athena said.

"That shouldn't have worked," Byrde said, "nothing I did made him remember. But cutting his pay…?"

"I'm glad we worked this out," Edgeworth said, and he left.

"I was hit over the head, pal, but I don't know when!" Gumshoe said. "I remember… I got a text from the manager and she said to go escort Vicch to Trés Bien. So I went to his room, walked in, and then I felt something and when I woke up, I didn't remember who I was!"

"I'm glad to see that your amnesia is nothing like real amnesia?" Phoenix said.

"Not everyone can be you, pal," Gumshoe said angrily. "So, how's it been?"

The conversation was interrupted when the guard entered the room. "Will the defense and the defendant please enter the courtroom," she said, and then she left.

"Time to find the truth!" Athena declared.

* * *

_February 15, 10:00 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #1_

The defense and the prosecution were assembled. The gallery was as large as ever, although Franziska was nowhere to be seen; Klavier looked thankful for this, while Blackquill was stroking Taka. Athena was punching her hand, and Phoenix was going over the newly-organized Court Record. New pictures had been added: there was Prima Rose, who did indeed look like her daughter only older and with silvery-gray hair; Tim Vicch, who looked unruly with a scar on his cheek and had bleached hair; and Proto C'threpio, who had very pale skin and strange black goggles. He also had thick golden hair that apparently was in a ponytail.

The Judge was munching on cookies, as was the bailiff. "Court is now in session," he said in between bites, "for the trial of-"

"OBJECTION!" Klavier shouted. "Herr Judge, please, don't speak with your mouth full!"

The Judge frowned and swallowed his food. "Ahem. Court is now in session for the murder of Proto C'threpio and Tim Vicch. It is clear by now that Dick Gumshoe is not the murderer, and thus the court finds him **NOT GUILTY**," the Judge said, and confetti fell on the court. "The prosecution has an alternate theory, though?"

"Yes, your Baldness," Blackquill said. "The court accuses Ima Rose of being the true murderer."

The crowd broke out into conversation while Ima was put into Gumshoe's place. She was now dressed in a blue sundress, and her long hair fell down her back. "Mr. Wright," the Judge said, "do you and Ms. Cykes wish to defend Rose?"

"Let us speak with her, your Honor," Phoenix said, and the two headed over to quietly talk with her. "Did you, Ima Rose, kill those two men?"

"No!" Ima said, tears welling in her eyes, "I don't understand, I was not there, you must believe me! Ooh, it was that Armstrong, he must've been mad about my spilling the aromatherapies down the sink on accident-"

No psyche-locks appeared and Athena didn't seem to be picking anything up. "We'll get to the real bottom of this," Athena declared.

The two returned to the defense stand. "Your Honor, we will defend Miss Rose," Phoenix said.

The Judge nodded. "I thought you would," the Judge said, "actually, I was planning on assigning you if you said no."

"You can _do _that?" Athena said.

The Judge nodded and grabbed another cookie. "Let's just say that there's a reason for me to assign your agency," the Judge said.

"_Pearls_…" Phoenix said. "I need to talk to her later…"

"Huh?" Athena said.

"Very well," the Judge said, "the opening statements, please?"

"The prosecution charges that Ima Rose is the only person with the opportunity and the motive to have killed Tim Vicch or Proto C'threpio," Blackquill said, "and we will prove this."

"I see," the Judge said. "Very well. You may call the first witness."

"The prosecution calls Detective Ema Skye to explain the findings of the police," Klavier said.

Ema seemed rather agitated, for some reason, eating her Snackoos at an increased pace. "Fräulein Skye, please explain your findings to the court," Klavier said. "We're dying to hear them."

Ema glared at him. "Very well," she said, "your Foppishness." She adjusted her red glasses and began: "Thanks to the security recordings from the 13th, we were able to find C'threpio's body easily enough. He had been shot once through the head and had been cut into for some reason. In addition, the security camera had its cords severed by something, probably the second bullet."

"Objection!" Athena shouted, and she slammed on the desk. "According to this testimony that my boss acquired from Detective Jake Marshall, there was no bullet used to sever the cord!"

"U-um, yeah, there wasn't," Ema said quickly. "I just thought-"

"The witness will refrain from including personal conjecture," Blackquill said. "Please continue."

"Anyway," Ema said, "we went to find Vicch, and found him in a bag that had been weighed down with rocks. He wasn't wearing anything, and when we ran tests we found out that the blood in the Blue Badger and the wound to the suit matched the blood of Vicch and the stabbing location of Vicch. Therefore, we can only conclude that Vicch was killed in the Blue Badger."

"It looks like there are no more contradictions," Athena said. Phoenix nodded.

Ema began eating her Snackoos faster again. "Is-is something wrong, Detective Skye?" the Judge asked, wide-eyed.

"_I _should be at the hospital," Ema complained, "_I _was there first!"

"What?" Blackquill said.

"It's a point of pride!" Ema declared.

"Fräulein Skye, keep your mind off of Herr Forehead and focus on your job," Klavier said, and Ema threw Snackoos at him in response.

"Please testify regarding Ima Rose," Blackquill said.

"After the ambulance came for Mr. Justice last night, I was approached by the chef of Trés Bien, a Mr. Jean Armstrong," Ema said. "He wanted to tell us about how the defendant had met with Tim Vicch on the day of the murder and escorted him outside towards the lockers, and how she was not in on the 13th. We acquired a warrant and raided Ms. Rose's apartment and found decisive evidence: the gun used to kill Mr. C'threpio and the knife used to kill Mr. Vicch, both wrapped in trash bags and hidden underneath her bed. The knife was also cleaned off, and we only found trace amounts of blood on it, but the shape of the knife matches the wound."

The gun and the knife entered the Court Record. "Thank you, Detective," Blackquill said. "The prosecution calls Jean Armstrong to the stand."

_Oh, boy…_

Jean Armstrong was the same as ever, down to a rose in his hands. "Ah, it is a pleasure to see you again, your Honor," Armstrong, "and some of my customers from last night! I thank you for your patronage-"

"Silence!" Blackquill said. "Witness, you will only speak when you are spoken to. Is this clear?"

"O-oui, oui!" Armstrong said, sweating and pulling apart a rose. "I-if that is what you want!"

"Please testify, Herr Armstrong," Klavier said.

"Ah, oui, I will!" Armstrong said. "It was on la day of the murder. Tim Vicch arrived and was seen to his seat by Ima. He was, ah, alone. Then, half way through la dinner, Vicch left with Ima. Vicch has always had a soft spot for ladies… although not moi… and he always liked Ima especially well. Ima and her mozzer, that is…" Then Armstrong stopped talking.

"Well, that was a short testimony," Athena said. She was reading her Mood Matrix. "And he doesn't seem to be lying…"

"There's still going to be a contradiction," Phoenix said, "we have to believe in our client!"

"Because _that_'s worked so well in the past?" Klavier said. He laughed. "I am the only one who remembers Herr Engarde?"

"Yeah, you're sounding like some sort of Yu-go-oh character, boss," Athena said, looking somewhat exasperated.

"Did somebody say Yu-gi-oh?" Blackquill said.

"Just begin the cross-examination, Miss Cykes," the Judge said.

"Ahem. Mr. Armstrong, can you tell us more about Vicch and his relationship with Ima?" Athena said.

"Well, they were la friends," Armstrong said, "but Vicch was… he was not a nice man. He would treat women as a game… I saw it myself many times. Many of my waitresses… and Ima was his latest conquest."

"And it seems that he often did not get on well with Mädchen, ja?" Klavier said. "Herr Armstrong, can you please tell us about that?"

"Oui, oui," Armstrong sais sadly.

"The defense has no objections?" the Judge said.

"There are no objections, your Honor," Athena said. The Judge nodded and slammed down his gavel.

"Vicch, he was… he was very much a womanizer," Armstrong said, "he spent his days at the park running around and picking up women. His first conquest was his manager, Prima Rose… and then they broke up, and he started dating other girls. Like I said, his latest victory was Ima."

The Judge frowned. "Was he dressed in that rabbit suit?" the Judge asked.

"Rabbit, your 'Onor?" Armstrong said.

"Yes, that blue rabbit suit submitted two days ago," the Judge said.

"That iz a Blue Badger suit, your 'Onor," Armstrong said. "He is the park's mascot. But no, he rarely wore it when on a date to my restaurant…"

The Judge frowned again, and then he shrugged. "Very well," he said, "you may begin the cross-examination."

"Mr. Armstrong," Athena said, "can you tell us more about his first 'conquest'?"

"Oui, oui," Armstrong replied, peeling petals from his rose, "Prima Rose was the first woman he dated in this theme park, or at least in my restaurant-"

"Objection!" Blackquill boomed. "We have no need to know about his former relationship with his manager! This is clearly irrelevant!"

"Objection!" Athena shouted. "Your Honor, the defense believes that this is crucial testimony!"

The Judge nodded. "Objection overruled," he said, "Mr. Armstrong, please continue with your testimony. But at the end of this testimony, I expect you to explain why this is so important, Miss Cykes."

"Of course, your Honor," Athena replied confidently.

"Anyway, at ze time many of us were shocked about ze relationship, me and my waitresses and ozzer chefs and the park employees I talked to," Armstrong said, "Miss Rose was married, and she was very vocal about it. It was a recent thing, a remarriage, so it surprised us all to see her cheating on her 'usband like sat. But then the relationship fell apart, and from what Ima told me, her mozzer and step-father had a very messy divorce."

"Now, Miss Cykes, what is the importance of this?" the Judge said.

Athena glanced at Phoenix, and he nodded. "Your Honor," Phoenix said, "we wish to propose an alternate theory to the prosecution: that the true murderer is, in fact, Prima Rose."

The Judge nodded. "She does seem to have a motive," the Judge said. He glanced at the prosecutions' desk, but neither of them seemed alarmed. "Is something the matter?"

Klavier played air-guitar. "I thought you might say that, Herr Wright," Klavier said, "do you support him too, Fräulein Cykes?"

"Of course," Athena said.

Blackquill smirked. "I'm afraid that the defense's theory may well be impossible," he said, "last night, a body was found in the river dressed like Rose. Like C'threpio, she was shot."

"As I'm sure the court recalls, we investigated the apartment the defendant shared with her mother to find out if we could find evidence," Klavier said, "and we found something very interesting: the gun that was used to kill Herr C'threpio. It was also used to kill Fräulein Rose and while the knife was clean, the gun had the prints of the defendant on it and was registered to her."

"Wh-WHAT!?" Phoenix and Athena said together.

"Th-this isn't looking good, boss," Athena said.

"But we already know that Ima wasn't lying about killing those two men," Phoenix said. "There's got to be a contradiction here…"

"This does seem to be conclusive evidence," the Judge said. "Very well. Are there any arguments, Mr. Wright, Miss Cykes?"

"If we don't find something, an innocent person will be put in jail," Phoenix said.

"I know, boss, but I'm not sure what we can do," Athena said. Her fingers drummed on the desk as she thought. And then she said, "actually, your Honor, there is one thing."

"Oh?" the Judge said.

"This is a trial for the murders of Prima Rose, Proto C'threpio, and Tim Vicch," Athena said. "However, the prosecution has no evidence to connect our client to Vicch's death."

"And once again, you are wrong, Fräulein Cykes," Klavier said, air-guitaring again.

"The prosecution submits the bag that Vicch was found in," Blackquill said, "or more specifically something that the forensics team uncovered: a long brown hair found in Vicch's hair. As the court is no doubt aware of, Vicch has short bleached hair while the manager had long gray hair. Neither of these match this long brown hair, and before you ask, at the time of Vicch's death, there were no brown-haired women or long-haired men at the theme park. The prosecution thus surmises that the hair was taken in a struggle."

The Judge nodded. "The court accepts this evidence," he said. "And in light of this, I am ready to hand down my verdict. I hereby declare the defendant, Ima Rose-"

"Objection!" Athena shouted. "Your Honor, there is a blatant contradiction with this evidence! It is impossible for Vicch to have had that hair in his fist unless it was placed in his hand to frame the defendant!"

"Oh? Do you have evidence, Miss Cykes?" the Judge said.

"Of course, your Honor!" Athena said confidently. "I'm sure that the court recalls that _the victim's blood was found in the Blue Badger suit_! I'm sure I don't have to spell out what that means!"

The crowd broke out into loud discussion, while Blackquill and Klavier seemed completely normal, making Phoenix nervous… and then Taka flew off while Blackquill clutched at his chest and Klavier clutched his head, his eyes closed and shaking his head, in disbelief. "Order!" the Judge demanded, banging his gavel several times, "Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Gavin, do you have an explanation for this?"

"T-that's a funny question, Herr Judge…" Klavier said, "we, uh, have other evidence, of course-"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted. "Do you, Mr. Gavin? Or is your other evidence as phony as this hair?" He put his hands on his sides and smiled at the prosecution. "It looks like you've been duped by the criminal." Taka screeched and swooped at Phoenix, but Phoenix ducked, causing him to swoop past him and fly into the gallery by Polly, Trucy, and Pearl. Then he screeched again and swooped back to Blackquill, passing Ima in the process. She screamed and also ducked. "Somebody should put a leash on that bird," Phoenix muttered.

"Well, Mr. Gavin?" the Judge said.

"Well, t-that was our decisive evidence connecting the defendant to the first victim's death," Klavier said, "but you can't discount the fact that the defendant's mother has been found dead, by a gun found in the defendant's apartment-"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted. "Mr. Gavin, the prosecution's statement on the body found was that she was _dressed like _Prima Rose. Do you have any proof that the body _is _Prima Rose!?"

The crowd burst into discussion yet again. "Order! Order, order, order!" the Judge called. "Well? Do you have anything more substantial?"

"The autopsy is not finished, your Baldness," Blackquill said. "We have no doubt, however…"

"The murderer has already killed two people," Phoenix said, pointing dramatically. "There's no reason that she wouldn't kill someone else to cover her tracks!"

"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "Do you even have a motive?"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted. "Do you!?"

Klavier recoiled. "The motive for mother and daughter is likely to be similar: some sort of lover's spat," Blackquill said.

"OBJECTION!" Armstrong squealed.

The crowd fell silent, as did the Judge, the defense, and the prosecution. "I-is something wrong, Mr. Armstrong?" the Judge said.

"I'm sorry for interrupting," Armstrong said, "but what about ze second victim? All I saw was Ima leaving with Vicch on ze night of the murder, I did not see anything else! I do not wish to send an innocent soul to prison, I did zat once with another of my waitresses…"

"Very well," the Judge said, "you are dismissed from the witness stand. In any case, he does raise a question: what about the death of C'threpio and his testimony regarding the plan to frame Dick Gumshoe? Based on his testimony, he seemed to imply that Prima Rose was the planner of the crimes and used C'threpio's robotics to hide her crime."

"Nein, your Honor," Klavier said. "if you'll recall, that was part of a scheme to save Vicch, not kill him. And even then, Herr C'threpio did not identify his coconspirator by name!"

"Objection!" Athena said. "Mr. Gavin, you can't seriously believe that? There's no reason to believe it was anyone _but _Rose and she could've been lying to him! For all we know, it's something she was more than capable of!"

"The defense raises a good point," the Judge said. "It seems that the crux of this case revolves around what, exactly, Prima Rose did with Tim Vicch on the night of the first murder. Does the prosecution have anyone who can testify regarding any possible motives between Vicch and the Roses?"

"We do, your Baldness," Blackquill said, "however… I'm afraid that in the excitement of the raids and preparing Mr. Armstrong, we were unable to finish our preparations."

The Judge nodded. "Very well," he said, "there will now be a thirty-minute recess to await that autopsy report and allow the prosecution to prepare the next witness."

The Judge brought his gavel down.

* * *

_February 15, 11:59 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #6_

"I really didn't do it," Ima said, "I didn't kill them…"

"It seems to've been your mother," Athena said, "I'm sorry…"

"Yeah, I heard your arguments…" Ima said, and she walked over to a bench and flopped down onto it. "I'm not feeling well…"

The doors to the lobby opened and Gumshoe opened. "I've been rehired, pal!" Gumshoe said cheerfully, "no more instant noodles for me! …wait," he said, and then he suddenly looked much more glum, "it probably won't be long until I'm back to instant noodles…"

He walked over to Phoenix and handed him a report. "Keep this secret, okay?" He looked around conspiratorially. "Especially from the defendant. That's a request from Mr. Edgeworth." He winked and then left the room. Phoenix sighed and opened the autopsy report.

"The body's been positively identified as… Ima Rose," Phoenix said, his blood turning cold. _Ima _Rose? Maybe it was wrong- but nothing was off. They were able to use the teeth to identify her. The hair color was correct, the eye color… the time of death was some time early on the 14th. It seemed that she'd been shot too. And that meant…

He and Athena glanced at "Ima", resting on the bench. "If she's not really Ima Rose," Athena said, "she's probably her mother…"

"Then why was she able to fool your Mood Matrix or my magatama?" Phoenix said.

"You asked if Ima Rose did it," Athena said, "if she was dead, then there's no way she could've been the murderer. What are we going to do now, boss?"

"We have to find the truth," Phoenix replied.

"Yeah, find the truth," "Ima" said suddenly. "I assure you, I _am _Ima Rose. I'm not my mother. That body… is a fake of me. A false clone. So I killed it." She smiled at them, and added, "and if you don't believe me, then I'll use my little robot buddy to open fire on the theme park. Only I know where it is, and if I'm found guilty, there's nothing I can do to stop it from fulfilling C'threpio's last program..."

Phoenix and Athena looked at Prima in alarm. "Y-you're going to do _what_!?" Phoenix demanded.

"It's going to kill more false copies," Prima said, "people like you two, you know. False. Copies. That's all that matters, getting rid of everyone who wants to be me, to take my place! People like C'threpio! People like Tim! People like my mother! I, Ima Rose, will make sure that everyone knows that I am the real person! Me! No one else!"

"It seems like we have no choice…" Athena said. Prima nodded and returned to her seat; Athena already had her phone out. "Let me text Junie…"

"PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!" Prima snarled, but before she could do anything the two usually inattentive guards ran up and grabbed her.

"We need to buy time until that robot is found," Phoenix said. "But with this autopsy report… this is Matt Engarde all over again."

"Yeah…"

* * *

_February 15, 12:28 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #1_

The judge began the next phase of court by slamming his gavel down. "Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Gavin, are you ready?" the Judge said.

"Yes, your Baldness," Blackquill said, "we have decisive evidence and a decisive witness."

The Judge nodded. "We will hear from the witness first," the Judge said.

"The Prosecution calls Fräulein Byrde to the stand," Klavier said.

Maggey Byrde took the stand, dressed in casual clothes. "Bad Badger Maggey Byrde, reporting for duty, sir!" Byrde said, saluting.

"You are a… bad badger?" the Judge said, wide-eyed.

_Poor judge, he just doesn't get it_, Phoenix mused. "Yes sir!" Byrde said, "I play him at the park!"

"I-I see," the Judge said. "Very well, witness, your testimony regarding Prima Rose and Ima Rose."

"Um, let's see… Ima was a waitress part-time, but she was going to school for birds. You know, ornithology and stuff. Prima was a manager and she had a pretty messy divorce. She wasn't the nicest all the time, because she was really obsessive. You know, a perfectionist," Byrde said.

The Judge nodded. "You may begin the cross-examination, Miss Cykes."

"Miss Byrde!" Athena said, "you say that Ima went to 'school for birds, you know, ornithology and stuff.' Is that even important?"

"Well, yeah," Byrde said, "I guess I forgot! Ima and Prima were kinda funny in that Ima loved birds and Prima hated birds, pal!"

_So she hated birds…? _"Athena, buy me some time. I need to go talk to Pearl," Phoenix muttered to Athena. She nodded and Phoenix slipped out of the defense stand. He could feel the eyes of the court on him.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Wright?" the Judge said, "hemorrhoids?"

"Uh… yes, your Honor," Phoenix said, and he quickly left the courtroom. _I feel like Grossberg_…

He pulled out his phone and began texting Pearl…

* * *

_Meanwhile_

"Ahem," Athena said, "ignoring my boss, I can tell that you have a theory you wish to propose, Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Gavin?"

"We do indeed," Gavin said, "we wish to make a slight change of accusation: that the murderer is not, in fact, Ima Rose. No, we wish to propose that the murderer is, in fact, Prima Rose, as the defense charges. And Prima Rose is sitting _in the defendant's stand_!"

The crowd burst into discussion. "Order!" the Judge said, "order!"

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "Mr. Gavin, do you have any evidence!?"

"Of course," Simon said, and Taka flew up to the Judge with a paper in his talons. "As your Baldness can see, the murder victim dressed as Rose-dono has been identified. The body is, in fact, her daughter's."

"Objection!" Athena yelled, "and you have any proof that the woman in the defendant's stand is Prima Rose?"

"Of course, Fräulein Cykes," Gavin said, "you just heard Fräulein Byrde. Prima Rose is afraid of birds. Herr Blackquill?"

Taka swooped down at Prima, who shrieked and curled up on the floor. "Objection!" Athena said, "that means nothing! There are plenty of people who can't see Taka's coolness!"

"That is correct," Simon said after a moment, "we will need a second bird."

"Until then," Athena said, "how about you explain how the defendant would be doing something like, say, hiding a killer robot in a theme park?"

"Who said anything about that?" the Judge said.

Prima rose from the floor and glared at Athena. "Is something wrong, Rose-dono?" Simon said.

"Nothing," she spat, "but my _name _is _IMA_."

"Sure, Fräulein Rose," Gavin said. "Well, let's continue with our accusation! It's time for the prosecution to play the defense!" He air-guittared and finished off with "Achtung, baby!" Then he looked around.

"Von Karma-dono is not in the courtroom right now," Simon said. Gavin laughed nervously, while Simon continued, "the defense was interested in the death of C'threpio. Well, it is time for us to explain that as well. We have prepared a second witness for that: Detective Marshall."

Cowboy music from nowhere struck up as Detective Marshall took the stand. "Pleased to be back in court after so many years," he said, tipping his hat.

"Please describe the police's theory regarding the death of Proto C'threpio," Simon said.

"Here's how we think it went down: at the time of C'threpio's death, the murderer was waiting underneath the security cameras in his bunker. At the time that be began spillin' the beans, the murderer severed the cord and shot C'threpio through the head, killin' him instantly. Then the killer cut a hole in his chest and rooted around for something, washing out the wound with water and removing a piece of metal from C'threpio," Marshall said.

"Removing a piece of metal?" the Judge said, "what was that?"

"C'threpio was a member of a computer spy ring," Marshall said, "a group of people who had microchips planted in their bodies containing highly important national secrets. But C'threpio turned himself in to the CIA instead and never had his final microchip removed. That's what the higher-ups were told."

"CIA involvement?" the Judge said, "oh my!" Athena coughed loudly, and the Judge said, "you may begin your cross-examination."

_CIA, huh_, Athena thought. "Detective Marshall," Athena said, "the cause of death was a bullet to the head, correct?"

"It was indeed," he replied.

"Then how was the victim's head positioned at the time of his death?" Athena said, playing with her earring.

"We have a security picture of when he was last alive, as well as a photograph of the crime scene," Gavin said, and the pictures were submitted. In the former, C'threpio was looking at his computer screen and talking into a microphone, a robot dripping with water half-concealed in front of him; in the latter, his head was on his keyboard and a bullet hole was just above the monitor rim, and blood had pooled onto the floor. "Before you ask, the police are still sweeping the tunnels for the robot, but it hasn't tripped any security recordings."

Athena said nothing and kept contemplating the pictures. "Is there something wrong, Miss Cykes?" the Judge said.

"Yes, your Honor," Athena said, glancing up, "there is an inherent contradiction between the police's theory and the evidence."

"Care to explain, Fräulein?" Gavin said, smirking at her. Did he have a trap prepared?

Which meant that she would have to go with something that Simon and Gavin wouldn't be prepared for, something that would buy the boss more time. "Your Honor," Athena said, "I have one question to ask the prosecution: how and when did the murderer carve that microchip out of the victim's body?"

Simon and Gavin reacted in surprise, and even Marshall looked perplexed. "You mean, how did the killer remove the microchip and yet leave a streak of blood goin' down to the floor?" he said, "well, we assumed that that was _after _the chip was removed, his body was repositioned in his chair."

"Do you have a picture of the chair without the body?" Athena said.

Marshall nodded. "Before you ask, the blood trail matches up with that theory," Marshall said, "it'd be difficult for the person making the cuts to do it while he was slumped over."

Athena frowned. A dead end! "Very well," she said, "how about the bullets? There were clearly two bullets shot in the discussion with C'threpio. Was the second bullet found?"

"There was only evidence of one bullet," Marshall said.

That was odd. That was very, very odd. "Was there any evidence of a recording?" Athena said.

"The computers were wiped clean," Simon reported. "If there was, we have no proof of it. However, a second bullet was not found at the scene. It is our belief that it must've been a recording, for unknown reasons."

"And with a lingering doubt like that, you're trying to build a case!?" Athena demanded, "what kind of lawyers are you!?"

"You are one of Wright's lawyers, Fräulein," Gavin replied, "bluffing to find the truth should not be an insult to you."

Athena winced. _Speaking of the boss, where is he!?_ "W-well, still," Athena replied, "Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Gavin, you still have a massive hole in your theory: why did C'threpio look down when the culprit shot him in the head?"

"Presumably because of that robot," Marshall said, "it probably did somethin' he wasn't expectin', that's all."

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "that robot was under the control of C'threpio! He told us himself in his testimony two days ago!"

"Objection! If he had full control of that robot, then why did it disappear?" Gavin said.

"Objection! All will be revealed if you put the defendant on the witness stand!" Athena yelled, taking a gamble. She knew that Prima would hate to do this, to potentially incriminate herself… but she had to throw doubt on the police's version of events for C'threpio's murder until the boss was ready with his plan. By now the park should be being evacuated!

"Are there any objections, Mr. Blackquill, Mr. Gavin?"

"Of-" Gavin said. He was cut off by Taka attacking him.

"-course not, your Baldness," Blackquill said. "I request a 10-minute-recess to prepare the defendant for questioning, however."

"Miss Cykes?" the Judge said.

She could find out what the boss was up to… "No objections, your Honor," Athena said. The Judge nodded and announced the recess officially.

Before Prima was lead out of the courtroom, Athena caught up to her and said, "remember to plead the 5th if things look bad." Prima nodded, and was lead out.

* * *

_February 15, 1:12 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #6_

Phoenix was nowhere in sight when Athena arrived. Besides the guards, Maggey Byrde was there. "I'm sorry my testimony wasn't very useful, pal…" Maggey said, looking downcast.

"It told us everything we needed to know," Athena said confidently. "Now we just need to wait for the boss to be done with his plan…"

"And he's done, actually," Trucy said, slipping into the room. "You need to send the message to Daddy when it's the right time to send Polly swooping in!"

"Huh?" Athena said. "Apollo?"

"Um, I mean Polly the parrot," Trucy said. "Apollo never agrees to help out with my flying tricks anyways. So, basically, apparently the defendant has a killer robot that only she knows where it is?"

"Basically," Athena said.

"WWH-WHAT!?" Maggey exclaimed.

"Mr. Gumshoe called daddy and told him they found the robot," Trucy said. "Now we just need to get Prima convicted. And we'll do that by showing that she's really Prima, not Ima!"

"That seems too easy," Athena mused. "Trucy, do we have any backups?"

Trucy nodded. "We already told the bailiff when Pearl and I delivered our last batch of cookies," Trucy said, "he'll stop her from leaving."

"The recess is over!" one of the guards announced, "back to court!"

"Time to wrap this up," Athena said.

* * *

_February 15, 1:22 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #1_

Phoenix joined Athena at the stand. "The signal will be simple," Phoenix told Athena, "you need to yell 'Taka' and point at Prima, which should be the signal for Polly to swoop in."

Prima Rose had taken the stand, simpering and smiling blandly at the court, no doubt trying to play the part of her daughter. "Miss Rose," the Judge said, "I am going to ask you to testify regarding who you are."

"Of course, your Honor," Prima said. "Ahem. My name is Ima Rose. My mother, Prima, was a former surgeon who became a manager of the Badgers and thanks to Tim Vicch, ended up divorcing my step-father, who I hated. I'm an ornithologist at Ivy U and I work as a waitress for Mr. Armstrong of Trés Bien. I love my job, and I love my major!"

"I… see," the Judge said, "so, uh, you are aware that 'you' were found dead, correct?"

"That's a clone of me," Prima replied cheerfully.

"And you aren't, say, your mother?" the Judge asked.

"I'm not my mother," Prima snapped, and the lights started flickering.

"My Mood Matrix's malfunctioning," Athena said, clicking Widget several times.

"This isn't good," Phoenix said, stating the obvious. The sky outside began to darken as the lights went out. Some of the gallery screamed and ducked for the floor; Blackquill and Klavier looked entirely unconcerned.

"I am not HER," Prima snarled.

"I-I understand, Miss Rose!" the Judge said. "Uh, Miss Cykes, Mr. Wright, you can begin your cross-examination!" The lights flickered back on.

"So, Miss Rose," Athena said, "your mother used to be a surgeon?"

"Yes, she did," Prima said sweetly. "Mom used to always talk in surgeon terms. But she had to retire after something happened with a failed implant surgery. She was accused of malpractice and put down the scalpel."

"Where was the last place you saw your mother, actually?" Phoenix said.

"Uh… she was talking with a blonde-haired woman with big sparkly eyes at the Trés Bien, the night of the murder," Prima said.

_That woman sounds familiar_…

"Ms. Rose," Athena said, "you are an ornithologist?"

"Yes."

"And you're afraid of birds?" Athena said, "that's an odd trait in an ornithologist."

"Oh no, I love birds," Prima said, "my mother hated birds, she was afraid of them, but I love birds!"

"Is that so?" Blackquill said.

"Your Honor, I wish to ask the prosecution a question," Phoenix said. The Judge nodded. "Mr. Gavin, Mr. Blackquill, can you describe to the court what you believe the crime now went like, and do you have any proof that our client is the murderer?"

"Well, Mr. Blackquill and Mr. Gavin?" the Judge said.

"Actually, I want to find the defense's view of the situation," Klavier said. "Well, Herr Wright? Let's see if our views match."

"Athena?"

Athena cleared her throat and began: "this is what we believe happened. Two weeks ago, someone sent Tim Vicch a threat. This was possibly his own manager, Prima Rose, in a bid to kill him, but we have no definitive proof that it was. She hired private detective Dick Gumshoe and robotics expert Proto C'threpio to provide security for Vicch, using funds acquired from his father, Tory Vicch. On the night of the murder, what C'threpio described in court two days ago occurred. Furthermore, Mr. Armstrong was also telling the truth about what he saw, but it was not Ima Rose who left with Vicch. It was her mother, who'd dyed her hair and disguised herself as a waitress. She brought Vicch to the site of his murder and somehow managed to get him in that suit."

"Really, Fräulein Cykes?" Klavier said, "perhaps you have some evidence to prove that Vicch was dressed in that suit?"

"We know that he left the restaurant in normal clothes, was killed in the Blue Badger suit, and was found naked in a bag," Athena said. "What possibly-"

Phoenix slammed his hands down on the desk. "Those two were adults!" Phoenix declared, "for all we know, they were… practicing privately!"

The crowd burst into discussion. "You mean, like, he would go into costume and do his routines without the other badgers?" the Judge said, wide-eyed.

"Exactly right, your Honor," Phoenix said, "the Blue Badger was the mascot of the park and the most popular of the Badgers. So Vicch would have his own routines that he would have to practice apart from the other Badgers. When are the best times for that, you might ask? Either before the park opened or _after practice_!"

"Do you have any proof of this, Wright-dono!?" Blackquill demanded.

"The food at the Trés Bien," Phoenix said. "Yesterday I went there on a date and noted at the time that the food prices were exorbitantly high. If Vicch was done with work, why wouldn't he leave for dinner elsewhere, especially as part of a date with the waitress? Chef Armstrong is a pushover and knew about his womanizing; he wouldn't be surprised to see his waitress leave work early with Vicch!"

"That is not proof, Mr. Wright," Klavier replied, looking smug, "we want hard evidence, not soft thoughts."

"Oh, proof you want?" Phoenix replied, completely confident; after all, his bluffing skills were legendary. "You think that I don't think these things through?"

"Honestly, yes, Mr. Wright," the Judge said.

Now Phoenix felt deflated. "Your bluffing skills are legendary, boss, but bluffing won't get people found innocent…" Athena said quietly.

Phoenix shook his head. "In any case, the proof you need, Mr. Gavin, is very simple: the testimony of Mr. C'threpio explains exactly why Vicch acted the way he did."

"He thought it was a security procedure," Blackquill said. He smirked. "You seem to have changed tracks, Wright-dono."

"That has no bearing on the case," Athena said, "but consider this: Mr. Vicch knows that today is the day he's going to have an attempt on his life. He goes to the Trés Bien with Miss Byrde and leaves with Mrs. Rose, probably to practice or something. He goes to the employee quarters to get his Blue Badger suit and dresses in it; after all, officially the Bad Badger, which would be him for the day, would've been stabbed by some poor shmuck, bringing the police to the crime scene. Then he would dress up as the Blue Badger to be smuggled out, only to be stabbed by Mrs. Rose."

"From there, she would've stripped the body and placed it in the bag," Klavier said, "she put her daughter's hair in his fist to implicate her and then threw it into the water. Then she threw the suit into the water to make it appear as if the witnesses were unreliable so that anything else they saw or knew would be questioned, had the robot swim to the island and hide with C'threpio, and left for the day before the police could find her."

"Or she hid in the park," Phoenix said, "it's impossible to say, really, but assuming that she was the one who killed C'threpio…"

"You have a theory, Mr. Wright?" the Judge said. Phoenix nodded. Prima was starting to look more uncomfortable.

"She severed the wire on the security camera, but was in the room with him the entire time," Phoenix said, "the wire was probably severed when he began his testimony, actually, to protect both C'threpio and herself. Then she used a program already in the robot to shoot C'threpio the first time, in the chest."

"Objection!" Blackquill boomed, "there was no evidence, Wright-dono."

"But according to the police, the wound was washed out," Athena said. "Under the pretext of getting that microchip, the culprit was able to remove the bullet and wash out any traces of the gun."

"By damaging the organs, she was able to hide the bullet's path," Phoenix added, "and presumably, the microchip accidentally shielded his skeleton from the bullet. If the microchip hadn't, then we'd know about the skeleton."

"So the microchip is useless, then?" Prima said.

Phoenix smiled. "Exactly, Miss Rose," Phoenix said, "assuming the bullet hit it, of course. However, if we were to somehow find the bullet, that'd confirm that suspicion." Prima paled. "And if the microchip was damaged…"

"Then it wouldn't have been lost," Klavier said. "Perhaps a warrant for that chip is necessary. Something tells me we'll find it in the Rose Haus…"

"The one mistake being an accident?" Blackquill said. "Hmmm…"

"In any case," Phoenix said, "that first gunshot is the one that we heard."

"And it caused C'threpio to cringe forwards, allowing Rose to shoot him through the back of the head, damaging the mirror. When his body fell on the keyboard, following his death, was when that electronic sound was heard," Phoenix said.

"And the chair?" Klavier said.

"What material was the chair, Mr. Gavin?" Athena said.

Klavier frowned. "Plastic," he said.

"A surgeon would probably have some knowledge of how to clean up blood, correct?" Athena said, "the police haven't said they found the surgery chamber, have they? In that case, how do we know that when the body and the surgical chamber were cleaned up, that the chair was not also cleaned off?"

"So in other words," the Judge said, "the initial crime was cleaned up and the microchip was removed because it showed evidence of the real bullet used to kill C'threpio because it would reveal something to the police. What was that?"

"The murderous program in the robot, your Honor," Athena said. "As a matter of fact, our client has threatened us that if she was not found innocent, a murderous robot would be unleashed on the theme park. However, we have been assured that the police found and stopped it."

Blackquill nodded. "Indeed, we have," he said. "Are you accusing the defendant of, in fact, being the murderer, Cykes-dono?"

"OBBBBBBBJJJJJECTIONNNNNNNN!" Prima shouted at the top of her lungs, so loud that she was almost painful. The crowd's noise died off instantly, and the lawyers and judge stared at her. "I. AM. NOT. MY. MOTHER!" she screamed.

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "you are Prima Rose, and we can prove it! Taka!" And she pointed at Prima.

Taka glanced at Blackquill, who shrugged, and the hawk screeched and swooped towards Prima; at the same time, Pearl yelled something and Polly was lobbed at Prima, the bird landing gracefully right in front of her. Prima screeched and backed away into the bailiff.

"Mrs. Rose," Phoenix said, "you said that you loved birds, that you were an ornithologist. However, you've shown that you have a deep fear of birds in even a harmless parrot."

"Th-that means nothing!" she snarled. "You have no proof that I'm not Ima-"

"Then please submit to a medical review," Klavier said. "If you are Ima Rose, then you should match the medical record. But first, your Honor, might we obtain the warrant to find that microchip?"

Prima's eyes twitched, and then her eyes dulled and she collapsed. Then, shaking, she pulled herself to her feet before the bailiff could rush to help her. "I-I am Ima Rose," she insisted, and she ran her hands through her hair, pulling out tufts of hair, some of which was gray. "I am Ima Rose! You are all fakes of me! Clones, copies! I am-I am Ima Rose!"

"Do you have the microchip, Mrs. Rose?" the Judge said, "bailiff, please search her."

Prima stuck her hand in her pocket and, shaking, produced a dented microchip. "I-I woke up with this, I swear," she said, "I woke up one day, Valentine's day, and I was late for work! I had to dye my hair and practice my faux-French accent, but I swear, I'm Ima Rose! 19 years old, don't compare me with my mother! She must've planted this!"

Phoenix shook his head. "You have the decisive evidence," the Judge said, "in any case, Mrs. Rose, you admit to the crime?"

"M-my mother's life was _ruined _by Vicch," Prima said, "at first, he was so nice, so understanding, but then he left her. He never cared about her, and her new husband found out, and he divorced her. Her life was _destroyed_. So she made this plan with C'threpio, because she had been the one she lost her career over to plant that microchip in the first place. She saved his life too! That was an alibi he needed for another crime!" Her eyes were swimming with tears, and she took several raggedy breaths.

"So she sent that threat herself, informed his father, and used the funds for security to plan the death of Vicch," Blackquill said, "and along the way, killed C'threpio and her own daughter."

"No… no, she died and disappeared before she could kill me!" Prima insisted. "That woman in the river… that was just a copy." She looked forlornly to the side while the bailiff arrested her for the murders.

It seemed that the trial of Ima Rose had come to an end.

* * *

_February 15, 2:48 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #6_

"My first loss…" Athena said, looking downcast, once she and Phoenix entered the defendant lobby.

"It's better to seek the truth than to try and go for a perfect record," Phoenix said firmly. "Ask Edgeworth, or Franziska, or her father. They learned the hard way what happens when you prioritize yourself over reaching out to the truth."

Athena nodded, and then said, "well, I'm glad that we were able to put Rose behind bars for what she did, but…"

"What was with her, daddy?"

It seemed that Trucy, Pearl, and Polly had arrived. "She didn't look very well, Mr. Nick…" Pearl admitted.

"No," Phoenix said, "there's something very wrong with her, but…"

"I don't think it's normal mental illness," Pearl said.

"What?" Athena said, "I just thought she had schizophreniform disorder. It's perfectly treatable."

Pearl shook her head. "She had all the hallmarks of psychic imprinting," Pearl explained, "when someone plants an idea into your head using their abilities. It's very rare, but my mother still taught me about it."

"Was it her paleness or something?" Trucy asked.

Pearl shook her head and then adopted her "worried" pose, with her finger up to her mouth and everything. "It's a little hard to explain…" Pearl said, "but… Mr. Nick, Athena, you didn't think she was lying, did you?"

"Well, no," Phoenix said, "maybe we phrased it wrong…"

"If you had asked if she did it, she'd probably still say she didn't do it and it would fool the magatama or the Mood Matrix," Pearl said. "I think she honestly believed that she was her daughter. But even that couldn't get rid of a deep fear of birds."

"So she has the memories and experiences and maybe even the personality of her daughter, but not her love of birds? That seems odd," Athena said.

"Well, she might love and fear birds at the same time," Pearl said. "I think that whoever overwrote Mrs. Rose wasn't able to remove her phobia of birds but was able to at least tell her that she was her daughter. In any case…"

"Someone one else was there," Phoenix said. Pearl nodded. "And there were no other signs?"

"It was… well, it was how she was acting overall," Pearl said. "And, um… did anyone look at her eyes?"

Phoenix and Athena glanced at each other and then shook their heads; Trucy said, "her eyes did look a little different…"

"What do you mean?" Phoenix said.

Pearl looked worried again. "Her eyes…"

"…looked like a star," Godot said.

Everyone turned around (or, in Trucy's case, looked slightly up) to see Godot and Edgeworth. "I saw a picture of her but didn't know what was wrong," Edgeworth said, "your newest client. Something tells me that it's not healthy for the eyes to be slightly gray."

"Gray?" Phoenix said.

Edgeworth nodded. "Her eyes didn't look right," Trucy said, "you didn't notice, daddy?"

"None of us would notice unless we knew to look for it," Godot said, pointing his coffee at her. "The only reason Edgeworth and I noticed it was because of my visor. Her eyes faintly glow to me."

"And then I looked at her photograph more closely and compared it to Detective Gumshoe's," Edgeworth said. "In any case, something is very, very wrong."

"I'll say," Phoenix said, "we need to talk to Maya about this. Where is she, anyways?"

"She's heading back to the agency to file some papers with our new secretary," Godot said. "I also took the liberty of hiring Kristoph Gavin. He wasn't the killer and I proved it, and no one will hire him."

"Y-you could've cleared that with me!" Phoenix exclaimed. Kristoph, working for _him_?

Godot smirked. "Keep the beans close and the instant closer, Wright," Godot said, and he chugged his coffee. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, clearly. "I think we need to start looking into what really happened. The death of April May, whatever happened to Prima Rose, the burning down of Hazakura temple and the seeming spotting of Manfred von Karma when he was hospitalized miles and miles away, the vague threats that Gavin and your girlfriend received in prison, they're all connected. And it looks like the source is one paranormal investigator named Regina Berry."

"I'll start going some looking into her past and any involvement she had in other cases," Edgeworth said, "I encountered her a handful of times shortly before your disbarment, Wright. I don't think it's in-character, but Rose has already proved that that might not be out of question anymore." Edgeworth left.

"Mystic Maya knows here," Pearl said. "Maybe she should call her?"

"That would be good," Phoenix said. It was time to begin a new investigation.

"Mr. Wright. You're wanted in the courtroom."

What?

* * *

_Place: ? Date: ? Time: ?_

"So, this is the microchip? The real one?"

"Hidden in the robot, sir."

"Hmm… thank you, Mr. Phantom."

"It's my pleasure. It's always my pleasure."

* * *

**A/N: I _think _I overthought this case a little. And actually, this was the first case I wrote! So if it seems lower-quality than Turnabout Blue Earth, that's why. Also, there's a reason Blackquill can't throw stuff right now. He's very sad, I'm sure.**

**aireyverkhovensky is at fault for the next part.**


	5. Turnabout Farce

**"Turnabout Farce"**

Court was back in session, but this time, Phoenix wasn't sure why. Prima Rose had already been lead away to the detention center to await a probable criminal insanity plea. Kristoph was off the hook and apparently Phoenix's newest employee. He would have to have a talk with Godot about that. The courtroom itself was not as orderly as usual either. Athena and Blackquill had retired to the gallery to play Yu-gi-oh, and Trucy and Pearl were currently talking to the bailiff.

Phoenix had a _bad _feeling about this.

In addition, Klavier was still at the prosecution desk while Franziska said _something _to him. She was probably flirting with him or something, or whatever passed for flirting when Franziska was concerned. On the bright side, at least her whip was still. Edgeworth was also by the prosecution desk, although that seemed less because he was expecting something to happen and more like he was looking for something on the court computer. Phoenix had, as was traditional with him, taken his place at the defense stand, and for the first time in forever, Maya was with him there. Godot was in the gallery above, drinking coffee, and Kristoph was sitting sullenly behind Godot, his arms crossed and his glasses shiny. The Judge was in his normal seat.

"Court is now in session," the Judge said, "to find out if Phoenix Wright has been cheating on his… 'special someone'."

PEARL!

Pearl giggled with Trucy and the two slunk to the prosecution desk to stand next to Edgeworth. "The prosecution is ready, your Honor," Pearl said.

"Uh… the defense is ready?" Phoenix said. What was going on?

"Your opening statements, please?"

"Mr. Nick," Pearl said, "on the night of February 14th, 2028, did you or did you not go on a Valentine's Day date with Maya Fey, your special someone?"

"Uh, no," Phoenix said, "I was on a date for work."

"Like that exists," Klavier commented.

"Shut up, Gavin," Phoenix said.

"So you did _not _go on a date with your special someone?" the Judge said.

"I don't have a special someone," Phoenix replied confidently.

"Of course you do!" Maya said sweetly, "you have Edgeworth!"

"Yeah, I have Edgeworth- wait, WHAT!?" Phoenix said, realizing Maya's implication.

"Everyone knows about it!" Maya said, "you're gayer than the chef!"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted, "that's offensive! Also, I'm straight!"

"Yeah, right," Klavier said, "do you have any proof, Herr Wright?"

"I have a daughter," Phoenix said.

"I'm adopted, Daddy," Trucy said.

"Yeah, well, you only have one dad," Phoenix said.

"You haven't found me a new mommy either," Trucy said, sounding accusatory.

"How do you know I'm not working on it!?" Phoenix said, slamming his hands on the desk. "Trucy, can you prove that I'm not dating anyone!?"

"Objection!" Trucy yelled, "you've been on one date the entire time you've been my Daddy, and that was to hire a new secretary!"

"Did that even happen?" Klavier said.

"Shut up, Klavier!" Phoenix said.

"This is pointless," Edgeworth added, "and it doesn't matter what Wright feels for me. I won't reciprocate."

_Ouch. That's cold_, Phoenix thought. Wait, what was he thinking? _Gay thoughts, go away!_

"Don't worry, Mr. Nick," Pearl said, "I know you're straight!"

"Prove it!" Maya exclaimed.

"Maya, you're supposed to be on _my _side!" Phoenix yelled, feeling flummoxed and betrayed.

"I am on your side," Maya replied, "you just haven't accepted it. You'll feel better when you accept yourself for who you really are, Nick."

"This isn't funny, Maya."

"Yes it is," Klavier said.

"Did no one hear me?" Edgeworth growled.

"Well, in any case, I know that someone saw me go on a date last night!" Phoenix yelled, "the defense calls Kristoph Gavin to the stand!"

Kristoph sighed and took the stand. He adjusted his glasses, and began his testimony: "When I arrived at Wright's table, it was shortly after he'd finished explaining to that new secretary that he was gayer than the Fourth of July. She was interested in rekindling a relationship, but Wright decided against it because his heart belonged to one other: Miles Edgeworth."

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted, "this is false testimony!"

"You called him, Herr Wright," Klavier said.

"You should call better witnesses, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said, moving to stand next to Klavier.

"Well, I have different testimony!" Phoenix said.

"You have to give me a cross-examination," Kristoph replied, "and the defense cannot testify in their own favor without evidence. You should know this, 'boss'."

"I hate you…" Phoenix grumbled, grinding his teeth in frustration.

"You can do this, Nick," Maya said, "I know that's not what you told Iris." Implications aside, she was right.

"You started this," Phoenix snapped back. Maya shrugged. "Ahem. Mr. Gavin. You claim that I told Ms. Fey that I was 'gayer than the Fourth of July'. Were those my _exact words_?"

"Yes," Kristoph replied, "yes they were."

The Judge nodded and banged his gavel. "Please amend your testimony to reflect this, Mr. Gavin," the Judge said.

Pearl looked furious. "You didn't really say that, did you, Mr. Nick!?" she demanded.

"No!" Phoenix said, "I don't even use similes like that! Also, I dated her in college! Why would I randomly become gay!?"

"Because you hadn't accepted yourself," Kristoph said, "or maybe she was just your beard."

"NO SHE WASN'T!"

"The lady doth protest too much, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said, cracking her whip.

"This is ridiculous," Edgeworth said.

"Also, you're sure that I said that I loved Edgeworth of all people!?" Phoenix demanded.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edgeworth asked, glaring at Phoenix.

"N-nothing!" Phoenix said, "keep out of this!"

"Yes. You said that you love Edgeworth with all of your heart and soul," Kristoph said, looking cheerful.

"Mr. Gavin, perjury is a crime in this court," Phoenix said. Kristoph responded by laughing heartily. "I love you too…"

"See! An admission!" Klavier said. "Well, you have odd taste, Herr Wright…"

"Objection! Mr. Nick was being sarcastic!" Pearl declared.

"The prosecution will refrain from objecting to itself," Kristoph said.

"That's my line!" the Judge said, wide-eyed.

"_So sorry_, your Honor," Kristoph drawled.

"Well, as long as you're sorry…"

"This is still perjury!" Phoenix complained.

"Just continue the cross-examination, Phoenix Wright," Franziska said, and she whipped Phoenix.

"YEOWCH! Uh, anyway, I have evidence that proves you are lying, Mr. Gavin! And that evidence… lies in someone else's testimony!" Phoenix said.

The Judge nodded. "Very well, Mr. Gavin. Thank you for that informative testimony. Someone please add it to the court record."

"That should count as forged evidence!" Phoenix whined.

"Well, the prosecution calls Simon Blackquill to the stand!" Pearl said.

So Blackquill and Athena moved their game to the witness stand. "Mr. Blackquill," the Judge said, "please testify regarding the defendant's date last night."

"…ha! Now that you have destroyed my Bird of Roses, I can summon two Plant-type Tuner monsters from my deck in a defense position!" Blackquill declared. "That will punish you for your Blue Eyes White Dragon!"

"Drat!" Athena yelled.

The Judge nodded. "You may begin your cross-examination, Mr. Wright," the Judge said, while Phoenix and Pearl held their heads in their hands.

"Witness, pay attention," Maya yelled.

"Well, good job Simon," Athena said cheerfully, "you've activated my trap card! Say goodbye to your Penguin Solider!"

"NO!" Blackquill yelled, clutching his chest. Taka screeched.

"Mr. Blackquill," Phoenix said before the Judge could start glaring at him, "what does that have to do with my date?"

"Well, Cykes-dono," Blackquill said, "you still have not eliminated my third, face-down monster: face the wrath of my Eagle Shark! Go, attack that Totem Dragon! There will be no special summoning with that card!"

"Mr. Blackquill! Ms. Cykes!" Phoenix and Edgeworth yelled together. That seemed to get their attention.

"Boss, we're busy," Athena said.

"You're also on the witness stand," Phoenix said. "Now, Mr. Blackquill. Did you see me do anything on my date you could describe as distinctly romantic?"

Blackquill put his cards down and scratched Taka. "Yes, Wright-dono," he said, "the two of you… discussed video games."

"No we didn't."

"Wait… that was Godot-dono and Fey-dono. Never mind."

"Well, that was useless," Phoenix said. "Please take your game elsewhere."

Blackquill and Athena left again. "In the absence of any new evidence," the Judge said, "I'm afraid I'll have to make a verdict…"

And then the doors slammed open and Apollo, clad in his suit and with a medical bandage mysteriously wrapped around his forehead, ran in. But instead of looking brave, confident, or anything positive, he was white as a sheet. "Juniper and Ema saw each other," he whispered, "help me."

"Bailiff, lock that door!" the Judge ordered.

"Well, you've gotten a little respite, Nick," Maya said, "you might as well admit it."

"Oh no, Herr Forehead," Klavier said at the same time, "your forehead!"

"Shut up, Klavier," Apollo said, but not before Juniper and Ema managed to force the doors open to chase Apollo in. They were screaming various insults that Phoenix thought were quite colorful. Hopefully Trucy and Pearl would come down with sudden acute deafness.

"Well, as I was saying," the Judge said, and was cut off when Godot yelled "OBJECTION!" loudly and threw a cup of coffee at Phoenix.

"Your Honor," Godot said, while Phoenix tried to wipe the scalding coffee off of his beloved hair, "Wright was definitely on a romantic date. All you have to do is ask Apollo Justice! He keeps blackmail pictures!"

Except for Athena and Blackquill, the "crowd" burst into discussion. "Blackmail?" "_Polly_?" "There's no way Herr Forehead could do that." "He's fine and he's mine, and it's a matter of my pride!" "Go away, you creepy cradle-robber!" "Those two need new lines. They are not perfect, and they should be." And so on and so forth. Phoenix just buried his face in his hands.

"Chin up, Nick, this could be good!" Maya said.

"For who? Me or you?" Phoenix asked. Maya didn't answer.

"Now, Red, answer me this: do you have any pictures of Phoenix and the secretary or Phoenix and any man?" Godot asked.

"Well, I have a picture from that afternoon," Apollo said, and Phoenix looked up hopefully. "It's of Mr. Wright and Mr. Edgeworth, though." Phoenix groaned and put his head on his desk.

"Objection!" Edgeworth yelled, "that was not a date! Or a proper restaurant!"

"Don't diss Eldoon's Noodles!" Trucy yelled. "Pearl, slap him!"

Edgeworth was slapped. "Mr. Nick isn't gay!" Pearl insisted.

"Well, why don't we go ask the point of the controversy?" Godot asked, smiling, as he clutched his newest coffee cup. "Someone call up Sister Iris."

Fortunately, she walked in at that exact moment. "Sorry I'm late, sir, to court," she said, joining Phoenix and Maya at the defense stand, "_somebody _reorganized all of my files."

"That sounds like an excuse a horrible secretary would make," Godot said, sipping his coffee.

"It's not my fault if coffee beans are indistinguishable from each other!" Iris snapped.

Godot threw his cup of coffee at her, forcing Phoenix to give his towel to her. "You take that back," Godot growled.

"What's going on, anyways?" Iris said.

"My sexuality is on trial," Phoenix moaned. "Please, Iris, you've got to help…"

She thought for a moment. "I _think _I left the refrigerator on," she said, "I'm going to go turn it off. Sorry, Phoenix." And she ran out as fast as possible.

"Iris, come back! The fridge is _supposed _to be on!" Phoenix yelled after her.

"Way to go, Wright," Edgeworth said, glaring at Phoenix.

"Like this affects you," Klavier said.

"Actually…" Apollo said, "there _is _another picture I 'borrowed' from Mr. Edgeworth. He, uh, left it at the agency a month ago, at that huge party for Maya's return."

"What photo?" Edgeworth said, and then he realized something and glared at Apollo. "Don't you dare."

"I don't know where he found a picture of you in the shower though, Mr. Wright," Apollo said.

The court fell silent, even Ema and Juniper and Blackquill and Athena. Iris even poked her head back in. "…why do you have a picture of Phoenix Wright in the shower, little brother?" Franziska asked.

"I am under no obligation to explain myself," Edgeworth said, and he ran out of the room, past Iris, until he could no longer be heard running away.

"He moves fast…" Iris commented, and then she too vanished.

"So, uh, what have we proved?" Klavier asked.

"We have one piece of evidence," Pearl replied, "a lie from a known serial killer."

"Poor Daddy," Trucy said.

"Well, in any case," Godot said, "it's impossible for Tripe to be gay. He is," and he paused dramatically, "_bisexual."_

"Objection!" Phoenix yelled, "I'm completely straight!"

"Just keep telling yourself that, Nick," Maya said. "I mean, come on, have you ever even kissed a girl?"

"And orcas don't count!" Pearl called.

Drat. "I don't see how that's relevant," Phoenix said.

"So you haven't? Prove it," Maya said.

"My star witness ran off, remember?" Phoenix said.

"Because of his picture?" Klavier said, leaning forward and looking positively punchable.

"Other star witness, Gavin," Phoenix said.

"Well, that seems like enough arguments," the Judge said. "Bisexual or not, Mr. Wright, it's clear that you've been cheating on this 'Mystic Maya'." He slammed his gavel down. "The court finds the defendant, Phoenix Wright, **GUI-**"

"OBJECTION!" Pearl screamed at the top of her lungs. "Maybe Mr. Edgeworth is an exception!" Pearl declared.

"Pearls, no, you were the only one on my side!" Phoenix yelled.

"I said maybe, Mr. Nick," Pearl replied. "Anyway, your Honor, there's no proof that Mr. Nick is actually gay!"

"I said bisexual, Pearl," Godot said.

"And there's no proof that he's straight either," Klavier said, "just ask Fräulein Wright."

"He has a point," Trucy said. "Maybe I should stop looking for a new mommy and accept Uncle Edgeworth as my other Daddy…"

"Trucy, do that and I confiscate Mr. Hat!" Phoenix said, dramatically pointing.

"Good luck with that, Daddy," Trucy said. Something clicked, and 15 Mr. Hats appeared behind her.

Apollo groaned. "Oh yeah… how did you know about my pictures, Mr. Godot?"

"I put some blackmail in it," Godot said, "of a time when I tried tea. I hated it."

"It was terrible?" Maya said.

"Awful," Godot said, nodding.

"Why did you put something of your own in Apollo's blackmail file?" Juniper said, knitting a question-mark scarf.

"Because I felt bad for the kid," Godot said. "People like Athena or Klavier get shower pictures and Maya has pictures of her as Mia, but he had nothing embarrassing on me."

"I wasn't planning on blackmailing anyone!" Apollo said sheepishly, and then he turned around to see three angry women and one angry Gavinner. "Eep!"

"Shower pictures?" they all said in unison.

Apollo turned scarlet. "I can explain!" he said, "they're, uh, Mr. Wright's!"

"Objection! No they're not!" Phoenix said, "why would I have pictures of my own employee!?"

"You have no pictures of Mystic Maya?" Pearl said, looking downcast.

"Of course I do!" Phoenix said.

"Shower pictures?" Maya demanded.

"No! Normal pictures!"

"I took the ones of Mr. Gavin," Trucy said cheerfully, "it was Uncle Kristoph's idea!"

"I admit nothing," Kristoph replied, adjusting his glasses again.

Apollo ran, pursued by three angry women and one angry Gavinner. "Aunt Franziska, shouldn't you get involved?" Trucy asked her.

Franziska shrugged. "I want to see how this ends," Franziska said, "this could be my little brother's only shot at marriage."

"I'm not going to marry Edgeworth!" Phoenix yelled, "I'd rather marry Godot!"

"Hey, now, Tripe, I don't like you like that," Godot said. "And I'm in a relationship."

"With a dead woman," Mia said, Pearl channeling her. "Phoenix, how do you get yourself into these situations?"

"I don't know, chief!" Phoenix said, "ask your sister!"

"What?" Maya said.

Mia sighed. "Maya, if Phoenix is gay, which honestly doesn't seem that likely to me- Diego's right, I think- then leave him alone. All this will do is annoy him." She shot a disappointed look at Maya. "I thought I taught you better."

Maya frowned. "Sorry, sis," she said.

"It's still not like that," Phoenix protested weakly.

"Well, in any case, I guess my verdict will have two parts," the Judge said. "First, I declare the defendant, Phoenix Wright, **GUILTY **of cheating. I also declare him," and he banged the gavel down, "**BISEXUAL.**"

"NOOOOOOO!" Phoenix yelled, clutching his head.

"It's not cheating if we're not in a relationship!" Maya yelled.

And then the doors slammed open again and Iris ran in. "Phoenix, everyone else," she said, gasping for breath, "Mr. Edgeworth, Mr. Edgeworth- he's, he's been-"

"What is it, Iris!?" Phoenix said, "what happened!?"

"He's been kidnapped by a group of old women!"

* * *

**A/N: This chapter written by a lesbian, before you jump down my throat.**

**Believe it or not, this might be important later.**

**Send hatemail to aireyverkhovensky on tumblr.**


	6. Turnabout Oldbag, Part I

**A/N: From now on, all fanfiction uploaded to this account will be solely under the control of Aireyverkhovensky. So bear with me, I'm not really used to operating this site.**

**However, Sith was able to finish his contributions to this fic before leaving! So nothing will change except the editing quality might drop a bit, and the update schedule will be really weird!**

* * *

Miles Edgeworth had been kidnapped.

That was Phoenix's take-away from that awful, awful day. While Gumshoe had been found innocent and the real killer of Tim Vicch had been found guilty and sent to prison, and Phoenix had suffered humiliation at the hands of Pearl and the Judge, the thing his mind kept returning to was Miles Edgeworth and his kidnapping as he tossed and turned in his bed.

The police had begun an immediate search for the trio of kidnappers, who wore strange bowl-shaped helmets when they yanked him out of a hallway and ran off for their getaway car. Despite all likelihood, it seemed that Iris was right: the kidnappers at least had the uniform of one Wendy Oldbag, a known "aficionado" of Edgeworth.

But as usually happened in police affairs, they'd accomplished nothing. Most of the force had been evacuating Gatewater Land, after all; and people like newly rehired Dick Gumshoe never inspired confidence to begin with, and no one knew where Apollo, Ema, Athena, Klavier, and Juniper had gone until much later in the day.

Speaking of Apollo, he was back in the hospital. Again. Phoenix sighed. Being one lawyer down was bad… he turned over to see three red lines in the darkness watching him. "What are you doing in my room?" Phoenix asked Godot; he was too tired to care.

"Just making sure you don't run off to find Edgeworth in your sleep," Godot replied, and Phoenix heard his slurp his coffee. Very loudly.

So Phoenix sighed and rolled back over and kept trying to go to sleep. Let's see… he had himself, an ace attorney of course; Athena was mostly all right, although she was seething about Apollo when Phoenix told her about Edgeworth (she didn't seem to listen or didn't care, based on her saying, "that's nice, boss", and leaving for her apartment); Kristoph, who hated his guts and was under Godot's thumb anyways; and Godot, who was currently drinking his coffee and watching Phoenix because he had nothing better to do. At least he was competent, but he wasn't very pleasant to deal with.

"How hard is that bar exam nowadays anyways?" Phoenix groaned.

"Too easy, Wright," Godot said, and he sipped his coffee loudly. Again.

Phoenix resisted the urge to make a snide comment and tried to go back to sleep. Still, at least it was nice that Godot was calling him by his real name… wait. "Godot," he said, sitting up, "why are you suddenly calling me by my right name, and not in front of other people?"

"Why are you calling me 'Godot' when I told you to call me Diego Armando after you caught me for the murder of Misty Fey?" Godot said.

It had been a long time, but… wait, when had he done that? Phoenix's memories of the Hazakura case seemed a little fuzzy. Godot was the killer and Iris was really Dollie and Maya was in danger and Edgeworth showed up? And there was an earthquake, and Phoenix fell from a burning bridge? Wait… what had happened? Why wasn't…

"Having a hard time remembering?" Godot said, "figures. Maya didn't remember either. She seemed to think that she was found in the sacred cavern."

"She… wasn't?"

Godot's toothy smile was illuminated by the red light. "I see I'm the only one who fully remembers," he said, "me and Mia."

"Right," Phoenix said, "and what does this have to do…?"

"Three days ago," Godot said, holding his coffee cup into the red light, "we had a little discussion at the end of which I convinced you to let me take Gavin's case."

"Yeah, so?" Phoenix said.

"Didn't you think there was something… odd, there?" Godot said.

"I just assumed you were a jerk," Phoenix said. He tried to remember what Godot had said… and then it occurred to him. "We don't always take cases pro bono, Godot. I know you generalize, but…"

"Exactly," Godot said, and he sounded serious. "Always make sure to get dressed before the sun's up, Wright. That's one of my rules."

"What?"

"Get dressed. We're taking a field trip to the prison."

* * *

_February 16, 4:20 AM, District Women's Prison, Visitor's Center (Detention Center)_

Godot had dragged Phoenix to the prison, and they were joined there by Athena, Blackquill, and Iris. "What exactly is going on?" Phoenix said, "Athena, Blackquill, what are you two doing up?"

"We were watching animé all night," Athena said, "after what _Justice _did, I needed to cool down!"

"We had just started marathoning _Hātofuru Kareshi _when Godot-dono called us," Blackquill said, "apparently we had an important discussion to have with Wright-dono."

"This is about Mr. Edgeworth, isn't it!?" Athena said.

"No," Godot said.

"I knew it! Wait, what!?" Athena exclaimed, "Mr. Godot, don't we have to-"

"No one cares about that farce of a trial!" he shouted, and he threw his coffee at Phoenix.

"Hey! Why me!?" Phoenix wailed.

"Never thrown coffee at a woman. Mia taught me that, so it's also one of my rules," Godot said.

"Thanks, Mia," Phoenix said. "Alright, what are we here for?"

"Remember yesterday when I told you that everything seemed to be connected to Regina Berry?" Godot said.

Phoenix nodded.

"Well, we need to go talk to someone about that," Iris said, finally talking. "And I'm the one who'll know best…"

And she lead them over to a guard door and let them into the prison. "Is this even legal?" Phoenix said.

"I am a prosecutor," Blackquill replied. Taka screeched.

"Oh, right…" Phoenix said. "So, uh… why is Athena here, then? Or you, Godot?"

"Call me Armando," Godot replied, taking a sip of his inexplicably refilled and returned coffee cup. "I'm here because I'm the smartest and wisest person in Wright Anything Agency. We might as well rename it after me."

"I'd sooner it call it Wright-Fey in favor of Maya," Phoenix said.

"But boss, that's an alliteration! Armando Anything Agency! We can call it Triple-A!" Athena said cheerfully.

"I think we'd get sued," Phoenix said. "Alright, Iris, lead the way."

The farther they got into the prison the more Phoenix got scared of his former girlfriend. It seemed that all the prisoners knew who she was and, while at first they would jeer at Armando or Blackquill or even Athena and Phoenix, they would shut up as soon as Iris shot them a glare. And even more disturbingly, some of them appeared to be trying to leave offerings to her.

"What did you _do_?" Phoenix said.

"Oh, it's a long story," Iris said, and she failed to elaborate. Armando just laughed. Blackquill and Athena talked pigeons of all things. Pigeons going to school? What were they talking about? "I just happen to have a lot of psychic resistance. Remember that."

"How?"

"Something to do with my sister? I don't know."

Phoenix said nothing and edged closer to Armando.

The prisoners themselves appeared to be uniform psychopaths. Many of them, in their supplications to Iris, seemed to demonstrate mysterious abilities. For instance, one woman's belongings (assuming they were hers?) rattled and hovered about a quarter inch off of the surfaces they were sitting on as she watched Iris pass by. Another woman growled at Phoenix, and he was pretty sure that it wasn't actually possible for a sound like that to come from the human throat. And actually, a couple women looked a little… brain dead, if it were possible to be brain dead and yet somehow moving around at the same time. Not to mention, the lights continuously flickered. Something told Phoenix there wasn't actually a problem with the electricity or lightbulbs.

"What did you do to scare them, Secretary-dono?" Blackquill said.

"This is nothing," Armando said, grinning madly. "Hey, Simon, remember in prison when we played that game of chess?"

"Oh, yeah, that sounds scary," Phoenix said.

"You don't understand, Wright-dono," Blackquill said, "we had to use a good portion of the prison populace to do it."

"The white-collar criminals were our pawns. The serial killers were our queens. Naturally, the kings were people who had a picture of their 'player' taped to their face. We weren't going to harm ourselves," Armando said.

"I almost wish I'd thought of that…" Iris said.

"Boss, I think we're in with the wrong crowd," Athena whispered.

"Listen, you take Blackquill, I'll take Iris, and we both run from Armando," Phoenix whispered back.

"These ears aren't just for show, Wright."

"Drat!"

They finally reached where they needed to go, and it wasn't a prison cell at all. "This was installed to take advantage of some of the more… unique abilities here," Iris said, "although, as chief prisoner, I was the only one who really knew how it worked."

"What unique abilities were those?" Phoenix said.

"Communications skills," Iris said. "There aren't many criminals here who know how to use radios."

"And you do?"

"I can use a computer," Iris said simply, "and a cell phone." Then she turned the door and let them in.

Why the government had built a high-tech communications base in a women's prison Phoenix did not want to know. "This is what we need," Armando said, "someone who can help us out here. Iris, you know who to call."

Iris nodded and began working with the machines while Athena, Phoenix, and Blackquill looked on. There was a burst of static and then Iris said, "we've got her, sir."

Armando nodded and stepped up to some sort of microphone. "What are you going by now, Yew?" Armando said.

"It doesn't matter, I'm undercover," the voice on the other end said. "So… Godot, was it? I seem to recall you needing our help years ago… didn't turn out too well for who we found, now did it?"

"Tell Lang not to mention it," Armando said. "We have something we need to ask you for. Something related to TW-4, actually."

"TW-4?" the woman on the other end said, "_that _case?" And then she began laughing. Creepily. _Very _creepily. "What do you want about that, my dear Mr. Armando?"

"Cut the chatter, Yew," Armando said. "Or I might make a call to a certain Miss Berry…"

"Phwwwwwwh…" and her laughter fully stopped. "So, Mr. Armando, you're out of prison and just now investigating this? Or is this related to Mr. Edgeworth's disappearance?"

"Maybe," Armando said.

"Hmmm… I don't think so," Yew said. "Calling me out of the blue like this, with our special correspondence no less, to ask about a 7-year-old prison incident?"

And she started laughing again.

_Someone shut her up_, Phoenix thought, and mercifully, Iris adjusted the equipment and Yew's laughter temporarily cut out. The volume returned at the end of her laughing. "So, Mr. Armando," Yew said, "we happen to have heard from an associate of ours about the Rose trial. And about what was going on… I assume you want me to send you _that _information?"

"Yes," Armando said.

Yew laughed again and Armando nodded. Iris switched the equipment off. "That was a bit much just to talk to that woman," Athena said. "And at this time…"

"We're not done," Iris said. "There's someone else we need to talk to."

"And who's that?" Athena said.

"My old second-in-command," Iris said, "Olga Orly, the Big O."

Unfortunately, the meeting with Orly was not to be. Instead of finding the imperious cardshark who'd been arrested about a year ago on irrelevant card-related shenanigans, they found a body, lying in a bed with a knife sticking out of it, and in one corner was an old woman in a guard uniform, out cold.

"Call the police!" Athena said, "come on!"

"That's no surprise," Blackquill said, "the clink is quite violent. There was a dentist I knew-"

"Who cares!?" Phoenix said, "somebody's dead!"

"That's not a surprise," Armando said, "I know of at least three people you put in prison who ended up dead."

"That's not the point!" Phoenix said. "…wait, where's Iris?"

Iris ran up with a guard. "Open that door!" she commanded.

"Yes, ma'am!" the guard wailed. Then she opened the door and ran off. Iris ran in and started checking the body. Then she stood up.

"She's dead," Iris announced, her voice tight, and she stormed out of the cell and down the hallway.

"I'm going to go call the police!" Athena announced, "boss-"

"I know," Phoenix said. "Armando, stand guard. Blackquill, with me!"

Phoenix and Blackquill entered the cell and started examining the crime scene; Phoenix examined the victim and Blackquill the old woman. The cell was bare, with a toilet and sink in the back, and a bed on which Orly was most certainly dead. Curiously enough, she had a rope tied around her neck; in addition, the knife seemed to be a makeshift one, forged out of a pipe or some other curved piece of metal. "Wright-dono," Blackquill said, "this woman is familiar. Hand me a glass of water."

Phoenix nodded and grabbed a cup from next to the sink, filled it with water, and handed it to Blackquill, who promptly dumped it on the woman.

"Whippersnappers!" the woman howled, jumping to her feet, "what are you-!"

"Stay still," Armando said, "because if I know the police well, you're under arrest for the murder of Olga Orly."

**"Turnabout Oldbag"**

* * *

Miles Edgeworth woke up in a dark and dank cell. At least, that's what he thought until he turned on the lights to see that he was in a room with posters of all sorts of actors- and himself. The last thing he remembered… was running away from the improper questions of the court regarding Wright and suddenly being hit over the head. And now…

"Whippersnappers! They arrested one of us!" he heard someone yell outside.

_Oh, no…_

The door opened to reveal no less than Wendy Oldbag. Behind her was another Wendy Oldbag. This settled it: Edgeworth was in Hell. "What did I do to deserve this!?" Edgeworth demanded.

"We saved you," the Oldbag replied, "one of us… is not actually an Oldbag."

"…how are there more than one of you?" Edgeworth said, "am I just hallucinating?"

"We'll let you decide that," Oldbag said, smiling coyly, "but we know a real man like you must love this."

"No, not really," Edgeworth said. What was he going to do? Well, for now, he just needed to gather information… "What do you mean by you saving me?"

"Someone dressed as one of us kidnapped you," the Oldbag behind the other Oldbag said, "and then we retrieved you and brought you to our special headquarters. We sent a letter to one of your friends."

"They can join you until our leader is found not guilty," the first Oldbag said, smiling at Edgeworth.

Edgeworth cringed but they did not seem to notice. "And who, exactly, are these friends?" Edgeworth said.

"One Larry Butz and another Dick Gumshoe," the second Oldbag said.

Edgeworth sunk to the floor and was sorely tempted to just kill himself now. "Are you going to hold them hostage too?"

"You're not a hostage," the first Oldbag said. "Follow us. You'll see why you can't leave."

The Oldbags moved out of the way to allow Edgeworth out of the poster shrine. And then they lead him through the impressively large hotel they were apparently at. "This is the Oldbag Hotel," the first Oldbag said, "it was left to us by one of our deceased husbands."

"One of?"

"Most of us have been married, but our loves are dearly departed," the second Oldbag said, "it's a curse of the Oldbag."

"I… I see," Edgeworth said. Then the Oldbags lead him into the entry hall to show the doors outside. They were blocked by a wall of snow.

"Edgey!"

"Mr. Edgeworth, sir!"

Edgeworth turned around to see Larry and Gumshoe run up to him. "We got a letter from the hotel staff," Larry said cheerfully, "we came to save you!"

"I see," Edgeworth said, tapping his fingers on his arm, "did either of you think to inform the police?"

"…oops. I forgot, pal!" Gumshoe said, suddenly looking forlorn. "Sorry."

"Larry?"

"Uh… I knew I forgot something!" Larry said, but he looked as cheerful as ever. "But don't worry, Edgey! I brought my paints! I can paint you."

Count to 10 backwards… "Larry," Edgeworth said, slowly and deliberately, "please tell me you at least have a phone."

"We have a phone," Oldbag No. 1 said, "but the phone lines are down."

"What about a _cell phone_," Edgeworth said, "Larry? Detective?"

"Of course I brought one, pal!" Gumshoe said. He took his phone out. "Wait… sorry, there's no reception."

"How long before the snow melts?" Edgeworth said, dreading the answer.

"Assuming the snow stops tonight, we should be able to make it down the mountain by sunset tomorrow," Oldbag No. 2 said.

"Thanks, Oldbag," Edgeworth muttered.

"…Oldbag?" Gumshoe said, "that's just a bellboy, pal. Ms. Oldbag didn't say that."

And Edgeworth sighed. "I guess I'm still hallucinating or something," Edgeworth said, "please tell me you two are hallucinating not telling the police."

"Nope!" Larry said cheerfully. "Now, hold still until I can get my painting stuff!"

Edgeworth sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Not now, Larry, we're in a tight situation-"

And then the power went out. "I'm going to go fire up a generator," Oldbag No. 2 said, "Blond whippersnapper! With me!"

"Yes sir!" Larry said, and the two sounded like they walked away.

Gumshoe's phone lit up and he started playing some game. "Want to help me, Mr. Edgeworth, sir!?"

The remaining Oldbag took her own phone out. "How do these things work anyway?" she complained, "I think I might be able to play that game too! Let me win, whippersnapper!"

"…I'm going to go drown myself," Edgeworth declared.

* * *

_February 16, 6:21 AM, Wright Anything Agency_

Phoenix had summoned everyone for this new case. Specifically, the kidnapping of Miles Edgeworth: until the police were ready, he didn't want to find out who, exactly, had been arrested wrongly in the Orly case.

Trucy and Pearl were both still trying to sleep. Apollo was still at the hospital. Ema and Juniper had somehow wound up at the agency and were now talking with Athena and Armando in low voices. Blackquill had also wound up at the agency somehow, probably because he followed Phoenix and company there that morning, and was currently leaning on the wall next to Charley. Kristoph looked as cheerful as ever, which probably wasn't a good thing, and Maya was sitting in Phoenix's office chair. Iris was silently staring out at the street. Polly was sitting on his stand and also quiet.

"Ahem," Phoenix said, "I know it's early, but considering the events of yesterday and this morning, I think we should make some plans to find Edgeworth."

Everyone groaned. "Can't we wait for your boyfriend to be found by the police?" Maya said, and she put her head down on the desk.

"He is not my boyfriend," Phoenix said obstinately.

"I'm not the one who bribed the Judge," Maya groaned.

"I didn't, either. Pearls and Trucy did," Phoenix said. "By the way, Blackquill, Ema, Juniper, what are you three doing here?"

"I am here to discuss the case," Blackquill said. Taka swooped into the office from the lobby. "Further, knowing you, Wright-dono, it will not be long before we will be opposed in the battlefield of law yet again."

"Right," Phoenix said, "thanks, Blackquill. And you two?"

"Well," Juniper said, "it turns out that Apollo couldn't actually take those pictures of Thena. He was kind of in the hospital at the time."

"…so why are you _here_?" Phoenix said.

"We felt weirdly drawn to your office, Mr. Wright," Ema said, and she adjusted her glasses. "Besides, I'm currently assigned to work for Mr. Blackquill. Better than working for that glimmorous fop."

"Glamorous," Blackquill said. Ema threw a Snackoo at him in response.

"Well, in any case," Kristoph said, "who says we just go back to bed and wait for Wright to sort this out? On his own?"

Everybody raised their hands, even Taka and Polly, save Iris (who didn't seem to be paying attention), Armando (who was sipping his coffee), and Blackquill (who probably didn't feel like raising his hand or something). "I hate you all," Phoenix said. "And I hate those birds."

Blackquill's eyes flashed white. "What was that, Wright-dono," he said, "do you want me to cut you down?"

"Er- of course not!" Phoenix said, nervously scratching his head, "but come on! Doesn't someone else want to find the chief prosecutor too?"

"Actually, without him here I'm free to do whatever I like," Blackquill said. "Recently he tried to implement a 'standard rules in court' that forbade throwing things and my swords and hampered my efforts in court yesterday and three days ago."

"…ah," Phoenix said, "well, all the more reason to get Edgeworth back, then. Come on, Ema, can't you help me?"

"Well, it's a little early," Ema said, "and it's snowing outside. So it's probably better to wait for the task force to be ready instead of searching on our own."

"Besides," Athena said, "we kind of need to go apologize to Apollo, boss…"

Phoenix sighed. "Visiting hours aren't for a few hours," Phoenix said. "Come on, Armando? Iris? Trucy, Pearls? Someone back me!"

"Sorry, Wright," Armando said, "the coffee's speaking more to me than Edgeworth is." Then he drank his coffee.

"Why are you calling him Armando now?" Athena said, "I thought it was Godot."

"Either works," Armando said, "this is just something personal between Wright and me."

"Anyway," Phoenix said, "uh, all you do is drink coffee anyways. If you want, I can get Kristoph- wait, that might be a bad idea…"

"Enough poisoned coffee in a lifetime for me," Armando said.

"Well, what about you, girls?"

"I'm tired, daddy," Trucy said, "can we go look for Uncle Edgeworth later?" Then she yawned.

"He's not your special someone," Pearl added, "I don't care what Mystic Maya says…" and she yawned as well.

"Thanks, you two," Phoenix said. "Come on, please, Iris, side with me!"

"…what? I wasn't listening," she said turning, around. "I can't believe someone killed Olga…"

"Just let us go back to bed," Kristoph said, "that's the smart thing to do, Wright."

Phoenix sighed. He just was not going to get his way today, was he?

The door burst open. "I have proof I didn't take those pictures!" Apollo yelled, running into the room, "I have an eyewitness who I showed Athena's pictures to, and at the time it was just Athena wearing a red dress!"

"Oh, yeah," Armando said, "that's true. Well, I think it was red. I couldn't tell."

"…why was that in the _blackmail _folder?" Kristoph said.

"I just thought it looked nice," Apollo said.

"Wait," Ema said, "Mr. Godot, you knew that Apollo didn't take those pictures."

"Yep. I thought it was funny."

"You-you let us hurt Apollo for no reason!" Juniper exclaimed.

"I just said I thought it was funny," Armando said, and he gave her one of his very toothy smirks.

"I'm sorry, Apollo…" Juniper said, "will you forgive me?"

"And me?" Ema said.

"And me?" Athena said.

"Forgive me first," Ema demanded, and she threw a Snackoo at him.

And then Klavier appeared. "Sorry, Herr Forehead," he said, "I saw you running out of the hospital and-"

"Apollo, Klavier," Phoenix said, "let's go find Edgeworth!"

"Well, if you want to, boss," Apollo said. "I'm feeling fine now, but the doctors said not to go out in the snow much…"

"He was hiding at the hospital after being discharged last night," Klavier said, "the injuries apparently weren't extensive." He paused for a moment, and then added, "I suppose I'm not doing anything. I'll help you, Herr Wright. Although, there is one thing." And then he glared at Trucy. "Take away all of your daughter's cameras. As flattering as it is that someone finds me attractive, illicit photographs are nicht gut."

"I know!" Athena said, "pas bien!"

"Well, let's set out," Phoenix said, "I guess first we should go investigate the scene of the kidnapping. Iris, come with us since you're the only one without a good excuse and the only one who actually saw the kidnapping."

The courthouse was deserted but fortunately Klavier had a key to enter the building. Klavier and Phoenix followed Iris to the scene of the crime, but found that nothing was out of place. "This is where he was kidnapped," Iris said, "an old woman hit him over the head and then three other old women who looked startlingly similar ran in, grabbed him, and ran off. Then the first old woman yelled at them and ran after them."

"I… I see," Phoenix said.

"Did they all look like Fräulein Oldbag?" Klavier said.

"Like who?" Iris said, "I… don't know who Oldbag is."

"I guess she wasn't in court for either case," Phoenix said. "Well, there's got to be something."

And they looked around and found nothing save a sliver of a peach-colored rubbery material. "Looks like skin," Klavier said calmly, turning it over, "but it's not."

"Let's have it sent to the crime lab," Phoenix said, "cross-check it with the Fulbright mask."

"Ach, I see," Klavier muttered to himself.

"Can someone please explain this to me?" Iris said.

"Maybe later," Phoenix and Klavier said at the same time. And she sighed in response.

* * *

_Date: ? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel_

Miles Edgeworth was currently locked in a bathroom, soaking in a heated bathtub. "What's taking Wright so long," Edgeworth muttered, "I can't take much more of this."

The lights flickered for a moment and then someone knocked on the door. "Edgey-poo," an Oldbag said, "do you have enough towels?"

"I have more than enough," Edgeworth called back. What was he going to do? He sighed and closed his eyes. He heard a metallic clank and opened one eye.

And standing over him was a woman who was clearly Kay Faraday. "Hi, Mr. Edgeworth!" Kay said, "the Great Thief Yatagarasu has come to save you!"

"Kay, I'm in the bath," Edgeworth said, and he tried to sink further into the bathtub.

"Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said, "I didn't peek."

"That's not the issue here," Edgeworth said sternly. "So, how are we going to get past all the snow?"

"…oh. I didn't think of that," Kay said, crossing her arms and frowning.

"This is exactly like the first time you 'rescued' me," Edgeworth growled.

"We found a way out then!" Kay said. "Come on, I rode all the way here on the bottom of the hotel's van to rescue you! You should be happier!"

"I'm surprised you have the dexterity to hold on," Edgeworth said.

"Actually, I fell off and took a bus," Kay said. "And then I walked here before the snow was too bad. To be honest, I just got out of the bath myself!"

"I see."

"Now get some pants on! We have to get back to LA!" Kay declared.

And Edgeworth glared at her. "I do not change in front of anyone," Edgeworth said, "leave."

Kay frowned at him, shrugged, and left via the door. "I wanted that locked!" Edgeworth yelled after her.

* * *

_February 16, 9:00 AM, Wright Anything Agency_

Phoenix was sitting in his office. Not in his chair, of course, since Maya was still sleeping there, leaving him to watch Blackquill and Trucy talking about Japanese dramas. What did Trucy see in those, anyways?

When he'd come back to the office, Ema, Juniper, Athena, and Apollo had disappeared, Kristoph and Armando had gone upstairs to Phoenix's apartment hopefully not to poison anyone, and Trucy and Pearl were asleep on the couch, leaning against each other. Blackquill was simply stroking Taka while Maya slept. Phoenix had engaged Blackquill in awkward smalltalk and then left to go find Iris, only to find that she'd left for her apartment. Leaving him to talk to Blackquill about a Japanese lawyer game instead. This Ryuuichi Naruhodou sounded like a chump.

Back in the present, Blackquill and Trucy were starting to talk about some sort of school days or something. Sounded terrible, honestly, Phoenix wasn't sure why Trucy liked the cartoons she did.

"The ending was great," Trucy said, "not so sure about the rest…"

"That animé is a disgrace to animé," Blackquill said, "the only redeeming factor is the ending."

"Yeah, says the NGE fan," Trucy said.

Blackquill frowned. "It's much better if you pretend that everyone's a bird."

Phoenix rolled his eyes. And then his phone rang. _Edgeworth_!? "Wright Anything Agency!" he yelled into his phone, "Phoenix Edgeworth speaking!"

"…I wasn't aware you married Herr Edgeworth, Herr Wright," Klavier replied, "you should've invited me. I could've played guitar in your honor!"

"I didn't mean to say that!" Phoenix screeched, banging his head on his desk and causing Maya to gasp and sit straight up.

"Nick!" she said, "that was rude!"

"Uh, anyway," Phoenix said, "what'd you learn?"

"The material is the same sort as in Herr Phantom's mask," Klavier said, "however, based on Fräulein… Iris (what is her last name, anyways, Herr Wright?)' testimony, Herr Edgeworth was kidnapped by another group of old women. Based on that…"

"Those old women saved Edgeworth from the Phantom," Phoenix said, "probably on accident."

"Ja, that seems likely," Klavier said, "have a nice day, Herr Edgeworth."

Then the phone call terminated. "Klavier…" Phoenix moaned, "why?"

"What did he do?" Maya said.

Phoenix decided not to tell her. "So, Maya," he said, "how've you been?"

"I've been doing great, Nick," she said, and she rubbed her neck. "Your desk isn't very comfy. So, are we going to go get some morning hamburgers?"

"Is it even physically possible for you to eat something besides hamburgers?" Phoenix said.

"Noodles, salad… um, steak!" Maya said, looking up and counting on her fingers, "snacks! Oh, and hamburgers."

"Thanks, Maya," Phoenix said. "Maybe I should go find Apollo…"

He went upstairs to go see if Armando knew where Apollo and company went; Blackquill and Trucy didn't. Pearl was still sleeping on the couch, and Kristoph was at the table in Phoenix's kitchen with a cup of steaming tea in front of him. "That'd better not be the Earl Grey," Phoenix said.

"What, your true love will be mad at you?" Kristoph said, and he merrily sipped his tea.

"Hah. Scald your mouth, tea person," Armando said. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. "Something wrong, Wright?"

"Where did Apollo-" And then his phone rang. "Wright Anything Agency, Phoenix Wright speaking."

"It is me, Franziska von Karma," Franziska said, "Phoenix Wright, what are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for the police to find Edgeworth," Phoenix said.

"I thought so," Franziska said imperiously. "Well, I am on my way to rescue Miles Edgeworth. Do not worry."

"Do you know where he is!?" Phoenix demanded.

For a moment, Franziska was silent. "That is not important," Franziska said, "the important thing is that I will rescue little brother!"

"Franziska, do you have a lead-"

"Phone call out of service range," a mechanical voice suddenly said. Phoenix sighed and terminated the call.

"Tough luck, Wright," Armando said, "if you're looking for Red, he's currently somewhere with Yellow and Flowers and Skye."

"Thanks, Armando," Phoenix said, "_very _helpful."

"I live to serve," Armando said, and he chugged his coffee.

Phoenix left the two and called Apollo. "Mr. Wright?" he said, answering, "we're kind of busy!"

"Where are you!?" Phoenix said, "what are you-"

"And now!" said someone in the background who sounded vaguely familiar, "1! 2! 3! 4! And now, stretch! Stretch! Get ready to swim!"

"Yes, Mr. Gant!" a whole bunch of people yelled in the background.

"Athena, Juniper, and I went to a swimming class for exercise," Apollo said, "sorry, boss, but you know… also, Ema's gone into work."

"…why is Damon Gant running a swimming class?" Phoenix said.

"Sorry, boss, I've gotta go!" Apollo said, "I need to go change!" And the call terminated.

What was Phoenix going to do!? Why were all his lawyers so useless today!?

"Phoenix," Iris said, entering the lobby, "you have a phone call from the detention center. They called my cell phone, actually."

"Wait, is it a job?"

"Yes," she said, "from a Ms. Oldbag…"

Phoenix nodded. "Well," he said, "Maya! Come on! Let's go see what happened to Edgeworth!"

"Oh, alright," Maya said, emerging from his office, still rubbing her neck, "let's go."

* * *

_Date: ? TIme: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel_

Edgeworth was now in the breakfast area. Due to the massive amount of snow, it was actually rather dark in the hotel since the windows were covered. Gumshoe was sitting at another table, talking excitedly with Kay; Larry had been sent off on a false pretense of finding Edgeworth's beloved pet dog, apparently since he didn't realize there was no reason for Edgeworth to actually have a dog with him when he was _kidnapped_.

Suddenly, he heard a door slide open. "Never fear, little brother!" Franziska von Karma yelled, "I have trudged ten miles in the snow to rescue you!" And then there was a slumping sound and Franziska turned around. "How odd," she said, "it appears the snow tunnel I made just collapsed on my snow-digging machine."

"So, you can get it out again and get it working, right?" Edgeworth said, privately wondering where and what a snow-digging machine even was.

"It isn't that easy, little brother," Franziska said haughtily, "it is an imperfect machine. It might've run out of petrol, so the snow collapsing on it is no concern."

"In other words, your rescue attempt is as useless as the last two?" Edgeworth said.

"No," Franziska said, "I am here. I hereby declare you rescued. However… I like it here, so we will not leave until the snow is better." And then she whipped him, presumably for daring to question her.

"Edgey!" Larry yelled, running into the lobby carrying a dog. "Hey, wait- Franzy?"

"Hello, Laurice Deauxnim," Franziska said, and she whipped him. "Whose dog is that?"

"It's Edgey's!" Larry said, "I found it upstairs!"

"That's not my dog," Edgeworth said, "I don't _have _a dog."

"Hey! Who has taken my dog!?" said a very thick Russian accent.

Edgeworth looked up to see a man wearing a thick black cloak, with a thick black beard, and a large thick black hat. Wait a minute… "Dr. Kamosinko," Edgeworth said, "the coroner? What are you doing here?"

"I am on vacation," Kamosinko said, "for skiing! However, I am caught in snowstorm. This is very bad. Very bad."

"I see," Edgeworth said. "Larry, give him back his dog."

"Yes. Give me back my Beagle," Kamosinko said.

"Ah, you're one of those kinds who loves little dogs, right?" Larry said, putting the beagle down.

"Nyet!" Kamosinko said, "it is bear plus eagle! Beagle!"

"I… see," Edgeworth said, "a beagle…"

Kamosinko grabbed the beagle and walked back up the stairs. "Whoops," Larry said, "so, Franzy, do you want me to paint you again?"

"That would be acceptable," Franziska said. "Scruffy! I know you are here! Prepare for a painting!"

In the breakfast room, Gumshoe sighed loudly.

* * *

_February 16, 9:30 AM, Detention Center_

Phoenix, Maya, and Iris arrived at the detention center to meet with Oldbag. Iris had insisted on coming, and she also seemed to be the only person with a work ethic today, so Phoenix had allowed her.

Oldbag wasn't her usual talkative self and had her eyes closed. She was dressed in a blue security outfit much like the one Phoenix had seen her in at Global Studios all those years ago. She also seemed… sad, in a way.

"Ms. Oldbag," Phoenix said, taking a seat across from her, "you called for our assistance?"

For a moment, she did nothing, and then she slowly opened her eyes. "Mr. Wright," she said, and she sounded so tired, "I have been accused of the murder of Olga Orly."

"I know," Phoenix said, "we found the body. You aren't the killer?"

Oldbag shook her head. "I never liked that whippersnapper," Oldbag said, "but that didn't mean she had to die."

"I agree," Phoenix said. "So, you swear you didn't do it?"

Oldbag shook her head again. The magatama didn't seem to be reacting at least. Then Oldbag did something unexpected: "You know, sitting here in this prison… it makes someone think."

Maya leaned in, no doubt surprised by Oldbag's epiphany, which was being delivered slowly, deliberately, thoughtfully.

"When I first got married, I thought the man I married was the most wonderful person in the world," Oldbag said, "and I was right. You wouldn't know it, but we stuck together through thick and thin. We raised four children together… but he grew old and… forgot about us." She sighed heavily. "I'll never forget the day he died. He… just forgot who we were and walked out into the street and… never woke up from his coma."

Maya shivered and moved back and Phoenix tried to imagine, for a moment, what it would be like if he did that to Trucy. If he just forgot who she was and walked onto the street and… never woke up. Oldbag took a deep breath and said, "I… was the one who ordered them to pull the plug. And then I started working at Global Studios. I let my sorrow be replaced with an obsession with my favorite actor, Jack Hammer, but after what I found out in trial…"

"After you found out that he tried to frame Will Powers," Phoenix said. "And kill Vasquez…"

Oldbag nodded. "And I thought… what if I was wrong?" Oldbag said, "what if I was latching on to people…"

"Like Mr. Edgeworth?" Maya said.

Oldbag nodded. "He has a pure heart, though, one fit for a maiden!" she proclaimed, almost like her usual self… and then deflated. "But that did not mean he was the only one. You know what happened to Corrida."

Phoenix nodded. Juan Corrida and Matt Engarde had been a case of evil vs evil in the end, it seemed; it was only Engarde being quicker that resulted in the former's death. "So I've done a lot of thinking over the years," Oldbag said, "about that…"

"And you've testified twice recently in court, according to our records, correct?" Iris said.

Oldbag blinked. "I haven't seen a court of law since Engarde's trial!" she declared.

Iris blinked.

"There… wouldn't happen to be more than one of you, would there?" Maya said, "because that's what the last one said…"

"I have sisters," Oldbag said, and then she added, with a sly smile, "but they consider me their leader."

"I… see," Phoenix said. "So, Ms. Oldbag… what was the point of your monologue?"

For a moment, Phoenix thought she's snap into a long denunciation of him, but to his surprise she sunk into her chair and said, "I rushed into that cell to save Olga Orly's life. Not to kill her."

"Who was trying to kill her?" Phoenix said.

Oldbag shrugged. "I don't know," she said.

And then five psyche-locks appeared. "Well, what'll we do, Nick?" Maya said.

"We'll take the case," Phoenix said, mentally making a note to talk to Oldbag later and find out who she's protecting.

Iris wrote something down in a notebook and the three left the detention center. "First things first," Maya said, "let's go to the scene of the crime."

"And mobilize everyone else," Phoenix said, "a little magatama told me that there's something here that isn't as it seems."

* * *

_Date: ? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel_

For Miles Edgeworth, today had been hell and it wasn't even lunch time. He'd had the misfortune of running into a final "rescuer", Lotta Hart, as well as four other snowed-in people: Dee Vasquez, Sal Manella, Penny Nichols, and Cody Hackins, all of whom had come to the hotel for different reasons. Edgeworth remembered them all from a certain case he'd been on many years ago when Wright had defeated him for the second time; now, the four of the them had come down for breakfast and gone back to their rooms with nary a word, leaving Edgeworth with Franziska, Kay, Lotta, Larry, and Gumshoe.

And, of course, the Oldbags, although it seemed that Edgeworth was only hallucinating them as everyone else simply saw them as personnel of the hotel who were _not _identical old women who haunted Edgeworth's nightmares.

"The first thing we have to do," Franziska said, "is prepare for a long survival at this hotel."

"We're only going to be here for a few days, sir," Gumshoe said, "although now I'm starting to wish I still had my memory loss…"

"You're much more useful this way, Scruffy," Franziska said, and then she whipped him.

"Well," Larry said, "if worst comes to worst, we can huddle for warmth and eat Edgey!"

"…I'll pass," Edgeworth said. How was he friends with this man again?

"Well," Kay said, "we should do something to pass the time! I stole, er, brought some games!"

"I don't like playing games."

"Oh, come on, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said, "how about Master Criminal?"

"That sounds like a terrible game," Edgeworth said.

"You'd be great at it, pal!" Gumshoe declared.

"No," Franziska said, "but there is a pool here. We should go swimming! I brought a DVD called 'Damon Gant's Greatest Swimming Exercises' and I've been meaning to use it."

"…it's winter, Franziska," Edgeworth said.

"The pool is indoors," Franziska said.

"No one has any swimsuits," Edgeworth said, "none of us brought luggage."

"That is a good point. Adrian hasn't arrived with my luggage yet," Franziska said. "I wonder where she is?"

Fifty miles away, Adrian Andrews and the luggage of Franziska von Karma checked in to a seedy motel. "Kicked off the bus too?" Will Powers said, looking resigned and smiling weakly.

Adrian sighed and nodded. "Apparently they didn't like my whip," she said, "and I wanted to show it to Franziska too…"

Back at the Oldbag Hotel, Kay suddenly held up a set of Russian tri-bar colored swimsuits. "I stole these too!" she said brightly, "Dr. Kamosinko had a lot, for some reason."

"Kay, that's illegal," Edgeworth said.

"Well, what about charades?" Gumshoe said, and he mimed the Blue Badger dance. "Guess what I am, pal!"

"You're a hula dancer!" Larry exclaimed.

"No," Edgeworth said, "and Larry, I don't even _want _to hear your suggestions anymore."

"Awwwww…" Larry said, frowning. "You're so mean, Edgey."

"So in short, we don't know what to do," Franziska said.

Edgeworth nodded.

The doors to the dining area opened and Lotta Hart ran in. "Mr. Edgeworth! Ms. von Karma!" Lotta yelled, "come help! There's been somethin' y'all need to look into!"

"What is it?" Larry said.

"Yeah, what is it!?" Kay shouted.

"There's been a murder!"

* * *

_February 16, 10:00 AM, Wright Anything Agency_

The whole agency, plus prosecutors, were gathered. "This had better be good," Apollo said, still dressed in his swim suit, "I had to break off my exercises to do this."

"Yeah," Athena said, also still dressed in her wetsuit, "we payed good money for that only for you to mess it all up!"

"You jerk!" Widget chirped.

"You two have actual jobs that you need to be doing now," Phoenix said, "and Apollo, put back on a shirt before you distract Klavier and Juniper."

"Don't worry about me, Herr Wright," Klavier said.

"Why are unrelated people here anyways, Nick?" Maya said.

"Gavin-dono is currently acting chief prosecutor until Edgeworth-dono is found, and Gavin-dono declared that we will meet at the Wright Anything Agency," Blackquill said. Taka squawked. "Indeed."

"I… see," Phoenix said, "and Ms. Woods?"

"Um, Thena asked me to come," Juniper said. She was wearing a towel over her normal dress. "Don't worry. I'm completely fine. I can help."

"And the towel?"

Juniper blinked. "I knew I forgot something," she said.

"Junie's kind of distracted thanks to you-know-who's bare chest," Athena said.

"I guess I should finish buttoning up my shirt, then," Klavier said.

Everyone else groaned.

"Look, let's focus on the important thing," Armando said, "there's been a murder, and we need to investigate it. I take it that Edgeworth will be returned if Oldbag's let off the hook?"

"I don't think so," Phoenix said, "she didn't even mention Edgeworth."

"Sill suspicious, Herr Wright," Klavier said, "I don't think you'll get out of this one easily."

"So you have camera footage, a motive, fingerprints, a witness, the works?" Kristoph said.

Blackquill and Klavier said nothing. "We're working on it," Blackquill said, "Gavin-dono."

Kristoph smiled at them eerily. "It'd be nice for an easy case, you know," Apollo said. "It's been what, a month?"

"A whole month or so since I walked into that courtroom and threw coffee at Wright's head…" Armando said, smiling nostalgically.

"Look, let's just set out and investigate," Phoenix said. "Iris, you know the prison best. You're the boss."

Iris nodded. "First," she said, "Mystic Maya, please stop embezzling funds or I'll have to fire you."

"No, no, I'm still the _actual _bos- wait, Maya's embezzling?" Phoenix said, and he turned around to face Maya, at his desk.

She smiled at him and then promptly channeled Mia. "Is… something wrong, Phoenix?" she said.

"Your sister's embezzling, apparently," Armando said. "And I'm going to guess that she's going to hide as long as possible."

"Let's… just set out. And in the future, Iris, please report this faster."

"It's not like the invoice was even hidden…"

* * *

_Date: February 16? Time: ? Place: Oldbag Hotel_

Sal Manella had been killed. This was, in and of itself, not exactly a great loss besides the Steel Samurai, of course, but there were others to carry on that proud tradition. There was a large knife sticking out of him at an angle that could only be described as "not self-inflicted". In short, he'd been murdered.

Edgeworth nodded. Only Edgeworth, Franziska, and Gumshoe were at the scene of the crime, Manella's room; Dr. Kamosinko was preparing for a rudimentary autopsy in the basement and Larry, Kay, and two Oldbags were standing guard over Lotta, Vasquez, Hackins, and Nichols in a ballroom on the ground floor.

Manella's room was very large and somehow, already very cluttered. A television inside of an entertainment center was on a very crude show involving horses talking about friendship that Edgeworth could only imagine tended to induce migraine headaches from the vapidity of it all. His bed sheets were all screwed up and a pair of skis were sticking out of one of them. A large instant coffee stain was one end of the bed next to an empty can, but somehow Edgeworth thought that wasn't related. Manella himself was slumped at the end of one bed, dead, with a bit of drool hanging from his mouth. He was dressed in messy clothes, which Edgeworth supposed was normal for him, and there was blood everywhere.

There was one thing, though: in his pants that Franziska had ordered Gumshoe to raid was the keycards needed to enter the room. Lotta had reported that she'd heard him shriek and tried to get the door open but it'd been locked. And the only keycard that would open the door besides Manella's was Oldbag's, who was on the ground floor, two floors below.

"First," Edgeworth said, "we should await the autopsy to find out who did not have an alibi."

The door burst open and in strode Dr. Kamosinko. "I am already ready," Kamosinko said, "now, give me body. I am ready for dissection."

"That was fast," Gumshoe said.

"I am always prepared. I already had room set aside for autopsies," Kamosinko said. He swept his hat off his head and yanked out a bottle of vodka. And then he guzzled it. "Ah! And now I am prepared!" he said, and he stuffed the vodka bottle back into his hat.

"Sometimes I'm scared of our coroner," Edgeworth said as he and Franziska watched Kamosinko and Gumshoe prepare to bring the corpse downstairs.

* * *

_Back to Wright_

Phoenix and company set out in their investigation. To begin with, Phoenix knew that they couldn't bring large amounts of people into the prison cells, so he would have to choose only the most useful people.

Somehow, this was not hard and did not include him until he forced into the group. For reasons known only to Iris, it ended up being her, Phoenix, Kristoph, and Juniper to investigate the crime scene. "I… don't understand your motivations," Apollo said, "Miss… whatever your last name is, but how come you brought _Juniper _and not an actual _lawyer_?"

"What am I, minced liver?" Kristoph asked.

"You're a murderous scumbag," Athena said, "does that count?"

"Well, you're one to talk," Kristoph growled.

"That wasn't me! We proved that!" Athena said.

"Well, in answer to your questions," Iris said, "I don't really have a last name, and I'm not obliged to explain myself."

"Why is everyone saying that these days?" Apollo said.

"Just call her Hawthorne. That's what I do," Armando said, and he took out his coffee. "Hey, kitten, want a sip?"

"I'm fine," Mia said. She was looking over financial forms and going over it with a red pen. "Honestly, Phoenix, how did you miss this? Ten grand?"

"Aunt Maya's in charge of finances," Trucy said. Mia sighed. "In the mean time, who wants to help me with my magic tricks? Polly?"

"I'm game," Armando said, "c'mon, let's do this."

Phoenix, Iris, Kristoph, and Juniper set off into the prison, leaving the other WAA staff to watch Trucy and Apollo and Armando's magic tricks. The current one being "watch me destroy Polly's badge and miraculously bring it back again!" over Apollo's (loud, loud) objections.

"This is very simple," Iris said, "Miss Woods, bluff using your judicial status. Phoenix, hide behind Mr. Gavin. Mr. Gavin, just look scary. I'll do the talking."

"I can do that," Kristoph said, "now hide, little Wright, or I can't guarantee your safety."

"I'm not sure I like this plan…" Phoenix and Juniper said together.

"You said I was the boss."

They arrived at Orly's cell to find that the police presence was now limited to Ema and Ema alone. "This is great," she said, "I've been hearing rumors of a prison riot brewing… hi, Mr. Wright, Mr. Wright's secretary, pet psychopath, and Ms. Homewrecker."

"Hello, Detective," Kristoph said (Iris glared at him), "we're here as Ms. Oldbag's lawyers."

"I'll go quell that riot," Iris said, and she stormed off.

"I thought she was a doormat," Ema said, watching her leave.

"Apparently prison changes people," Kristoph said, and he adjusted his glasses. "It certainly made me more fond of nail polish."

Phoenix, Juniper, and Ema edged away from him. "Well," Ema said, "most of the police force is actually out trying to find Mr. Edgeworth right now and trying to find the Phantom."

"How many people do you need to find _two people_?" Juniper asked.

"The glimmerous fop as chief prosecutor turned out to be a terrible idea," Ema said, and she took out her bag of Snackoos. "I could've told them that…"

Kristoph muttered something about 'glamorous'. Ema ignored him.

"So, what's the crime scene look like?" Phoenix said.

"And he's put Gavinner music on loop at HQ and at the prosecutorial offices, apparently," Ema said, "fortunately, I was too busy guarding Mr. Gant's swimming exercise parlor to have to hear too much of it."

"I meant _this _crime scene," Phoenix said. Could no one be bothered to pay attention to the actual case!?

There was a clicking sound and someone started shouting a mixture of obscenities and threats over the prison intercom, ending with an "and if I even THINK that you people are going to rebel again while my legal team is here, I WILL feed you to the communications POWER ROOM!"

The prison fell utterly silent except for Ema munching on her Snackoos. "Anyway," she said, "it's terrible. There's also a bit of a rift going on there, too, since there's a lot of prosecutors supporting Blackquill as acting chief prosecutor. Except that he's not much better. Instead of eardrum-breaking Gavinner junk he's playing Japanese pop music, I think, on loop at equal volume. Also something about sending body pillows with scantily clad women on them to anyone who performs poorly. It's really weird."

"Um, Ema…"

"I just want Mr. Edgeworth to be found soon. He'll put a stop to this… although he won't be happy with what that glimmerous fop has done with his office. I heard he's remodeled it already. I also heard he auctioned off Mr. Edgeworth's stuff, too, although I don't really know if it's true or not. I wouldn't put it past him. He doesn't even _like_ tea, so…."

"Ema?"

"It's been less than one day. I don't know how this happened. Did you hear that he issued an order to gather at your law office, Mr. Wright? All he's been doing is abusing his power. It's affecting the Criminal Affairs Department, too, you know. It's not just the prosecutors siding with either the glimmerous fop or the animé nerd. Everyone's expecting me to take a side. If Mr. Edgeworth doesn't get back soon, I'll quit and come work for you or something. I mean, you have been hiring lately. And I'd get to work with Apollo. Yeah… I could be Ema Skye: Private Scientific Investigator. That would be really cool. I'd never have to see the glimmerous fop again if I didn't want to. And doesn't Mr. Edgeworth come over to visit a lot? Apollo mentioned it once."

"Ema!" Phoenix shouted.

Ema swallowed her Snackoos. "Sorry, Mr. Wright," she said, adjusting her glasses, "but you know how that man is."

"All you need to do to get hired is ask Mr. Godot," Kristoph said cheerfully.

"Do you guys need a judge?" Juniper said.

"Hey! I was here first!" Ema snapped.

"Can we _please _talk about the crime scene?" Phoenix said, wishing more and more that he'd just sent… Athena, or something.

"Oh, well, there's not much there to be honest. This is one of the weakest cases we've had in a while," Ema said, "there's no witnesses, the security camera was turned off by Ms. Oldbag's keycard but she reported it missing last night and when we arrested her this morning it was on her, and there are basically no fingerprints, dying messages, or even anything special with the knife. It'd be the perfect crime, basically, because apparently no one actually saw someone enter the chamber."

"I'm… not sure that's so true," Phoenix said, remembering Oldbag's psyche-locks.

"Yeah, well, no one's come forward to say anything," Ema said. "Oh, and get this. Apparently this woman, Orly, took over as the boss of the biggest prison gang here, 'The Other Branch Family' about two months ago. She actually rose through the ranks really fast, too. So as a result, she got an exclusive cell."

"Is that why there are no other cells around here?" Kristoph said, glancing around.

Ema nodded. "It was a special privilege I extracted from the warden," Iris said, reappearing; she was fixing her braids for some reason. "The Big O took over for me after my last second-in-command died under mysterious circumstances."

"I think Thena watched that once…" Juniper said.

"So, in other words, no witnesses, no evidence, no footage, no nothing," Phoenix said.

"That's about right," Ema said cheerfully. "I hope the glimmerous fop loses, before Mr. Edgeworth comes back."

"Yeah, well, if all goes well Oldbag will be found innocent," Phoenix said, "in the first trial day."

And then they heard the sound of rock music. "Fräulein Detective, still hard at work?" Klavier said, and he pressed a button on an iPod he had attached to his belt. "As acting chief prosecutor, I hope you've done more here than glaring into the swimming parlor accomplished."

"Damon Gant blackmailed my sister! Of course I'm mad!" Ema said, "oh, and he also killed two people and tried to blame me for one of them."

"And I'd believe that if not for the fact that you spent the whole time glaring at Fräulein Woods," Klavier said, and he air-guitarred. "Herr Wright, we found a witness!"

"What."

"Ja, it's a stroke of luck," Klavier said, "you'll see in court tomorrow, Herr Wright."

"Oh," Phoenix said.

"Fear not, Wright-dono," Blackquill said, entering from the other hallway, animé music following in his wake. "Let me pause the main theme from _Kauboi Bibappu_." And the music stopped. "Our witness tomorrow is Mimi Miney."

"Why would you tell him that!?" Klavier said, "now he'll know how to circumvent her entire testimony!"

"Probably for the same reason that Skye-dono told them about the crime scene," Blackquill said. He tapped his temple. "Gavin-dono, here at the prosecutorial offices we seek close ties to the premier law agencies."

Klavier glared at Ema, who ate Snackoos vehemently. "Well, we'll see about court tomorrow," Klavier said, "and find out who handles it… Herr Blackquill."

"Yes, indeed we _shall_ see," Blackquill said. He smirked and added, "Gavin-dono."

They both restarted their music and left the way they came, thoroughly confusing Phoenix and his associates (minus Kristoph, who smiled blandly).

"Well, looks like court'll be easy if those two rip their throats out," Kristoph said cheerfully.

"Can we leave now?" Juniper said, "I don't like staying too long in prisons…"

"It's not that bad," Iris and Kristoph said together.

Phoenix sighed. What had Oldbag gotten herself into?

* * *

**A/N: I don't know how obvious it is, but this chapter (and the next) were a collaboration in the truest sense - Sith wrote the segments with Phoenix and I wrote the segments with Edgeworth. Obviously we gave each other ideas, but... yeah!**


	7. Turnabout Oldbag, Part II

_Back to Edgeworth_

"I wonder what the prosecution's doing in your absence, Mr. Edgeworth," Gumshoe said.

"It's been less than a day since I was kidnapped. Surely they can handle themselves," Edgeworth said. "Now, Gumshoe. Bring in the first suspect."

Gumshoe, Edgeworth, and Franziska had spent the last three hours interrogating all the Oldbags and learning absolutely nothing, only that they all had witnessed each other, in some way, at the time of the crime according to Dr. Kamosinko's autopsy report. Speaking of the good doctor, he'd also provided his own testimony: that he'd seen three people enter Manella's room, thus invalidating Gumshoe, Edgeworth, and Franziska's hard work.

"Sometimes I hate that coroner," Edgeworth muttered under his breath as Kamosinko sauntered off, whistling what he called the 'national anthem of glorious Mother Russia', not that Edgeworth could actually tell over the sound of Franziska whipping Gumshoe for wasting her time.

Sometimes Edgeworth really did wonder if he should stop Franziska. But he decided against it. Pain equals bad, after all.

"Here's the first suspect, pal," Gumshoe said, "Kay and the others are watching the other two." Then Gumshoe threw Dee Vasquez into the bedroom Edgeworth had appropriated and shut the door.

"I see what's going on here," Vasquez said, standing up to her full height (about equal to Edgeworth with her shoes on) and walking forward proudly, "you suspect me because of my self-defense case all those years ago."

"No," Franziska said, "we suspect you because you have no alibi." Then she whipped Edgeworth. "Sit down!"

"Why did you whip _me_!?" Edgeworth demanded of Franziska as Vasquez sat down and took out a cigarette holder. "Also, no smoking."

And Franziska whipped the cigarette out of her hand. Vasquez sighed heavily and said, "what do you want? I didn't do it. I have no motive."

"You knew him," Edgeworth said, "I spoke with him once and even I have a motive now."

"So you are admitting to your guilt?" Vasquez said.

"At the time of the murder, according to Kamosinko's report, I was being 'rescued' by Lotta Hart."

"Hmph," Vasquez said, and she looked away. "Look, I went into Manella's room because he had something to show me."

"And that was?" Edgeworth said.

"He wanted to show me a picture of a pony he called 'Princess Celestial Sparkle' that he said reminded him of me," Vasquez said. "So I put my cigarette out in its face and he cried. Then I left."

"I can't blame you," Franziska said. "Next!"

The next witness was a real loser who was wearing fingerless gloves and some sort of a trench coat that, unlike with Edgeworth's father or even Gumshoe, did not look good on him. This was Cody Hackins, as the helpful, washed-out "My Name is Cody Hackins" sticker on his trenchcoat showed. He had a trilby on his hat and looked somewhat skinny and weak. He also had a katana strapped to his back.

"My name is-"

"We know," Franziska said.

Hackins stared, wide-eyed, at Franziska. "M'lady…" he whispered.

Franziska whipped him. "I've heard enough from people like you," Franziska said.

Hackins pouted. "B-but… _laid low by the Matriarchy! Friendzoned again!"_

"What is he even going on about?" Edgeworth said.

"Oh, I just said that in reflex," Franziska said, "he has the distinct look of 'loser' about him."

"Come to think of it, he does vaguely resemble Larry," Edgeworth said. "Now, why were you in here?"

"Well, Mr. Manella and I have certain… commonalities," Hackins said. "You know, like Rainbow Rarity."

"Is that some sort of chocolate?" Franziska said, and she added haughtily, "I don't understand you Americans."

Edgeworth decided not to question the rainbow chocolate. "Anyway, how long were you in here?"

"Well, not too long. We started to argue and then he called my chokuto a katana. And he insulted Flubberdash!" Hackins said.

"Is that a pony?" Franziska demanded.

"No, it's a shipping," Hackins said.

"…I see," Edgeworth said, deciding not to ask what a shipping even _was_. "And that's your chokuto?"

"No, that's a tsurugi," Hackins said.

"Then where is your chokuto?" Franziska asked.

"What? Right here," Hackins said, "except it's not a chokuto. It's a tachi."

"Just kick him out," Edgeworth said, "I suppose that's motive enough."

"Don't dis the kodachi!" Hackins wailed as Franziska whipped him out.

"Next!"

The last suspect was Penny Nichols, who also had a faded convention tag. She was dressed in her usual vest-striped shirt combo, although she had gained a little weight and had added gloves and various political badges on her vest to her outfit. "Hello," she said, "my name is Penny Nichols."

"Miles Edgeworth," Edgeworth said, "haven't we-"

"Hey! I wasn't talking to you!" she snapped, "I was talking to the _womyn _in front of me! Check your privilege!"

"What do you want?" Franziska said, her whip at the ready.

"I suppose you want to know where I was when Sal Manella was killed," Nichols said. "Well, _I _was busy smashing the Patriarchy on my blog."

"Your blog," Edgeworth said.

"Yes. My blog. It's anti-rape culture, anti-fat shaming, anti-ableism, anti-poverty, anti-"

"We get it," Franziska said, and she cracked her whip. "Little brother," she said to Edgeworth, "don't you know her? Has she always been like this?"

"No, never," Edgeworth said.

"Hey, slow down, b*ddy!" Nichols said, somehow censoring her own dialogue. "I use zher/zim/zhe, okay!?"

"You are not involved in our private discussions," Edgeworth replied, glaring at her, "but if it will make you feel any better, I'll refer to you as an 'it'."

"Ha! Yes! Smash the gender binary!" it whooped.

"I think that's motive enough," Franziska said, "you entered Manella's room?"

"Yes, I entered that room," Nichols said, "the home of such a disgusting cishet white male… I did it to make sure any other femmes could enter after me!"

"In other words, you entered to gawk about Steel Samurai and were driven off by the repulsive man inside?" Edgeworth said.

"Yes," Nichols said, "although technically, it invited me."

"Alright," Franziska said, "leave, Nichols. I must discuss this with little brother."

They kicked it out and began to talk. "Well, this seems rather clear to me," Edgeworth said, "it seems we have a locked-room murder on our hands. And all of our suspects seem likely to have been the killer."

"Wait, this is a locked-room murder?" Franziska said.

"Yes," Edgeworth said, "the master key card was under lock and key in the front lobby and was impossible to access considering there was an Oldbag stationed there the whole time."

"Stop calling the staff Oldbags."

"Further, I had Gumshoe test those keycards and he told me that they all worked only on Manella's door."

"I see," Franziska said, "so Manella died with the keycards on him… despite dying instantly according to the autopsy report."

"…come to think of it," Edgeworth said, "that _does _seem contradictory…"

* * *

_Wright_

The day had continued from there. Nothing had been learned, leaving Phoenix to think of ways to try and crack Oldbag's psyche-locks. Finally, he realized he had only one thing he could do: bribe her. But with what?

Logic dictated that he find something of Edgeworth's to give her. He was currently at the agency and couldn't think of anything of Edgeworth's that he actually had. Unlike _certain _lawyers who had pictures of their rivals in the shower, Phoenix did not.

Mia was still going over the books ("these finances are _awful_, Phoenix. You _know _Maya ins't good at math, right?"), Armando was being useful and helping her, Kristoph was muttering under his breath and glaring at Armando, Athena had been roped into watching some show with Trucy and Pearl, and Apollo had decided to go "find information" at the prosecutorial office, aka, try and hide from an increasingly-distressed Juniper via a lot of loud, loud noise.

Privately, Phoenix wondered if they should take Juniper to a hospital, because this clearly wasn't supposed to happen. In any case, Iris was helping her look, since apparently they were similar or something.

And then Phoenix realized something: Edgeworth's office probably wasn't locked, was it? So that meant that he could just go and "borrow" something from Edgeworth! And, whistling, he left the office to go pay the prosecutors (and the chief prosecutor's desk) a visit.

He heard the building long before he saw it. A cacophony consisting of rock and pop in two different languages were emanating from the building. The glass looked strained and there was a large crowd of prosecutors milling about in front of the building, their eyes screwed up and their hands over their ears. Apollo, Iris, and Juniper were amongst them, and they all seemed to be in pain.

"Mr. Wright!" Apollo shouted over the din, though Phoenix could only barely hear him, "please go get those two to stop their music! It's too loud!"

Phoenix saluted and ran back to the agency. "Pearls!" he said, "I need some help!"

"Yes, Mr. Nick?" she said, not taking her eyes off of the TV.

"I need you to switch places with Mia," Phoenix said, "I need Maya for something."

Pearl sighed and nodded. Mia nodded as well and she switched to Pearl. "Back to work," she said, "I should get payed for this…"

"I might have a plan," Armando said, smirking.

"Uh, Nick," Maya said timidly, "you're not mad about me embezzling, are you?"

"As long as it was for a good reason, I guess," Phoenix said.

"Oh! Well, in that case I'm glad you forgive me!" she said, "it was to pay for Apollo and Mr. Godot's new house!"

"…the one Lamiroir left them?" Phoenix said.

"No," Armando said, "_my _new one, so that Apollo can have that house back."

"Great," Phoenix said, "come on, Maya, let's go. I need your skills."

Half an hour later, Phoenix (plus earplugs) and a newly-channeled Bobby Fulbright were prepared to storm the building. "ALRIGHT!" Fulbright said, somehow yelling over the noise entirely, "SAY IT WITH ME! **IN JUSTICE WE TRUST!**"

"In justice we trust!" Phoenix shouted back.

And yelling, the two stormed into the building. "I'LL SHUT OFF THE SPEAKERS!" Fulbright shouted.

"I'll find Edgeworth's office!" Phoenix yelled.

And they went their separate ways. After about five minutes, the painful music finally stopped, causing the silence to sound deafening in comparison; his ears were still ringing. Finally, Phoenix found Edgeworth's office, which mercifully was intact, minus a shattered glass case. "Let's see…" Phoenix said, "something of Edgeworth's, something of Edgeworth's…"

And then his eyes fell on a suit mounted on the wall. "Hmm…"

* * *

_Edgeworth_

"I feel a great disturbance in the Force," Edgeworth said grumpily as every guest in the building prepared for a steaming-hot lunch prepared by Larry and Lotta.

"Don't worry, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said, "I'm sure nothing bad will happen."

"Something bad _will _happen," Gumshoe said, "I've seen how this ends, pal. Three witnesses, tension between the three, dead person was a jerk, a group of well-meaning detectives caught up in the killer's crazy scheme… next thing you know, pal, someone else's going to die!"

"Don't be ridiculous, detective," Edgeworth said.

"And there's a locked room, too, Gummy!" Kay said, "you're right! It's like in Case Closed!"

"Hey. We call that 'Detective Conan', pal," Gumshoe said.

"Put your mangas out of mind, da?" Kamosinko said, "this is no Detective Conan."

"I need to use the restroom," Vasquez said, standing up.

"Meitantei Conan!" wailed Hackins, "and I need to go too!"

"Me three," Nichols said.

And the three walked off. "Larry, keep an eye on them," Edgeworth ordered.

Naturally, half an hour passed and Hackins and Nichols returned. "Where's Vasquez?" Edgeworth said, "she's practically our prime suspect right now…"

"Really?" Lotta said, "ooh, explain!"

"First off, she has the strongest motive out of all three, because she constantly had to put up with the victim for years," Edgeworth said. This statement caused quite a few nodding heads. "Furthermore, I've figured out the locked-room trick already, and I believe that Vasquez is, quite frankly, the only person who could have come up with something like it."

"You've figured out the killer locked the room?" Franziska said. "Explain," she ordered, cracking her whip.

Edgeworth tapped his temple and smiled smugly. "It's simple, really. After killing Manella, the killer took his keycards and left the room to go get a different set of keycards, which were planted on the body. The room was locked using Manella's keys, and initial inspection wouldn't reveal that the ones on the body were different because they're all identical."

"Lotta Hart heard the moment of the killing. She would have seen the killer leaving," Franziska said.

Edgeworth shrugged and shook his head. "That's assuming, of course, that what she heard was actually the moment of the stabbing. Let's suppose that it wasn't; what Lotta heard was the killer faking Manella's dying scream in order to create a false time of death. The swapping of the keycards actually occurred before this."

"Wouldn't even a fool like her realize that the scream was different?"

"Lotta had never met Manella before, and the obvious conclusion in this case is that it was the victim who screamed."

"Da." Kamosinko interjected. "Victim did not have time to scream anyway. Stabbed in wrong place. If Hart heard him, Hart would hear scream turn to gurgle."

"Oh… I didn't hear that, y'all…" Lotta said, crossing her arms and shivering.

"Fine," Franziska said. "Why, then, did we find Sal Manella's keycards on his body again?"

"They must have been swapped after the body was discovered," Edgeworth said. "It's probable that they were switched around the time of the autopsy."

"Yes, but that does not explain why she is the most suspicious." Franziska said, fiddling with her whip. "Any of the suspects could have had the opportunity to do so."

"I saw Vasquez lurking around autopsy room," Kamosinko said, "around time body was brought down. Could have swapped cards then."

"Furthermore," Edgeworth said, "according to Gumshoe's interrogation of Kamosinko, the last person he saw go into the room was Vasquez."

"It was?" Gumshoe said, and Edgeworth glared at him. "Oh… wait, did you find my notes?"

"You dropped them in the interrogation room after throwing Nichols out," Edgeworth said.

Gumshoe blushed and scratched his head. "In any case," Franziska said, "where is Dee Vasquez right now?"

"She went into the bathroom," Hackins said, and he unsheathed his sword. "After that, I don't know what happened."

"Same here," Nichols said, "I bet that the cislord Hackins drove her off with his displaying of masculinity."

"Hey! Men have problems too!" Hackins shouted.

"Please," Nichols said, "people like you make me want to vomit-"

Franziska whipped them both. "Literally no one cares," Franziska informed them. "Now. Which bathroom did Dee Vasquez use?"

Nichols and Hackins sighed. "Follow me," the latter said.

But it was not to be, because at that moment an Oldbag ran into the room and screamed, "whippersnappers! You ruined the bathroom! Now there's blood everywhere!"

Dee Vasquez was dead.

* * *

_Wright_

The glass case protecting the suit was cracked and fell apart when Phoenix touched it. Fortunately, no glass actually got on his hands. Then, he slowly reached out towards the enticing red-and-gold outfit that looked both so unfamiliar and yet somehow… intimate. After all, it was practically an icon of a younger Edgeworth's life…. Yes, he would take this for his own ends… Oldbag could have the cravat, but someone would have to safeguard this work of art until Edgeworth was back-

"Hey! STEALING'S ILLEGAL!"

Phoenix jumped and turned around to see Detective Fulbright, still dressed in Maya's purple channeling robes, pointing dramatically at Phoenix. "It wouldn't be very just to steal the chief prosecutor's clothes!" Fulbright said, "now, come on, say it with me: in _justice _we trust, not _injustice _we trust!"

"Uh… right," Phoenix said as Fulbright somehow produced his badge. "Look, I need _something _to bribe Oldbag with." And Phoenix explained to Fulbright about Wendy Oldbag and how he was pretty sure he could bribe her for information if his last "real" encounter with her was true.

"Well," Fulbright said, "how about a paper! I'm sure he's signed something."

"Those are all warrants," Phoenix said, "I don't think we can take them-"

"I'm sure they're not important," Fulbright said, "there should be copies." He tried to push up nonexistent sunglasses, sighed, and then pulled a paper off of Edgeworth's desk. "Here you go! Now this is justice in action!"

"Isn't this also stealing?" Phoenix said.

"No!" Fulbright declared, and he presented his badge. "I am an officer of the law!"

"…thanks, Fulbright," Phoenix said. "Now, have you seen Blackquill or Klavier?"

"I have seen no one in the building besides you," Fulbright said, "but fortunately, I disconnected all the sound-making equipment and pushed them out the window."

"Hopefully they'll list that as an accident," Phoenix said.

"Don't worry. They only landed on some bushes that looked like Mr. Gavin from above."

"Hasn't it only been a day?" Phoenix said, "oh well. Fulbright, see if you can find and keep distracting Blackquill or Klavier. I need to go meet with my client."

"Alright!" Fulbright said, "in justice we trust!"

"Yeah… in justice we trust."

Phoenix took this opportunity to head back to the detention center. _Time to break those psyche-locks._

"What do you want now, whippersnapper?" Oldbag demanded as soon as she laid eyes on Phoenix.

"I know you saw something the night of the crime," Phoenix began. "I'm here to find out what."

"I didn't see anything." The psyche-locks reappeared. "Not anything that I'll tell you, anyway," she continued, sneering.

"Even if I give you… this?" Phoenix said confidently, showing her the warrant.

Oldbag looked it over. "This isn't even in my name. I hope you didn't bother Edgey-poo too much when you stole it from right under his handsome nose, you thieving whippersnapper."

"He wasn't in his office when I took it," Phoenix sighed, sitting down. "He's been missing since yesterday afternoon…"

"He whaaaaaaat?" Oldbag screeched.

"I thought you knew something about it…?"

"No, I didn't!" Oldbag said. Her psyche-locks all shattered. "I saw Edgey-poo enter that Russian whippersnapper's cell around the time of the crime!"

"What?" Phoenix said, sitting up straight. "Is that what you were hiding?"

"Of course it was, you whippersnapper!" Oldbag snapped. "Did you think I'd turn on my precious Edgey-poo like that?! But since it wasn't actually him, well, I already told you, didn't I?"

"Thanks, Ms. Oldbag!" Phoenix said, standing up. _At least I got an actual lead on the murder case! Even if Oldbag doesn't know anything about the kidnapping… _"I guess no one wants this," Phoenix muttered, and started to crumple up the warrant.

"Hey! Give me that!" Oldbag snapped. "It has Edgey-poo's signature on it!"

"I thought you didn't want it since it wasn't in your name."

"I never said that, did I, whippersnapper?"

* * *

_Edgeworth_

On the plus side, the crime scene itself didn't look very complicated. Dee Vasquez's body was in the bathroom she was expected to be in and had a knife sticking out of her throat. Gruesome, yes, but clearly a quick death. Dr. Kamosinko was not needed to get a time of death: rigor mortis hadn't even set in.

On the downside, there didn't seem to be any real clues. Vasquez hadn't died in a manner that lent itself to dying messages, nor were there any obvious mistakes on the killer's end - no articles of clothing left behind, no fingerprints found on the knife (Franziska knew how to make impromptu fingerprint power using a candle wick), no strands of hair stuck in the corpse's fist (not that that would help much. Hackins and Nichols had similar hair colors).

The real problem was the fact that Nichols and Hackins appeared to have some semblance of an alibi for the past three hours or so; they were both being watched.

"I think it's safe to assume that the person who killed Manella is also the killer here," Edgeworth said after a moment of quiet investigating.

"Unless she stabbed herself, sir," Gumshoe helpfully offered. Edgeworth ignored him. That was stupid.

Edgeworth started poking around on the opposite side of the bathroom. There wasn't much to see there, either, except for a squarish hole in the wall that appeared to have been blocked off already. Idly, Edgeworth wondered what Wright was doing. Probably freaking out. Edgeworth doubted that any of his "rescuers" had actually contacted Wright to tell him that Edgeworth wasn't dead or injured or even in any particular danger, not counting the risk to his sanity.

"Was this bathroom well-maintained at all?" Edgeworth asked the nearest Oldbag.

"Of course it was. What do you take us for?" the Oldbag demanded, and then relaxed, waving her hand. "Well, I suppose it's alright if you're asking… this is a rather large hotel, you know, so every little scratch or scrape can't be plastered over in a timely manner. This bathroom isn't even used all that often."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "So no one noticed a hole that large?"

"Well obviously someone did," Oldbag snapped. "Someone blocked it up, didn't they?"

Franziska pushed the thing blocking the hole a little bit. "It appears to be plaster," she declared.

"Same color as the wall, too, sir," Gumshoe said, once again proving to be fantastically useless.

"It has a bit of give to it," Franziska continued. "I suppose it must be rather poorly attached."

"Maybe a guest was the one who fixed it," Kay offered. "Someone being a good Samaritan."

Edgeworth wandered back over to the body, noting that it was directly across the room from the hole. They were probably he glanced at the floor and saw signs that something had… damaged the floor. Something thin and strong, like a wire. He looked up against the opposite wall and saw the end of a cord. Eureka! "This is most likely a tripwire," he said, pointing at the cord.

"There's a wire there?" Gumshoe said. "I didn't even notice it, sir!"

"Yeah! Neither did I!" Kay said.

"That doesn't really surprise me," Edgeworth said, "although, Franziska, I expected better of you."

"I was… investigating the ceiling," Franziska said, readying her whip.

"…the ceiling."

"A perfect investigation requires investigation from all angles!" Franziska said, whipping Edgeworth.

_Even the unlikely ones?_ Edgeworth thought, but he decided not to push his luck. Instead he walked over to the suspicious wall. "Detective, do you have a flashlight?"

"Of course, sir," Gumshoe said cheerfully, producing one from nowhere and shining it on the hole in the wall. Edgeworth pressed in on the plaster stopping up the hole. With a little effort, the plaster was pushed back into the wall, allowing the assembled investigators a look at what was in the apparently hollow wall.

"…is that a crossbow?" Kay asked after a moment of silence.

"Why is there a crossbow in the wall?" Edgeworth said. He stood up and turned to the Oldbag. The Oldbag shrugged. _Why am I always the one investigating weird buildings?_

"Is this what you were expecting, little brother?"

"I was expecting something spring-loaded. I was not expecting a _crossbow_."

* * *

_Wright_

Trial was set for tomorrow, but Phoenix was pretty much set for court. Ema wasn't able to find any recordings of a person dressed like Edgeworth going through the halls of the prison, but that was no surprise considering the missing keycard; she had dispatched some police officers to find an Edgeworth suit but none had been found so far and it seemed likely, according to her, that the suit had simply been taken by the culprit or burnt- if it had existed at all.

And so Phoenix decided instead to try and motivate everyone for tomorrow. "C'mon, chief," he said, "I need help."

Mia sighed. "You're a grown man, Phoenix, do your own work," she said, "and hire someone to do your finances. These are awful."

"Tell your sister that," Phoenix said, thumbing backwards at Maya and Trucy, who were currently arguing about the merits of the Steel Samurai.

"And she's a grown woman too…" Mia said, "I still can't believe that she's the master. By the way, where did Diego go? I thought he was going to go get hamburgers for us or something?"

Come to think of it, where were the rest of the lawyers? When Phoenix came back from the detention center, he was unable to find Athena, Kristoph, or Armando; in addition, Apollo, Juniper, and Iris had vanished off the face of the Earth. Phoenix decided to call Apollo at least, since he was technically supposed to be the second-in-command, at least when it came to lawyers, but he just got voicemail. Then he called Iris.

"Oh, hello, Phoenix," she said, and Phoenix could hear in the background Damon Gant again, "Mr. Justice and Ms. Cykes and their friends brought me to their pool work-out."

She terminated the phone call and Phoenix sighed. What was Gant doing? Why was everyone's work ethic so terrible? "Daddy, where's my swimsuit?" Trucy said suddenly, "I want to go swim-exercising too!"

"No," Phoenix said, "the instructor killed two people."

"I'm up for it," Mia said, standing, "Maya, you wouldn't happen to have something in my size, would you?"

"Sorry, sis," Maya said, "here, let's go shopping! Nick will pay!"

"No I won't!" Phoenix yelled after them, but Maya stuck her tongue out and flashed his credit card. "MAYA!"

Trucy ran off upstairs and a few moments later Armando opened the door. "Sorry, I just ordered some coffee," Armando said, "and I already drank it. Can I get those orders again- where is everyone?"

"They're going swimming with Damon Gant," Phoenix said.

"Ha. That sounds like a good idea," Armando said, and he shut the door. Phoenix wasn't so sure that was sarcasm either.

"C'mon, Daddy!" Trucy said, poking her head in, "let's go! Let's go exercise!"

Phoenix sighed. Hopefully there would be _someone _there to make sure that Gant didn't kill anyone…

Damon Gant's swim exercise parlor was being helpfully guarded by Ema, who appeared to be debating with herself over whether she should go inside or not. "On the one hand," she said, "Gant's in there. On the other hand… Apollo's in there."

"Shouldn't you be guarding the crime scene?" Phoenix asked as Trucy ran inside.

"You're not my boss," Ema said, and she began furiously eating Snackoos.

"What about your sister? What would she think?" Phoenix said. He didn't mean to guilt-trip her or something, but someone really should be guarding the crime scene…

And Ema wordlessly pointed at the sign again. Phoenix glanced up and saw that the entire title was "Damon Gant's Swimming Exercise Parlor (In Conjunction with Skye Pools)". "My sister owns this place," Ema said, "and she's letting Gant use it because they're bringing in a lot of money. I mean, she's going to be taking over as chief of police soon too, so…"

Apparently that was why Ema wouldn't face any consequences. "Ema, please tell me someone's guarding the crime scene," Phoenix said.

"Oh, don't worry about that," Ema said, adjusting her glasses, "we've got someone."

Across the city, Texan music was mysteriously emanating from Detective Marshall while he stood guard at Orly's former cell.

"Anyway," Ema said, "I guess I'll go in too."

Gant's swimming exercises was packed with people and also cost quite a bit of money to get a membership too. Gant himself was standing on a platform at the end of a set of large pools and people were standing, about five feet away from each other in every direction, copying his moves. "Now the most important thing," Gant said, his voice ringing through the noisy facility, "is to remember to breathe. Now, say it with me: one two one two in out in out breathe!"

"One two one two in out in out breathe!" the exercisers chanted back.

Phoenix went into the changing rooms, picked his way past the crowded lockers to find one he could use (and wound up very quickly sharing with a newly-arrived Armando and his coffee), and changed into a nice blue swimming suit that he considered pinning his badge to, but decided against.

And Phoenix and Armando left to join the other useless, useless lawyers. Almost everyone was dressed normally (for a pool) except for Kristoph, who still seemed to be wearing normal clothes, and Athena, who was in the wetsuit as previously described. And while on the one hand, the sight of so many women (and totally only women, stupid Mr. Armando distracting him) in their swimsuits was not exactly a bad thing to Phoenix.

On the other hand, the Judge in what appeared to be a speedo was.

"My eyes…" he whispered to himself before joining the throng of exercise chants. Before long, Maya, Mia, and Ema arrived, and Phoenix had to remind himself that Mia was, technically speaking, Pearl at the moment.

Armando threw a cup of coffee at him for perving on Mia.

At the end of swim-exercise, Phoenix did feel rejuvenated, though. It was amazing… he felt like he could take the entire court on, and still come out on top!

And apparently he wasn't the only one who felt that way. "Let's go catch that crook!" Athena shouted, punching her hand with her fist, "right, boss!?"

"Yeah! It's finally time to feel fine!" Apollo said. He looked kind of funny at the moment considering his hair had been messed up and his… antenna?… were currently drooping into his face.

"Ja!" Klavier said, suddenly appearing, and he air guitarred. "Let's prove that Fräulein Oldbag is the real killer, eh, Herr Blackquill?"

Blackquill, who was standing next to him and had some sort of blue otter swim trunks, hmphed and crossed his arms. "Don't talk to me," he said. "Skye-dono, who's watching the crime scene?"

"Jake Marshall is," Ema replied, and she produced a snack bag out of the aether and began eating.

"No eating allowed in the pool," Juniper growled aggressively, and the two began arguing about pool rules and Snackoos.

"Let's get away from here," Apollo said, and WAA's staff walked out of the pool.

"Hopefully my fingernail polish didn't leech off into the pool water," Kristoph said cheerfully, "I don't know how atroquinine reacts with chlorine."

"Please tell me you didn't coat your fingernails in poison," Phoenix said.

Kristoph just smiled again. Privately Phoenix wished that Kristoph wouldn't be so "friendly" around him when they both knew Kristoph was anything but.

"Well, I had a great time," Armando said, "I drank coffee."

"…that's all you do anyway," Maya said, "Mr. Godot…"

"What? I can't see anyone with a red swimsuit anyways," he shook his head and summoned a coffee cup.

"Wait, so you can't see Polly?" Trucy said.

"I see a floating forehead," Armando said.

"Ok, cut it out," Apollo said, his eyes narrowed, "I can see through your lies."

"I wonder what Mr. Edgeworth's doing?" Iris said.

"Probably freaking out," Phoenix said, "or maybe he's yelling at the Oldbags or something."

"Mr. Wright!" the Judge said suddenly, and yes, he was dressed in a speedo that everyone (save Armando and Kristoph) looked away from, "I see you've decided to unwind before another long day in court. I do too!"

"I can see that, your Honor," Phoenix said, trying very hard not to.

The Judge frowned. "You only have to call me 'your Honor' in court, you know. My real name is-"

And the Judge was cut off when a train very loudly derailed next to the building. "…maybe we should go before all the emergency workers arrive," Phoenix said, "don't want to get in their way."

"Well, I'll see you in court tomorrow, Mr. Wright," the Judge said, and he walked off to the changing rooms.

* * *

_Edgeworth_

"Why was there a crossbow in the wall, anyway?"

That was the million-dollar question when the 'investigation team' regrouped as far away as possible from the suspects, witnesses/guards, crimes scenes, and hotel staff. As it stood, the case was at a standstill until they (read: Edgeworth) could figure out why exactly Vasquez was killed. It seemed like an illogical move at best.

Their makeshift fingerprinting of the crossbow didn't yield any results due to the incomplete prints, which Edgeworth suspected was more the fault of the cramped conditions that the dusting had taken place in as opposed to carefulness on the killer's part. However, they had to forge on: once they found out who booby-trapped the bathroom with the intent of killing Vasquez was, Manella's murderer would automatically be known. Right?

"It doesn't make sense." Franziska said after a while. "First: how did the crossbow get into the wall? There are not any signs of the wall itself being modified at any point."

"Maybe it was constructed like that?" Kay suggested. "Lots of old places have booby traps. Maybe this was just a matter of reloading it."

"Or maybe it was already loaded and no one used that bathroom until now," Gumshoe said.

"Fools," was Franziska's only response.

"She has a point," Edgeworth pointed out. "Suppose that it was constructed like that to begin with. That would make the Ol- er, the hotel staff more suspicious."

"Unless Cody Hackins or Penny Nichols knew of the crossbow's existence somehow. Perhaps one of the hotel staff told one of them," Franziska asked.

"I already asked all the members of staff I could find, sir," Gumshoe said, "and I asked about the crossbow. None of them knew about it to begin with."

"Good job, Scruffy." Whip.

"How would either of them know, then?" Kay said. "Did one of them notice that the wall was hollow? Or at least investigated the bathroom themselves at one point?"

"I think the real question is 'Why would the culprit want to kill Vasquez in the first place?'" Edgeworth pointed out. "She was our prime suspect. As long as we assume that the one who rigged the crossbow was also Manella's killer, suspicion for both crimes shifts back to the remaining suspects. Usually if a killer is going to murder someone related to the case, it's to keep suspicion away from them."

"Perhaps Dee Vasquez saw something," Franziska said.

"If she did, she certainly wasn't planning on telling us, sir," Gumshoe replied.

"What if Vasquez was the real killer?" Kay offered. "And she just forgot that she set the trap and walked into it on accident?"

"No one would be foolish enough to do that," Franziska said.

"She raises an interesting point, though." Edgeworth said. "Suppose that Vasquez was the real killer and the crossbow was unrelated."

"Too much of a coincidence," Franziska said. "What is the likelihood that someone would be out to kill Dee Vasquez at the same night that she herself was out to kill Sal Manella?"

"Not very likely," Edgeworth admitted. "But what if the target of the crossbow trap wasn't Vasquez?"

"A random killing?!" Gumshoe yelled.

"That is possible," said Edgeworth.

"Do you still think that the two killers are the same, Mr. Edgeworth?" Kay asked.

"Yes." Edgeworth said.

"What would be the point of a random killing?" Franziska said. "Was the killer simply a foolish fool foolishly intent on the foolhardy wasting of foolish lives?"

"Hmm…" Edgeworth connected his thoughts. "I believe the fact that both witnesses seemed to have an alibi before we discovered the crossbow trick is important here. Perhaps it was set up to introduce the possibility of a mysterious serial killer unrelated to the actual guilty party."

There was a short pause.

"…where is Scruffy?" Franziska asked.

"Who cares?" Kay said, "let Gummy do what he wants. For now, we should probably go to bed. I'm pretty sure the sun's setting."

Edgeworth glanced at the snow-covered window and checked his watch. "It's almost 10 at night, at least in California," he said, "I don't actually know where we are. But, for now… we should retire. We will all sleep in the same room so that there are no more murders or killings."

Everyone else nodded. Tomorrow, it seemed, the true killer would be caught.

* * *

_Wright_

The night had passed without incident. This time, Armando did not stay the night in Phoenix's room. Kristoph was dropped off at the Gavin estate, and Athena, Apollo, Iris, etc. went home to their apartments, Armando absconded with Mia and Maya for a night of drinking (much to Phoenix's dismay, even if it was just drinking coffee), and Juniper and Ema stopped dogging the WAA staff and went… wherever they actually went. Their homes, hopefully. And Blackquill had left.

Leaving, for the first time in months, just Phoenix and Trucy at their little apartment over Wright Anything Agency. "Daddy, this is kind of boring," Trucy said, "Pearl's not here, Polly's not here, Uncle Godot's not here… Daddy, why does Polly stay here anyway?"

"Apparently problems with some co-renters," Phoenix said, "also, apparently it was Clay's old apartment, and… yeah."

"Oh… now I feel sorry for Polly…" Trucy said, looking down.

Someone knocked on the door and Pearl entered, a sleeping Maya on her shoulder. "Mystic Maya… drunk… too much…" Pearl said, "she got in a drinking match with someone named Robin, and…"

"Robin Newman?" Phoenix said, "is she even legal drinking age?"

"Well, apparently her ID checked out," Armando said, appearing in the doorway. "Don't worry, I was a responsible adult. I didn't let Mia drink so that nothing bad would happen to Pearl. And I don't drink to begin with."

"I'll go put her in bed," Pearl said, and she dragged Maya into Trucy's room.

"Good night, Wright," Armando said, "tell Apollo to call a repairman tomorrow, by the way. There's something wrong with his cable."

And then he shut the door. "Why doesn't Uncle Godot just live in his own house?" Trucy said.

"I honestly have no idea," Phoenix said, "maybe he knows Laminoir? Or maybe he's just lonely?"

"He lives alone, Daddy."

"Oh. Well…"

* * *

_Gumshoe_

Gumshoe ran into the waiting room. "THE KILLER'S OUT TO KILL EVERYONE!" Gumshoe shouted, "EVERYONE, WATCH YOURSELVES!"

Hackins screamed and pulled his sword out; Nichols pulled her phone out and began furiously typing, before growling, "where is the Internet!?"; Kamosinko pulled a set of vodka bottles out of his hat and guzzled them furiously; Lotta Hart ran into a window repeatedly, probably trying to escape; the hotel staff looked entirely unconcerned; and Larry fainted.

Mr. Edgeworth, Ms. Von Karma, and Kay entered the room. "…Gumshoe," Mr. Edgeworth said, "_what _is going on."

"The killer's trying to kill you sir!" Gumshoe shouted, and he grabbed Edgeworth by the shoulders and shook him. "Watch out, sir! He's trying to kill you!"

Ms. Von Karma whipped him. "Get a hold of yourself, Scruffy," she said, "everyone will be staying in this ballroom tonight. We will change out guards to ensure that no one else is killed. You just volunteered for first watch."

"B-but…"

"Don't make me cut your pay, detective," Mr. Edgeworth said.

"But I was just rehired!" Gumshoe wailed.

Mr. Edgeworth glared at him.

"C'mon, Gummy!" Kay said, "I'll stay up with you!"

"Oh, well… thanks," Gumshoe said, and he meant it. Time to settle in for a long night, he supposed.

* * *

_February 17, 9:54 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defense Lobby #4_

Today's defense would be conducted by Kristoph, Godot, and Apollo. Mr. Wright's reasoning seemed to be, "I'm mad at all of you for making me do everything yesterday", but when Apollo asked why _Athena _wasn't doing anything, Mr. Wright laughed and walked off towards the gallery.

"If you need anything, just call me down!" Athena said cheerfully, and she also left.

Leaving Apollo with Kristoph Gavin and Godot. "Well, today's the first time you've been in court in a long time," Apollo told Kristoph, "this should be a nice and easy court case. So don't worry."

"Well. Excuse you," Kristoph said, pushing his glasses up, "I've been doing this longer than you have." Then, his arms crossed, he added, "I don't need any so-called Chords of Steel to accomplish anything, unlike you."

"Yeah, well, like it or not technically speaking Red here is our boss," Godot said. He summoned a cup of coffee and began drinking it. "Listen to your subordinates when they have a good idea… that's one of my rules, Red. You'd best follow it."

"Yeah, please stop threatening me, you two," Apollo said. "Ms. Oldbag, Mr. Wright told me about what he'd learned. You really saw Mr. Edgeworth enter Orly's cell?"

"I saw what I saw, whippersnapper!" Oldbag said, "if I say I saw Edgeworth, I saw Edgeworth!"

"Miles Edgeworth was in the claws of a group of vicious old women at the time when Orly was killed," Kristoph said, adjusting his scary shiny glasses, "there's no way he was the killer."

"Well, we'll find out in court, won't we?" Godot said. "Coffee, Red?"

"No."

"Well, you weren't going to get some anyway."

"Will the defendant and defense please enter the courtroom?" the bailiff said.

* * *

_?, 9:54 AM, Oldbag Hotel, ?_

Edgeworth woke up. All around him, people were still asleep. He had taken a place by the door, specifically, blocking it, and as he was untouched and unmoved he surmised that no one had been able to get into the hotel at large. Gumshoe and Kay were slumped in the middle of the ballroom, snoring loudly, and an irritated Franziska and an oblivious Larry were standing guard at opposite ends of the ballroom.

"Nice of you to wake up, little brother," Franziska said, her voice ringing through the room, and then she cracked her whip. With a start, everyone woke up (save Gumshoe).

"Now what?" Edgeworth said as he stood up.

"Now we find the culprit," Franziska replied, cracking her whip again. Everyone started standing faster, and Kay started trying to shake Gumshoe awake.

"How are we supposed to do that?" Kay asked.

"That will be a little difficult," Edgeworth admitted, "since we have yet to find any real evidence."

"Obviously our investigation has not been thorough enough," Franziska said. "Which means we are not yet finished."

They headed back to Vasquez's crime scene once Gumshoe woke up. Two hours later, they had yet to find anything particularly useful. The killer had covered their tracks well, it seemed. Which was odd, considering that both of the suspects appeared to lack the foresight to properly conceal evidence to this extent. Of course, it didn't help that they were trying to preserve the crime scene as much as possible. Prosecutors (and detective) or not, a real police force had yet to arrive.

"Okay…" Edgeworth said after a tense, frustrated silence as the examination of the crime scene wound down. "Does anyone have any ideas? Any angles of investigation we haven't considered?"

"…the ceiling?" Kay threw out.

"I checked that yesterday," Franziska said.

"The toilet?" Kay suggested.

"I already checked, pal," Gumshoe said.

"Hmm… I don't know," Kay said.

Edgeworth sighed and looked at the crossbow concealed in the wall. It was probably pretty pointless to wonder why it was there in the first place, but… why did the killer know it was there, anyway? How had they come to discover it?

"Kay," Edgeworth said abruptly. "if something is hidden in a wall, how can you tell?"

"Huh? Um, well, you could knock on the wall. If there's something hidden in it, it's probably hollow."

"Are you wondering how the killer found the crossbow trap in the first place?" Franziska said. "Perhaps they were searching for it."

"Considering the hotel staff didn't know about it, that seems unlikely," Edgeworth said. "It's more probable that it was discovered on accident."

"Like, they fell against the wall, sir?" Gumshoe said.

"I do not see any signs of someone falling against the wall in here," Franziska said.

"Perhaps it wasn't discovered in _here_," Edgeworth said. "After all, a wall has two sides. I suggest we see if we can find any signs of damage to the wall in the room next to this one."

The room next door was a cramped storage closet that felt very isolated once you were inside it. Of course, the most noticeable thing was the large dent in the wall.

"That'll do it," Kay said immediately.

"The killer must have been hiding in here," Gumshoe said, "and then they tripped over something."

"Why would they be hiding in here?" Franziska immediately asked.

"Well… maybe they like isolated places?" Gumshoe said cheerfully.

"This doesn't prove anything," Franziska pointed out after whipping Gumshoe.

"No, it doesn't," Edgeworth agreed. "But it may provide us with a little clue," he said, holding up a flyer that was left lying around. Emblazoned on it was "The Patriarchy and You: Why You are Oppressed and How You Can Smash the Cishet Male Conspiracy."

* * *

_February 17, 10:00 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #3_

Today the court seemed somewhat… different. Klavier and Blackquill were as far apart from each other as the bench allowed, and Apollo couldn't exactly criticize them: after all, he had put Godot between him and Kristoph. In addition, the gallery was actually rather empty, although all of WAA had turned out; the rubber-stamp jury appeared to be snoozing or playing on phones. The biggest change, however, was the change in judges: the usual bushy gray-haired Judge was replaced with a blond-bearded Judge that Godot called "the Canadian Judge".

"Court is now in session for the trial of Wendy Oldbag, eh," the Canadian Judge said, and he slammed the gavel down. "Are the prosecution and defense ready?"

"The defense team is ready, your Honor," Apollo said.

"The prosecution is ready, Herr Judge," Klavier said.

"…where is his Baldness?" Blackquill said, "I was under the impression that he was to preside at this trial."

"My brother was taking a late-night jaunt near the prosecutorial offices when some sound equipment fell from a bush shaped like Prosecutor Gavin and nearly crushed his leg," the Canadian Judge, and he added, "I'm not sure how I feel about bushes shaped like prosecutors, Mr. Gavin. You'd best be careful in _this _court."

"…that doesn't actually explain why that kept him from coming to court today, your Honor," Apollo said.

The Canadian Judge shook his head. "Apparently he's suffering from PTSD, so he couldn't come."

"PTSD?" Kristoph said, "from a-"

"Post-traumatic Stereo Disorder," Klavier said, and he air-guitarred. "It's common in people almost crushed by sound equipment."

"…let's move on," Godot said. "The facts of the case are thus: last night, a group of roving lawyers and associates who were looking into another case via a CIA communications bunker built in the 'special' women's prison discovered the deceased, Olga Orly, along with prison security guard Wendy Oldbag. The prosecution contends that Oldbag was the murderer of Orly; the defense contends that the killer was a third party."

The Canadian Judge nodded. And then he added, "why are you giving the opening statement, eh? You aren't the prosecutor."

Godot summoned a coffee cup, shook his head whilst smirking, and took a long sip of coffee. "Clearly, the prosecution is too incompetent to deliver their opening statement," he said, "just look at how far they are apart now."

Blackquill and Klavier glared at each other and then at Godot. "I see the defense has decided to reveal its blades early," Blackquill said, "then so will I." And he pulled out a sword out of a sheathe that Apollo had not noticed until now.

"K-keep that thing away from me!" Klavier said, and he edged away even further. Blackquill began laughing and pounding the desk, and then sheathed his sword.

"Very well," Blackquill said, "I'll honor the wishes of the 'chief prosecutor'… for now." And he smirked.

"I'm not sure how I feel about swords in my court!" the Canadian Judge.

"Don't worry, your Honor," Apollo said, "as long as he can't throw that thing, I don't think we should be worried." Blackquill just smiled at this.

"Anyway, the prosecution should call its first witness," Kristoph said, "don't you think?" And he smiled again, and a chill went down Apollo's spine.

"Ach- ja, ja, he's right!" Klavier said, "the prosecution calls the Fräulein Detective."

No, he couldn't handle more of that! Apollo yelled, "NO!", climbed into the gallery, threw Athena down, and ran out of court.

"Well, we all have days like that," he heard the Canadian Judge say as the courtroom doors slammed shut.

* * *

_?, 11:15 AM, Oldbag Hotel, ?_

"It seems that our little investigation has come to an end," Edgeworth said when he, Kay, Gumshoe, and Franziska entered the ballroom yet again. The Oldbags had arrived with breakfast and water that they placed in the middle of the floor and one of them winked at Edgeworth when she left the room; Kamosinko and Larry were still standing guard while Nichols and Hackins ate and Lotta checked one of her cameras.

"Edgey! Franzy!" Larry said, "did you guys find anything out?"

Edgeworth smiled and raised his finger to his temple. Before entering, he had told Gumshoe, Franziska, and Kay to hold their tongues, which they did so now. "We have," Edgeworth said, "the evidence we need. But first. Franziska, Dr. Kamosinko, would you please take Ms. Nichols and Mr. Hackins into a private room and strip-search them? There is something in particular I am looking for."

Nichols and Hackins didn't have time to protest. They were quickly swept off, and Gumshoe was sent to help Kamosinko disarm Hackins and tell the coroner what, exactly, he was supposed to be looking for. That was, of course, very simple: whoever showed any signs of injury from falling into a wall would be the logical choice for the identity of the true murderer.

Before long, Franziska emerged. "Some foolish fool thought she could foolishly fool me by putting foolish gloves over her foolish hands to try and fool any foolish fool who doesn't think to look under the gloves for foolish bruises," she said, and she cracked her whip while Nichols walked in behind her, her gloves off but her hands clasped.

"I did not see any bruises," Kamosinko said, emerging with Gumshoe, "but there is one problem. Hackins not shut up about things I do not care about."

"But circumcision is a major problem! Don't you believe in bodily autonomy!?" Hackins wailed.

"Bodily what?" Gumshoe said.

"No one cares about circumcision," Kamosinko said, "look at me. I am-"

Franziska whipped him. "You can stop complaining, you fool," she said, "I had to put up with Nichols' babble. You can put up with the foolish utterings of Hackins."

"How would you be able to fall against a wall hard enough to bruise yourself?" Kay said.

Franziska whipped Edgeworth. "No comments about a woman's weight!" Franziska declared.

_Why are you whipping ME!? _Edgeworth thought. Then he sighed and shrugged. "If someone was pushed or tripped with sufficient force and slammed into the wall with their hands out without any protection on their hands, then it's not out of question that they would be bruised."

"Especially if already prone to bruising," Kamosinko mused. "Not out of question. Might be anemic."

"Regardless, the important thing is how Ms. Nichols was bruised," Edgeworth said. "Between this and our decisive piece of evidence, it's rather clear now that she was behind both murders."

"Wh-what are you talking about!?" Nichols said, "Hackins planted that pamphlet!"

Everyone stared at her. "What are ya talkin' about?" Lotta said. "What pamphlet?"

Edgeworth smiled and raised his finger to his temple. "Ms. Nichols. I wasn't aware that you had been told about the pamphlet we found. Did Ms. von Karma inform you?"

Nichols was sweating bullets, and Franziska answered for her: "what do you take me for, little brother?" she said haughtily.

"I've never seen a pamphlet!" Hackins said.

"Yes you have, MRA scum!" Nichols shouted. "You put it in that closet!"

"You act as if you want to be caught," Edgeworth said, and he shook his head. "Well, we're happy to oblige. Gumshoe, place her under arrest for two charges of murder."

Gumshoe happily slapped her in handcuffs. "Why'd you do it, perp!?" Larry said, "did they look at you funny!?"

"…why do you think I did it!?" Nichols demanded, "he was an oppressive white cishet _scumbag_."

"…that's not a good reason for killing someone," Lotta said, "like, ain't he asain?"

"Japanese-American," Edgeworth said. "I have… had to look him up before, for a case of course." Franziska rolled her eyes. "Tell us. How did you kill Manella?"

"I stabbed him right in his problematic lungs!" Nichols said. "I can still remember what happened…"

Slow jazz played (courtesy of the Oldbags) while Nichols poured out her heart. "It all started when I watched an episode of Cadmium Samurai," she said. "It was many years ago…"

* * *

_Meanwhile, with Armando_

Diego Armando considered his line of attack here. Red had run off and thrown Yellow down to replace him, but the Canadian Judge had already decided that Armando would be taking charge. Heh. Like taking coffee from a college student.

The Bird Nerd and Rockstar were glaring at each other still. Armando wasn't entirely sure if they had noticed that Red had run off.

The Canadian Judge coughed. "Well," he said, "where is Detective Fräulein?"

"Detective Skye will be here shortly," Bird Nerd said, and his eyes flashed when he slammed his arms on the desk. "Give me three minutes."

"I-I see," the Canadian Judge.

Bird Nerd whistled and his bird Taka flew off. Before long, the detective ran in, swatting above her to hold off Taka. "Name and profession," Rockstar said, and he air-guitared.

"Ema Skye," she said, and Taka flew off to Bird Nerd again. "Detective."

"…then who is Detective Fräulein?" the Canadian Judge said, "is he your substitute?"

"Objection!" Yellow shouted, full of life as always. "Your Honor, Detective Skye is called the Fräulein Detective by Prosecutor Gavin!"

"He's always been insufferable like that," Nail Polish said, and he pushed his glasses up his face.

"Just give your testimony, Skye," Armando said, pointing his coffee cup at her.

Skye sighed. "Well, the sooner I'm done… I saw _her _following Apollo," she commented.

Armando shook his head, smirking, and took a drink of his beloved black bean juice. What had Red gotten himself into? Or, more accurately, what had happened to Red to cause two women to fight over him? He certainly didn't have the insane coolness or sexiness of someone like Armando, after all.

"Your testimony, Detective Skye," Bird Nerd said.

Skye sighed. "Yes, sir," she said. "Ahem. We were called to the prison because someone was killed. Specifically, Olga Orly. We arrested Wendy Oldbag because she was next to the body. We have practically no evidence that she was the killer besides the decisive evidence and the eyewitness."

"And the evidence is?" Armando said. Probably something stupid.

"There were _fingerprints _on the knife," Skye said, looking smug.

"I see! That is very good proof!" the Canadian Judge said, "whose fingerprints are they!?"

"…well, we haven't found that out yet," Skye said, looking noticeably less smug. "But preliminary evidence suggests that it was Ms. Oldbag! After all, she was wearing a specific type of lotion on underneath her gloves, and I'm pretty sure the weird lotiony stuff that was on the knife was that kind of lotion!"

The entire courtroom was silent. "How stupid is everyone today?" Nail Polish said.

"Detective Skye," Bird Nerd said, "did you just say that the defendant was wearing gloves?"

"Yep," Skye said carelessly.

"…and you found fingerprints on the knife," Rockstar said. He looked stunned. Armando smirked. Poor man. "How was she able to wear gloves and manage to leave fingerprints?"

"…well, she must've taken them off," Skye said, "it's obvious, scientifically speaking."

"Then why would she take them off?" Armando said, "when you're committing a crime, don't leave obvious trails. That's one of my rules."

"Well, it's not like it's my job to figure that out," Skye said, "can I go now?"

"Y-you're a _detective_," Yellow said, "Ema, that's literally your job description."

"Well excuse you, I could hear that Gavinner crap from the prosecutorial office in my apartment," Skye said.

"Objection!" Rockstar shouted, "it is not crap! Also, it's not relevant!"

The Canadian Judge slammed down his gavel. "Mr. Gavin," he said, "please don't object to your own witnesses."

"…yeah, I'll be going now," Skye said, and she ran out of the room.

"Well, one down and one to go," Yellow said, looking exasperated. "Is this what Boss felt like yesterday?"

"Never muse about your boss's opinions when they aren't important," Armando replied, "that's another one of my rules." And he sipped his coffee again.

* * *

_Nichols' Backstory_

"…it all happened a long time ago, almost ten years ago to be exact," Nichols said, "back when I was just an aide for Global Studios."

Nichols was walking along the campus of Global Studios one day. Her mission was simple: to deliver a script for the newly-made series, the Aluminum Samurai.

She handed it off to Manella, who she saw was leering at her. "H3Y D00D," Manella said, wagging his tongue at her, "M4K3 5UR3 U T311 TEH M4N3G3M3NT THT D1R3CT0R M4N3114 W4NT5 U T0 G3T 4 P4Y R4153! U'V3 B33N W0RK1N R34L H4RD!" And then he wiped his forehead and waddled off to his trailer at Studio 2.

Back at the Oldbag Hotel, everyone stared at her. "Well…?" Edgeworth said, "what does this have to do with the Cadmium Samurai?"

"It was- it was offensive, just like he was all those years ago," Nichols said.

"…how was that offensive, pal?" Gumshoe said.

"He called me a dude!" Nichols said, "he misgendered me!"

"…then quit," Edgeworth said.

"But my teachers at college said I'd have to constantly face microaggressions like that!" Nichols said, "so I took things into my own hands!"

"…you killed a man because he called you 'd00d' almost ten years ago when he was trying to get your pay raised," Edgeworth said. "I have heard stupid motivations before, but yours might be the worst I've ever heard."

"It is no surprise that a foolishly weak person like you would wait this long and kill when he was at his most vulnerable," Franziska said, and she whipped Nichols. "You must make people take you seriously by making yourself an equal, not by whining about lack of equality," Franziska declared.

"B-but that's hard work…" Nichols said.

"Hah! Typical feminist!" Hackins said. Franziska whipped him too.

"In any case," Edgeworth said, "what about Vasquez?"

"Well, I found a crossbow in the wall," Nichols said, "I was kind of hoping you'd be the one who used that toilet, to be honest."

"So it _was _random," Edgeworth said, glaring at her.

"Basically. If you're not with me, you're against me!" Nichols said. She started laughing maniacally as Gumshoe lead her away.

"Well, all's well that ends well," Hackins said. "Bye!" And he ran off.

"We'll be able to leave soon, too, Mr. Edgeworth!" Kay said excitedly.

That was certainly true. At least Edgeworth would finally be free of-

_BOOM. BOOM._

Rifle shots!?

"Everyone down!" Lotta said, and everyone jumped to the floor.

Edgeworth heard a door open and someone walk out onto the second-floor balcony heretofore undescribed. The acrid smell of gunpowder filled the room, and then two cards bearing a seashell fluttered down in front of Edgeworth.

The door shut again, and Gumshoe ran into the room. "Hackins and Nichols are dead, pal!" Gumshoe yelled. "Wait, what are those?"

Edgeworth stood up, the two cards in his hand. "It seems we've been visited by Shelly de Killer…" Edgeworth said, and he looked up at the balcony. Who had hired the assassin? And why those two?

* * *

_February 17, 10:40 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom #3_

"…the prosecution calls its next witness," Rockstar said, "please take the stand, Fräulein."

Mimi Miney took the stand. She was dressed in some sort of trenchcoat and her hair was very gray and whitening despite her young age. She did, however, have the white beret that she was associated with in all her pictures. Although, Armando couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. Most people who spent time in prison (Bird Nerd excluded, since Armando was pretty sure that Bird Nerd dyed his hair) didn't react so poorly…

"Your name and profession," Bird Nerd said.

"Mimi Miney," Miney said, and she coughed. "Professional waitress."

The Canadian Judge nodded. "Did you know the victim?" he said.

"Yes, your Honor," Doormat said, rising from the gallery.

"You aren't Ms. Miney," the Canadian Judge sagely noted.

Miney glared at Doormat and said, "we were in rival gangs. I didn't like the Big O any more than Mama over there. Although I'd rather they kill each other and not burden me with this trial."

"I see," Armando said, "thank you for establishing your own motive for murder. Now, tell us about the crime you 'saw'." Doormat sat down again.

"Ahem," Miney said, after throwing a glare at Armando, "I was at the prison at about 1 AM to deliver a lobster casserole to Miss Orly. I had poisoned it, you see, however I was never able to deliver it because she was dead. And she was killed… by Wendy Oldbag! I saw her stab Orly while screaming about Mr. Edgeworth!"

"I see," Nail Polish said. "But that contradicts… this piece of evidence."

Miney reacted in shock while Nail Polish showed… something to the court. What was he even holding up? Was that his badge?

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Miney shouted, "I admit it! I dressed up like Miles Edgeworth and stabbed her to death! I did it because we were in rival gangs! Oldbag ran in and I knocked her out and spilled some of her hand lotion on the knife to make it look like she did it!"

"That was easy," Yellow said.

Taka swooped in. "The police investigation is done," he said, "Miney's prints are on the knife. In other words, we just wasted forty-five minutes of the court's time."

"I'll say," the Canadian Judge. "Mr. Gavin, please-"

And then Miney coughed. And coughed and coughed and coughed some more. Her hands flew up to her head and she began pulling her hair out in great tufts. "I-I'm the killer!" she sputtered, and blood began tricking out of her mouth.

"Stop the trial!" Armando roared as the gallery's noise began ramping up, "get a doctor!"

He jumped over the desk and rushed over to Miney, but it was clear that she was already dying. She suddenly clutched at her heart and then collapsed entirely. She was dead.

"W-what?" the Canadian Judge said, clearly shocked.

Armando crushed his coffee cup. Not again! Not another trial like this! And this time, no obvious culprit…

"Mr. Godot!" Yellow said, "your hand!"

"Quiet, Athena," Armando said. "We have to get to the bottom of this. Someone wanted this woman dead… both of these women."

"So it seems," Bird Nerd said, crouching across from Armando. "I will mobilize the police force."

"So will I," Rockstar said. "We've been caught up in Mr. Edgeworth's disappearance, utterly demoralized. Now it's time for the prosecution to unite." He helped Bird Nerd to his feet and they nodded to each other.

"And it's time for us to rally together," Wright said, arriving to stand behind Armando. "Everyone's finally fired up… let's find Edgeworth and the true culprit. Together."

"…cut out the touchy-feely crap, Wright," Armando said, ignoring Wright's offered hand. "But they're right. It's time to end this."

Everyone in WAA (save Red, of course) nodded. And so the murder trial of Wendy Oldbag came to an end.

* * *

_A few days later_

Edgeworth finally returned from the Oldbag Hotel, a ski resort in Utah, with Gumshoe, Larry, Franziska, Kay, Lotta Hart, Dr. Kamosinko, and four bodies in tow. "Shelly de Killer visited us," Edgeworth said as way of explanation to Gavin and Blackquill, "see to it that the Utah task force is mobilized."

And then he exited the car park and went up to his office, where he found his papers messed up, shattered glass all over the room, and his debut jacket lying on the cabinet beneath it. "I heard you finally returned," he heard Wright say. "You won't _believe _what I had to go through at the Oldbag trial," Wright said, entering the office and gingerly brushing glass off of Edgeworth's guest chair, "it was a nightmare."

"Any more than four murders at a hotel staffed entirely by Wendy Oldbags?" Edgeworth said.

"You've got to be hallucinating, Edgeworth," Phoenix said.

"I can only hope so," Edgeworth replied, making a mental note to tell Gumshoe to come clean up his office. "Now, tell me about this latest trial? Maya mentioned on the phone that somebody died…"

* * *

_Date: ? Time: ? Place: ?_

"Let's see… yes, I _do _want all these tickets," Klavier Gavin said to himself. "And with my connections, I can probably get a discount…"

He held up a flyer to LawyerCon to the harsh artificial light of his office. "Ja, this is what I need," he said, "a day of fun at the circus…" For on the front of the pamphlet was a picture of the owner of the circus the convention was going to be held at: a blonde Fräulein with large, sparkly eyes wearing a sexy Judge outfit. She seemed to be calling out to him...

* * *

**A/N: If you're offended by what I did with Hackins and Nichols, feel free to leave an angry review! Also, you should probably re-evaluate your life.**


	8. Turnabout Con, Part I

**A/N: Still no reviews? Aw, man. Please? I like feedback.**

* * *

_May 30, 4:48 PM, Wright Anything Agency_

The last few months, ever since the Rose and Oldbag trials, had been a mixture of activity and laziness at the Wright Anything Agency. There had been various cases that the lawyers had addressed: for instance, a trial where Jinxie Tenma was accused of murder in March, or a trial where Maya and Juniper were accused of trying to murder each other in April, or even yet another trial involving Larry in the first week of May. Beyond that, Armando and Kristoph had been taking on various defenses of other released prisoners and usually finding the truth there. Although, all things considering, it was mostly Armando doing the work.

Meanwhile, Klavier and Blackquill had gone back to separate cases for the moment. Phoenix wasn't _quite _sure why, but all Edgeworth mentioned was the end of the 'friendly lawyer letters' he had been sent in February. The cause of death of Mimi Miney had been found: a rare poison from Borneo that Maya channeled Dahlia so that they could ask her about it; she, of course, claimed innocence and tried to burn down the Agency.

"Why did we think that was a good idea!?" Athena said once the fires were put out.

"Sorry, everyone," Maya said, "I forgot how strong she is…"

With help from Athena, Pearl, and Trucy, Apollo had been working on trying to spend equal amounts of nonromantic time with Ema and Juniper so that they'd stop trying to tear each other's throats out. Unfortunately, they both had allies, though: Trucy had joined in with Athena on the SS Junie team, while Pearl and Iris had decided to throw in with Ema. Klavier also tried to help, but that was mostly just to annoy Apollo. But so far, no more arguments had occurred at WAA.

Other things had happened too, of course: Athena and Blackquill were attempting to help Kristoph with his mental issues (not that he seemed to think he needed help); Franziska was training Iris to be "more assertive" in more places than prison-life while Phoenix had taken to attempting to prove his straightness by dating her again (not that that convinced Maya); Maya was yet to return to Kurain and was teaching Pearl about spirit channeling techniques she learned in between hamburgers and financial classes Armando enrolled her in; Apollo was working on teaching Athena how to use Chords of Steel properly in return for keeping the girls off his back during work hours; Armando was still brewing coffee and was attempting to convince Trucy of its importance in history and everyday life; and Edgeworth, Klavier, and Gumshoe and Maggey Byrde occasionally visited the office or the Wrights to discuss legal matters, make fun of people (especially Apollo), or to help out with various issues around the office, respectively.

Finally, a few other things happened: Ema introduced everyone to her sister Lana, who, in between owning a series of pool complexes that Damon Gant now worked in for a piddly wage as a recompense for what he did (between hours of community service, of course) was now a detective working with Ema, hired after the Oldbag disaster. In addition, Athena kept dragging everyone out to Gant's swimming exercises while Phoenix dragged everyone out to Trucy's magic shows, which were featuring more and more members of the agency in her shows. Not that they all liked this, of course: usually the only willing member of her acts was Phoenix. Not even Iris, who often tried to play surrogate mother to Trucy (on a sarcastic comment from Armando that she somehow missed) really wanted to disappear herself. Although this seemed more linked to disappearing acts that the Other Branch Family had conducted. Not even Iris knew where, exactly, a few of the former mobsters went.

Back in the present, it was almost 5:00: quitting time. Iris and Maya were in Phoenix's office discussing payment with a reluctant Larry while Apollo and Athena chatted with Trucy. Pearl was out to get groceries for the night, to make a mighty salad fit for Mystic Maya, while Armando sipped coffee and continued his research into Regina Berry and Kristoph stared out the window at the Gatewater Hotel. Finally, Phoenix himself was putting the final touches on a redecoration of the bathroom. The sound equipment that Klavier had installed in there back in January was finally being removed, and after a long day of work the wall finally looked smoothed and was painted with a lovely coat of green.

Phoenix exited the bathroom, the vent switched on, and put a "drying" sign on the wall just in time for Klavier to enter the agency, slamming the door open with enough force to send the sign to the floor. "Achtung, baby!" he said exuberantly, and he pulled an envelope out of his shirt. "Herr Wright, this is for you and company."

"What do you want, Klavier?" Apollo said while Phoenix took the envelope from Klavier. He opened it and pulled out a set of tickets: "LawyerCon 2028", "June 2-4 All-Day Passes" were printed on them. "Klavier," Apollo said, looking over Phoenix's shoulder, "what are these?"

"Tickets to LawyerCon, Herr Forehead," Klavier said. "I decided to prepurchase some for everyone at the agency, along with Herr Edgeworth, Herr Blackquill, Herr Judge, etc. as a way to make amends for the way I acted when I was acting chief prosecutor."

"Oh yeah," Athena said, "I went there once! It was pretty fun. Hey, I should plan a cosplay! Hang on, let me text Simon, let's see if we can coordinate this!"

"…what is LawyerCon?" Kristoph said, glancing at his brother, "what fresh evil do you have planned?"

"You're one to talk," Klavier said, "anyway, it'll be fun! Come on, Herr Wright, what do you think?"

"…so, you're dragging Edgeworth here?" Phoenix said, "how're you going to get away with that?"

"I'll tell Herr Edgeworth it's a legal conference," Klavier replied. He flipped his hair and added, "how about you, Herr Forehead?"

"I have to agree with Kristoph," Apollo said, "and that's not something I usually do. _What is LawyerCon_?"

"Well, you know how most of the cases are televised?" Athena said. Cases were televised? She began stroking her hair, her eyes closed, and said, "well, we kinda got a lot of fans and it got a little outta hand, so…"

"There's a fan convention," Maya said, entering the room, "for _Nick_? Did I hear that right?"

Larry walked out behind her. "Are there fans of me, too!?" he said.

"Actually, you're usually voted as one of the least popular friends of Boss," Athena said, her eyes still closed. "Also pretty low down is Winston Payne and his brother, Pearl Fey, Iris, and Klavier and Godot are kinda base-breaking."

"What?" Armando said.

"How can _I _be unpopular? Or divisive?" Klavier said.

"That's probably cuz you're a jerk," Maya said, "but why Pearly!?"

"Or me?" Iris said, also emerging.

"Oh, it's just the Wrightworth shippers," Athena said dismissively, "and a lot of people think Godot is sexist and that, well, Klavier's a jerk."

"Hmph. They'll see if I sign any of _their _autographs," Klavier said, glaring.

"Yeah, we're not interested," Phoenix said. He wasn't sure he wanted to deal with a whole bunch of irate lawyers…

"I don't know. It doesn't sound bad," Kristoph said. "What's their opinion of me, by the way?"

"Uh… you're a cool, sexy 'bad boy' who's really cunning and mysterious," Athena said, looking… dismayed.

"Oh?" Kristoph said, adjusting his glasses, "well. I definitely advocate going then."

"Let me look this up," Apollo said, his hair drooping, "this doesn't sound good at all."

"Well, at least they like you and me and the Boss a lot! And Maya," Athena said, "and even Trucy! But… not really Pearl. Sorry."

"Well, we're not going then," Phoenix said, crossing his arms, "anyone who insults Pearls shouldn't be graced with our presence."

"Yeah," Maya said, crossing her arms too, "anyone who insults Pearly shouldn't be graced with our presence."

"Actually," Armando said, "we should go."

Everyone looked at him. "Uh, why?" Phoenix said, cocking his head. Just a moment he'd looked like he'd been against it!

"The con's being held at the Big Berry Circus, in honor of its new renovations and being a crime scene for Mr. Wright and Mr. Edgeworth-"

"The most popular lawyers!" Athena interjected.

"Thanks, Yellow. Anyway, and the show runner is one Regina Berry," Armando said. He shut his laptop and sipped some coffee. "We've finally tracked her down."

"…we were tracking her?" Apollo said, "who's Regina Berry?"

"She's a friend of mine," Maya said, "but, uh, Godot, why are you tracking her?"

"…ha. Like I'd tell you," Armando said. "Anyway, let's go. C'mon. It'll be fun."

"…I was kind of expecting a coffee metaphor," Iris said.

Armando threw his coffee at her. "Always have a hot coffee cup on hand when you need it. That's one of my rules."

* * *

_June 2, 9:00 AM, Big Berry Circus, LawyerCon_

Everyone had gone in their normal outfits, except for Athena and Blackquill, who dressed up like each other. Poor Taka was utterly confused, and Klavier made fun of the fact that Blackquill was wearing a padded bra (at least until Athena drew a sword on him. "It has to be accurate!" she snapped). Maya had also brought a "disguise" for Pearl: Groucho Marx glasses.

"There!" Maya said, "no one will ever know!"

"…Mystic Maya," Pearl said, "girls don't have mustaches."

"…so?" Maya said, "I fail to see how this is relevant."

"Now listen," Phoenix said, deciding to dispense some fatherly wisdom, "we need to stick together. Now, besides Blackquill and Klavier over there, we're still waiting for Edgeworth and the Judge and whoever else they brought with them. So Athena, Blackquill, if you want to go ahead, go."

"Alright!" Athena said, "c'mon, Simon, off to the shopping!"

"Yes," Blackquill said, "it is time to acquire more doujinshi about the prosecution office. The last one I purchased had an unsavory scene between Edgeworth-dono and Taka." His eyes flashed. "I will not allow that author to sully Taka's good name again."

"I'm glad you have a sense of priorities," Apollo said, "uh, by the way, Athena? Juniper and Ema aren't coming today, are they?"

"Junie's with her friends," Athena said, "don't worry. I don't know about Ema, though." And she and Blackquill left.

"The Fräulein Detective is accompanying her sister today," Klavier said. "Now, Kristoph, you're with me. I heard that Franziska needs help at her whipping panel."

"Joy," Kristoph said dryly, and he left.

Edgeworth's car pulled up and Edgeworth, Gumshoe, the Judge and his brother, and Maggey Byrde all somehow exited. "Hey pal!" Gumshoe said cheerfully, "guess what!"

"What?" Edgeworth said. He looked completely irritated and yet… resigned. He, too, was dressed normally.

"We're getting married, pal!" Gumshoe said. He was not dressed like always: he was actually dressed like Edgeworth. And to Phoenix's great dismay, Maggey was dressed like Phoenix himself.

"Aw," Maya said, "I thought Edgeworth's heart belonged to Nick."

"That's not funny, Maya," Gumshoe, Phoenix, Maggey, and Edgeworth said at the same time.

"I'll be officiating!" the Judge declared. He was in costume: specifically, he looked like Damon Gant if Damon Gant was bald and had a longer and bushier beard.

"I'm not sure how I feel about weddings," the Canadian Judge said. "Specifically, how I feel about judges officiating, eh." He was also dressed in costume, specifically, a garish pink-purple outfit last worn by Redd White.

"Let's just go inside, get this farce over with," Edgeworth growled.

"Shouldn't you go park your car in an actual parking lot then, Mr. Edgeworth?" Pearl said.

"If it gets towed I have an excuse to leave," Edgeworth replied. He started walking towards the tent.

"Anyway," Armando said, "congratulations, you two." Everyone joined in to congratulate Gumshoe and Maggey, even the Judge. "Now. I noticed in the program that my old boss is running an… interesting panel with a man named Redd White. So I intend to go… _help_ him. Make sure you stop by."

Armando walked off towards the tent, leaving Apollo, Maya, Trucy, Phoenix himself, Iris, the Judge and his brother, Gumshoe and Maggey, and Pearl. "I'm going to go meet up with Jinxie," Trucy said, "c'mon, Polly! I promise I'll try and dodge Juniper!"

"And Ema," Apollo said, his hair drooped again, "I'm not sure I can deal with her."

"Don't worry," Phoenix said, "Apollo, you just need to sit them down and tell them to stop harassing you."

"I _did _that," Apollo said, "besides, Mr. I-don't-want-a-retrial, maybe you should take your own advice and redo that trial on your sexuality."

"Oh, I think I'll run ahead and get some hamburgers," Iris said, "sorry!"

"Stop running off!" Phoenix called after her as she ran ahead.

"Hamburgers!? C'mon, Pearly!" Maya said, and she ran off with Pearl.

"Let's go!" Trucy said, bouncing on her feet, and she and Apollo left for the tent.

"Bye, sir!" Maggey said, "we'll see you later!"

And Gumshoe, Maggey, and the Judges left Phoenix standing all alone. "…time to go find Edgeworth and Maya," he said. "Wait. Weren't we supposed to be doing something?"

* * *

_Artist's Alley_

Athena and Simon were walking to the Artist's Alley, a room with aisles upon aisles of individual booths, each staffed with an artist hawking their finished prints and crafts and trying to convince con-goers to commission them. The hot item of the year appeared to be doujinshi: it seemed like everyone was selling them. There were also a multitude of signs that requested that buyers show ID before purchase.

"Hey!" Athena said suddenly, pointing at one of the booths with an ID sign. "It's you!" The violet-haired girl behind the counter looked startled and slighty afraid, but said nothing. "Vera, right? I met you on Valentine's day, remember?"

"Athena Cykes?" Vera said quietly, looking nervously at Simon as the two cosplaying lawyers walked over to her booth, which was next to a no-ID-required booth selling very convincing attorney's badge replicas made out of cardboard.

"Ça va?" Athena said, leaning on Vera's booth. Taka swooped down, landed on Athena's shoulder, squawked in confusion and mild annoyance, and flew over to Simon. "What're you doing here, anyways?"

"I'm… selling art," Vera said, "also, commissions," she added, holding up a picture of Apollo, which looked like it was one of the ID-required pieces.

"Who commissioned that?" Simon asked.

He was answered with, "Thena! Why are you here?"

The two cosplaying lawyers turned around to see the cosplaying judge-in-training, Junie. She was dressed up as Apollo, because that's not weird at all. Even weirder, Hugh and Robin (who were with her), were dressed as Athena and Phoenix, respectively.

"Wow, two guys dressed up as me in one day," Athena commented.

"That's not funny, Cykes-dono."

"At least I'm not wearing a bra," Hugh said. Taka screeched and attacked him. Why convention staff hadn't confiscated the bird (while they did attempt to confiscate Athena's sword, which was unsuccessful thanks to Simon's suggestive psychology) was a mystery.

"Miss Woods," Vera said, "I have your painting. You're 18, right?"

"Of course I am," Junie said cheerfully, pulling out her driver's license. Vera handed her the painting and Junie gleefully showed it to Athena. "Isn't it great?" she gushed. It was Apollo all right, completely naked but with a bunch of roses placed tastefully at the junction of his legs, holding a fine sheet of fabric in both hands, pulling it behind his neck, all while pure white birds flew around him in the background; in the distance, an ocean could be seen, complete with a large setting sun. "He's _beautiful_."

"…he's creepy," Athena said, wincing. What had Junie done?

"No worse than some art I had commissioned of Taka," Simon replied resolutely. What had _Simon _done? Taka was a _bird_!

"Man, I wish _I _was that good at art," Robin said, smashing a glass slipper. She sighed. "Oh well…"

"Actually, shouldn't you be running a booth?" Athena said. "Didn't you borrow all that money from me-"

"Oh, well, you know, I kinda went B-A-D," Robin said cheerfully, if embarrassed, "I, uh, broke everything because it wasn't good enough."

"Ah, but she _did _sell a commemorative plaque featuring Yuri Cosmos to Yuri Cosmos," Hugh said, "it was a very nice plaque."

"No it wasn't!" Robin yelled, smashing another pot. "It was _awful_! If he hadn't snatched it out of the air, it never would've seen another day!"

"…right," Simon said. "Cykes-dono. Do you remember what Wright-dono was trying to accomplish?"

"Eh, not really," Athena said, "I was a _bit _too excited."

"Not important!" Widget chirped.

"Very well," Simon said. "Woods-dono, Newman-dono, O'Conner-dono, we will leave you to your task. We must go find that top-tier merchandise. I saw an advertisement on the Internet for a stuffed Taka that I _must _acquire." Taka squawked in indignation.

"Oh, tell Apollo to come see us if you get the C-H-A-N-C-E!" Robin said as Athena and Simon left to go find that bird, and Athena made a mental note to tell Apollo. After all, it wasn't like Junie could do anything around her friends, right?

* * *

_Grossberg Panel_

It had been twelve minutes and Diego Armando had made $60 off of his new "Throw the Coffee at Redd White" panel he was hosting with Grossberg, even with splitting the $5 fee between the two of them. Of course, technically speaking, half of the money was being donated to the "Fey Foundation for Dead People."

Which meant it went directed to Armando since he was the only dead person he knew who needed money. He smiled as that Kitaki kid gave Grossberg a thick wad of cash and picked up five coffee cups in each hand, each filled with steaming hot instant. Redd White, already splattered with coffee and possibly suffering from first and second-degree burns, whimpered. And when the coffee would splatter him, Armando would dump a bucket of water on him to keep him nice and visible. His fabulous clothes were already dripping wet.

Ah, revenge was a dish best served bitter and black.

* * *

_Forensic Science Panel_

Ema and Lana Skye were at a forensics panel staffed by various forensic officers and the eccentric coroner, who was currently demonstrating on a dummy how to correctly autopsy. "First, you must cut throat. This way, person is dead when autopsy begins," Dr. Kamosinko said.

"Ema, don't do that," Lana said.

"What do you take me for?" Ema replied, and she threw a Snackoo at Lana. _Ka-tonk!_

"Next, you must make y-incision," Kamosinko said. "This was named after Dr. Alexi Yeltsin, inventor of coroner sciences."

"Actually it was named after the shape-" one of the forensic officers began, but he was cut off when Kamosinko threw a beagle at him. "AAHHHHH!"

"No, Beagle, not go after throat. That is my job! Xa xa xa xa xa xa!"

"What?" Lana said.

"I think he's laughing," someone in the crowd said.

"Do not correct me on history. I know stuff," Kamosinko said. "Ahem. Next, you must find brain. Brain found in head. You take saw and cut through skull. Then you use ice-cream scoop. Speaking of ice cream, it is cold in here. Cold like Russian winter." He paused, and then lit the dummy on fire. "This is to keep Russian winter out. This body not being used. I am already able to tell cause of death: it is being dummy."

"…why did we go to this panel?" Lana said.

"_I _think it's cool!" Ema said. The coroners who taught her had never been anywhere near as… crazy as the coroner for LA. Had she missed out? "Dr. Kamosinko! What if he wasn't a dummy?"

"Then cause of death would be cut to neck by scalpel, followed by being lit on fire," Kamosinko said, stroking his bushy black beard. "Murderer very crafty, trying to cover bases."

Lana facepalmed. "He's so smart," someone in the audience said. "Yeah!" said another. Lana groaned.

"I fear for our legal system…"

* * *

_Wrightworth Country_

Maya, Iris, and Pearl had entered the convention to find a massive amount of makeshift structures as far as the eye could see. Ceilings covered the rudimentary rooms and outside of each room were rows and rows of stalls and open-air panels while thousands of fanmixes and the roar of the crowd filled the air. "C'mon," Maya said, "let's go see if we can find Nick and Edgeworth a souvenir."

"A souvenir of you and Mr. Nick?" Pearl said hopefully.

"Please stop trying to push Phoenix with Mystic Maya…" Iris said, albeit not very forcefully. She really needed to speak up.

"Well, I think the best thing to do is save time and money by getting something with both of them in it," Maya said. "So… Wrightworth it is."

There were murmurs of "Did someone say Wrightworth?" in the surrounding crowd as a few con-goers turned to look at them. "I like your cosplay," someone said, although whispered criticisms of Iris and Pearl's choice of characters could be heard. Those two were on the receiving end of plenty of dirty looks.

"Why would you wanna dress up as Pearl? Eurgh," someone said. "Is that an Iris I see?" someone else said. "Why would anyone want to dress up as _her_?" "Yeah, everyone knows Phoenix is only dating her to prove he's straight." "He's not fooling anyone!"

Maya was too offended by the remark about Pearl to agree with the last two points. "What did you say about Pearly?" she demanded of the random con-goer who made that remark (a very bad Trucy cosplayer).

"Pearl is the worst character!" the cosplayer grouched. "She gets in the way of Phoenix and Miles' _love_!"

"How could she possibly do that?! She's eighteen, and those two are like 35! Nick and Edgeworth don't even listen to her!" Maya practically yelled. The cosplayer opened her mouth but Maya cut her off. "By the way, your cosplay sucks. Trucy doesn't even wear red! She wears blue!"

"I'm _young_ Trucy!" the cosplayer snapped. Maya recoiled.

"But you weigh like three hundred-"

"We should probably go, Mystic Maya," Iris said nervously. Maya groaned and stalked away from the belligerent 'young Trucy'.

"We're not all like that!" some shipper yelled. Maya ignored them.

"Say, where's Pearly?" Maya said, noticing her disappearing cousin.

"Oh… she ran off when she heard someone call her 'creepy and obnoxious heathen Feynix shipper,'" Iris said.

"Why didn't you stop her?" Maya said, irritated, "also, what kind of ship name is Feynix?"

"I think it actually sounds kind of cute…" Iris began, but Maya grabbed her arm and started dragging her in a random direction.

"Come on, let's go find Pearly," she said. "And we still need to hit the Dealers' Room."

"S-Should we tell Phoenix and Mr. Edgeworth about-?"

"Nah, I'm sure they'll be fine."

* * *

_Food Court_

Pearl was upset. Creepy and obnoxious Feynix shipper, indeed. What did Feynix even _mean_? Some people took their courtroom dramas too seriously! And besides, Mr. Nick knew like six different Feys!

"Hey! Your cosplay sucks!" someone yelled, "Pearl doesn't have a mustache!"

Pearl growled and ripped the Groucho Marx mask off and threw it on the floor. What was wrong with wanting to see Mystic Maya and Mr. Nick happy together? It was so obvious, why couldn't anyone else see it!? Mr. Nick had even run with Pearl's sister, just because they knew each other in college! What kind of lame reason was that?

"Zvarri! You are not the real Pearl Fey- your hair loops aren't loopy enough!" someone with a long nose and lightning-bolt hair yelled. Was that Luke Atmey?

"Pearl's shorter!" someone else said.

"Hey, lay off the cute chick!" some woman called.

"No! Don't betray me, Ladasha!" Mr. Larry cried. Pearl heard a large slap from behind her, but didn't turn around.

"Your robes are too purple. I am an _expert _on Kurain channeling and I can tell that's not authentic," a man wearing a graduation cap and robes said. "You clearly don't know anything about the Fey Clan!"

What did he say about Kurain and channeling? "Oh, I don't know anything, do I?" Pearl growled, "well, let me show you, Mr… Mr. Rude Guy!" And she channeled Bobby Fulbright.

"In justice we trust!" Fulbright exclaimed, shocking everyone around him. Mr. Rude Guy screamed and ran away. Fulbright took out his badge (somehow) and showed it to everyone. "I am a police officer!" he said triumphantly.

"Wow," a woman with an afro said, "that's in bad taste."

"You are an ace bad cosplayer," the long-nosed lightning bolt man said, "you look nothing like Pearl Fey!"

"She just transformed, man!" some woman said.

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Fulbright said, ignoring all the criticisms, "I will do my duty regardless of my clothing! In justice we trust!" And he presented his badge.

Then he looked around the room he was in. It was packed and appeared to be at the center of a large tent. A scary-looking chef in a pink suit was overseeing teams of other chefs dressed normally as they worked at grills and smoothie machines. There were also a lot of people dressed up like various lawyers Fulbright had seen before. There were a couple of people sitting at a nearby table who looked like a mix between foxes and Detective Skye. There was an overweight man sitting across from a pillow that had Mia Fey on it. And there was a crowd of men and women wearing Edgeworth and Wright costumes, many of whom were holding hands.

Fulbright was also getting a dirty looks. Did they just not like justice or something? Oh well. He would prove to them the error of their ways!

* * *

_Somewhere near an outer tent_

"Hey, great costume!" someone called to His Honor, the right honorable Judge.

"W-why thank you!" he said.

"I'm not sure how I feel about being lost," his brother said.

They passed by a horde of Blue Rabbits. "Look at all the Blue Badgers, Maggey!" the detective Gumshoe said excitedly.

"Yeah! This is great, pal!" Maggey said. "Come on! Take a picture of me with them in the background!"

Gumshoe held up a phone and took a picture of Maggey while the Badgers passed through.

"Now, if only we could find that coffee-chucking event," the Judge's brother said, "I feel like throwing some coffee, eh."

* * *

_Professional Wrestling Panel_

Mayor Tenma's panel was utterly packed, partially because there wasn't much space around the ring. In one corner was the Amazing Nine-Tails, as manly as ever, while in the other corner Gutsen Brawn faced him down. The match lasted about three seconds, with the Amazing Nine-Tails victorious of course. "Yeah! Go Amazing Nine-Tails!" Jinxie called, "YEAH!"

"Wow, she's really into this," Apollo said.

"Well, if Daddy were up there I'd be cheering like that," Trucy said cheerfully. For a moment, Apollo imagined Mr. Wright up on the stage, dressed in a blue cape with a lawyer badge-mask. Then he dismissed it for its ridiculousness. That'd never happen. "Or maybe you, Polly!"

Jinxie promptly slapped a charm on Apollo's face. "There are yokai who try and enter the ring to stop the Amazing Nine-Tails," she said nervously, "I will not let you be one of them!"

"I'm not a yokai!" Apollo snapped.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He'd gotten a text: "meet up at food court w lana and me, ok? ema". Not if he could help it. Then his phone buzzed again: "Can you meet w/ me and Robin and Hugh and Myriam at art tent? I want to show you something. Junie". No way, josé. He took out a con map Trucy gave him and crossed out the food court and artist's alley.

"You're not very social today, Polly," Trucy said.

"I don't want to deal with them. Sorry," Apollo said, "no offense to them, Trucy, but I just can't have my blood pressure go up today."

And Jinxie slapped another charm on her face to "help" him. "Now you can meet with your fellow yokai," Jinxie said, "be not afraid."

"I am afraid. I'm very, very afraid of them meeting and me getting stuck in the crossfire again," Apollo said.

"Poor Polly…"

* * *

_Convention Entrance_

Phoenix had caught up with Edgeworth and the two were now walking through the convention like dazed pilgrims. "This place…" Edgeworth said, glaring at two poorly-made cosplays of Franziska von Karma, "is Hell."

"That's not very nice, Edgeworth!" Phoenix said, although to be honest he wasn't liking it too much either. There was a cosplayer of Klavier who was hand-in-hand with his girlfriend, who was dressed like Apollo; there were a few young women with disturbing signs showing two channeler robe-wearing people hanging from ropes; there was even a tasteless Clay Terran costume complete with knife sticking out of his chest.

"Do you have any ideas, Wright?" Edgeworth demanded, and he took out his map. "Perhaps we can go find an interesting 'panel'. Let's see… there's one on forensic science hosted by our coroner and some forensic officers… a theatre devoted to the HAT-2 miracle… a robotics panel hosted by that hostage-taker… a panel on the history of the Fey clan, hosted by Sister Bikini and Morgan…"

Phoenix glanced over Edgeworth's shoulder and saw something else: "Wrightworth Exhibition Area." What? "Edgeworth," Phoenix said, "what's that?"

"I'm afraid to find out," Edgeworth said, "however… it seems we must pass that way to go to the Fey panel, which I must admit I'm interested in…"

"Yeah, but _Morgan_'s hosting," Phoenix said. "How about Aura's? Robots are kind of cool. Maybe we could get Athena and Blackquill to come."

"We'd still have to pass by the Wrightworth area," Edgeworth said.

"Did somebody say… Wrightworth?" someone, specifically a man in tattered clothes with a massive pompadour.

"Ex-detective Crescend?" Edgeworth said, glaring at him.

Crescend nodded. "Sup, prosecutor," he said, "you guys watchin' out for the Wrightworthers? Good luck. They like to stick Klavier together with me… or that forehead defense attorney. Or claim I was abusing him and _then _pair Klavier and Justice together."

"Duly noted," Edgeworth said, "let's go, Wright."

"Where are we going again?"

"…let's go, Wright."

The two headed off towards the so-called "Wrightworth Country" in order to avoid Crescend. The closer they got, the more they regretted it. According to the map and guide, the volatile "shippers" of the fandom were given their own, segregated areas in the con, but the only one that was big enough to merit placement on the map was the Wrightworth area, apparently the most popular pairing in all of legaldom for reasons known only to people besides Phoenix and Edgeworth. And as they got closer, they saw… things. Things they wish they could unsee. There were poorly-made fan videos featuring the two of them in compromising positions. Fanmixes that didn't fit their relationship. Pictures of Phoenix from college with Iris badly edited out and replaced with Edgeworth in his debut outfit.

"Just for the record, Wright," Edgeworth as they passed the fourth stand hawking "College AUs", "you would've been completely insufferable in your college years."

"I know," Phoenix said, "not even Iris and I talk about that."

"I should hope not," Edgeworth said, "just looking at that sweater makes me want to throw up." And they dodged a few cosplayers wearing badly-made copies of said sweater, one of which was somehow blue. "…although I suppose it could be worse."

"Er, yeah."

There was a video of the farcical trial from after Valentine's Day, and there were drawings of Phoenix and Edgeworth in all sorts of… erotic?… situations, all of which were poorly censored with cardboard attorney's badges taped on to the paper. "Uncensored" art was promised by the stands, provided you had an ID and cash. Edgeworth blanched and muttered something about suing. Phoenix just tried to look away and considered joining in on Edgeworth's lawsuit.

"Hey, great cosplay!" someone called, "but your badge is on the wrong side!"

"My badge is not on the wrong side!" Phoenix yelled back at them, and he tried to turn to face them.

"Don't make eye contact, Wright," Edgeworth muttered, "the sooner we're out the better. Let's just get to that robot panel."

There were also a lot of very disturbing cosplays and merchandise besides "art". There were body-sized pillows with actually well-drawn Edgeworths and Phoenixes on them (and, even more disturbingly, Armando, Mia, Maya, and _Kristoph_). There were people selling "fan cases" titled dumb things like "Turnabout Mpreg" and "Phoenix Drive: WW Edition", which didn't even make sense. Mpreg? _Drive_? He didn't even have a driver's license! There was a woman dressed like Constance Courte selling "threesome" dojinshis (was that how you spelled it? Phoenix would have to ask Athena or Blackquill later) with himself, Edgeworth, and Maya. And, most disturbingly of all, he was pretty sure there were people selling merchandise of people that looked like some sort of bizarre combination of Edgeworth and Phoenix.

"They are aware that men can't get pregnant?" Edgeworth said, glaring at a woman dressed like Phoenix in maternity clothes, "that's not how biology _works_."

"Maybe they failed their middle school health classes?" Phoenix said nervously, scratching the back of his head.

Edgeworth sighed and adjusted his glasses. "Damn budget cuts…"

The two continued through the heart of Wrightworth Country. On the bright side, they were mostly being ignored beyond random people complimenting on having good, if slightly inaccurate, cosplays. Thus far, nothing bad had happened. And then the two passed by a makeshift room with a banner hung over the door: "How to Crush Pearl Fey and Feynix", hosted by Richard Wellington and Florent L'Belle.

"Why would anyone want to crush Pearls?" Phoenix said, staring at the logo of the panel: Wellington and L'Belle, talking to each other, while in the background a shadow hanged from a tree.

"Those are both convicted murderers. _Why _is this being allowed?" Edgeworth said grumpily.

"Who cares!?" someone hollered as they walked in, "no one likes that Pearl anyway!"

"What did you say!?" Phoenix snapped at them, but they laughed and entered.

A gaggle of fangirls walked over to Phoenix and Edgeworth. "Like, OMG," one of them said, who had rainbow hair and was dressed like some sort of flight attendant, "how can you _like _that insufferable little girl? Like, she's too obsessed with her shipping!"

"Yeah," a second fangirl said, with poofy pink hair and mostly dressed like the Bad Badger, "what a jerk! She needs to get a life! Who _does _that?"

Before Phoenix (or Edgeworth) could point out the obvious, a third, bald-capped girl (with purple streaked hair underneath) who looked vaguely like a female version of crime boss Bruto Cadaverini said, "she's not even that cute."

Phoenix's patience was starting to fray. _Pearls_, not cute? What next, that _Trucy _wasn't cute? "How dare you," Phoenix growled.

"Be quiet," Edgeworth said. "Just ignore them."

"Delusional fanboy," a fourth girl with purple hair dressed like Aura (albeit with purplish shouder-pads and less-spiky hair) said, "stop sticking up for your waifu. I mean, she's only like, what, just barely 18?"

"My… what?" Phoenix said.

"Waifu," an obnoxiously-dressed girl with straight pink hair, a pink vest, handcuffs, and a black ribbon bow said, "you know, your imaginary wife. People who'd never even _think _of touching you."

"Hey! Pearls' touched me _plenty _of times!" Phoenix snapped.

Edgeworth punched him. "No, you idiot!" he said while the surrounding fangirls laughed. "Do you know what you sound like?"

"I- oh, wait," Phoenix said, "oh, gross! No! What do you take me for? I'd rather touch you."

"Don't say that, Wright!" Edgeworth said through grit teeth.

"Wait…" the final member of the group, a girl in a wheelchair with white face paint and a blonde ponytail who vaguely resembled Acro said, "are you guys… the _real deal_?"

The fangirls fell into a sort of… reverent silence. "Miles…" the Aura cosplayer said.

"We're very in-character copslayers," Edgeworth informed them.

"They don't even know the word for cosplay!" the Acro cosplayer said, "it's them!"

A crowd began gathering. "Wright, what have you done!?" Edgeworth said, rounding on Phoenix, "this is your fault!"

"No, it's your fault!" Phoenix said, "you're the one who called me Wright! And who's Miles!?" Edgeworth glared at him. "Oh, wait! Yeah, sorry Edgeworth, I keep forgetting you have an actual first name."

"Now is not the time, Wright," Edgeworth said.

"Wait, if, like, Pearl's been touching you all over, does that mean, like, you two are _involved _or something?" the flight attendant said.

"No!" Phoenix said, "what is wrong with you!? I'm dating her sister, not her!"

"Everyone knows that's an act to 'prove' you're straight," the Bruto cosplayer said.

"No, no one thinks that!" Phoenix said, "what are you guys, Maya?"

"Everyone thinks that, Wright," Edgeworth said, "the only one you've fooled is yourself. And Pearl."

"Now is not the time, Edgeworth!" Phoenix exclaimed.

"Ooh, I like Maya!" the obnoxious girl said, "now, her cousins on the other hand…"

"Let them burn!" the Bad Badger cosplayer yelled, holding up effigies of Pearl and Iris and lightning them on fire.

"That's got to be a safety hazard," Edgeworth commented. "Alright, Wright, we need to get out of here."

And the pack closed in and began chanting, "kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"

"No!" Phoenix said, "I'd rather get found guilty of murder!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Edgeworth said, crossing his arms and glaring at him.

Well, it seemed there was no graceful way out of this. "Sorry, Edgeworth," Phoenix said, and he shoved him into the crowd. "Ladies! That's a one-of-a-kind cravat!" They pounced.

"WRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!"

Phoenix ran for his life.

* * *

_Wrestling Panel_

Apollo was munching on popcorn happily in the stands and watching the Amazing Nine-Tails take on an audience challenger, Shi-Long Lang. They seemed evenly matched, actually. And Trucy and Jinxie were, inexplicably, watching every move of Lang. "He's so dreamy," Trucy said.

"Trucy, never say that in front of me," Apollo said.

"But look! He's not wearing a shirt!" Trucy said.

"Trucy, I don't care. I'm not Mr. Wright," Apollo said. "I don't care if Lang is shirtless, as long as the action's good."

"This from the guy who says that special effects are more important than action," Trucy said.

"I never said action wasn't important," Apollo said, before Jinxie slapped a charm on his head.

"This should purify you of your misplaced priorities!" Jinxie declared.

Mr. Wright ran in. "I just escaped with my life- wow, look at that. He's shirtless."

Apollo rolled his eyes. "See what I mean?" he said.

"Yeah, you have a point," Trucy said, "it's okay. I accept my Daddy, no matter what."

"Uh, what? Anyway, yeah," Mr. Wright said, and he squeezed in next to Apollo and stole his popcorn. "I almost died. Those shippers are crazy."

"What shippers?" Jinxie said.

"The Wrightworth shippers," Mr. Wright said, "they caught Edgeworth and me."

Apollo looked back at the entrance but didn't see the chief prosecutor brooding. "Uh… where is he?"

"Oh!" Phoenix said sheepishly, "that's, uh, how I escaped."

"Did you sacrifice Daddy?" Trucy said.

"Please stop calling both of us daddy," Phoenix said.

"That's not the point," Jinxie said, "did you sacrifice him to the shippers?" She held her program up to her as if it was a shield and seemed to quake in her boots. "They did… terrible things to my Phoeniris picture I got."

"…people make that?" Trucy said, "Uncle Simon said that basically no one does."

"It was rare!" Jinxie protested, and she slapped a charm on Mr. Wright's forehead. "Go! Go save Mr. Edgeworth! Don't abandon him to those yokai!"

Mr. Wright laughed nervously. "I value my life more," he said, "I'm no use dead. I'm sure Edgeworth will be fine."

"…I'll see if I can ask the Amazing Nine-Tails for help," Jinxie said, and she moved out of the stands.

"Well, how about you and Polly go try and rescue him until the Amazing Nine-Tails's ready?" Trucy said, "I'll stay here and make sure Mr. Lang goes nowhere."

"Please control your lust, Trucy," Apollo said.

"You're growing up too fast," Mr. Wright said, clearly dismayed, "but I guess I should go rescue Edgeworth or something. C'mon, Apollo."

Apollo sighed and followed Mr. Wright out of the arena just as Lang went flying up from a punch from the Amazing Nine-Tails, and then jumped down and kicked at the Amazing Nine-Tails. They exited the tent and Apollo looked around cautiously, as did Mr. Wright. No crazy mobs seemed to be chasing them. "Alright," Mr. Wright said, "I think there's two places we should be safe. I looked at the map coming here, so: there's a big crowd in the artist's alley, so we'll be able to hide there, or we can go to the food court, where we'll be able to see them coming."

Of course. _Of course_. "Mr. Wright," he said, "that won't work." He took out his map and showed it to Mr. Wright. "How about the HAT-2 miracle?"

"Uh, why did you cross those two out?" Mr. Wright said.

"Why do you think?" Apollo said, "you're not the only one being pursued by rabid fangirls."

Apollo and Mr. Wright thought for a few minutes. "…well," Mr. Wright said, "I guess we should find the Feys, then. You know, safety in numbers."

"What, you want more people to sacrifice to the crowds?" Apollo said.

"That only happened once!"

"Five minutes ago, Mr. Wright!" Wait a minute. Apollo was the only one with Mr. Wright now. He was ammunition. "Yeah, let's go."

* * *

_The Dealer's Room_

Athena and Simon had spent hundreds of dollars, and Taka was standing on top of one of Simon's bags.

"I think I'm going to need a pay advance," Athena said.

"Well, _I _brought Gavin-dono's credit card," Simon said, smiling cockily. "And being a millionaire…"

"Uh… is that legal?" Athena said.

"I've already been to prison once," Simon replied, and he pulled a large Simon Blackquill dakimakura out of one of his bags. "Look. It's a decoy."

"Good luck, Simon," Athena said, dubious of his chances of success.

* * *

**A/N: This section of the story is so long, I split it into five parts. Have fun.**

**Also, before anyone gets mad, I'd like to point out that the majority of the part of the story where they're actually at LawyerCon was written by me, a huge Wrightworth shipper and a frequent con-goer. Also, we made up the ship name "Feynix" because the only portmanteu for Maya/Phoenix we could find was Narumayo, which wouldn't make any sense in this setting. Just in case you were confused!**


	9. Turnabout Con, Part II

_ HAT-2 Theatre_

Maya and Iris were still looking for Pearl. They'd seen some very interesting costumes on the way (the Fulbright one with him wearing channeling robes was both pretty clever and in bad taste. But the robes were the wrong shade of purple to be Pearl). So instead they listened to Yuri Cosmos pontificate about the HAT-2 miracle to a full crowd, all while still scanning for Pearl's distinctive hairstyle.

"Come to think of it," Iris said, "didn't that Fulbright copslayer have hair like Mystic Pearl?"

"Cosplayer," five people around her corrected.

"Oh. Sorry," Iris said.

Maya sighed. When would she get over her constant apologizing? "Look, it can't be that hard to find Pearly," Maya said, "if you were Pearly, where would you go?"

"By all the people who support this 'Feynix'," Iris said. "Although wouldn't that apply to me too?"

"Who cares?" Maya said, "everyone knows that Nick loves Edgeworth anyways."

Iris said nothing for a moment, only looked off to the side. "I'm not sure he likes you doing that," she said.

"Yeah?" Maya said, "well, that's kind of the point. The sooner he accepts it, the happier he'd be!"

"I don't understand your logic, Mystic Maya."

"Also, it's funny."

Iris sighed. "Not really," she said, "it's just cruel."

"Maya! Iris!" Nick called, running in with Apollo in tow, "there you are! Where's Pearls?"

"We can't find her," Iris said. "Actually… where's Mr. Edgeworth?"

"Is it safe for a teenaged girl to run around alone here?" Nick said, looking around.

"Nick, where's Edgeworth?" Maya said, a finger to her mouth.

"Well, Athena sure thinks she can," Apollo said, "although she's with Blackquill, isn't she?"

"Apollo, where's Edgeworth?" Maya said.

"Oh, yeah…" Apollo said, his hair drooping, "well… uh, he kinda…"

"That's not important!" Nick said, "so, um, let's go find Pearls! Come to think of it, I saw a Fulbright back near the food court who was wearing what looked like Pearls' robes, but Apollo didn't let me get too close…"

"Aw, is Apollo having relationship issues again?" Maya said, and she began to lead the way out towards the food court.

"Aren't we supposed to be rescuing Edgeworth?" Apollo said.

What did they do? "I'm sure he can handle himself," Nick said, "and besides! Two spirit channelers is better than one!"

What did he _do_? "PHOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENIX!" a horde of screaming fangirls (and some fanboys) called, "WE HAVE MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILES~"

Nick screamed and ran across the circus courtyard to enter the main tent again, pursued by Apollo and Iris, leaving Maya alone. "Nick, wait! What did you do!?"

* * *

_Food Court_

Ema and Lana had been waiting for half an hour, eating the surprisingly good breakfast food. But while so far Ema had spent about $200 on all sorts of cool forensics-related stuff and various buttons (including a really cool button with her and Apollo on it), but one thing was wrong: Apollo himself was yet to show up.

"Ema," Lana said, "he's not _coming_. I think this is getting out of hand."

The Fulbright cosplayer suddenly he held up his badge and bellowed, "HOLD IT! NO RUNNING IN A FOOD COURT!"

And then Mr. Wright, his beard (what was her name again? Dahlia?), and _~Apollo~ _ran in. Phoenix and Dahlia were screaming, while Apollo didn't begin screaming until he looked around, saw Ema (who winked at him), and promptly about-faced and ran out the door. "Apollo, you jerk!" Ema said, "Lana, watch my stuff!"

"Uh, Ema-"

She ran past the mob of fangirls who had suddenly stopped thanks to the appearance of the chef and chased Apollo. He was running as he could, but Ema was faster. "I'm not fine!" he yelled, "I'm- I'm- I'm Clay Terran! Dressed as Apollo!"

"Clay Terran's dead!" Ema yelled.

"I'm an innocent cosplayer!" Apollo yelled.

Finally, they ran into the artist's alley and Ema made a running tackle, landing on top of him in an intimate position. And then a shadow fell on them, and so did a scarf filled with angry smiley-faces. "Cradlerobber," _she _said, and Apollo looked up, saw Juniper Woods (dressed like himself?), and promptly fainted.

"Now look what you've done, homewrecker!" Ema snapped, standing up.

"Uh… we're going to get a bite to eat," Hugh O'Conner said, "c'mon, Robin."

"Have F-U-N, girls!" Robin Newman said excitedly and the two of them left, Newman dragging a cardboard box behind her.

"Now you've really crossed the line," Juniper said.

"Yeah? Well, he came to see _me _at the food court!" Ema said aggressively.

"Well, he ran to see _me_."

"Yeah? And he fainted."

"Because he loves me so much," Juniper said, knitting a heart-patterned scarf.

"No, it's cuz you're ugly," Ema said. She pulled out her Snackoos and threw a Snackoo of war at Juniper. "Take that, homewrecker!"

"You're not even married to him, cradlerobber!"

"I was here first!"

"You're too old for him!"

"You're too young!"

"Why do you even _like _him?"

Actually, she didn't know, but Ema pressed on: "why do _you_? Because he did the decent thing and saved your life?"

"No one else saved my life!" Juniper replied.

"Yeah, well he does science with me!" Ema said, "what does he do with you? Hold your sunflower when you have a coughing fit?"

"I- ah-" and, of course, she began coughing. Ha! Then she pulled the attorney's badge off of her costume and took a deep breath. "It's a good thing I made this out of a sunflower," Juniper said resolutely, "the smallest sunflower my grandma has!"

"Uh huh," Ema said, "well, you're positively domestic, but this is 2028. The time for housewives like you is over!"

"I'm going to be a judge!" Juniper snapped, "and unlike you, I'm not going to fail getting my dream job _or _my dream man!"

_What did she just say!? _"Oh, it's _on_," Ema said, glaring. _No one _reminded her of her own failures. Especially not _this _woman! "You're only nineteen, you flat-chested, ratty-haired, dumb, vain, vapid harlot! And you're fat."

"Excuse you! You're one to talk!" Juniper said, "you're practically a cow, except uh… um… well, you're mean."

"Tell me something I _don't_ know," Ema said, and she threw more Snackoos at Juniper.

"And I'm not a harlot!" Juniper said, "I've never even had a boyfriend."

"And what do you call Hugh and Robin?" Ema said smugly. "Friends with benefits?"

"Actual friends," Juniper said, "more than you can say."

What a… actually, that was true. Ema didn't get along with a lot of people. "Well, maybe we should ask Apollo himself," Ema said, "I'm sure I can wake him up, scientifically speaking."

"You'll see," Juniper said, "I'm sure he'd rather take me over _you_."

They turned around to see Blackquill watching both of them, with Apollo nowhere in sight. Standing next to Blackquill was Damon Gant, who was clapping and roaring with laughter. "Good job!" Gant said, "although… why _do _you two like him? He's kind of scrawny."

"…"

"…"

"We shouldn't have to explain ourselves, especially to a _murderer_," Ema spat. "Let's go, Juniper. I need to insult you some more, privately."

"Hmph. Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of Apollo," Juniper said.

"Well, then let's go find him," Ema said.

They nodded and headed back towards the center of the artist's alley. As they left, they heard Blackquill sigh and Gant continue to laugh uproariously.

* * *

_Wrightworth Country_

Edgeworth had been humiliated, stripped of his cravat and placed in the back of L'Belle and Wellington's panel to await his prince. _WRIGHT_. He would have his revenge!

"First," he muttered, "I'll have Maya channel Dahlia and have her dress up like her sister. Then I'll have Wright go on a date with her and when the time is right Kristoph Gavin will poison his drink, just enough to make him go into a coma, and when he awakes I'll force Larry to be his carekeeper. Yes, it's perfect… if a bit long. Hm…"

He decided to just never talk to Wright ever again.

There was a sawing sound and Kay, dressed as always, fell into the room. "Mr. Edgeworth!" she said, "I've come to rescue you!"

"…Kay," Edgeworth said, "you don't have a con badge."

"Well, sorry I'm not part of Star Fleet, Mr. Edgeworth," Kay said.

"That's not what I said and you know it… did you sneak in?" Edgeworth said.

Kay smiled. "Well, the Great Thief Yagatarasu can't always be expected to have $35 for a one-day pass," Kay said.

"…that's illegal."

"I'm rescuing you! Besides, if I take your badge then they won't kick me out," Kay said, "and they'll kick you out! Win-win."

"…I suppose," Edgeworth said, and he transferred his badge to her. "First things first, I need a cravat. I cannot be seen without one."

"Your neck's not that weird-looking…"

"Th- This isn't about my neck!" Edgeworth snapped. He sighed. "Look, all I need to do is find Wright and get revenge on him."

"What, not talk to him or something?" Kay said. Edgeworth glared at her. "Good point. That would be a pretty poor plan. Want me to steal his lawyer's badge or something?"

"As funny as that would be, that's illegal," Edgeworth said. "Look, let's just get out of here. I don't want a repeat of the fiasco last time. I assume you brought rope?"

"…uh," Kay said, "well… I brought a scarf!"

"Scarfs aren't ropes, Kay," Edgeworth said. Now what?

The wall suddenly exploded. "EDGEY!" Larry said, with Wendy Oldbag in tow.

"Edgey-poo!" she said.

And then a door opened and Florent L'Belle stuck his purple head in. "Oh MY. What is going ON!?" he said, "a BREAK-IN? Here at MY panel? This is SUCH a shame!"

"Oldbag, knock him out," Edgeworth ordered. Oldbag charged him and the crowd began booing and hissing. "Let's go, Kay. Larry. We need to get out."

* * *

_Coffee-Throwing Panel_

It was the most popular panel at LawyerCon. Pay $5 and throw coffee at some guy named Redd White! She was pretty sure he had signed up for it. So naturally, Athena dragged Apollo there. The line was very long and filled with people talking excitedly about chucking coffee. Using her position as a coworker of one of the panelists, Godot, she was able to drag Apollo into the stage area, making great care to not go past the protective screening shielding Godot and some fat guy in an brownish-orange suit from being splattered with coffee.

"Hi, Godot," Athena said cheerfully.

"Yellow," Godot said, acknowledging her presence by lobbing a coffee cup at White. "Why is Red passed out?"

"It's a long story. Can I borrow your bucket of water?" Athena said, and grabbed the bucket of water and dumped it on Apollo.

"-noooOOOOOO- what… where am I?" the now-sopping-wet Apollo said, sitting up. "Why do my ribs hurt?"

"Ole hyvä!" Athena said, giving him the peace sign.

"Th-thanks, Athena," Apollo said, "although that doesn't even sound like a real language-"

"Racist jerk! It's Finnish!" Widget chirped.

"How is that racist?"

"Who cares?" the suited man said, "all that matters is how much money we're making!"

"$5000 so far," Godot said, "for each of us. Do you know how many coffee cups that is?"

"How many coffee cups is that?" Athena said, mentally trying to do the math.

"It's a lot," Godot replied, and he sipped his inexplicably reappearing coffee.

"Well, have fun, Apollo!" Athena said, "I'm going to go join Simon again!"

And she ran off.

* * *

_Food Court_

Phoenix, Iris, and Lana were waiting for Apollo or Ema to come back, which didn't seem very likely, although on the bright side the mere appearance of chef Armstrong scared off all of the Wrightworthers. In the mean time, they were left to talk awkwardly amongst themselves. "So…" Lana said, "I understand that you've been trying to 'prove' that you're straight?"

"He has," Iris said, looking away from Phoenix and Lana (and thus kind of hard to hear), "I think everyone knows it."

Phoenix was troubled. Were the shippers right? And as much as he protested about not loving Edgeworth (how could they possibly think that?) that didn't mean that he didn't like Iris! "…is that what everyone really thinks?" Phoenix said.

"Yes," Lana said, "everyone on the force knows it, at least. And Gant. And in the prosecution offices. And-"

"I get it," Phoenix said. He sighed. "Look, Edgeworth's important, sure, me pushing him into a crowd of fangirls notwithstanding. But romantically, I have no interest in him."

Lana and Iris said nothing. "No one believes you, Mr. Wright!" Fulbright informed them from across the room.

Phoenix sighed again. "Okay, maybe not. Maybe Armando and Mia are right. Maybe that verdict was correct. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to turn my back on Iris," he said, addressing Lana. Iris smiled and took his hand. "Even if Edgeworth is a really attractive person- for a guy, obviously- I _do _have a sense of priorities."

"As long as you're sure about it," Lana said, looking with obvious skepticism at Phoenix.

"You're still not fooling anyone!" Fulbright suddenly shouted, somehow having teleported in the last half a minute to behind Phoenix and Iris, "ha ha ha ha ha! You con't fool me! In justice we trust!" And he showed them his badge.

On second thought, Phoenix would keep his emotions bottled up instead. "Go away, detective," Lana said.

"OK!" Fulbright said, "yes, ma'am!" And he marched off to go join Armstrong.

"Anyway," Phoenix said, "Lana? Aren't you going to become chief of police or something?"

"The paperwork's finalized," Lana said, "but for now I'm just doing detective duties and running the pool complexes."

"I'm surprised you're able to work with Mr. Gant," Iris said, "I'm not sure I'd be able to work with a murderer like that…"

"You work with two," Lana said, "and besides. It's not like I trust Gant whatsoever. But it's better that he work for me than anywhere else and be allowed to try and manipulate more people."

"The same reason we hired Kristoph, I guess," Phoenix said. "By the way, do they still have that pipe organ?"

"Actually, yes," Lana said, and she sighed. "I'm no good at playing the organ, though…"

"Neither am I," Iris said.

"All I can play is the song of JUSTICE!" Fulbright shouted from across the room.

And Phoenix was pretty sure they were all missing the point. "Well," Maya said, walking up with her map out, "maybe we should find a way to sneak out and go do something besides sitting in here all day… look! A 'Phoenix Wright Cosplay Contest'. C'mon, Nick, let's go watch!"

"Sounds like something to do," Lana said, and she stood up. "I think Ema'll be a while, and she has a cell phone. C'mon. Let's go watch that."

"And you should enter, Mr. Wright!" Fulbright said, running over to the group, "here! I'll escort you!"

But while everyone else agreed (Maya even deploying her puppy-dog eyes), Phoenix wasn't sure about this. This seemed like a _bad _idea…

* * *

_Whipping Panel_

It was almost scary to Klavier how many people were whipping today. Franziska and Adrian Andrews were the teachers and the targets all looked suspiciously like a certain spiky-haired lawyer. "This is very exciting," Kristoph commented from beside Klavier, and he sipped some grape juice.

"Weren't we supposed to be doing something?" Klavier said.

Franziska demonstrated a whip into the air and Klavier tried to quell the urge to run away. While it was true that he was the least-whipped of all the lawyers (special privileges, she said) besides Godot and Blackquill, it still _hurt_! "Weren't we supposed to talk to Regina Berry?" Kristoph said, "I seem to recall Godot mentioning that."

"Ah, yes," Klavier said. How could he forget that? "Well, let's go…" Klavier said. "It looks like they don't need help after all."

They left the panel, passed some very vocal arguments about Wright and Edgeworth, past a panel about hanging Pearl Fey or something that sounded like there was a brawl going on in it, past the Fräulein Detective and the Fräulein Judge and a crowd of arguing people, and through another crowd of people obsessively babbling about Wright and Maya Fey. Finally, they exited the main tent by the exit leading out to the competition tents and entered, because according to the program one of the judges would be Regina Berry.

Right now, they were doing a Winston Payne look-alike. Only ten people had entered, and two of them were actual Paynes, and some British guy called "Flynch". "Just watch," Kristoph said, "they won't pick the right person. They never do."

"You've been to LawyerCon before?" Klavier said.

Kristoph smiled. "Of course," he said, "the are illicit atroquinine dealers here, you know."

"Uh-huh," Klavier said, wishing his brother wasn't obsessed with atroquinine, "the dealer's room?"

"It turns out dealer is very literal," Kristoph said, "oh! And I once won a Klavier Gavin competition, despite the fact I wasn't in costume."

"H-how-"

"And Mr. Flynch is the best Payne we've seen today!" Regina announced, her voice ringing around the tent. The crowd cheered, and two of the Paynes grumbled and walked off the stage. "Now it's time for the Phoenix Wright cosplay competition, and I've got to say that I'm excited! 3!"

"Less than three?" Kristoph said, "how odd."

"I think it's supposed to be a heart," Klavier said, "you know, emoticons or something?"

"Let's sit down for now, then," Kristoph said, "and we'll talk to Berry afterwards, alright?" He paused, and added, "by the way, can we stop by the dealer's room? I need to talk to someone there."

"No," Klavier said, "absolutely not."

"Aww…"

They sat down in the seats, getting some compliments for their expert Gavin brother cosplays, and were soon after joined by Maya and Iris Fey, Fräulein Skye, and Detective Fulbright, wearing purple channeling robes for some reason. Also, wasn't he dead? Eh. It was probably someone channeling.

"Here we go!" Fulbright said, "good luck, Mr. Wright!"

At the end of the row, Wright laughed nervously and walked towards the sign-up at the base of the stage. "I hope he does alright," Iris said, "he'll probably have the best costume at least."

"So long as those Wrightworth shippers don't find him, we're fine," Maya said. She sighed. "They're crazy, I tell you."

"We passed through a large group of people who were campaigning for you and Wright to have children together," Kristoph said cheerfully, "I think you should do that."

"I'm not sure I'd like-" Maya said.

"No," Iris said sharply, cutting her off.

"Oh. That's too bad," Kristoph said, "I was considering lending Wright some of my seduction tips."

"…I don't even _want _to know," Skye said. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

"Anyway, it sounds like they're also preparing for a battle with the 'Wrightworth' shippers," Kristoph said, "how exciting! Two shipping wars and it's only one day in!"

"Are these… common?" Fulbright said.

"Oh, they usually turn into bloodbaths," Kristoph said. He smiled.

"He… he isn't being serious?" Iris said, holding her hand up to her mouth.

"If it makes you feel any better," Kristoph said, pushing his glasses up, "the minority that pairs you with Wright is so insignificant that I almost mistook them for a confused band of tourists." And then he smiled at Iris, while she sighed and looked away.

"You can take all my shippers," Maya said, "please do."

"Oh! That reminds me!" Kristoph said, "do you know who people pair you with, Klavier?"

Klavier blinked. Well, of course people paired him with lots of women- that was the curse of his natural attractiveness, after all- but who exactly. "…Fräulein Starr?"

Kristoph chuckled. "Ema Skye and Apollo Justice," he said, "and their shippers hate each other."

Klavier felt the sudden urge to spit-take. _Herr Forehead_!? _The Fräulein Detective!? WHAT!? _"You've got to be kidding!" Klavier said, "I'm not Herr Wright, and I know that she doesn't like me-"

Lana opened one eye. "Don't make any moves on my sister," she said, "Gavin."

"Or on Apollo!" Maya said, "he has enough problems as it is!"

"That's right!" Iris said, "his heart belongs to Ema anyways!"

"I'm… not sure that's true," Lana said. "Although I don't get it. When did she start liking him, anyways?"

"It was around Valentine's," Maya said, "I remember he was going on a date with her. Except then Juniper and Athena got involved and it's all really confusing…"

"Oh, don't worry," Kristoph said, "a lot of the Klema shippers support Junipollo, but the Klavpollo shippers hate Junipollo and Emapollo equally."

"…please stop speaking in your moon language," Maya said, "Mr. Gavin."

Kristoph smiled and said nothing. "Ahem!" Regina said, her high-pitched, sugary voice echoing through the tent, "welcome to the Phoenix Wright Cosplay Competition. We have _many _very great contestants today, including some people who look just like the real thing! And now, if you can turn your eyes to the stage, let's welcome the lucky ladies and gentlemen with a round of applause!"

The audience clapped, and Klavier both liked and hated Regina's voice. "I need to brush my teeth," Kristoph muttered. He was not clapping his hands. Everyone else was enthusiastically clapping, even Klavier himself! Although… he wasn't quite sure when he started.

"And now we can begin our competition!" Regina said as Wright look-a-likes lined up on the stage. There were some good cosplays, bad cosplays, deathly thin cosplays, obese cosplays, genderbent cosplays, a poor lost soul in an Edgeworth cosplay, orange spray-tanned cosplays, and, of course, Wright himself.

And the competition began. Each Wright went up to the front-and-center of the stage once their name was announced, yelled "Objection!", and presented their badge. There were some bizarre attempts at objections or badge presentations. For instance, there was the chief of criminal affairs in an amazing cosplay who shouted "You've got that wrong!" for objection. Or there was a man with bright orange skin named Furio Tigre who the judges applauded for his badge presentation and objection skills, despite the fact that Tigre was obviously not Wright.

"He actually fooled the judge and prosecutor once," Maya commented.

Then Regina announced, "Mr… Phoenix Wright? My, _someone_'s dedicated."

To great applause, Wright took the center stage. "Mr. 'Wright'," one of the other judges, some woman with dumb hair, "can you explain your name for us?"

"Well… my parents named me Phoenix," Wright said, scratching his head, clearly embarrassed, "and their last name was Wright… so that's what I put down as my name."

"I see," Regina said. "Well, what do people call you?"

"Uh… it depends on the person," Wright said, "let's see… Nick, Mr. Nick, Wright, Phoenix Wright, Phoenix, Feenie, Trite or Tripe, Wright-dono, Herr Wright-" (_That's me! _Klavier thought) "-Mr. Wright, Daddy, Boss…"

"I see," Regina said, "that's quite a lot of nicknames."

"Well, yeah," Wright said, "I know a lot of people."

"So what does Miles call you?" the dumb-haired judge said.

"Miles… oh, yeah, uh, Wright," Wright said, "and I call him Edgeworth."

"Uh-huh," the dumb-haired judge said.

"I see," Regina said, "how about Mr. Nick or Trite or Feenie. Those don't sound like normal nicknames."

"Uh… well, the first one comes from Pearls, and she sorta picked that up from Maya," Wright said, "and, um, let's not talk about the last two."

Iris quietly booed him. "I think you want to answer," Regina said, and for a second Klavier thought he saw her hair sparkling. "Don't you?"

"Oh, well, uh," Wright said, and he nervously chuckled. "Yeah, why not? Well, Mr. Armando wasn't very fond of me, and, uh, he likes to nickname people dumb stuff, and Feenie's from my college days."

"I see," Regina said, "you've done an impressive amount of research, Mr. Wright."

"Thank you!… wait," Wright said, "you do realize-"

"Don't worry," the third judge, a fearsome-looking lion of a man said, "I can tell the real deal when I see it."

"Thanks, Mr. Powers," Wright said.

Powers laughed nervously. "We'll see about that," the second judge said, "Mr. Wright, if that's who you really are, I'm sure you can answer this simple question: who smacked you over the head with a fire extinguisher in September 2017?"

"…that was a _decade _ago!" Wright said, "more than a decade!"

"Answer the question!" Regina said, "please?"

"How am I supposed to remember? I was hit over the head with a _fire extinguisher_!" Wright said, "…something to do with bananas?"

The second judge sighed. "Mr. Wright," she said, "a true Wright aficionado would know about Richard Wellington. I suppose one final question is in order: who are you most attracted to?"

Wright froze up. "Uh, let's not ask him that," Powers said, "Regina?"

"…no, I think it's a good question," Regina said, "well, Mr. Wright?"

"Uh… my girlfriend of course," Wright said, clearly sweating, "Iris!"

"HE'S LYING!" Fulbright shouted, standing up.

"Shut up, Fulbright!" Wright yelled at him.

Fulbright laughed very loudly and said, "c'mon, Mr. Wright! You can trust in justice because…" and he took out his badge, "IN JUSTICE WE TRUST!"

"…that costume's in poor taste," Regina commented.

"I know! I have been informed!" Fulbright yelled, "and let me tell you, that being dead doesn't stop justice, and it doesn't stop Bobby Fulbright!"

"…right," all three judges said.

"Anyway, that is pretty in-character for Mr. Wright," Regina said, "he'd deny any feelings for Mr. Edgeworth, you know."

"What feelings!?" Wright said.

"Just do your objection and badge thing and stop embarrassing yourself," Powers said, "take it from someone who's been in your shoes before."

"Uh, of course!" And he did his badge thing and shouted an impressive objection.

"Hmm… your objection wasn't forceful enough," the second judge said, "and I didn't point this out, but your badge is on the wrong side. And to be honest, your acting is pretty creepy. So I'm taking points off for that."

"I dunno," Regina said, "that's definitely the best Wright we've seen all day. Although it is only noon…"

"He's still the real thing, you know," Powers said, "I actually know him and keep in touch."

He did? "Oh, that's who kept calling," Iris said, "I put him on hold for three hours once. Now I feel kinda bad…"

Wright sighed and left the stage. At the end, he wasn't even in the top ten. The winner was Furio Tigre, who roared to celebrate his success and sent much of the crowd hiding behind their chairs.

They met up afterwards with Wright and Powers. "The Edgeworth cosplayer beat me out," Wright said, "the _Edgeworth _cosplayer."

"Well, it was pretty good…" Powers said. "Oh, can you not put me on hold for three hours anymore?"

"Sorry," Iris said, "but, you know… there were other people who were calling… just, let me remember who…"

"Anyway," Powers said, "I have to go back to judging, but good job Mr. Wright! Even if the others weren't impressed…"

"Actually, can we go talk to Regina Berry?" Kristoph said. He'd arrived late along with Fulbright because they needed to wake up Lana.

"Hm? Oh, sure," Powers said, "follow me, guys."

Klavier and company followed Powers to the judge panel. The dumb-haired rude judge was not in sight, but Regina was wearing some sort of pink, sparkly circus leotard rather than the sexy judge outfit she'd worn in the advertisements. Come to think of it, that was a little weird.

"Friends of yours, Mr. Powers?" she said, glancing at them, "good cosplays."

"No, like I said, these guys are the real deal," Powers said. "Mr. Wright, his manager Maya Fey, his girlfriend Iris, prosecutor Klavier Gavin, convicted murderer Kristoph Gavin, detective Lana Skye, and Bobby Fulbright."

Everyone nodded or smiled, even Kristoph. "…why is Fulbright alive and wearing those… purple things?" Regina said.

"Um… I dunno, actually," Powers said,and he walked off towards a cooler.

"I'm being spirit-channeled!" Fulbright informed her, "I'm actually dead! But that's okay! I can still do justice!"

"…ok," Regina said, eyeing him dubiously. "Can I help you all?"

"We want to know if you've been manipulating people at large?" Kristoph said, "and also if you're connected to the mass pardons and why you met with Miss Fey and I."

Regina blinked. "In answer to your questions," Regina said, "no, no, and for research purposes."

"Research purposes?" Klavier said, "sounds fun."

"It is!" Regina said, "it's so much fun! It's so _fascinating_!" she paused and glanced at Maya. "Maya's been a huge help, you know!"

"Oh, it's nothing, Regina," Maya said, smiling at her.

And everyone else seemed somewhat… shocked? Was that the right word? "You never mentioned this, Maya," Wright said.

"Oh, well, you know," Maya said, "can't a girl have a few secrets? …speaking of secrets, Mr. Godot's been acting weird for the last few months."

"We worked something out," Wright said hastily.

"Oh. Well, as long as everyone's happy," Regina said, but she looked… unsettled? "So, Mr. Fulbright, you seem insistent that Mr. Wright's not happy with Iris?"

"He's yet to come to terms with himself!" Fulbright announced.

"Has anyone told you it's not nice to try and publicly out people?" Regina said.

"It's not like that!" Wright said very, very quickly. "What do I need to do, prove-"

"Anyone that has to prove something is clearly lying to themselves, Mr. Wright," Regina said cheerfully.

"Besides, we don't really care that much, Mr. Wright," Lana said.

"If you don't care so much, then leave him alone!" Iris said.

"But it's so much fun…" Maya said. Fulbright, however, looked sad now and was pushing his index fingertips.

"Sorry, Mr. Wright," Fulbright said, "I guess she's right."

"Well, I'm glad that worked out," Regina said.

"I'm not so sure about that," Klavier said, "there'll still be problems."

Regina smiled at him, and Klavier felt all fuzzy inside. She was so cute! He wondered how old she was and if she was single. And then he felt a sharp pain. "Piano Gavin!" Franziska said, "what are you doing!?"

"F-Franziska!" Klavier said, whirling around to see Franziska, whip in hand, standing impatiently, "I was doing nothing wrong-"

"I will be the decider of that," Franziska loftily informed him. "Now. Who is this woman… wait. You seem familiar. Reginald Birdo, yes?"

"Regina Berry!" Maya snapped, "get it right!"

"Hmph. Why should I care about every foolish fool's name who's ever passed my path?" she said haughtily, "Adrian Andrews is running the panel for now. Next time, please tell me when you are going out. Your brother is not someone we want loose with only one guard."

"My apologies," Kristoph said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "it shan't happen again, my queen."

Franziska narrowed her eyes and tried to whip him, but Kristoph took it without even flinching or even reacting. She frowned and whipped Wright instead.

"Poor Nick…" Maya said, while Wright howled in pain.

"He's your old friend, and I do not like to whip my fiancé without just reason," Franziska said.

"F-FIANCÉ!?" everyone, save Kristoph and Klavier, shouted.

"Oh, I forgot to mention," Klavier said, and he laughed nervously. "Fräulein von Karma proposed last month, and I foolishly accepted-"

"No cold feet, Piano Gavin!" Franziska snapped, and she whipped him.

"I guess you'll just have to get used to that," Wright said.

"I wish I could get married," Fulbright said, "married… to justice!"

"Did you forget about how many people are already vying for his hand?" Kristoph said.

"Huh? What?" Fulbright said, and he shrugged. "You wily murderers can't trick _me_."

"Anyway," Regina said, "I'm SO happy for you two, but I was talking about my job."

"Well, please continue!" Maya said.

"Yeah, it's really cool. I've been all over the world now," Regina said, "I've seen things you wouldn't believe, and learned things that maybe only Maya'd be able to do."

"I see," Iris said, "but… what does this have to do with the happy couple?"

"…which one again?" Regina said, and she glanced at Klavier and Franziska. "Oh, yes. I've been to Germany a few times, you know. Seen all sorts of things. Not just in Germany actually: I've met up with puzzle-solving professors and time-traveling ghosts and even brawling superhumans. There's a lot of things in this world just waiting to be seen."

"Sounds fun," Lana said, although she just sounded tired. "We're really happy for you."

"Thank you!" Regina said, "and yet, despite it all, I was never able to wake up Acro or Bat…"

Acro? Bat? "What's done is done," Franziska said, "we can only move forward, not dwell on the past and let it control us."

"Take it from us," Iris said, "I think everyone here's had someone close to them die or kill…"

"Well, I'm glad that we could talk," Regina said, "now, I have to get ready for the next contest…"

And then there was an explosion and smoke began filling the tent. Alarm bells went off, and everyone turned and began running out as screams of, "explosion!" and "fire!" filled the room. Klavier tripped but no one saw him, leaving him stuck on the floor momentarily. He picked himself up off the floor and tried to run through the smoke, but it was starting to hurt. He stumbled to the ground again and began to crawl forward. The world went dark just as he crawled out of the tent, the last thing he heard being cracking wood.

* * *

_A few minutes earlier, Coffee Throwing Panel_

The money was just piling up. It was a great day for Armando: he'd already deposited the money in some safes Grossberg brought and the line was still massive. Poor Redd White (okay, he didn't deserve any sympathy at all) had been reenergized by Grossberg offering to split some of the profits with him and was now doing his best to act like a douchebag. Not that it took much acting.

"We're genermaking a killing!" White yelled, "come on! Look at my glorifabulous self! Look at my splenderosity! How many mugs can you throw at once, and how many gems can you douse?" He smiled and sparkled, showing off his rings, as another ten mugs flew at him. $25 for him now ($10 cups now, $5 to Armando, $2.50 to Grossberg, and $2.50 to White).

Apollo had walked off, though, after suggesting the arrangement and throwing $200 worth at White. It was very therapeutic, and Armando had added that to the "testimonials" sign by the coffee cups.

And then an explosion went off overhead. Fire blossomed across the top of the tent and alarm bells went off. White screamed like a little girl and dodged the last few coffee cups, jumping into the corner of the room. The line screamed and evaporated as people ran out of the tent; Armando kept his cool, took down the divider, and lead the final people in the tent, including Grossberg and White, out of the little tent the circus had given them. Outside, the circus was a mess: the tents were all on fire, smoke was billowing out of the theatre and artist's alley buildings, and a large crowd was beginning to form around the circus, almost entirely of evacuees based on their costumes, goods, and looks of panic and soot on them.

This wasn't good.

* * *

_ A few minutes earlier, the Great Junipollo-Emapollo Shipping War_

The arguing was loud and great, with crowds of guys and some girls arguing over the merits of Juniper and Apollo vs Ema and Apollo. It was deafening and for once, that really wasn't the fault of Ema and Juniper. As a matter of fact, they were just kind of watching. "I'm scared," Juniper said.

"Why do these people take our love lives so seriously?" Ema said, "it's none of their business."

"And where did they get all these details?" Juniper said, "this stuff about my ginseng and your Snackoos?"

"I dunno," Ema said, "although… this really shows us how ridiculous we're being, doesn't it?"

"I'm glad you two came to a conclusion!" Thena said, showing up suddenly, "so, you going to give up Apollo to her now, Ema?"

"No," Ema said, "it's still a matter of pride. Let's just not be so rude about it."

Juniper nodded, although she wished Ema would just back down already. Behind Thena, Blackquill also sighed. "We're getting tired of this, Skye-dono, Woods-dono," Blackquill said, "isn't that right, Justice-dono?"

And he pulled Apollo out from behind him. Apollo was pale and sweating, and it broke Juniper's heart to see him so afraid of her and Ema, especially when they usually had so much fun just hanging out together trying to grow plants at his apartment, or Miss Lamiroir's house, or at Thena's apartment, or the space center, or the rooftop of WAA. And he actually did seem to enjoy it, and the plants seemed to grow faster thanks to this Chords of Steel. He honestly was a dear friend. "I'm sorry for how we acted, Apollo," Juniper said.

"Yeah," Ema said, looking away, "we, uh, kind of got mad that you were ignoring us."

"I can't help it since you two don't get along well at all," Apollo said, "I'd love to hang out with you guys, but I don't want to give any wrong ideas and you'll tear each other's throats out…"

Juniper glanced at Ema and Ema glanced at Juniper. Were they really all that different? Well, yes, but that didn't mean they couldn't get along. And besides, Juniper was going to be a judge! She needed to be more professional around detectives. Slowly, she reached out her hand…

And then something exploded.

* * *

_A few minutes earlier, during Edgeworth's Amazing Rescue_

Edgeworth had decided that this was the most incompetent rescue. Especially since he was now hiding in the sweltering-hot Steel Samurai fanart booth maintained by Sal Manella and a cosplayer of Sal Manella. Apparently the real Sal Manella, the one Penny Nichols had been "harassed" by, was here; his twin brother, Salmon "Sal" Manella, had been killed. Which meant that Nichols' motive for the killing was even _worse _and as such, Edgeworth tried to block them out of his head.

Larry, Kay, and Oldbag were holding off the shippers. By the sound of it, a massive brawl had started in the panel, and considering the three Edgeworth wouldn't be surprised if Oldbag was holding the shippers off alone. She could be terrifying.

No, wait. She _was _terrifying.

"H3Y D00D," Manella said, "UR FR13ND 4M4Z1NG N1N3-T41L'S H3R3."

"Tell him to go away," Edgeworth hissed. This had to be a joke.

"I need to go," the Manella cosplayer said, and he grappled away. Wait. Grappled?

"Don't tell me…" Edgeworth said, watching what was no doubt the Phantom flying away, but then a second line flew above the stand and what looked like some sort of butler flew past as well. Shelly de Killer!? Why does he have spy devices?

"S0 Y0U W3R3 S4Y1N6 4B0UT T3H C4DM1UM S4MUR41?" Manella said.

"Not now," Edgeworth said, "something bad is about to happen. I can feel it in my crava-" He looked down. He still didn't have his cravat back. "-in my brain."

And then there was an explosion.

* * *

_Outside_

The WAA staff and company regathered in front of the brightly burning tents, sans two very important people: Klavier, and Apollo. Some of the arrivals from the evacuation were odd: for instance, the Amazing Nine-Tails ran out, Edgeworth under one arm and Sal Manella under the other, and Edgeworth was cravat-less, grumpy, and had lost his glasses. And after Phoenix's group arrived, Fulbright ran off to go do "justice". And Ema also left, muttering something about police duties, but everyone was pretty sure she was just going to find Apollo.

Phoenix decided, while they were waiting, to try and mend bridges with Edgeworth, so he went to stand next to him. "So," he said, "that wasn't that bad. All you lost was your cravat and your glasses."

Edgeworth looked away. "Detective Gumshoe," he said, and Gumshoe appeared out of the crowd, "tell Wright not to attempt to talk to me. I am never speaking to him again."

Gumshoe turned to Phoenix and repeated what Edgeworth had just said. "Oh yeah," Phoenix said, "_real_ mature, Edgeworth."

"What was that?" Edgeworth said, still not looking at Phoenix. "I thought I heard something buzzing in my ear."

"Fine, be that way," Phoenix said, turning away from him, "Gumshoe, tell Edgeworth that he's being a-"

And then Fulbright showed up with Klavier and Apollo in handcuffs. "I caught the arsonists!" he said, "this is a victory for JUSTICE!"

"No," Apollo said, and he coughed, "this is a defeat for Justice."

"Franziska, please help me," Klavier said, "I don't even know where he's coming from."

"It's simple!" Fulbright said, "you two were isolated and at the scenes of some of the crimes!" He attempted to push up his nonexistent glasses and said, "ergo, you two were working together because of the intense fan attempts to push you two together romantically."

"WHAT!?" Apollo said.

"I'd say that's a pretty good motive," Athena said, "although wouldn't Boss or Mr. Edgeworth also be under suspicion?"

"They have alibis!" Fulbright said, "see? They're standing right here in front of me."

"Fool Bright, this are the worst arrests you've ever made," Blackquill said. "Release Justice-dono and Gavin-dono until a _real _case can be made."

Fulbright shook his head. "Unless you can find a better criminal, I'm keeping these two _scumbags _in my custody!"

"Okay, seriously, release them," Ema said, appearing behind him, "we already found the mastermind."

"That was fast," Kristoph said, "was it Regina Berry?"

"Uh, no," Ema said, "it was, shockingly, Damon Gant."

"He was the mastermind?" Lana said, "I suppose that makes sense…"

"But there were multiple bombs!" Larry proclaimed, appearing out of nowhere, "how did he set them all off?"

"Mastermind, Larry," Edgeworth said, "_mastermind. _Not the actual bomber. That was probably the Phantom, who I encountered during my 'rescue'."

"You're welcome," the Amazing Nine-Tails said.

"Also, he was being chased by Shelly de Killer," Edgeworth said.

At that point, a man wearing a Wrightworth shirt with stitches down his face and a monocle appeared. "I saw them too," he said.

"I see," Ema said, "a witness? Your name, please?"

"Shelly de Shipper," de Killer said, "I saw both of them fly off."

"I… see," Ema said. "Okay, Mr. de Shipper, follow me."

"That's the assassin!" Edgeworth and Phoenix yelled at her.

"Nice try, but his name's not de Killer. It's de Shipper. Don't be insensitive, pal!" Gumshoe said.

"Yeah! It's always a bad thing when people mix up my name too!" Maggey shouted angrily.

Shelly de Killer followed Ema off and Phoenix hoped he didn't have a hit request on her. He glanced at Juniper, who was looking worriedly at Apollo. Surely she wouldn't…

"Oh, yeah, Fulbright, can you de-channel? I need to talk to Pearly," Maya said. Fulbright saluted and then Pearl was back to normal.

"Mystic Maya," she said, "what happened?"

"Damon Gant bombed the convention," Lana said.

"Oh. I don't blame him," Pearl said, and she rolled up her sleeve. "Free Gant 2028!"

"Someone might've died!" Regina said.

And then Jake Marshall walked up, cowboy music appearing around him. "Someone's dead," he said, "a man named Jean Armstrong."

"Oh, well, someone important might've died," Regina said.

"Wow, that's mean," Iris said, "he seemed like such a sweet man when we met him."

Armando and Maya started laughing and Phoenix flashed back to his first meeting with him. "I'm sad that he's dead," Phoenix said, "but you might be misrepresenting him, Iris…"

"Well, as long as it was no one we knew, I don't see the problem," Kristoph said.

Ema walked up to them, Damon Gant behind her in handcuffs and covered in ash, his head bowed, police officers on either side of him. "Help me, Wrighto," he said as he walked through the crowd, "you're my only hope."

"Why would you want to help him?" Lana said, and she escorted Gant out with Ema and the other officers.

"Prosecution team, assemble," Klavier said, "let's go!"

And Franziska followed him out. "…I wanted to go back to shopping," Blackquill said, "but I suppose now there's work to do."

"Oh my," Regina said, and she frowned. "Detective Gumshoe, could I speak with you please?"

"Aw, of course!" Gumshoe said happily. "I'll do whatever you ask, pal!"

"I know," Regina replied. She walked proudly off, followed by Gumshoe and Maggey.

"She's so cute," Maya commented. Armando shook his head, drank his coffee, and then walked off into the crowd.

"Well," Phoenix said, "other than the prosecutors, let's all meet up at the agency."

"Right," everyone chorused, except for Edgeworth, who just stalked off.


	10. Turnabout Con, Part III

**A/N: I'd like to thank dirtyaceattorneycrackfessions for promoing this stupid fic. I love you, senpai!**

* * *

**"Turnabout Con"**

The Wright Anything Agency (plus hangers-on) had moved from the agency to Lamiroir's house due to the large amount of people meeting up. There was Phoenix himself, Maya, Iris, Armando, Apollo, Athena, Kristoph, Trucy, Pearl, Juniper, Hugh, Robin, Scuttlebutt, Blackquill and Taka, Grossberg, Redd White, and Yuri Cosmos. And to be honest, Phoenix wasn't quite sure why they were here, either, especially the last three.

"There I was, standing in the theatre!" Cosmos said dramatically, "explaining about the miracle of HAT-2 and the saving of Prosecutor Blackquill's life and the dramatic revelation of the Phantom, when suddenly BOOM! And the ceiling began to collapse!"

"I say!" Grossberg said, "how terrifying! I can only imagine-"

"Shut up," Armando said, "that's my advice to you. No one wants to know about you hemorrhoids."

"I… I say!" Grossberg said, sweating. "How rude!"

"Why are you even here, anyway?" Phoenix said, "or Assistant Director Cosmos? Or Redd White? Or Blackquill and Athena's friends?"

"Um, you did say _everyone_," Juniper said.

"I meant everyone who works for me!" Phoenix said. Blackquill turned and he added, "although if Blackquill stays, I don't care. Everyone else, though, out!"

Cosmos sighed and slowly drove out, followed by a mortally offended Grossberg and Redd White.

"Um, I want to make sure Apollo's alright," Juniper said.

"We want to make sure he's alright too," Hugh said.

"Apollo's a F-R-I-E-N-D of ours!" Robin said, wagging her finger, and then she roared, "SO YOU GUYS'D BETTER NOT HURT HIM!"

"I want a good story!" Scuttlebutt added, and she held her camera out of her box.

"Get out!" Phoenix said, "I'm sorry, but I can't afford one of my lawyers being distracted!"

Juniper sighed and lead her friends out. "Call me!" she yelled before shutting the door.

"Not if I can help it," Apollo said, and he sighed. "She means well, but if Ema hears…"

"Quite the mess," Kristoph said. "Do you need help?"

"No," everyone else replied.

"Anyway, so, Mr. Gant wants our help," Iris said, taking out a tablet computer from her purse. "Should we help him?"

"Why should we?" Apollo said, "he's a murderer. That's not going to change."

"But Apollo, doesn't everyone deserve a defense?" Athena said, "and it's not like we won't get payed for it."

And then the door burst down and Cosmos drove back in. "I saw it!" he proclaimed, "I saw the attacker!"

"But it's not a trial for the bomber," Maya said, "this is a trial for the mastermind."

"Yes. Well. I saw him too!" Cosmos said.

"Then I'd suggest you go speak with the prosecution office," Blackquill said, smiling and putting his hand to his chin, "don't you agree?"

"Of course!" Cosmos said, "Galactic Scooter! All engines engaged!" And he sped off.

"In retrospect, maybe I should've thrown you out too," Phoenix said. Blackquill just smirked.

"Look, the case is probably nebulous enough that we should take the case," Athena said, "we need to find the truth!"

"I agree," Armando said, "if only because I have my own theories."

"And I agree," Iris said, "we need the money."

"I dunno," Maya said, "I'm not sure we really want a guilty client…"

"I was able to defend Kristoph Gavin and get him off the hook," Armando said, "when everything pointed to him being the killer of April May. The clear-cut cases are the ones with the most snags. That's one of my rules."

"Yes, it was one of those cases that you got caught in," Kristoph said.

"Shut up, Nail Polish," Armando said.

"Well, let's take a democratic vote," Phoenix said. "For?" Armando, Athena, Blackquill, and Iris raised their hands. "Against?" Maya, Pearl, Trucy, and Apollo raised their arms.

It seemed it all came down to Kristoph. "Well," Athena said, "what do you think?"

"I think that I don't need to vote, because there's a clear majority," Kristoph said, pushing his glasses up, "the bird voted with its master, yes?"

"Indeed," Blackquill said, "the apprentice samurai votes with its master and its daimyo."

"Daimyo?"

"Daimyo's daughter," Blackquill said, thumbing at Athena.

"Well, I'm glad that's decided," Iris said, "a 5-4 decision in favor of taking Mr. Gant's case."

"He's a _bird_," Apollo said, "you just let a _bird _decide the case! Mr. Wright, your girlfriend's biased!"

"Yeah!" Maya said, "since I'm the master, you should vote with me!"

"This isn't how democracy works," Trucy said.

"Do you have something against birds, Justice-dono?" Blackquill said, drawing Athena's sword.

"I say we discount the crossdressers' votes," Kristoph said cheerfully.

"It's not crossdressing. It's cross_playing_. Get it right," Trucy said, frowning at him.

"Also, I don't technically have to do what you order," Iris said, "I'm not loyal to anyone."

"I'm glad that you agree with that," Armando said.

"Look, do I need to be the one to decide?" Phoenix said.

"Yes, Mr. Nick. That's your job," Pearl said. "You're supposed to be the boss."

"Hmm… well, as it stands I see no reason to challenge the vote," Phoenix said.

"You're just trying to dodge the decision, Nick!" Maya said, pouting.

"That's exactly right," Phoenix said. "And I guess we'll just assume that Polly and Charley's votes will cancel each other out too."

"This is ridiculous," Apollo said, "I'm going to go upstairs. And do something besides vote against a potted plant."

He left, followed by Armando and Kristoph. "Poor Polly," Trucy said. "Who do you think they would vote for?"

"Parrots and plants can't vote," Athena said, watching him go, "don't worry about it."

* * *

_June 2, 4:01 PM, Lamiroir's House_

Apollo was busy sulking so the criminals' brigade was organized to go interrogate Gant. Phoenix, Maya, Armando, Kristoph, and Athena set out, leaving Apollo, Trucy, and Iris to talk to a channeled Fulbright to find out if he had seen anything. He hadn't. He also still thought Apollo and Klavier were suspicious.

"Why would I work with _Klavier_ of all people?" Apollo groaned.

"I don't claim to understand it," began Fulbright, but Apollo cut him off by glaring at him. "Oh. Sorry."

"Aww," Trucy said, "I wanted to hear the end of that sentence."

"So you saw _absolutely _nothing?" Iris said, looking at her tablet computer. "And then you decided to arrest Apollo and Gavin? Even for an LAPD officer, that's rather quick."

"Of _course_! In justice we trust!" Fulbright said, presenting his badge.

"No, no," Apollo said, "what's the _real _reason you arrested us?"

"You were suspicious!" Fulbright said cheerfully, and he added angrily, "you were not looking very just! You both hung behind, and I _know _I saw _someone _swoop down to you, Mr. Justice! Your schemes are not making you live up to your name!"

"Wait, who swooped down to me?" Apollo said.

"Shouldn't you know?" Fulbright said, and then he added, "and then I found Klavier Gavin and realized he was your logical criminal partner!"

"How is that logical?" Trucy said.

"The two of you haven't been accused of murder!" Fulbright said, "that's suspicious!"

"How is that suspicious?" Apollo said, "isn't that a _good _thing?"

"I haven't been accused of murder," Trucy said, bouncing on her feet. "But I'm not sure I want to give Daddy a heart attack over it…"

"He probably wouldn't care!" Fulbright boomed, "it's like a rite of passage with you people, right!"

"What, so I'm not a man until I get accused of murder?" Apollo said. He couldn't believe this guy!

"Yes!" Fulbright said, trying to push his nonexistent sunglasses up, "and you and Gavin committed the bombing to try and become men!"

"That's not true!" Apollo yelled.

"I don't know…" Iris said, looking away, "it's sounding more and more likely…"

"No!"

"I wanna be a man too!" Trucy said, "I know! Polly, you lie down and cover yourself in ketchup! Detective Fulbright, you arrest me! And Iris, I want you to be the decisive witness!"

"I can do that!" Fulbright said, and he moved to handcuff Trucy using handcuffs Trucy gave him.

"I saw everything," Iris said, "alright Apollo, on the floor, now!"

"I- what!?" Apollo said, and then Fulbright somehow managed to handcuff himself.

"You're welcome!" Trucy said, "now he can't go anywhere!"

"I wasn't going to _go _anywhere!" Fulbright said, and then he shrugged and pushed his fingers together. "You aren't… mad at me, are you?"

"I am," Apollo said, "because you are clearly a fool." He turned away and left the room.

"Polly!" Trucy called, "don't be mean!"

Idiots.

* * *

_Meanwhile, at the Detention Center_

"Hello, Gant," Phoenix said, sitting in front of the visitation booth window. Behind the window was Damon Gant, his hair sort of droopy and looking rather sad, which was odd for the jolly psychopath he usually was.

"Wrighto…" Gant said, and he glanced at everyone else. "Mayo, Go-dog, Cyko, and Krissy too. Have you come to grill me for information?"

"…Mayo?" Maya said, "why am I-"

"That's not important," Phoenix said, "Gant. I want to know if you did it."

"I've masterminded a lot of things, but that was years ago!" Gant said, his glasses askew while he sweated nervously. "I had nothing to do with this, Wrighto! The last blackmail I used was back in February!"

"…February?" Armando said.

"Wait, have you been blackmailing again?" Phoenix said.

"You'd be surprised what people are willing to do for certain pictures," Gant said, "especially the chief prosecutor…"

"What did you do to Edgeworth!?" Phoenix demanded.

"Are you mad that he's been mean to your boyfriend?" Kristoph said, his face unreadable.

"Shut up," Athena said, "I believe him! Gant didn't do it!"

"But what's this about blackmail?" Armando said, "you know, the chief prosecutor?"

Gant smirked and adjusted his tie. "Well," he said, "I _just might _have found a way to get some blackmail pictures at a certain party last January. Things that the chief prosecutor didn't want to get out, things pertaining to both himself and his subordinates. But don't worry. I didn't do _much _with the blackmail… I just made him work with a prosecution team."

"So _that's _why," Athena said, "I knew it was weird."

"Yes, and I also blackmailed Krissy there too," Gant said, "but he ended up being found not guilty for April May's murder, and my blackmail was lost."

Everyone edged away from Kristoph. "You're not saying he really was the murderer, are you!?" Maya said, glancing nervously at the now-smiling Kristoph.

"Oh, I had no reason to kill her," Kristoph said, "I maintain my innocence."

"I didn't know anything about May's murder. It was his location I knew, not the crime itself," Gant said.

"Oh, okay," Maya said, but no one moved back to their original position. "Um, anyway… so, you didn't do it?"

"Yes," Gant said, "I didn't do it."

"You did not mastermind the attack on LawyerCon for any reason at all, or even for no reason whatsoever?" Phoenix said.

"No, I did not attack LawyerCon," Gant said, "I was having much more fun watching the fight between the Junipollo shippers and the Emapollo shippers."

"The _what_?" Phoenix said.

"I said it was a bloodbath, didn't I?" Kristoph interjected.

"Anyway, Yellow. Why were _you _so insistent that Gant's innocent?" Armando said.

Athena frowned. "Actually, it's because of the discord in people's hearts," she said, "it was all… off. There was a lot of fear and anger and sadness, but there was also… happiness. A lot of happiness."

"Maybe it was coming from Nick?" Maya said.

"No, I don't think so," Athena said, "because it only intensified after Gant was brought past us. Someone was really, _really _happy that the con had been bombed and that Gant was arrested."

"So someone's trying to frame me?" Gant said.

"Or someone's just trying to escape the rap," Armando said. "Now the question is, what do we do now?"

"Did you see anything, Gant?" Phoenix said.

"No," Gant said, "all I saw was a shipping war! Oh, and some people swooping around."

"That sounds suspicious," Maya said, "hmm… any ideas who might've seen them?"

"They seemed to come out of the Wrightworth area," Gant said.

Everyone looked at Phoenix. "Sounds like we need to go talk to Edgeworth," Maya said. "You up for this, Nick? Ready to apologize?"

"I'm not going to apologize," Phoenix said stubbornly. "But yeah, let's go talk to him."

The criminals' brigade set out to the prosecution office, which looked clean and pristine as always. The bushes were mostly the same as well, save a rusted stereo-piece sticking out of one of the bushes; it was almost like the Gavin vs Blackquill Prosecution War had never happened. "Let's go find Edgeworth," Armando said, "and Wright. No whining."

Edgeworth was behind his desk, sipping tea calmly, when the group entered. "Mr. Armando, Ms. Fey, Ms. Cykes, Mr. Gavin," Edgeworth said, "what a pleasure."

"Are you just going to ignore Nick?" Maya said.

Edgeworth glared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about. I see no useless excuse for a partner in this room."

"Oh, just kiss and make up," Kristoph said.

"You will be silent, Gavin," Edgeworth said, "my heart belongs to no one. I would rather seduce Gant then that _traitor_."

"He just pushed you into a crowd of fangirls," Maya said, "all you lost was your cravat and your pride."

"Eh, he's just a wimp like that," Armando said, and he smirked. "C'mon, Edgeworth, can't you find it in your heart to at least pretend like he's in the room?"

"No."

"There's a lot of discord in his heart," Athena said, "no happiness at all. Do you want a brief therapy session?"

"I'm fine," Edgeworth lied, and two psyche-locks showed up. Phoenix felt strangely vindicated.

"Oh yeah, Edgeworth?" Phoenix said, "well, at least I wasn't being blackmailed by Damon Gant!"

Edgeworth sipped his tea. "So what pictures did he use?" Armando said.

"Did who use?" Edgeworth said, "what?"

"Gant," Athena said, "he said he used blackmail on you!"

"What a jerk!" Widget chirped.

"Okay, can someone pass this message on," Phoenix said, "uh, Athena. Tell Edgeworth that we need to know about the people swooping around."

"Okay!" Athena said cheerfully, "Mr. Edgeworth! Did you see any Spider-Man cosplayers at LawyerCon?"

"I'm trying to block everything out of my memory," Edgeworth said.

"So no one swooping like, say, the Phantom?" Maya said, "no one at all?"

"Shelly de Killer was chasing the Phantom, yes," Edgeworth said, "but don't worry. We already know who they were working for."

"What, Gant?" Phoenix said. Kristoph passed it on.

"Yes, Gant," Edgeworth said, "the Phantom says he was hired by Gant and de Killer via radio claims he was hired by a third party."

"You _do _know that de Killer's not trustworthy, right?" Maya said.

"We'll find out tomorrow from 'de Shipper', I think," Edgeworth said. "I can't believe so many people were fooled…"

They left the office and Athena said, "what's so bad about that de Shipper guy, anyway? He just seemed like a cute old man to me."

"Please do not call _Shelly de Killer _a cute old man, Athena," Phoenix said.

"It's de Shipper, Wright. de Shipper," Kristoph said. He smiled again. Phoenix was sure that he knew exactly who "de Shipper" really was, and was just doing this to annoy Phoenix.

Why was everyone a jerk to him today? All he did was save himself!

* * *

_June 2, 4:30 PM, Lamiroir's House_

The company had gathered together, along with a new person: Lamiroir herself, who was highly confused as to why everyone was in her house. "I… what?" she said, "I thought _Apollo _was supposed to stay here…"

"Yeah," Phoenix said, "this is our base of operations right now. Because Apollo stays here. Sorry," he added.

"Oh," Lamiroir said mildly. "Is that why there's ketchup all over the floor and a police officer in a dress handcuffed in my living room?"

"…what?"

"And all the coffee equipment?"

"I can explain," Armando said, and then didn't.

Apollo ran into the room, covered in ketchup. "Mr. Wright, save me from your daughter!"

"Shouldn't that be your sister now?" Lamiroir said, pressing her hands together.

"What?" said Apollo and Trucy (who had just run in after Apollo) said at the same time.

"Oh, riiiight," said Phoenix. "I knew I was forgetting something!"

"Great job, Nick," Maya said.

"Wait. We're - what. Mr. Wright-"

"Daddy why-"

"That's not important right now," Phoenix said, resisting the urge to run out of the room. Yeah, he probably should've told them earlier. Whoops.

"Mr. Wright!" Apollo yelled. "I demand an explanation!"

"Yeah!" Trucy yelled too.

"Oh, okay," Phoenix said, and pointed at Lamiroir. "This is your biological mother. Both of you."

"You have different fathers," Lamiroir said, and turned to Phoenix. "Why didn't you tell them earlier…?"

"I… yeah… I forgot," Phoenix admitted. "I swear I was planning on telling you."

Both Apollo and Trucy stared at Lamiroir, and then they turned and glared at Phoenix. Phoenix laughed nervously.

And then Iris ran into the room. "Apollo, you're supposed to stay on the floor!" she said. And then she noticed everyone else. "Oh… uh… hi. We were rehearsing…."

"Trucy's my half-sister," Apollo said, mostly to himself. He seemed… stunned.

"Oh well," Trucy said. "This explains a lot, anyway. So, Daddy, how's your investigation going?"

"You can interrogate Detective Fulbright, too," Iris offered. "He handcuffed himself so we just left him in the other room."

"IN JUSTICE WE TRUST!" Fulbright yelled.

"How did he handcuff _himself_?" Armando asked.

"Pretty neat trick, huh, Uncle Godot?" Trucy said, fist to her hat and tongue out.

"I really hope she never works in law enforcement," Maya said.

"What investigation…?" Lamiroir asked.

"Oh, right," Phoenix said, "that investigation. Anyway, we found out that Gant was innocent and there was something weird going on with happiness, and they captured the Phantom. I think."

"SERVES HIM RIGHT!" Fulbright yelled again. Phoenix wondered when Pearl was going to return. This was getting old.

"Also, Gant was blackmailing Wright's boyfriend," Kristoph added.

"Shut up," Phoenix said, although no one else seemed to notice Kristoph's comment.

"It's probably something stupid," Armando said, "and even if we've determined that Gant is innocent - of bombing the convention, at least - we have yet to find any actual evidence that supports that. Feelings don't cut it in court, Athena. Or at least they shouldn't, anyway."

"Je le sais!" Athena snapped.

"Which means we need to go investigate. Let's draw straws," Phoenix said. Trucy pulled a bunch of straws of varying lengths from her magic panties - one for each person present, including Fulbright and Lamiroir.

The results of the drawing were: Iris, Armando, and Fulbright would go investigate the crime scene; Maya, Athena, and Kristoph would go annoy Edgeworth and assorted witnesses; Phoenix and Trucy would go bug Blackquill until they found out his strategy; Lamiroir would stay home and Apollo would clean her house of all that ketchup. (Seriously, whose idea was that?) Almost immediately Athena forced a swap with Phoenix; once that was accomplished, they set off.

* * *

_Team Fey_

Iris, Armando, and Fulbright/Pearl arrived at the still-smoking circus and were quickly let in by Detective Gumshoe. "I guess you guys are handling Gant's defense, pal?" Gumshoe said, and he smiled and said, "well, you won't stand a chance! The case is waterproof!"

"We'll be the ones to decide that," Armando replied. "C'mon, let's go see the scene of the crime."

There were many familiar detectives out today: Lana was giving orders and directing officers on the ground, and Ema was on top of work today and was being nice and professional, aka ignoring them and eating Snackoos. And Marshall and his cowboy music were standing guard at the crime scene.

The crime scene was a large plaza filled with the burnt remains of the tables, chairs, and eating booths that just hours ago Iris and company had watched poor Phoenix be harassed for his sexuality. How could Mystic Maya do that to him!? Besides the fact that she thought it was funny, that is…

In any case, the crime scene was also surrounded with yellow police tape and in the middle was a chalk outline of a large man- Jean Armstrong. He seemed like such a nice, if odd, man when Iris last met him.

"Hey, pardner," Marshall said, tipping his hat at Fulbright.

"Ha ha ha!" Fulbright said, "a fellow warrior of justice! You're the first one to acknowledge me!"

"So you are the real Fulbright?" Marshall said, "we all heard rumors of a costume in poor taste. Lana told us you were actin' really in-character, too…"

"This has no bearing," Iris said. She knew what was coming, and they did _not _need Fulbright (or Pearl) to run off. "Detective Marshall, please allow us in."

"Sure thing," Marshall said, "and Bobby, we could use all the help we can get, purple dress or not."

"I'll be sure to help!" Fulbright said, "but first-"

"Don't take sides," Armando said, "stay here and spread justice by a private investigation."

"Hmm… but… I _am _a police officer…" Fulbright said, "what to do… what to do…"

And then he de-channeled and Pearl replaced him. "W-what happened to the convention?" Pearl said, gasping and looking around. "What's going on!?"

"Hello there, little lady," Marshall said, "how ya doin'?"

"I-I'm fine," Pearl said, and she yawned. Then, rubbing her eyes, she looked at Iris and Armando. "Iris? Mr. Godot?"

"Hello, Pearl," Armando said, "the Phantom bombed the convention, Jean Armstrong was killed, and Damon Gant was arrested for masterminding everything. We're defending him."

"…they sound familiar," Pearl said sadly, and then she added, "…did the bomb blow up everyone that wanted to kill me?"

"Unfortunately, no," Armando said.

"Don't worry. I heard that Mr. Edgeworth's planning on suing them," Iris said. Or at least, she was pretty sure. Maybe she could get Phoenix to convince him? "Oh, wait. And Phoenix sacrificed Mr. Edgeworth to the Wrightworth shippers and now they're not speaking to each other."

"Oh," Pearl said, "well… let's investigate?"

The investigation did not reveal much at all. Armstrong was an accidental victim: a burning pole had landed on him and he was only found after the evacuation was complete and the fire went out. In addition, the bomb remains had been inspected and the model was discovered to be HH-3000s, bombs designed to destroy rockets and courtrooms, not lofty circus tents. The support columns had been destroyed and the tent cloth caught on fire, resulting in a wall of flames descending on the convention: the fact that only one person died was a miracle, especially considering Apollo and Klavier Gavin weren't the only ones that had been trampled.

In any case, there wasn't much to be learned. "We'll just have to wait for trial," Iris said, "because this place is nothing but a burnt shell."

"Even the emptiest mugs still testify to a good cup of coffee," Armando replied.

"I'm confused," Pearl sighed.

It was going to be a long day tomorrow…

* * *

_Team Phoenix_

In retrospect, it was a bad idea to bring Wright to a meeting with the dear chief prosecutor. You see, Wright was incompetent in every respect, as was the chief prosecutor himself; the only things they had going for them was their ridiculous luck and their legions of obsessed fan-brats. And the latter even they didn't like. It seemed that sometimes, even the plebeians realized the obvious.

Speaking of plebeians, Fey was bothering Kristoph. How? By existing. She was talking animatedly of having hamburgers tonight before trial tomorrow. Now was not the time to harass Wright, but it seemed that her vacuous skull was incapable of realizing that. Par for the course, of course: he had met her sister Mia Fey a handful of times in his past several months of work for the Wright Awfully-Named Agency, and she did not impress him. She was equally vacuous, spouting cliches about trusting in your clients. Did they really think that that every client would be innocent? At least she looked good. The same couldn't be said of any of the other employees of WAA.

The three of them entered the prosecutorial chambers with Wright's insipid daughter and the obnoxious, too-young woman attorney. Cykes and Trucy left to bother the bird-obsessed samurai, leaving Kristoph to have to steer Wright and Fey along towards Edgeworth. They passed a few mumbling prosecutors and arrived at the office that Kristoph found highly unimpressive, and then Wright and Edgeworth began their immature antics.

"Maya," Edgeworth said with his typical condescension, "tell Wright that I'm not speaking with him."

"Wright's cried himself to sleep already," Kristoph lied, smiling as he usually did. Those poor fools probably thought he was trying to be friendly. Or at least the younger ones. Kristoph was sure that he'd at least fooled Wright's 'girlfriend'.

Then again, that didn't seem to be hard.

"I do _not _cry myself to sleep," Wright said stubbornly. Poor fool, unable to admit to his deficiencies.

"Nick says that he doesn't cry himself to sleep," Fey said. "Okay, anyway, we came to see if you know absolutely anything else."

"Tell Wright that I've told his subordinates everything they need to know," Edgeworth said.

"Tell Edgeworth that Wright goes on dates with Iris and imagines her as him," Kristoph said.

"Nick says that he imagines you when he goes on dates with Iris," Fey reported. Poor, easily-used cretin.

"I do NOT!" Wright howled. "MAYA!"

"Tell him that I discovered nothing of any importance," Edgeworth said coldly, "and that I do not go on dates and certainly not with him."

Kristoph turned to Wright. "Edgeworth says that he wants to go on a date with you after the trial tomorrow," he said cheerfully.

"He did not!" Wright shouted at him, "just because he's not talking to me doesn't mean I can't hear what he's saying!"

"Wright says he loves your melodic voice," Kristoph told Edgeworth.

Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "Tell him that the prosecution will not reveal anything under any circumstances."

"Edgeworth says that he wants to talk to you privately, Nick," Maya said, and she clapped her hands together. "Get the grape juice and the case files, Nick!"

"I am _not_!" Wright said, and he stomped his foot. "We have work, and I'm _dating _someone. A _woman_!"

"You can't prove that," Kristoph said cheerfully, and he smiled at Wright again. "Edgeworth. Wright says that he accepts, but only on the condition that you help sacrifice his 'girlfriend' to the ancient gods of Borginia."

"Just get out," Edgeworth growled.

"Just apologize, Nick," Fey said.

"No," Edgeworth and Wright said together.

"Well, then we're done here," Kristoph said.

_Idiotic baboons, _he thought as he left the office.

* * *

_Team Teenaged Girls_

Simon Blackquill looked up from his desk and his paperwork to see Athena and Trucy Wright. He was still dressed as Athena, as he'd not had the opportunity to change; Taka was nestled on the office wall, sitting with Wright-dono's bird Polly. Blackquill was already considering marrying the two. They did seem to get along.

Athena slammed her hands on Blackquill's desk. "Simon!" she said, "you need to help us! What's the prosecution doing!?"

"Is your case that hopeless?" Blackquill said, and he returned to his paperwork. Yes, perhaps for his upcoming fanfic Odoroki Housuke would have children with Kizuki Kokone. What should he name them…

"Simon, pay attention!" Athena said. "You're looking bad for Trucy!"

"What's Uncle Simon doing?" Trucy said.

Uncle Simon? What had Wright-dono done? "I am working on important case files," Blackquill said, "for the upcoming trial."

"I'm pretty sure no one named Yuugami Jin was involved in the convention bombing, Simon," Athena said, leaning over his desk to look at his paper.

Blackquill glared at her. "Perhaps you would like to join Armstrong in victims of this case?" he growled, and at Trucy's slightly-stunned expression, he laughed and began pounding the desk with his hand.

"Please don't make jokes like that!" Trucy said, "you wouldn't kill Athena! …what fandom's your fanfic for?"

"Gyakuten Saiban," Blackquill said, "it is about lawyers."

"Anyway," Athena said, "Simon! Gant's innocent!"

And? "That has no relevance, Athena," Blackquill said, "your Mood Matrix is not fully admissible in court."

"You know?" Athena said, blinking.

"Taka followed you to the detention center," Blackquill lied. In truth, he had just kept following them. Because he was dressed like Athena, no one noticed.

"Why do you sound sad when you say that?" Athena said.

Blackquill coughed. "Uncle Simon," Trucy said, "can you help us in court?"

"I'm a prosecutor," Blackquill said.

"That never stopped Daddy!" Trucy said, putting her hands on her hips and pouting at him.

Was Wright-dono a prosecutor now? "Which one?" Athena said.

Oh, right. Blackquill was one of the few people who noticed that Wright-dono was dating someone not the chief prosecutor. "Uncle Edgeworth!" Trucy said, "or… would that be Daddy Edgeworth…?"

"That's very confusing, Trucy," Athena said.

"That's the point!"

"You people are all highly rude to your superior," Blackquill said.

"Daddy doesn't mind," Trucy said, "I think he's used to it."

"Actually, he's just been tuning you out," Athena said, "I can feel a lot of annoyance, though."

"Wow, he's no fun," Trucy said.

"Kristoph and Maya are rubbing off on you…" Athena said.

Blackquill returned to his paper and began pondering who to pair Mitsurugi Reiji with. Ayasato Mayoi? Then he glanced up again: Athena and Trucy were looking at him expectantly, like baby birds to their mother.

"…do you want something?" Blackquill said.

"We want information," Athena said, "what are you doing tomorrow, Simon?"

"The chief prosecutor has decided to push Gavin-dono, von Karma-dono, and myself with him," Blackquill said. "Presumably Gant-dono is blackmailing him again."

"Spasiba, Simon!" Athena said cheerfully, and she ran out.

"…you should pair Mitsurugi Reiji with Rou Shiryuu," Trucy told him.

"I am attempting to make children, not pair attractive men," Blackquill told her. Trucy pouted and left the room. Now, back to work.

* * *

_June 3, 9:30 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Defendant Lobby #4_

"It's great to see you all!" Gant said, "so, who's leading the defense?" The entirety of WAA was out, including Lamiroir; she'd recently been hired by Armando as "official moral support". As usual, Phoenix had no say in it.

"This is a highly important trial," Maya said, "so Iris has her random number app out."

"…I'm doomed, aren't I?" Gant said.

"Don't worry!" Iris said, "this thing is fool-proof. Okay, numbers please."

"Apollo Justice is number one," Ema said.

"Uh, ignore her," Apollo said; Ema and Juniper had chosen this moment to walk in to provide "moral support" or something, which meant they were holding on to either arm. It seemed that they'd finally compromised, according to Athena: they would just share Apollo.

"Well, I think Daddy should be number one!" Trucy said.

"As the second in command, I get two," Armando said. "Iris! I'd better be in!"

"…what do you know, a two," Iris said after a moment. "Everyone else?"

"I will be a question mark," Kristoph said, happy as always, "Cykes can be three, and Justice five."

"…who's four?" Maya said.

"I'll just make four you, Mystic Maya," Iris said. "I'm six, Pearl's seven, Trucy's eight, Juniper's nine, Ema's ten, and Lamiroir is eleven."

"Leave me out of this," Lamiroir said, and she left the room.

"Okay," Iris said, "Phoenix, Armando, and… me!"

"No," Armando said, "new number."

"Um, okay…" Iris said sadly. Why couldn't she be on the team? She was experienced! "Nine."

"Yay… wait, I want to be with Apollo," Juniper said.

"I'm all for being on the team if it means I can't be fought over," Apollo said.

"How about Pearl?" Iris said.

"I'd rather not," Pearl said, looking down.

"Yeah, let's get someone with _some _experience as co-counsel," Armando said.

"Apollo!" Iris said, "you're up!"

Ema and Juniper both groaned. "Alright, let's go!" Athena said, "rapido, schnell, etc. C'mon!"

"She didn't say you, Athena," Phoenix said.

"She's joining," Gant said, "she seems to be the only competent one of you."

"Four it is," Iris said, "c'mon. Everyone out."

"Will the defendant and the defense-"

"We got it," Apollo said, walking past the bailiff. "Let's go."

* * *

_June 3, 10:00 AM, District Court, Los Angeles, Court Room #7_

"Court is now in session for the trial of Damon Gant!" the Judge said, "and it seems like the defense, the prosecution, and the court is packed today! Why, there's even news cameras!"

The Judge was correct: besides the numerous television stations providing coverage, there were also four prosecutors today. Miles Edgeworth was glaring in the general direction of a determined-looking Phoenix; Franziska von Karma was busy cracking her whip and was glaring at a stoic, coffee-drinking Armando; Klavier Gavin was air-guitarring while Apollo reviewed his notes; and Simon Blackquill was typing on a computer while Athena did some quick stretches.

"There's not enough room for you to stretch!" Apollo snapped (quietly) at Athena. She responded by "accidentally" hitting him with her ponytail.

"The prosecution team is ready," Edgeworth said.

"The defense team is ready," Phoenix said.

"Very well," the Judge said. "Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement please?"

The prosecution loudly talked amongst itself about that. "I think I should, since I was the one falsely accused," Klavier said.

"I think you should too," Blackquill said, smirking at him, "it's only right that this foolish case be handled by a fool like you."

"Do not call Piano Gavin a fool, Simon Blackquill," Franziska said, "you are not engaged."

"Do not worry," Blackquill said, "one day Taka and Polly shall get married."

"I think he's trying to steal your bird, Mr. Wright," Apollo commented.

"The opening statement, please?" the Judge said again.

"If the children have come to a consensus-" Edgeworth said, and then Franziska whipped him.

"The situation was as thus: a convention for people fond of lawyers was being held at the Big Berry Circus. Suddenly, explosives went off and destroyed the circus tents and theatre, tragically killing Chef Jean Armstrong. Fortunately, thanks to the testimony of the Phantom and a set of helpful witnesses, the mastermind of the attack was discovered to be Damon Gant," Franziska said.

"I see," the Judge said. "Mr. Armstrong's death is indeed tragic, even if he was just an annoyance. Very well. Your first witness please?"

Fulbright wearing Maya's robes took the stand. "Name and occupation, please," Klavier said.

"Bobby Fulbright!" Fulbright said, and he presented a badge, "detective!"

"…aren't you dead?" the Judge said, wide-eyed.

"Death does not stop JUSTICE!" Fulbright announced, sounding mortally offended. "I'm here to report on the police investigation and the words of the Phantom! It was a special request from Prosecutor Blackquill!"

"That was nice of him," Athena commented, playing with her earring. Blackquill just smirked.

"Now please testify, Detective Fulbright," Edgeworth said.

Fulbright pushed his nonexistent sunglasses up his nose and began. "The police investigation was very simple. You see, we had witnesses and decisive evidence to prove that Gant was behind the crime."

"…that's it?" said the Judge.

"Yep!" Fulbright said. "Would you like me to move on to what the Phantom said?"

"Objection!" yelled Phoenix. "What about our cross-examination?"

"Oh, yes," said the Judge. "You may begin your cross-examination."

"Detective Fulbright, can you tell us more about the witnesses, please?" Athena said, smiling and crossing her arms.

"Of course!" said Fulbright.

"Objection!" Franziska yelled, and she whipped Phoenix (_What did _I_ do? _Phoenix thought). "All in due time, Athena Cykes."

"Well… what about the evidence?" Apollo said.

"Of course!" said Fulbright again.

"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "All in due time, Herr Forehead!"

"Silence!" growled Blackquill, "Fool Bright. Tell them."

"Yes sir, Mr. Scary Bird-man!" Fulbright said. "We had a single piece of decisive evidence, but it was powerful! It was nothing less than the personal computer Damon Gant had on him when he was arrested, which had a number of emails with the Phantom talking about the upcoming criminal attack!"

The crowd flared into discussion that the Judge quickly dismissed. "One piece? That's just sad," Armando commented.

"Then this'll be easier than we thought," Phoenix said. "Team Defense, let's go."

"Objection!" Edgeworth yelled, and he slammed his hand on the desk. "Mr. Armando. This is more than enough to get Gant imprisoned. Now, detective, please tell the court about the Phantom's statement."

"Sure thing!" Fulbright said. "According to the Phantom, Damon Gant had great power within the legal system, even after his fall! One of his 'friends' happened to be the current president of the United States!"

"Is this true?" interrupted the Judge.

"I have no idea!" Fulbright said at the same time Gant began saying something about "Prezzy" and was cut off by Armando tossing a cup of coffee in the general direction of the defendant's box.

"We have already confirmed this," Edgeworth said, slamming his bench. "Detective, please continue."

"So he arranged for everyone, including himself and me - that is, the Phantom - to be released from prison! The president's not running for reelection, after all, so there was nothing stopping him!" Fulbright said, and laughed. "Anyway, Gant began bossing around the Phantom, using his powers and connections to make sure that he wouldn't be killed! Some of the crimes he - the Phantom - has admitted to doing under Gant's direction include: killing April May to silence her, burning down Hazakura Temple for no apparent reason, obtaining blackmail pictures of the Chief Prosecutor-" Gant began laughing and clapping and Edgeworth banged his head on the wall behind the prosecution's bench - "stealing bombs off the black market, blowing up LawyerCon, check fraud, and spitting in Mr. Armando's coffee."

"What?!" roared Armando, and he threw his coffee at Fulbright, apparently on reflex.

"That's just what he told me!" Fulbright said, seemingly oblivious to his brand new first-degree burns.

"Poor Maya," Phoenix commented.

"Anyway," the Judge said. "Does the defense have any problem with this?"

"Of course!" Athena shouted. "The Phantom is clearly lying!"

"The Phantom had _better_ be lying," Armando said, frowning at his coffee.

Phoenix thought for a moment. What if he really was telling the truth, or at least some of it? "The defense requests to examine every crime listed," Phoenix said. The Judge nodded. "Alright, first. Why was April May silenced?"

"April May had a position of some power in the women's prison before being mysteriously pardoned many years ago," Franziska said, wagging her finger. "Because it was almost time for her to leave prison anyways, the President was able to get away with pardoning her early."

"I see," Phoenix said. One mystery solved. "But what about Hazakura temple? Mr. Gant, do you even know Sister Bikini or her proteges?"

"Objection!" Edgeworth yelled, and he held his hands up and shrugged. "Mr. Armando, I expect better of you."

"Okay," Armando said, "duly noted."

"Gant is an unreliable witness. He might be guilty," Edgeworth said. "Mr. Armando, do you have any proof that Gant did _not _know of Hazakura temple?"

"Are you asking for me to call Sister Bikini or the doormat to the stand?" Armando demanded.

Doormat? "Who's the doormat?" the Judge said. "No doormats will be testifying in this court. I may be willing to let Mr. Wright cross-examine all sorts of oddities, but I draw the line at a doormat!"

"Sorry, your Honor. That was my internal monologue," Armando said. "I meant Sister Iris."

Hey! That was really mean! "Anyway," Athena said, "a better question is if the prosecution can prove that Mr. Gant _did _know about Hazakura temple, and can provide a motive for the crime."

The Judge glared at them. "Well?"

"Do not worry, your Baldness," Blackquill said, "we have decisive evidence and a motive."

"I see!" the Judge said, "please present this to the court!"

"The first is very simple. We have the email and there's an explanation included: 'Dahlia wants it'," Blackquill said. "Thus is the motive: to satisfy this Dahlia. Presumably, she has her own reasons."

"Should the court call Fräulein Dahlia to the stand?" Klavier said, leering at the defense, "we couldn't find her-"

"Of course you couldn't find her, she's dead," Armando said, "she was executed."

"That doesn't exactly stop people," Fulbright commented.

"Yes, we know," Armando said, "all this proves that the true culprit had a connection to Dahlia Hawthorne."

"Assuming that that _is _Hawthorne," Edgeworth said, "which I suppose does make sense…"

"Well, let's move on," Phoenix said. Let's try not to dig a bigger hole for Gant, he meant: how would they explain that computer away? "Is there any proof that the Phantom in particular took those blackmail pictures?"

"They were sent to Gant's computer and included a multitude of shots of various members of the prosecutorial and defense staffs in compromising positions," Fulbright said, "here! Let me send them to you!"

The court record updated, and Phoenix checked them. The pictures were indeed compromising: there was a photoshopped picture of Phoenix and 'Edgeworth' out on a date (since when did Edgeworth wear braids?), a picture of Armando sipping tea, a picture of Apollo watching My Little Pony: The Next Generation in his underwear ("that is _out of context!_" Apollo shouted very, very loudly), and Athena in the shower, with her back to the camera and not showing anything besides her hair. Then there was a picture of Edgeworth watching Steel Samurai in his underwear and a cravat ("that is _out of context!" _Edgeworth shouted), Franziska holding a kitten and looking pleased with it, Klavier with his back to the camera in the shower, and Blackquill… looking the same as ever. Was this even a blackmail picture?

"This is… this is unforgivable!" Blackquill boomed, clutching his chest.

"Um…" the Judge said, "… this is some of the worst blackmail I've ever seen. And what happened to Mr. Edgeworth in this one picture? He's not wearing a cravat!"

"That is a very badly-made photoshop, your Honor," Gant said, "completely useless as blackmail."

"So did you have them taken?" the Judge said.

"Of course he did, your Honor!" Franziska said.

"Objection!" Apollo shouted, "this is _my _blackmail!"

The entire court was silent.

"Did _you _make that photoshop?" Phoenix asked him. He expected better: Apollo actually seemed to know how to use computers well!

"Eh, I got bored," Apollo said.

"I can confirm this," Klavier said, "these _are _the pictures Herr Forehead had of me…"

"And that's my picture I put in the folder," Armando said. He shook his head and smirked. "It seems the Phantom is lazy."

"Yes," Gant said, "my pictures are _much _better. I have Gavin and von Karma on a bed together, and Edgeworth watching Steel Samurai, and Blackquill enjoying School Days, for example."

"You fiend!" all four of them howled.

"Enjoying School Days!? There's no way! Simon wouldn't do that!" Athena shouted.

"I'm utterly unsurprised," Apollo said. Armando nodded.

"Looks like there's someone else to join Maya's club," Phoenix said. "Which means I don't have to join now."

"Every Wednesday, Mr. Edgeworth!" Athena said. "And you're still going, Boss."

"Drat."

"Anyway, back to the actual trial," Armando said, "I think all the prosecution has proved is that the Phantom stole some sub-par blackmail material. Hardly a proven connection to Gant."

"That's not very nice," Apollo said, hair drooping.

"Stealing bombs off of the black market is something the Phantom would probably do anyway," said Phoenix, "and frankly, I don't think check fraud is relevant, nor does anyone care about Armando's coffee-" he dodged a flying coffee cup - "so we come back to the main point here: the LawyerCon bombing. What possible motive is there?"

"Like you need one," Edgeworth said, "You've seen those shippers. I would have blown up the convention myself if _I_ had a bomb."

"Objection!" Athena yelled, banging on the bench. "What kind of a motive is _that_?!"

"Objection!" both Edgeworth and Phoenix said.

"If you two are done being children," Armando said, "I don't think anyone there was shipping the Phantom with anyone. Or Gant, for that matter. So no, it's not an actual motive."

"Well, there are still the emails," Edgeworth said, crossing his arms, "It's highly likely that there's a motive in there somewhere."

"Isn't that just speculation?" Apollo muttered.

"And I am now going to go back to being dead!" Fulbright said cheerfully. "In justice we trust!" And he de-channeled.

"Man, I hate waking up at the witness stand," Maya commented, and then left for the gallery.

Yuri Cosmos drove up. "I have arrived to apply my glorious testimony to the history books! Again!"

"In that case," Klavier said, "the prosecution summons Yuri Cosmos to the stand."

"A bit late," Blackquill said.

"Ha ha ha ha ha! It is important for a man such as me to always be on time!" Cosmos said. He turned away from the court and looked at the ceiling. "What shall the history books say if Yuri Cosmos himself was _not _present at the trial where he was the decisive witness? Will he go down as the man who arrived late or the man who arrived on time?"

"He'll go down as the man who arrived early," Athena said, "c'mon, name, profession, other stuff?"

"I am Yuri Cosmos, Assistant Director of Cosmos Space Center!" Cosmos said.

"I see," Edgeworth said, "Mr. Cosmos, please tell the court your illustrious story."

Cosmos folded his hands together. "It began that day at precisely 8:45 AM," he said.

"Objection!" Franziska shouted, "the explosions were not until the afternoon!"

"Not those blasts, my panel!" Cosmos yelled back. "I was giving a presentation on the HAT-2 miracle, about the tragic heroism of Clay Terran and the brilliant defeat of the Phantom by Phoenix Wright, Apollo Justice, Athena Cykes, and Simon Blackquill!"

"I wonder if he left the hostage situation out of it?" Apollo said.

"And at the time, I remember a man clapping very loudly! And he was the defendant!" Cosmos said.

The court was silent. "…does that prove something?" the Judge said.

"It proves that the defendant was very fond of my presentation!" Cosmos said.

"It was a very good presentation," Gant said.

"But what does that have to do with the _bombing_?" Klavier said.

"Absolutely nothing, I just wanted the court to know," Cosmos said. "There was one other interesting thing, though: he switched computers with a greasy-looking man with black hair."

Edgeworth began slamming his head on the wall again. "It seems the chief prosecutor knows something," the Judge said. "Mr. Edgeworth? Is something wrong?"

"I… the Phantom was disguised as Sal Manella, the Steel Samurai creator," Edgeworth said. "However, this _is _Yuri Cosmos…"

"Objection!" Athena shouted, "please do not character-assassinate your witness!"

"Did no one speak with him!?" Franziska demanded.

"I did," Blackquill said, and he smiled. "I saw nothing wrong with his testimony, though."

"You traitor!" Franziska said, and she held her whip up. And then Taka swooped down and grabbed the whip with his talons. "Foul bird!"

"Then this is the truth?" the Judge said, "that the Phantom is trying to pin the blame on Gant?"

"That is indeed the case, your Honor!" Apollo shouted, "this crime was the result of the Phantom, trying to blame Gant!"

"What sort of motive could the Phantom possibly have for bombing LawyerCon?" Klavier said. "Didn't we just say that the motive could really only be found in the very thing you insist was fabricated?"

"Perhaps the original theory is correct," Blackquill said, "Perhaps there really is a third party, directing the moves of the Phantom."

"The defense agrees," Armando said (without consulting the rest of the defense team), "and it seems likely that it was the real mastermind's idea to implicate Gant as the mastermind."

"So the real mastermind realized that it would make no sense for the Phantom to be acting on his own!" Cosmos said bombastically. "And he thought that the best way to make the trade was in the HAT-2 theatre, a brilliant plan as everyone would be transfixed on me! However, it seems that he did not account for my own natural brilliance and observation…"

"Yes, thank you," Edgeworth said. "Well, the prosecution wishes to remind the defense of its need to cross-examine…"

"Of course," Phoenix said. "Ahem. Mr. Cosmos, did your natural brilliance come upon any ideas for who the Phantom's master was?"

"Unfortunately, no," Cosmos said, turning away from the court with his hands behind his back again. "That secret is one still hidden to even the greatest of minds."

"The prosecution requests that the defense stop asking the witnesses to engage in conjecture," Edgeworth said.

"I've only done that _once_ this trial!" Phoenix protested. Edgeworth ignored him.

"However," Cosmos said, "I have reason to believe that this is the face of a conspiracy that goes much deeper than any of us realize! Like the proverbial tip of the space iceberg, this reaches down far further than mortal men care to probe! Yes, every incident you have faced thus far is connected to this somehow."

"What reason do you have for believing this?" Apollo said.

"I believe lesser men call it… a 'gut feeling'," Cosmos said, steepling his fingers in front of his face.

Phoenix groaned. This was going nowhere. "The prosecution dismisses Assistant Director Cosmos from the stand," Edgeworth said, "as he's served his glorious purpose."

"And off I shall go!" Cosmos declared, and he drove out. Phoenix fervently hoped he wouldn't come in again.

"The prosecution calls our third witness to the stand," Franziska said.

Shelly de "Shipper" took the stand, dressed in an obnoxious Wrightworth T-shirt with a large 'I 3 Emapollo' button.

"Witness, name and occupation," Franziska said.

"Shelly de Shipper," de Killer said. "I am ordinarily a shipper."

"Objection!" Edgeworth said immediately. "This is obviously Shelly de Killler!"

"Your hearing must be going, Mr. Edgeworth," said the Judge. "This man just stated that his name is Shelly de _Shipper_. Don't be rude."

"He's a wanted assassin!" Edgeworth protested.

"I am but a humble shipper," de Killer said.

Franziska whipped Edgeworth. "Assassin or not, he is a key witness and his testimony will be heard," she said.

"Thank you," de Killer said. "I shall begin. I was at LawyerCon for shipping I was there, I saw Shelly de Killer - who is not me - chasing the Phantom. While that happened, I overheard Shelly de Killer talk about his employer. His employer was Damon Gant."

There was silence in the courtroom for a minute.

"The defense may begin its cross-examination," the Judge said, shaking his head.

"Mr. de Shipper… do you know why de Killer was chasing the Phantom?" Armando said, voicing the thoughts of the entire courtroom.

"Yes," de Killer said, "Shelly de Killer had been hired (at very little expense, mind you, Shelly de Killer is both skilled _and_ affordable) to eliminate the Phantom."

Silence fell again.

"And you're sure your- I mean, de Killer's client was Damon Gant?" Phoenix said smugly.

"Of course I am."

"Th-that doesn't make sense," Klavier said, sweating.

"Of course it doesn't," Phoenix said, hands on his hips. "After all, why would Gant hire someone to undermine his own efforts?"

"Wait a minute," de Killer said, "who exactly is on trial here?"

"I think the real question is _whose idea was it to call him as a witness,_" Klavier said, glaring at Blackquill.

"I admit nothing," Blackquill said stoically. "However, Damon Gant is on trial."

"I see," de Killer said. "I thought Gant was a witness. Ahem. I misheard. de Killer did _not _say that he was hired by Gant. As a matter of fact, I didn't hear him at all."

"What?" Edgeworth said, "you just admitted to it."

"You must've misheard," de Killer stated. "de Killer was definitely not hired by Damon Gant to kill the Phantom. I never said that."

"Yes, you did." Franziska said.

"You can't prove that."

"Yes, we can."

"In that case, I misspoke," de Killer said calmly. "I am completely useless to you as a witness and I would like to be dismissed now."

"Objection!" Armando said. "The witness is clearly lying! The defense requests that he stay!"

"Objection overruled," the Judge said, banging his gavel. "The witness may leave."

"Thank you, your Honor," de Killer said, and he left.

"Oh, great," growled Edgeworth, "there he goes. Did anyone think to call the manhunt squad?"

"Do not worry, little brother," Franziska said, shaking her finger at him. "I am not the sort of foolish fool that infests these foolish American courts. Of course I called them." There was a small explosion outside. "Nevermind."

"Good job, everyone," Edgeworth said. "Especially you, Blackquill."

"Never fear," Klavier said, "we still have one decisive witness left. And this time, _I_ chose her, not Blackquill."

"Joy," Blackquill said in a complete deadpan.

"The prosecution calls Regina Berry to the stand!" Klavier said, pointing dramatically.

"Thanks to Simon's help, this case is in the bag," Athena said as Regina took the stand.

"Something tells me this witness is going to throw a major wrench in the works," Apollo said.

"That woman is going to be the sugar that spoils our coffee," Armando said, and he sipped his apparently bottomless cup of coffee. "Now, you three shut up."

_I never said anything_, Phoenix thought, irritated.

"Witness," said Klavier, "name and occupation."

"I'm Regina Berry," she said cheerfully, "and I'm the ringmaster of the Big Berry Circus, organizer of LawyerCon this year, and paranormal researcher." She looked at the Judge. "I'm so glad to be here. Anything to catch that horrible bomber, of course, but I've always wanted to stand in your noble presence."

_That sounds familiar…_ Phoenix thought. For some reason he couldn't place it.

"Of course, Fräulein Berry," Klavier said, "you're looking very lovely today."

"Of course," Regina said, and she giggled.

"Miss Berry," Edgeworth said, "please testify regarding what you saw."

Regina smiled and her large blue eyes sparkled. "Anything for you, Mr. Edgeworth!"

"Please do not talk to me like that," Edgeworth growled.

"Um, boss…" Athena said, "something's wrong…"

"Nothing's wrong, Athena," Apollo said, "we'll be fine."

"No, really," Athena said, backing away, "my mother's in the gallery…"

"You're hallucinating. Stay focused!" Armando said, "we can't trust this woman."

"It all began a few days before the convention. As the show-runner, I was in charge of making sure that security was in tip-top shape!" Regina said, "and then I received a warning from a man with a deep voice. 'I'm going to attack the convention' he said, 'give me $5 million or I'll blow the circus up at 11 am'. But I refused, and this happened. The circus exploded. It was quite sad."

"It was quite sad, I agree," Mia said. "But Phoenix, this testimony is obviously flawed. Sink the contradictions, Phoenix."

"Yes, chief," Phoenix said. _Wait_. He looked to the side and saw Mia, same as ever. He looked to his other side and there was Armando, Apollo, and Athena, all looking at him like he'd grown a second head. "Uh… hallucination."

"Ahem," the Judge said, "I am now seeing my parents in the gallery… Mr. Wright, please begin your cross-examination."

"Of course," Phoenix said, trying his best to ignore Mia, "ahem. Miss Berry, it's rather sad that you feel the need to lie to this court. You claimed that the time for the explosions to go off was supposed to be 11 am, and yet the explosions were not until the afternoon."

"You're being ridiculous, Herr Wright," Klavier said, and he snapped his fingers, his eyes closed. "The explosions went off at 11 am, just as the terrorist warned."

Franziska probably kicked him (Phoenix couldn't see their legs). "That is not what the court record says, Piano Gavin!" Franziska announced, "do not be a foolish fool!"

"And that doesn't explain why you thought the attacker was Damon Gant," Armando said. "You could tell from a voice?"

"Part of what I Iearned from my travels as a paranormal investigator was how to find out who was speaking with me over the phone," Regina said, "even if they use a voice changer?"

"Then why didn't you turn him into the police?" Edgeworth demanded.

Regina blinked and smiled. "I did," she said, "it should be in the record."

Phoenix checked the court record: there was indeed a police record of Detective Gumshoe being warned about Gant.

"How can he be so incompetent?" Klavier said, shaking his head.

"This was not here," Edgeworth said. "Gumshoe is not this incompetent."

"Poor Scruffy must've been blackmailed," Franziska said, wagging her finger.

Were they being duped, or had that always been there? "Don't forget the facts of the case, Phoenix," Mia said, "keep checking the court record."

"That's not going to work, Clay," Apollo said suddenly. Everyone looked at him, and he laughed nervously.

"Shall I knock the sense back into you?" Blackquill demanded, bringing his hand up.

"No assault in the courtroom!" the Judge said, "Mr. Blackquill, please stay your hand!"

"…very well, your Baldness," Blackquill said. Then he whistled, and Taka released Franziska's whip and flew over to Blackquill. "And Cykes-dono, cease with your inane prattle. You are more intelligent than this."

"I- I didn't say anything?" Athena said, slamming her hands on the desk.

"Not you," Blackquill said.

"Let's return to the trial," Armando said. "Berry, your speculation is not admissible as evidence. Unless you have cold, hard evidence to prove it, you cannot say the bomber was Gant."

"Oh, but he was," Regina said, "Mr. Judge, won't you please count that?"

"Of course, my dear," the Judge said, "oh! Now I see my son as well."

"I'm glad," Regina said.

"Objection!" Edgeworth shouted, "that is not admissible!"

"Overruled," the Judge said, "Mr. Edgeworth, please don't object to your own witnesses."

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted, "that is not admissible!"

And the Judge nodded. "That is a good point." Regina frowned, and Mia flickered.

"Phoenix, what are you doing?" Mia said, "don't you want her to be found not guilty?"

"Her?"

"Maya," Mia said, and she pointed at the defendant stand, where Maya Fey was currently sitting, looking forlorn.

"The defendant is Damon Gant," Phoenix said.

Mia glared at him, but Armando patted him on the back. "There, there, Gant's still there," Armando said.

"Nick…" Maya said, looking at him with tears in her eyes, "Nick, what are you doing?"

"Finding the truth," Phoenix said.

"It's your own grave, Pheonix Wright," Franziska said, and she cracked her whip. "If you want Maya Fey to be found guilty…"

"Fey-dono is not on trial, von Karma-dono," Blackquill said.

"Do not talk back to me!" Franziska snapped.

"You're all hallucinating!" Armando yelled. "If I have to take this over myself-"

"Objection!" Phoenix shouted, "there is no evidence to prove that Maya bombed the circus!"

"Quite right," Regina said, "but I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Wright. Mr. Gant is on trial."

And Gant was back. "What!?" Franziska said.

"I'm still on trial, Wrighto," Gant said, "please don't tell me you're going crazy."

"Are you alright, Phoenix?" Mia said, "I don't want my best student going mad."

"More like only," Phoenix said.

"Only?" Mia said, "and what do you call Apollo and Athena?"

Apollo and Athena glanced at Phoenix. "Boss," Athena said, "things aren't looking good…"

"Clay's giving me bad advice," Apollo said.

"How about a therapy session?" Athena said. "For all of us?"

"Go ahead," Armando said.

* * *

_Athena_

Athena activated Widget. The Boss had been acting weird, as was Apollo and all the other lawyers. Junie was the defendant now, but Boss and Ms. von Karma seemed to think that _Maya _was the defendant, and her mother was in the gallery with Aura and they were watching her.

Her head hurt.

"C'mon, Thena!" Junie said, "I didn't bomb them!"

Athena didn't reply. Mr. Armando was right: they were just hallucinating. "Ms. Berry," Athena said, "prepare to be psychoanalyzed."

She inputted Regina Berry's testimony into the Mood Matrix. All the normal emotions seemed to be there, except for two things: a lingering sense of happiness, and a deep and powerful sadness. And then the Mood Matrix began turning blue, entirely blue. "S-Simon," Athena said, and she tried to overpower the sadness. Could she do it? She swiped at it, but nothing happened. "W-what's going on?"

"Don't ask me," Simon said. His ponytail was gone.

"I… Ms. Berry," Athena said, "why are you so sad?"

Regina stared at her. "I don't know what you're talking about," Regina said, and then Athena began sensing _everyone's _emotions, even the people who weren't talking. Regina's sadness. Boss's fear. Apollo's longing. The Judge's happiness. Armando's anger. Simon's confusion. Franziska's anger. Klavier's love. Edgeworth's anger. And the gallery and the bailiffs and the newsmen and the defendant and the courtroom and her mother-

"I-it's too much!" Athena shrieked, sinking to the floor, while Widget switched off. "I'm hearing _everything_!"

She curled up into a ball and heard the sound of running. Someone slashed through the desk and then Simon held her up. "Come with me!" he said, "we need to get out!"

"No one is going anywhere," Regina said, and then Athena felt a searing pain, like a brand onto her skin. And the throbbing, and the pain, and the tears, and sadness that was covering the entire room…

She screamed.

* * *

_Edgeworth_

"Your Honor!" Edgeworth said, slamming his hand on his desk, "we need a recess!"

Blackquill had run to the defense stand and cut the desk in half to help Athena, as it seemed her comrades were oblivious to her beyond Godot looking at her. Klavier was air-guittaring, and Franziska was cracking her whip over and over. "Son," Gregory Edgeworth said, "you need to help that woman. Get a recess."

Edgeworth tried to ignore his father, who was standing right next to him. "Your Honor!" Edgeworth shouted.

"I see… my granddaughter…" the Judge said. Edgeworth took a deep breath.

"Your Honor, you're not well," he said, "I think you should join your family in the gallery."

"Yes, of course…" the Judge said, and he stood up and left. Then Edgeworth pointed at the gallery. "Miss Woods. Please take over as judge for now."

"B-But I haven't graduated yet!" Woods protested. She began coughing nervously.

"All you need to do right now is declare a recess. Please," he added.

Woods nodded resolutely and ran up to the judge's throne, picking up the abandoned gavel. "I call a recess!" she said, "for, um, for twenty minutes!"

"Good job, son," Gregory said.

* * *

_Phoenix_

Phoenix left for the defendant lobby to regroup with the company. "Things aren't looking good, Wright," Kristoph said. "I've begun seeing… things."

"Athena's out," Apollo reported, closing the door to the lobby. "Blackquill's keeping an eye on her. For now, they're both out."

"This isn't good at all," Iris said. "I agree, Dahlia."

"Dahlia?" Phoenix said, edging away from Iris.

"She's nice now!" Iris said, "very nice."

"You're far too trusting. Also, you're hallucinating," Armando said. "Wright, step away."

Phoenix did as he asked and then started playing with his wedding ring. "Yeah, everyone, stop hallucinating," Phoenix said.

"Easy for you to say," Maya said, "now my mom and Mia are back, but they sound like they're spouting canned lines."

"That was quick," Armando said. "Alright, everyone, what should we do?"

"Find Gant innocent," Pearl said.

"Put an end to this trial!" Trucy said. "That's what my biological dad told me."

"He's a douchebag. Don't listen," Kristoph said.

"Yeah. Besides, he's guilty. Stick him in jail," Maya said.

"Who? Zak or Gant?" Phoenix said.

"Um… both?" Maya said.

"I think you should go lie down, Mystic Maya," Pearl said.

"No, I'm good," Maya insisted. "I intend to see this trial through to end. I gotta be there to cheer on my sister."

"Look, Gant's going to be found guilty at this rate," Armando said. "Red. Seduce Juniper."

"I- that's not going to end well, Mr. Godot!" Apollo said.

"We need any and every advantage," Armando said.

"Take off your shirt," Trucy advised.

"I am _not _going to do that!" Apollo said.

"Yeah, don't listen! Listen to Mia!" Maya said.

"Shut up Clay!" Apollo said.

"I think everyone's going mad, Dad," Miles commented.

"You got it," Phoenix said. He couldn't believe these people sometimes.

* * *

_Juniper_

Juniper was in the judge chambers, panicking. "I've never done this before!" she said, and she had a horrible coughing fit. "Thena…"

"Oh, chin up!" Juniper's grandmother said, walking into the room with a sunflower, her luchadore mask shining in the light. "Breathe it in!"

"Y-yes!" Juniper said, but she pulled a sunflower from her hat instead. Something still told her not to try and use her grandmother's sunflower. "I can do this!" She thought of Apollo and then the door opened and Apollo walked in, or rather, was shoved in by Trucy.

And he was shirtless. "H-hey Junie," he said, laughing nervously, "c-can you knit me a shirt or something? Trucy took my clothes for a magic trick…"

"I want great-grandchildren too!" Juniper's grandmother said. "Don't forget that!"

"Don't bother," said a young man suddenly. He was wearing a leather jacket, jeans, and sunglasses, and had dark brown hair. "All you'll do is bring pain into the world."

"Huh?" Juniper said, and she backed away.

"Uh, sorry," Apollo said, "um… who are you?"

The young man smirked. "Just ask your imaginary friend," the young man said, and then he left the chamber.

"C'mon! Grandma wants to see some action!" Juniper's grandmother said. She pulled two masks out of her dress. "Junie, Apollo, I expect you two to have a grand fight… to the death, if necessary!"

"Um… Apollo," Juniper said, "what are you doing in here?" Her grandmother waved the luchadore mask in her face, and she swatted it away.

"It wasn't my idea," Apollo said. His face was bright red. "And, um, don't tell Ema. She'll kill me."

"Uh, yeah, I won't tell her…" Juniper said, and she laughed nervously and started walking towards him. "But please, Apollo, tell me… why are you here?"

"I-I'm supposed to seduce you!" Apollo squeaked.

"…I'm ready, then," Juniper said. She put her arms around Apollo and leaned in for a kiss-

"What did I say!?" the young man demanded, bursting into the room again.

Juniper and Apollo both squeaked and jumped apart. The young man nodded and left, but not before making the 'I'm watching you' gesture.

"So, uh, we kinda need Gant free," Apollo said, "Athena says he's innocent, and well…"

"I-I have to hear both sides of the story," Juniper said. Her grandmother put a luchadore mask over Apollo; he now resembled the Amazing Nine-Tails. He didn't seem to notice, but now it would probably feel funny to kiss him. "I-I have to be the judge."

"Oh, uh… okay, have fun," Apollo said. A mask lowered over Juniper; it was probably the sunflower one. Apollo shivered slightly and said, "so, uh, see you later?"

"Um, bye."

* * *

_Franziska von Karma_

Franziska von Karma was perfect. Court had resumed and Regina Berry was at the stand. That foolish Juniper Woods girl was the Judge now, and she kept tugging at her face and glancing at her pathetic boyfriend. Perhaps she was the Phantom? No, it was best to remain focused.

"Ms. Berry," Miles Edgeworth said, "you are still yet to tell this court why you suspected Gant of being the man who threatened you."

Regina Berry smiled at them. "Mr. Edgeworth, my proof is in the court record. Don't you check it?"

"Of course not," Manfred von Karma said, "you know how he is." He snapped mightily and pointed at Miles Edgeworth. "Franziska. you know what you must do."

Franziska von Karma looked through the Court Record. There it was, the picture of Damon Gant calling Regina Berry. And yet… "Objection!" Godot rumbled, "this is a forgery!"

"Objection!" Piano Gavin shouted, "this is no forgery!"

And Franziska von Karma whipped him. "You foolish fool, this is obviously a fabrication," she said, "it is naught but a bad photoshop. You can tell because Damon Gant is wearing a dress in this picture. Why, he looks suspiciously like Lana Skye on a cell phone."

And then Damon Gant was wearing a dress and looking suspiciously like Lana Skye. "I don't understand," Juniper Woods said, "what happened to Mr. Gant?"

"Lana Skye is on trial, not Damon Gant," Piano Gavin said.

"No," Juniper Woods said, "even my notes are lying, but… I know what I saw."

Regina Berry frowned. "I think you're confused, Ms. Judge," Regina Berry said cutely, "Lana Skye was the mastermind."

"Objection!" Phoenix Wright shouted. "Ms. Skye has an alibi for the time of the murders, and never had that computer!"

"I know, Mr. Wright," Regina Berry replied. She gestured at Damon Gant, dressed normally. "Are you feeling alright?"

What was going on?

* * *

_Apollo_

Clay was still giving terrible advice. "C'mon, dude," Clay said, "all you gotta do is go up the Judge throne and start making out with Junie. That'll get you a not guilty for sure."

"This is why you're not a lawyer, Clay," Apollo said.

Gant looked thoroughly confused and Godot was holding a tea cup now. "Well," Regina said, "I guess it's time for us to move on. I think we've proven that Gant tried to extort me."

"Oh, yes," Klavier said.

"Certainly," Franziska said, although she was eyeing Regina suspiciously.

"Yep," Clay commented. "Beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"Apollo," Lamiroir said suddenly, standing next to Apollo where Athena had been, "Godot's your father. We met when we were 18, in London."

W-WHAT!? Wait, that didn't make any sense. "I'm not Hispanic," Apollo said.

"Racist," Clay said.

"Look," Apollo said, "Your Honor- Junie- whatever, Gant has not been proven to be the killer at _all_. There's no evidence beyond a bad photograph."

Regina frowned and sparkled some more. "That photograph is fine," Edgeworth said. "However… what am I doing here? Your Honor, I request to join the defense."

"Um… permission granted?" Juniper said.

Edgeworth left the prosecution and joined Mr. Wright. "Don't step on Mia," Mr. Wright said.

"Let's get to the bottom of this," Edgeworth said, "Ms. Berry. This photograph, no matter how many times it might change, simply does not make sense. Where did you get a photograph of Gant?"

"I… I found it?" Regina said, and then a crack began forming on the ceiling. But it was no concern at all.

"Objection!" Franziska shouted, "the Phantom gave it to us!"

"Objection!" Godot yelled, and he threw coffee at… Regina? Clay and Lamiroir shuddered. "The Phantom has no reason to try and implicate Gant."

"He already did," Klavier said. "Did you forget, Herr Godot?"

"Of course not," Edgeworth said lightly, "well, Justice? Tell him."

Tell him _what_? "Uh, well," Apollo said, "I suppose he could've, actually…"

"Objection!" Mr. Wright yelled. "Why didn't the Phantom just reveal this at first?"

"Because he's slow, I guess," Regina said. She flicked the coffee off and Apollo felt a surge of anger. Then the door opened and a horde of slow-moving Fulbrights began walking in. "There's no other reason than that."

* * *

_Iris_

"I can't believe how mean Feenie's being to Regina," Dahlia said, her hand to her mouth. "She's just so cute."

"Maybe Feenie feels threatened by her?" Iris said. To be honest, she wasn't sure why Dahlia was suddenly so nice. Or why she was alive again and backing Regina. Iris believed Athena and Phoenix: Regina was trying to attack Gant, which just showed her guilt. She wanted Gant in prison for some reason, and Iris wasn't sure that intention was pure.

"I don't think Feenie feels threatened by her," Dahlia said, "not when he has an amazing girlfriend like you!"

Wait, that was completely out-of-character. "Uh, Dahlia, isn't this the part where you start insulting me?" Iris said.

"Mommy, are you feeling okay?" Misty said suddenly, the young girl shoving into Iris with her shoulder. "Mommy, who are you talking to?"

Iris looked back at Dahlia, but she was gone. Then she looked back at her kids, at Misty and Maya Valerie and Diego and Trucy. Miles was down at the defense stand with his father, Edgeworth, Armando, and Apollo. "N-no, nothing's wrong," Iris said. And then something occurred to her: why would she bring her children to court? That didn't make any sense.

"Can we go out to ice cream after Daddy wins?" Valerie said innocently. A little butterfly fluttered by her red hair and she smiled serenely.

Like Dahlia. Who was evil.

Uh...

"Valerie, where did you get that hair dye?" Iris said.

"Um, Iris, why are you talking to yourself?" Trucy said.

"Uncle Kristoph gave it to me!" Valerie said cheerfully.

"Mommy, Mommy, can I go to Samurai Wednesday?" Diego said, and he made a few sound effects with his mouth. "Mommy, can I be a Steel Samurai like Satsuma?"

"I-I don't see why not," Iris said. Who was Satsuma?

"Should I get a doctor?" Trucy said, "I don't think anyone's feeling good."

"Anyway," Regina said- Iris had missed quite a bit of the trial, "I suppose I should get to the point now."

And then she shone like the sun.

* * *

_Phoenix_

Phoenix was standing at the defense stand, Miles at his right and Edgeworth at his left. Across the courtroom, Franziska was arguing with someone to her right and Klavier was rocking out with himself. Regina was sparkling. "Dad, they're going mad," Miles said.

"Well put, Miles," Phoenix said.

"Don't call me that, Wright," Edgeworth said.

"Uncle Edgeworth!" Miles said, "stop confusing us!"

"What Miles said," Phoenix said.

And then Regina said, "anyway, I suppose I should get to the point now." And she began glowing brighter.

"Get to the point about what!?" demanded Armando, "about Gant!? You're yet to tell us why you actually suspect him!"

"Do you have a point?" Regina said, "Miss Judge, he's gone mad."

"No," Juniper said, "Mr. Godot is quite sane. However, at the same time, you're, um, you're yet to actually present another theory, Mr. Godot."

Armando shook his head and summoned his coffee. Then he smiled and pointed his coffee at Regina. "Of course I do," Armando said, "your Honor, the defense accepts the theory that the Phantom was being directed. However, as Mr. Cosmos and Mr. de Shipper have made clear, Damon Gant was not behind the bombing."

"Oh?" Juniper said, "well… um, Mr. Wright, Mr. Godot, who do you accuse then?"

"Regina," Miles said, "that's it, dad."

"Regina?" Phoenix said.

Regina glared at Phoenix with the wrath of a thousand suns. Her eyes literally turned white and her hair began glowing golden. Her clothes turned pure yellow and then kept intensifying. The light coming off of her hurt to look at. Actually, Phoenix was pretty sure he was going blind.

"She's behind the previous cases!" Armando growled.

What was he talking about? What previous cases? "Regina blew up the space center?" Phoenix said.

"That was the Phantom," Apollo said, "but if she was his boss…"

"I wasn't behind that," Regina said, and her voice reverberated.

"Of course not," Armando said, "but you used your abilities and connections to have everyone pardoned."

"Of course!" Franziska declared, and she snapped her whip. "You have these strange abilities. You are the one making Papa appear here. Aren't you!?"

"I admit nothing," Regina replied. The ceiling cracked more.

"Thank you for confirming it," Apollo said, his arms crossed, "I could never forget Clay's death. No matter what."

"Is that really true, Mr. Justice?" Regina said, and her eyes flashed whiter. Apollo clutched his head.

"C'mon, Wright, Justice, remember," Armando muttered.

"Don't be ridiculous, Armando," Phoenix said, "Clay's in space with Sol. Remember? Apollo brought us to watch the launch!"

"Hmph, right," Armando said. "Anyway! You can't touch me, can you? My nervous system was damaged- without working sight, there's nothing you can really do to me. Regina Berry! I accuse you of being the true mastermind behind the burning of Hazakura Temple, the murder of Jean Armstrong and April May, and the attempted kidnapping of Miles Edgeworth!"

The ceiling cracked more and plaster began falling. "**Cease**," Regina said, "**now**. **Damon Gant is the villain**. **Not me**!"

And then the entire room began filling with whiteness. Phoenix suddenly wondered why he was here- after all, he was disbarred- and then he wondered why Kristoph was in the gallery. Why wasn't he defending? He still had his badge, after all! Edgeworth grunted and slid down the broken defense stand, and Franziska and Gavin cringed away. Armando kept sipping his coffee, and Kristoph's loud protege was holding onto a golden bracelet on his arm. Miles and Misty were clutching onto their mother, and Trucy looked tense. "We'll start with the prison!" Armando roared, "_you _were the one who pardoned everyone! Why? Because you wanted the Phantom! And in return for _your _protection, he would have no choice but to work for you!"

Love.

"You need evidence, Mr. Armando!" the Judge (a young girl?) yelled. A breeze had started up in the courtroom.

"I'll say what I want!" Godot shouted, and he threw his coffee at Regina, causing her to dim just slightly before she began lifting off the floor, her hands outstretched. Wait, what was Godot doing at the defense? And was that Dollie in the gallery with black hair, and what happened to Pearl? Who was the girl with a blue hat? What was going on?

"Evidence, Mr. Godot!" the Judge shouted.

"Then take a look at this!" Godot said, "you want proof, then look no further then the Phantom's statement. 'I was hired by Regina Berry'. Proof enough?"

"That is not what it says, strange man!" a tan prosecutor said. "You need an eye check, Herr…"

"Armando," Godot said, and he slammed his coffee down. "And besides, I think we've already seen that everyone keeps hallucinating. I can't thanks to my eyes… so therefore, what I see must be the truth."

"**That is ridiculous**," Regina said.

"Th-that is true," the Judge said. "Very well. This court-"

"**Will do nothing**," Regina boomed. There was a spark of light and the Judge went flying. "**Now, look upon me! It is time!**"

"Time for what?" Franziska von Karma demanded, and she tried to whip Regina- only for the whip to get sucked in to a vortex swirling around Regina's brightness. "Time for what!?"

Edgeworth staggered to his feet. "Y-you are behind the cameras?" Edgeworth said, "c-court should not be televised-"

"But it's so popular," a nice-looking blond-haired man with glasses and a pink ribbon tie said. He was standing next to a young man with horn-like brown hair. "Apollo, what am I looking at?"

"I have no idea," 'Apollo' said, "how am I supposed to know?"

The tan man drank his coffee and threw it at Regina, only for it also to be sucked in. Tiles, wood, papers, and purses were beginning to be sucked in to the vortex, and the light was just getting brighter. "Edgeworth, what's going on!?" Phoenix demanded.

And then Edgeworth was back. "What are you talking about? Regina's trying to turn into a star or something!" Edgeworth yelled.

"What are you doing back!" Phoenix yelled back, "you were dead!"

"What are you talking about? That was-"

"Wright's forgetting everything!" the blond man yelled, "can't you tell!?"

"What!?" Edgeworth said.

"Nick!" Maya yelled, "what's happening!"

A pulse of light blasted off of Regina, and Phoenix and the other lawyers slammed against the wall. "Edgeworth…" Phoenix muttered.

"**Love me**," Regina said, "**all love me. Please… please make sure that no one else shall ever become a star again!**"

Love.

Who was the woman in a frilly black suit stumbling up at the prosecution? Why was Edgeworth back again- Edgeworth, who had used forged evidence? Edgeworth, who was in prison for killing Robert Hammond?

"Nick!" a black-haired girl Phoenix didn't recognize yelled. "Nick, hang on! Apollo! Regina- I know what's she's trying to do!" She jumped down and pushed between Phoenix and Edgeworth. "I remember! You brainwashed me!" she shouted at the star in the courtroom, "you did it!"

"Mia…" the tan man muttered, "what are you doing, you witch!?"

"The chief's no witch!" Phoenix snapped. Mia nodded, beside him.

"Boss, get a hold of yourself!" the red man snapped, "ugh… boss, Mr. Wright?"

"I am _perfectly _fine," the blond man said, his teeth grit and his hands on his head.

"Feenie!" Dollie shouted (why was her hair black?), "listen to Mr. Armando and Apollo!"

"No, just kill yourself you sniveling wimp," Dollie said suddenly, appearing next to him. "C'mon, just walk into that vortex…"

Wait, that wasn't right… "**Do not listen**," the sun said, "**there shall be no more death…"**

"No more death!?" Dollie (the red-headed one) said, "not even a little-"

"**None**."

"…Feenie," Dollie said, flipping her hair, "Hazakura temple was burnt down as a condition for me helping her master her powers. Don't worry, everyone can see me now."

And so it seemed, as everyone was staring at her. "The dead aren't affected…" the black-haired girl in a purple dress-thing said, and then in a flash a woman with a large bust appeared in her place.

"So that's why you were running around, Dahlia," the woman said.

"Mia Fey…" Dollie said, glaring at her with white eyes.

"**Do not worry, Mia Fey… your precious Diego shall never die, nor Maya or Pearl or anyone else important to you,**" the sun said.

"I'm already dead," Mia said, "it won't matter. But on the same token, that means that Dahlia here will never get her revenge either. It will just be the two of us together, forever."

"No," Dollie said, and she said, "listen up! The mastermind is Regina-"

And then a column of light came down on her and Dollie vanished. A second column of light blasted Mia, but she was unaffected. "Sorry, Regina," Mia said, "I _have _a body."

And then, with a piercing sound, Phoenix wondered what he was doing here. Who were these people? There was a tan man with black hair clutching his head, and this Mia woman standing strong, his old friend Miles Edgeworth (the Demon Prosecutor himself) glaring at the star woman, a blond-haired man turned away from the court, and someone in a red suit hiding underneath the bench. At the opposite bench was a woman grinding her teeth, probably in frustration, and the blond-haired man was looking troubled.

"I-I need to leave-"

"No, Phoenix," Mia said, "you're a lawyer. You're 35, the father of Trucy Wright, and the man who lead the end of the Dark Age of the Law. Snap out of it, we need you now."

"No I'm not!" Phoenix shouted, backing away. "Keep me out of this!"

"Yes you are!" the woman with a blue hat shouted, "stand up to her, Daddy!"

"Mr. Wright!" a woman dressed in yellow shouted, running into the gallery with what looked like headphones with curved wires duct-taped on to them. "You can't give up!"

"Stay in the court room, Mr. Wright!" the demon-hair man yelled, "say it with us!"

"**Hmph**," the sun-lady said, "**I am not so easily defeated. Now, look upon me! Love me! Follow me! NO ONE SHALL BECOME A STAR AGAIN!**"

"Now!" a samurai said.

"Objection!" everyone shouted. What were they doing? They were crazy!

"C'mon, pal!" a man in coat yelled, "we need to stop her!"

"…**you do realize objecting won't **_**do **_**anything to me?**" the sun-lady said.

But the tan man smiled. "Now, now, Miss Berry," he said, "who says we're objecting to _you_-"

"Please, Wright," Edgeworth said, "please help us. All you need is that one word."

Well… he guessed he would. "Alright," Phoenix said, "I'll help with your crazy shouting thing."

"That's the spirit," Mia said, "three… two… one…"

"OBJECTION!"

The sun-lady shook her head and began clapping. "**Good job. All these second-rate lawyers with no case. What are you supposed to do**?" she said.

"Simple," the tan man said, smirking scarily. "Everyone, get under your desks."

"Why?" Phoenix said.

"Because sometimes a lot of sound can dislodge a cracked ceiling," Mia said.

And then, with a great rumble, the ceiling began collapsing.

* * *

**A/N: Two notes - one, Kristoph's POV section was probably the most fun-to-write part of the whole fic. Two, the scene where WAA decides lawyers via random number generator is based off of the fact that that is literally how Sith and I decided who would be on the defense team in previous chapters. As you can see, we take our fanfiction very seriously.**


	11. Turnabout Con, Part IV

**A/N: Thank you to phoenixgod13 for being our only review so far! We appreciate the feedback.**

* * *

_Pearl_

Poor Mr. Nick. The fantasies that Regina Berry was making were really nice to Pearl, although it was starting to be hard to see what was real and fake. She could only imagine what people without active Kurain training saw. Regina had focused on him, though, glared at him really strongly, and now the ceiling was starting to collapse.

Iris had pulled Pearl down as the courtroom began to collapse. There were fractures up and down the wall, and everything from the defense and prosecution stands to a scarf to Mr. Blackquill were being used as shields from the rubble (although it looked like Athena was trying to squirm out of Mr. Blackquill's protective shielding).

"Poor Mr. Nick," Arsenius said, her beloved boyfriend. He sighed. "I can't believe how cruelly they're acting towards him. Making him do things he doesn't want to do."

"Mr. Nick needs all the help he can get!" Pearl said, rolling her sleeve up. A larger piece of the ceiling shattered overhead, and some of the rubble fell on her. "Ow!"

"Don't worry, Snookums," Arsenius said, "I'll kiss it all out."

"Oh, Seenie~" Pearl said.

"Pearl, what are you _doing_?" Iris whispered while more chunks of the ceiling fell.

"Um… hallucinating?" Pearl said.

"C'mon, baby, I'm real," Arsenius said. He leaned in close and warm.

"Oh, Seenie…"

"Pearl, I'm getting worried," Iris said, "get in closer." Iris grabbed Pearl and tried to pull her closer.

"No, don't," Arsenius said, and he whipped a gun out of nowhere. He fired, and Iris was hit in the head- but she kept pulling on Pearl.

"Get down," she said, while blood poured down her face and onto Pearl.

"G-get down-" Pearl said, "S-seenie just-"

And then she felt the cold gun barrel against her head. "C'mon, sugar pie," Arsenius said, "don't you trust me?"

"I-"

"Get down!" Iris said, and she dragged Pearl underneath the seats just as another piece of rubble landed right where Pearl had just been laying.

"Stop moving, honey bun," Arsenius hissed, and the gun pressed further into Pearl's head.

"Seenie…"

"Pearl?" Iris said, "please ignore them, they're not real, even if they feel real… you heard Dahlia..."

"I _am _real," Arsenius said. She heard the gun click, and her mind jumped to Fulbright…

* * *

_Trucy_

Her biological father was annoying her. "C'mon, just throw a bottle at 'em," had been his advice for roughly the entire time he had reappeared. Daddy had finally joined the other lawyers and Trucy had taken cover as the courtroom collapsed.

"Stick your head out and accept the rubble!" Zak commanded.

Why did he have such bad ideas? "WIth all due respect," Trucy said, "the only good thing you ever did was have me."

"How right you are!" Valant said suddenly, appearing right next to her.

"That's right," Zak said, appearing next to Valant in a blue coat, looking much younger.

"Exactly so," Valant said, wearing a pink suit, right next to Zak.

Why were there so many Gramaryes? How many more were going to appear?

"C'mon, Trucy, come sit by us!" a Zak in Pearl's outfit said.

"That's right," a Valant wearing Iris's clothes said.

"**Join us**," Lamiroir inside of that star said.

_What _was going on? "Um… I'm just going to wait for the ceiling to stop collapsing," Trucy said.

"Good idea!" a Zak wearing a visor yelled.

"Just stay here," the Iris-Valant said.

"Don't listen!" the original Zak said.

"**Ignore them**," Lamiroir said.

This was very confusing.

* * *

_Klavier_

Klavier's world was starting to fall apart. Literally. The ceiling had collapsed and the chunks of ceiling were sucked towards Regina, causing cries of pain and headaches in Klavier. It seemed that Godot's plan had worked: all the rubble would be sucked in and batter Regina. But that was such a mean thing to do! Regina was just so _cute_, so _adorable, _how could anyone mistreat her!?

Suddenly he was hit across the face with a riding crop. "Ow!" he said, "What-"

"Get a grip, Papa," a blonde teenager wearing black said, riding crop in hand.

"What?" Klavier said, at the same time Franziska turned around and said, "Piano Gavin! Who is _that?_"

The teenager smirked and shook her finger at Klavier and Franziska. "All in due time," she said, "now, let me please leave with… where did the door go?"

Klavier glanced at the door. The wall was starting to warp and lean in towards the witness stand.

"Who are you?" Franziska demanded of the girl.

"That does not matter right now," she said, her smirk faltering. "What matters now is destroying those cameras."

"Cameras?" said Klavier.

"Of course, Papa. They're broadcasting to the whole world. Everyone is starting to love Regina Berry," the girl said.

A boy ran in to the courtroom. He had Klavier's skin tone and Franziska's hair color and appeared to be dressed like the chief prosecutor. "Jana!" he said, "wait! Watson captured Clay and-"

He shrieked and fell to the ground, his hands over his head. "Alois!" the girl said, and she ran to him. And then Klavier began hearing a shrieking sound himself, one that was intensifying and seemed everywhere at once. It was so _painful…_ "Alois-" the girl staggered and fell next to the boy, and the two struggled to drag themselves out of the room just as the walls collapsed.

"C-cover!" Godot yelled as the shrieking got worse and worse.

Klavier's eyesight began turning red and he tried to block out the sound. Beside him, Franziska did the same. He shut his eyes, but still the sound continued, and Regina was burnt into his eyes.

Love.

Love.

Love.

Love love love love love love love love love love-

"**LOVE ME!**"

And the shrieking stopped.

* * *

_Armando_

Everyone else had doubled over in pain. And Armando was calmly sipping his coffee underneath the remains of the defense stand. Yellow appeared, crawling over Red and Nail Polish. "M-Mr. Godot," she said, "I can hear a screaming…"

"Nice headphones," Armando said. Wright started crying.

"She's doing something," Yellow said, "there's a lot of pain and a lot of… love. Even I can feel it… a desire to do anything for her…"

"Yeah, that's not good," Armando said. He glanced at the cameras, the only thing that was yet to break or otherwise be distorted. The cameramen were long-gone, much like most of the gallery, the Judge, and even Gant, but the cameras were now watching Berry. Turning to track her. They were transmitting her, and if Yellow was right…

"She wants everyone to follow her," Armando said. "She wants everyone to love her. Ha. Like anyone's going to watch this sorry excuse for a trial."

"T-that's not the point, Mr. Armando," Yellow said. "Look, who cares what we say to this guy? All we can do is- all we can do is-"

"Smash the cameras," Armando said. Yellow nodded, and then she turned into Mia. So did everyone else, although they were all still wearing the same clothes.

"Smash the cameras, right," the real Mia said, pushing some rubble off of herself. "Let's go. I think it's just the three of us who can ignore her…"

"Not for long, kitten," Armando said. "I'm not sure how well Yellow here can hold up. C'mon, we need to move fast." Yellow-Mia nodded.

They left the incapacitated Mias and ran into the gallery, narrowly dodging some airborne evidence. "I'm going to join you!" the only other not-Mia in the room, Fulbright, yelled and ran towards them.

He dodged another chunk of rubble and joined them. "We need to destroy those cameras," Armando said, "c'mon!"

A chunk of rubble smacked Yellow's headphones off and they went flying off towards Regina. "SIMON!" Yellow-Mia shrieked and she doubled over. Blood seemed to be trickling from her ears.

"Hurry!" Mia yelled, "before Athena dies!"

The three ran up towards the cameras. The wind seemed to intensify, however, to the point that the three were incapable of standing. "WHAT'LL WE DO!?" Fulbright yelled.

"We - we-" Armando threw a cup of coffee at the cameras, but the coffee was simply sucked away. "We…"

"We wait for outside help," Mia said.

* * *

_Ema_

"You're a pathetic excuse for science," Bill Nye the Science Guy told her. "Couldn't even get onto the forensics team. Waste your life away trying to seduce a man who'll never love you anyway. A failure of a kid and a failure of a relationship. That's _all _you'll ever amount to."

"W-what did I ever do to you, Mr. Nye?" Ema said. She was in the prosecution lobby, or what was left of it, when Bill Nye entered and they started doing science. And then he started criticizing her.

"You ruined my life by your mere existence," Nye said. He held up a test tube filled with acid. "Now die, you little-"

"Hey!" Marie Curie yelled, suddenly running in and grabbing the acid from his hands and throwing it against the wall. "Don't attack her like that!"

"Why not, my 'dear' sister?" Nye said.

"I _told _you to behave yourself! Don't make me handcuff you again!" Curie said.

Ema started backing away from them.

"Don't run off, you worthless excuse for a human being," Nye said coldly.

"No, do run off," Curie said, "before the wave hits-"

And then a shrieking sound began. When it ended, Nye and Curie looked like a dark-brown-haired young man with sunglasses, a leather jacket, and jeans, and a light-brown-haired young woman in a lab coat, running shorts, and a bracelet like Apollo's, respectively.

Their eyes were pure white. "Save the cameras," they said together.

Ema nodded. That was right. Save the cameras. "Follow me," she said. She marched out. Was it just her, or was everything lighter now?

* * *

_Armando_

"Save the cameras," the crowd said together. Everyone, save Fulbright and the real Mia, had glowing eyes and were starting to stumble towards the three of them. This was despite the fact that they still couldn't get past the wind.

And as a matter of fact, the only one who wasn't a glowing-eye-zombie was Yellow, who was currently out cold on the floor. Even her weaboo boyfriend was up and coming towards them, as well as his pet bird. Then the doors near the prosecution desk opened and Skye, a stranger, and a Mia wearing vaguely familiar clothing marched out. They were joined by two other Mias in vaguely familiar clothes, and the small horde staggered towards the staircase to the gallery.

"I still can't get in!" Fulbright shouted, and he tried to jump through the wind only to be thrown into the gallery. Trucy-Mia attacked him and he yelled. "In justice we trust!?"

Armando pulled her off and threw her into Iris-Mia, sending the two sprawling down the staircase. "You people are doomed," April May said suddenly, appearing next to Mia. "I've seen how she works. Why do you think she had me killed?"

"You," Mia said, and she tried to push into the wind jet herself. "Can you tell us _anything_?"

"No," May said cheerfully. "I can watch you die, though."

"**No one is dying**," Regina said.

May sighed. "Oh _fine_," she said, but she still didn't do anything. "Can't say I'm not bitter, though."

"Here, just tell us why she killed you," Armando said, sipping his coffee. It wasn't like he could do anything right now anyways. Fulbright was currently holding off the zombies and Mia was hard at work trying to jump through the wind and bruise Maya's body at the same time.

"Oh, that's simple," May said, "I had the misfortune to be in Kurain village when she first arrived. Heck, I got stuck in the guest lodging with some psychotic feminist and an annoying man-child."

"W-what happened to Kurain?" Mia said. She had been tossed again and was now on her knees again; she stood up.

"Regina arrived one day and started brainwashing everyone, I guess," May said, "and man, did I love her for a couple months after that. But then I started liking her less and less and decided to, like, warn someone or something… and got killed for it."

"Who were you going to warn?" Armando said.

"HELP!" Fulbright yelled, and he pushed Edgeworth-Mia down the stairs into Wright-Mia and Red-Mia. All these Mias was getting confusing. Another door slammed open and what looked like Gumshoe-Mia, Byrde-Mia, and Judge-Mia staggered in. "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!"

Regina pulsed again and the gallery began being swept up towards her vortex. "**Do not touch my cameras**!" she hissed.

"Anyway," some nerdy-looking man said wearing a trilby said, "she did the same to us! Like, she forcibly went after us! What a misandrist!"

"Oh, shut up," another nerdy-looking girl said, playing with a 'cis tears' button, "she chose _me _first because _womyn _are better."

"D'oh! You reverse sexist!" the trilby man said.

"No one cares," Mia told them, "Regina brainwashed you too?"

"I just said that. Pay attention," May said. Mia tried to push into the wind again but still nothing happened. "But yeah, she brainwashed us and sent us out for info. Man, we loved her _so _much. Like a warm fuzzy feeling or something like that. Y'know?"

"She listened to me! She was so nice!" the trilby man said.

"Only because you're so pathetic," Dahlia commented. She walked into Armando's frame of vision and flipped her hair again. "I find it hard to believe that she would actually _listen_, though."

"Weren't you banished?" Armando said.

Fulbright picked up a bench and threw it at Woods-Mia, sending the whole host of zombies backwards. "Some help here!" Fulbright yelled.

"You three, go help," Dahlia ordered. May harumphed and then the three walked off to help Fulbright. Presumably via moral support or something, since they didn't seem to be able to pick up the benches or papers or anything. "Anyway, yes, I was." Then she smiled and said, "did you think that would stop my revenge?"

"Well, you certainly haven't done anything for the last nine years," Mia said, "useless as ever."

A few papers by Dahlia burst into flames. "That is not important, Mia Fey," she growled, her eyes flashing. Then, flipping her hair, she added, "when Regina and I first made contact, I told her what I wanted and what she should do in return for my help. I can see that was wasted. The Phantom failed to kill my worthless excuse for a sister, Maya Fey ended up being useless, the whole plan was a disaster. What else is new?"

"Buyer's regret?" Armando said, and he smirked at her. "Or just your usual plan quality?"

"Why didn't you handcuff Misty before she channeled me?" Dahlia replied, not looking at him. Then she smiled at him, "well, Mr. Lawyer?"

Armando tried to throw his coffee at her, but instead it flew through her and May's head and hit Gumshoe-Mia in the face.

"Anyway," Dahlia said, "there's nothing we can _do _besides tell you stuff, and I really don't think that'll help you. I would love to make sure you survive non-brainwashed so you can comprehend my inevitable victory, but… that's not looking likely."

"Ah! In justice we trust!" Fulbright yelled as the mob finally overcame him. Wright-Mia rushed at Armando, but he simply sidestepped him and watched him fly off. Von Karma-Mia adapted and tackled him, but she was easy enough to spin into Iris-Mia, sending those two off into the jet as well.

"Please don't kill anyone, Diego," Mia said as she dodged Edgeworth-Mia and the Gavin-Mias.

"No, please do. Start with my sister, then take out 'Feenie'," Dahlia said. Red-Mia tried to tackle her and he, too, went flying off. "I'm a noncorporeal spirit for now. Please don't touch me."

"I wanna help!" the trilby ghost yelled. And then a column of light blasted him and his two useless companions; for now, Dahlia was spared. Pity.

The zombies trooped back up the stand, and then Gant-Mia ran into the room, appeared to roar, and then charged up the staircase. He swatted aside other zombies and charged directly towards Armando.

"Diego! Watch out!" Mia yelled as the she tried to dodge the out-of-place, familiarly dressed Mias. "And who _are _these people?"

"Travelers from another time," Dahlia said. "Timespace is warping, you know. Turning into a star? Did you forget that?"

"Yeah, well, you know, the giant star is very missable!" Armando yelled as he barely dodged Gant. "Even if she's not doing much!"

"Of course," Dahlia said, "because now is the perfect time for sarcasm."

"You started it!"

Gant swiped at Armando again and he grabbed Mia and threw her into the crowd of zombies. "You and me," Dahlia said, "great."

"Not like you're _doing _anything," Armando spat. And then Gant grabbed his mask and his sight was suddenly ripped away.

Something tackled him and he went flying into the wind, sending him sprawling into another part of the gallery. "Diego!" Mia yelled, and Dahlia commented, "about time."

"**Do not hurt him**," Regina boomed.

"Anyway," Dahlia said as someone picked Armando up, "of _course _she's not doing anything. She needs to concentrate on broadcasting herself."

"**No one but me shall become a star**."

"Yes, yes, you special snowflake," Dahlia said. Someone threw Armando into a crowd of people and then hands all over him. He felt someone try to open his eyelids. And then he heard the sound of another one of those columns of light. "Ha. Too bad, Regina. I'm not going just yet."

Armando felt someone icy-cold touch him and then his mask was jammed back onto his face. His sight returned to see Dahlia standing over him, surveying him… and she crouched down and picked up a binder that she swung into Wright's head. "It looks like she's coming back," Mia said, "we need to stop this!"

"Let's do this!" Armando said, and he pushed away Byrde and Trucy and ran towards Gant. He pushed Gant into the wind and tried to get in once again… but once more, it was an absolute failure.

"At least I'm getting _one _thing out of this," Dahlia said. "Although I'm not sure I fully want my body back yet-"

And then the wall exploded.

* * *

_Mia_

Today had been an interesting day, to say the least. Dahlia was _helping _them, everyone's eyes were glowing white, Regina Berry had turned into a miniature star that was not giving off any heat, and apparently the cameras were the main problem.

And then the wall had exploded and a giant robot piloted by a woman with purple hair emerged from the rubble. "Don't hurt Simon, or that little princess!" she roared, her voice echoing out into the courtroom, as she began swiping at the cameras, smashing them.

Spikes of darkness began emerging from Regina, and the glowing-eyes people began collapsing, their lights fading. "**STOP**".

"Who's that!?" Dahlia yelled.

"That roboticist!" Diego yelled back, and he stood and watched as the black spikes smashed through the robot.

"**There are more cameras!**" Regina boomed.

"Not any more, whippersnapper!" Wendy Oldbag screamed. A crowd of identical old women poured into the rest of the gallery and began smashing the rest of the cameras, toppling them over and even head butting the glass.

"What?" Mia said.

"Just!?" Diego said.

"HAPPENED!?" Dahlia demanded.

"**WHAT!?**" Regina screamed so loud that Diego's visor's red lenses shattered.

"I can't see!" Diego said, his hand to his smoking visor, "not again!"

"I can't do anything," Dahlia said, shrugging. "Well, mission accomplished."

And then Regina blinked out of existence with a "zhvwoop" sound. Everyone began groaning and slowly people began standing up. "I-where are we?" the Judge said.

"I'm still blind," Armando said. "Mia, help me!"

Mia sighed and went and took his arm. The speared robot shuddered and fell to the ground, and the pilot stepped out. "Mission accomplished?" she said, "well, about time! Who's the pale redhead?"

"Dahlia Hawthorne, currently undeceasing," Dahlia replied.

"W-why are you alive again?" Iris said, standing up.

Dahlia smiled at her. "I think you can guess," Edgeworth said, dusting himself off. "_How_ Berry brought someone back from the dead, I don't know."

"The doors still haven't appeared again," one of the strange children, a tan boy, said, looking around. "Watson-"

"I don't know!" the girl wearing a lab coat said. "I _told_ you we shouldn't have gotten involved!"

"This isn't over," Blackquill said, also brushing himself off. He helped Athena to her feet and looked at the roboticst. "Aura."

"Hello, Simon," she replied, "happy to see me?"

"You could've told me that you got out of prison," Blackquill said.

"I was busy... and you could've at least _read_ the panel list for LawyerCon," Aura replied. "So… any chance that Metis'll show up?"

"Hopefully not, she's _so _self-righteous," Dahlia said.

"Like you know anything," Aura growled, and she stomped towards her. Gant held her back.

"I'm dead," Dahlia replied.

"Gumshoe, put her under arrest again," Edgeworth said.

"I say we hire her," Kristoph said.

"No," said everyone else, sans Judge.

"I'll vote yes if we get Edgey-poo," the lead Oldbag said. The crowd of Oldbags was dancingly descending from the upper levels of the gallery.

"Can I vote?" the Judge said.

"No," Phoenix said, "Dahlia, please just stay dead."

"I can kill you if you want," Dahlia said. "Or if you don't want." She smiled sweetly.

"How about we go get some noodles now?" Athena said. She took a deep breath, and said, "well, your Honor? I think it's pretty clear who's guilty here."

"Hm?" Juniper and the Judge said, and then they nodded to each other. "Miss Woods, I think you should give the verdict," the Judge said.

"Alright. This court finds the defendant, Damon Gant…"

**GUILTY**

* * *

_Trucy_

With a burst of flame, Regina reappeared in the middle of the courtroom. Dark spikes shot out in every direction, turning the courtroom into a prison of black. **STOP OPPOSING LIFE**. Dark spires separated Trucy from the rest of her family, from the rest of everyone, even Kristoph and Hawthorne.

"Daddy!" Trucy yelled. Through the gaps in the spikes, she could see him… and then the blackness expanded, leaving Trucy in a coffin lit only by the sun in the middle of the courtroom barely trickling light into her prison.

"Daddy," someone in a mocking tone of voice said, someone Trucy hadn't heard in years (except for the earlier hallucination). Zak Gramarye stepped out of the shadows, and next to him was a blank-eyed Trucy. "Good afternoon, Trucy," Zak said, "it's good to see you again, instead of just some hallucination."

"H-hello," Trucy said, backing away. Her eyes were on her other self, who looked… dead.

"You've turned into a… disappointment," Zak said. "I'm glad I didn't stick around. Glad my name wasn't attached to someone like you." He adjusted his hat. "_Real_ great magicians have a reputation to uphold… not that you'd understand that."

"Well, I'm _glad _that you left!" Trucy said, masking how much those words stung. "I like Daddy much better!"

"But I am your daddy," Zak said. "Maybe not your 'emotional' one, but your biological one. Your _real _one."

"No you're not!" Trucy yelled. She didn't care if it was a lie, she was nothing to him now! Not after… not after he abandoned her!

"Ha, is that what you think?" Zak said, "why, you don't even have a real mother _or _a real father. A deadbeat drunkard and overrated lawyer who pays for you, maybe, but do you really think either or them care? Hell, the wino wasn't concerned about getting you a new mother either. What'd you get, a blind coward who finally came back?" He chuckled and added, "fitting that Wright didn't bother telling you. That just shows how much _he _cares."

"That's not true!" Trucy said, "Daddy was busy! He didn't have time to find me a new mommy! And, well, maybe Lamiroir asked him to wait!"

"You know that's a lie," Zak replied. He chuckled and tipped his hat. "And besides," he added darkly, "your 'Daddy's more interested in some emotionless shell of a prosecutor than actually looking out for _you_. You know that."

"Don't insult Uncle Edgeworth!" Trucy said. The dead-eyed Trucy's eyes widened.

"It's true," Zak said. "What are your other options? A doormat with no opinions of her own? A girl or two your own age? That hyperactive crazy woman who channels the dead? They're all pathetic. He's pathetic."

"Let me guess," Trucy said, putting her hands on her hips, "you're pathetic."

"Quite right, Trucy," Zak said, cocking his head and smiling at her.

"You are," the other Trucy said hollowly. "We are both pathetic."

"Yeah," Trucy said, "you two are both pathetic. Coming here to try and change my mind- does it matter if Daddy hasn't found me a mommy (or daddy) yet? Does it matter what you think of my real Daddy? No, of course it doesn't. Nothing what you think has mattered since you _abandoned _me nine years ago! You walked out of my life! You don't matter to me anymore!" She ignored the tears starting to well up in her eyes. "What you did was _horrible_ but it doesn't _matter_ anymore. I have a big, happy, _normal_ family now. And you're not a part of it!"

Zak started laughing. "Just tell yourself that, Trucy," he said viciously, and then he turned away and walked into the black walls, leaving just the other Trucy.

"…you're stronger then we thought," the dead-looking Trucy said. "…what did you see?"

"What?"

"I can't see the hallucinations," the other Trucy replied, although Trucy thought that maybe she was lying, "what did _you _see?"

"I saw Zak Gramarye and Uncle Valant," Trucy said, "and everyone started turning into Valants and Zaks. It was weird."

"I… I see," the other Trucy said. "…what did you see just now?"

"I saw my biological father being a jerk!" Trucy said angrily, with her hands on her hips.

The other Trucy nodded. "He is like that, one of the angriest spirits…" she commented, and all of a sudden, her pupils shone white. "Do you wish to never become a star?"

"…what?" Trucy said, and she scratched her head. "Um… no! One day, I want to be a star! I'll stand in the spotlight and everyone will cheer my name!"

The other Trucy shook her head. "I don't see that future for you," she said, "but if that is your wish…" She melted into the ground and one of the black walls disappeared to reveal the gallery sloping down towards the empty courtroom floor. **Go…**

Trucy ran down towards it.

* * *

_Phoenix_

Phoenix was trapped in a black room with two people: himself and Edgeworth. The 'other' Phoenix was dressed in a towel, dripping with oil, and had a rose clenched between his teeth. Edgeworth looked mostly the same but there was something _off_. Had he always had that mustache?

"Oh _my_~" the other Phoenix said, "such a _manly _man! You even share my face~!"

"What."

"But it's _too late_," the other Phoenix said, and he wrapped an oily arm around Edgeworth. "I already _have _a boyfriend. And he's _such _a hottie!"

"Are you supposed to me!?" Phoenix said, backing away from the offensive stereotype. "Gay men don't talk like that!"

"Oh, sweetie, just _bask_ in the queer!" the other Phoenix said. He hugged Edgeworth tighter; Edgeworth blushed but was clearly trying not to respond.

"Look, I don't feel about Edgeworth that way-" Phoenix said.

"Oh, don't be so _silly_~" the other Phoenix said. He made a fanning motion with his hand and said, "just _thinking _of Edgeworth makes you all hot and bothered, doesn't it!?"

"N-no!" Phoenix yelled. He _certainly _didn't do that! "Never!"

"Oh, please, sweetie, I know _everything_," the other Phoenix said.

"He does," Edgeworth said.

"I just _know _that when you're in bed at night with your girlfriend you're just _thinking _of this _fine _hunk of a man here instead!" the other Phoenix said. Phoenix felt the need to cringe and yet was paralyzed by his accusations. "She'll be screaming your name and _all_ you'll hear is Mr. Edgeworth's voice!"

"She has stayed at her own apartment the entire time we've dated!" Phoenix shouted, "what do you take us for!?"

"Oh, that's right," the other Phoenix said. He giggled and said, "you were too _busy_ with the chief prosecutor to do anything with your 'girlfriend'. Although, I guess you don't know is she's a _he_ too."

"What." Phoenix was _pretty sure _that Iris was a girl.

"I mean, you've _never_ actually seen her _naked_, have you? Oh, sorry, him," the other Phoenix said. "_Accept it_ honey, you're gay."

"I… what, that would make me bisexual," Phoenix said. "F-for your information, I've also been attracted to Mia and Maya and April May and Angel Starr and even that star you guys serve."

"Oh, _everyone _loves Regina, whether they want to or not," the other Phoenix said.

"I listed four people besides her," Phoenix said, "also, I've seen Iris in a swimsuit. She is not a boy."

"Uh-huh. Do you have proof, Wright?" Edgeworth asked, glaring at him.

"Look, _maybe_ it's true that on some level, I'm attracted to Edgeworth," Phoenix said. He shuffled backwards again and ran into the black wall… Edgeworth and the other Phoenix were starting to advance towards him, the other Phoenix flexing with one arm. _I don't want to die this way! _"And maybe, if things had turned out differently, Edgeworth and I could've been in a romantic relationship- although you'd have to convince Edgeworth first. If I'm in a closet, he's in a bank vault."

"And?" Edgeworth said.

"And my point is, that's not how things turned out but that doesn't mean I should lie about what I really am," Phoenix said. "So… I admit it. I'm bisexual. I think that Miles Edgeworth can be kind of hot sometimes. And so can those wrestlers and even Diego Armando. But I've already made my decision, and for now I'll just follow my heart instead of your creepy obsession with my sexuality."

Actually, that felt pretty good to get that off of his chest. Yes, he could admit it… Edgeworth didn't look bad. No, he looked pretty good. The sun shined just right off of his bare chest (not that Phoenix had ever actually seen him shirtless, bar that one time three years ago on that boat) and all things told, it wasn't like Edgeworth was one of the worst options he had. But that didn't mean that he should let Maya's fantasies (or Pearls') decide his love life. No, he was going to go with the relationship he was already in.

The other Phoenix and Edgeworth kept advancing, but Phoenix was struck with the ridiculousness of them. Edgeworth _allowing _someone to ruin his precious suit and cravat with all that oil? And what was with that mustache? And Phoenix wasn't the kind of person to act like… whatever that was. Phoenix closed his eyes and started laughing, and he laughed and laughed and laughed. He was almost waiting for them to touch him- but when he opened his eyes there was just a thoroughly-dry Edgeworth, still with a mustache, standing in front of him.

"Wright," he said, "what did you see earlier, when you were hallucinating? Your 'proper' memories should be restored now."

What had Phoenix seen? What was he talking about, Phoenix was completely- he glanced at his finger and saw that his ring was gone. Oh. "I… I had a son," Phoenix said, "and he was named after you."

"Edgeworth Wright?"

"Miles. Anyway, I was also married, and Mia was still alive, and then my cases started becoming undone," Phoenix said. "Until… I felt out-of-place and useless."

"Because you are useless without that badge, Wright?" Edgeworth said. He smiled. That was weird. "I think not, Mr. Wright. You found the man who killed my father. For that, I have an eternal gratitude… even if the person you found guilty was, in some way, important to me."

"I-I know, Edgeworth," Phoenix said. He wondered if Manfred von Karma was still alive in that hospital Franziska mentioned. "Listen-"

"Wright," Edgeworth said, and his pupils glowed pure white. "Do you wish to never become a star?"

"I…" Phoenix said, and he wondered what Edgeworth was talking about. And then he remembered something from years and years ago: about a naïve girl who thought the dead became stars… "Regina. It's part of life that we become those stars. That people live and die… that's part of what makes us human. One day, I'll die and join your father, just like one day you will too. And there's nothing wrong with that. The important thing is to enjoy your life with those closest to you before that happens."

"I- what do you know!?" Edgeworth demanded, his voice a strange mix of Regina's and Edgeworth's, and he stomped his feet. "Mr. Wright-"

"Regina, I don't know anything," Phoenix told her. "I've… the closest person to me who died was my mentor. I can't say I've lost a sibling or a parent or a child. I can't say that I'm you. But my time with Trucy, unemployed and trying my hardest to keep us alive another day, has shown me what's really important. It was never the badge. It was never the legal cases or the money or the office. It was her. It was the Wrights. That was what your father understood, what Acro didn't… and what you don't either, it seems."

Edgeworth glared at him fiercely and melted away to Regina in her teenaged years, wearing that pink leotard. "A-Acro," she whispered, tears in her eyes, "D-Dad…"

"Regina, did something happen to Acro?" Phoenix said.

Regina looked at him, tears in her eyes. Her glare vanished, and instead she just stared at Phoenix. "He… he died," she whispered, "so did Bat and Dad… they died because I- because I failed."

She started sobbing, and Phoenix was reminded of a different girl almost twelve years ago. He stepped forward and held the sobbing girl in his arms.

* * *

_Franziska_

"You are imperfect," Manfred von Karma said.

"Everyone is imperfect," Franziska said, shaking her finger. "However, I am free to strive for perfection, while you are not." And she whipped her father. He roared and dissolved into shards of light. "Hmph. Papa would not be so easily defeated." And then her whip melted. And she had just found it too!

Another, less perfect Franziska watched them silently. What was _her_ problem?

* * *

_Maya_

Mia had dechanneled at the exact wrong moment, in Maya's opinion, because now a Mia and a Maya were facing her down in a black chamber. What happened to court? What happened to everyone else?

"Hi, my name's Maya and I like hamburgers," the other Maya said. "I have no other characterization."

"Wow, excuse you!" Maya said, stomping her foot. "It's not _my _fault all Nick needs me for now is _accounting_!"

"Exactly," the other Maya said, "and you're not even good at math. All you're good at is switching to other people to do all your work."

"I'm the Master!" Maya said, "that's not my _job_!"

"You haven't gone to Kurain, Maya," Mia said, crossing her arms. "That's very disappointing."

"Well, I…" Maya said, and then she paused. Why _had _she not gone back to Kurain? Every time she thought about it, she couldn't remember actually _visiting _or even calling. Come to think of it, had Pearly gone to Kurain? Wasn't Iris bugging her about it? And Nick?

Didn't someone say something about brainwashing? Had _she _said that? "You can't remember?" the other Maya said. "Well, that just goes back into your brainlessness! Steel Samurai and hamburgers, that's all we know or care about!" She giggled.

"N-no!" Maya said, "look, something's up-"

"You don't even remember what really happened at Hazakura, when your mother died," the other Maya said.

"I do!" Maya said, "they found me in that chamber!" Didn't they? Something came back to her about that witness stand…

"No they didn't," Mia said, "you channeled Dahlia Hawthorne to stop her from killing you. The one they found in that chamber was Iris."

What? Wait…

Everything came back to her. Godot killing Misty Fey to save her. Years of grueling training on the tops of mountains, meditating for hours on end, unable to see her friends or family. Returning from a trip to a mountain spring to find that Nick had been disbarred, but being unable to go see him. Sending her friends Steel Samurai discs and notices and letters because she couldn't leave Kurain by itself. Sending Pearly, now all grown up, to Nick with a new letter.

And then she came. A researcher and an old friend of Maya's interested in psychic powers.

"You were hard to break," Mia said, with Regina's normal voice. "It took me _so _long to imprint on you. That must be why Godot was so suspicious too… he could tell. He could see you glowing, and kept a close eye on you. And you still warned us. That was very nice."

"But… but why?" Maya said, tears in her eyes. How could Regina betray her? She remembered receiving orders to channel Dahlia of all people in the agency, orders to redirect company funds into Regina's coffers and embezzle still more to Godot to mask her own sabotage, orders to go to the local train station where Regina would be waiting to blast her with more control and find out what WAA had done. She would bring papers and files, break into Lamiroir's house for Apollo's blackmail, and strengthen Trucy's pheromone doses. Her mind was warped and Regina allowed only a few interests: Steel Samurai and hamburgers, to throw people off guard. And Nick's sexuality, to drive distrust and distract him… "How could you?"

"People become stars when they die. That's what my father told me," Mia said. "And I believed him, up until the end of Max's trial. And that… that's when things started going bad." She paused, giggled, and said, "Maya, you were just the friend I needed. Just the pawn. You were an idiot who let her guard down for one minute, and then all I had to do was make you think that I was your bestest friend in the whole wide world. So while the Phantom and I ran around Kurain, you stayed down here and fermented resentment at your agency and Kurain itself."

"When we go back, we'll just find Aunt Morgan," the other Maya said, and she smiled. "I'm sure she's had quite the campaign to replace you now. What, with your running off, never coming back, letting some _foreigner _run things, and not even responding to an act of arson on Kurain property!"

"You must forgive me, though," Mia said. "Dahlia wanted that in return for her help. But she was weak too, someone obsessed with turning you into a dead woman for petty revenge." Mia smiled.

And Maya punched her in the face. It hurt and Mia's smile stayed, but it felt _good_. How _dare _she use Maya, put everyone in danger like that! How dare she continually _use _Maya just to make sure that she could let her crazy plan happen! How _could _she!? "You're the worst friend _ever_," Maya growled, and she charged at Mia… only for the other Maya to block her.

"Oh, c'mon, like you even _fought_," the other Maya said. "You were hard to break, but easy to keep." She giggled and began transforming into what looked like the Steel Samurai. "Now, en garde!" she howled. She raised her spear-

But Maya remembered something else in that split second: she was still the Master. And Maya channeled Andrew Jackson.

* * *

_Edgeworth_

Edgeworth's issues were resolved. There was an offensive gay version of himself that he dispelled via his glare and a Gregory Edgeworth with white pupils who tried to ask if Edgeworth wanted to become a star, which didn't make any sense but he agreed nonetheless since being a star was better than being in this trainwreck. At which point Gregory glared, vanished, and a way down to the courtroom opened up.

There were already a few people there: Trucy, Franziska, Justice, Cykes, Blackquill, Godot, Fulbright, the Judge, Gumshoe, Byrde, the Gavins, and two of those earlier strangers, who were speaking with Franziska and Klavier Gavin.

So Edgeworth stood there, tapped his feet, and glared at where Regina had once been, as well as the now-missing witness stand. "So, what was your shadow?" Cykes said cheerfully. "Mine was pretty cool!"

"Taka and I confronted a reflection of our selves in prison," Blackquill said, "and at the end of the confrontation, we were asked about stars."

"I said I wanted to be a star! And then Mom let me out," Cykes said. "It wasn't what I was expecting."

"I told Aura that I wished to go free as well," Blackquill said, "and told her to interpret that as how she wished. Then she let me leave the queer black area."

"I don't care," Edgeworth informed him.

And then Wendy Oldbag arrived, and Edgeworth ran to hide behind Gumshoe.

* * *

_Iris_

Iris was trapped in a room with herself and Phoenix. Well, that wasn't completely accurate: the other her and Phoenix weren't paying attention to her on account of their locked lips. It was kind of weird, seeing yourself kissing your boyfriend passionately, and not exactly completely unknown to Iris: Dahlia was no stranger to physical affection and had kissed Phoenix back before his trial for the murder of Doug Swallow, presumably to cement his loyalty to her. Iris had watched via an ajar door.

And as usual, was utterly powerless to stop it. Or, perhaps, was utterly unwilling to stop it. That lack of spine was kind of annoying sometimes. And it _would _be rather awkward to bother them or watch them, so instead she nervously shuffled her feet and looked away from them, hoping that they would either leave or open a door or something instead of leaving her trapped in there with them.

"Hey." The other Iris had broke off from her kiss and was now flipping her hair in a Dahlia-esque way. "What are you looking at?"

"The floor," Iris replied, "I don't want to intrude."

"You're intruding already," the other Iris said. "Go away."

"…I can't," Iris said. She pointed at the walls and added, "those are closed."

"Then open them," the other Iris said. She sighed and added, "although that would require a backbone, wouldn't it?"

"Um… a spine has nothing to do with opening impenetrable darkness," Iris said. "I'm sorry for not being more useful, but…"

"Have you even tried touching the walls?" Phoenix said. He pressed one hand onto the wall and it sank through. "See?"

Iris frowned. It hadn't occurred to her; why would such a solid-looking wall be so unsubstantial? Still, she supposed it wouldn't hurt to try. She reached out and brushed her bare fingertips against the black wall…

Scenes began flashing before her eyes. They were short, very short, almost blinding scenes of insight, and all showed the same thing: a maskless man holding a gun. She could see, almost imperceptibly, his finger squeeze the trigger… and then she pulled her hand away. She was shaking. "Weak, as usual," the other Iris said, "I'm not surprised. To see the worst moment in your life is bad enough, but to last as short as _you _did is honestly sad."

"That was just a second," Phoenix said. "Most people go longer. Wait to see what happens for the _whole _moment."

"I-I'm not going to put my hand back on that thing!" Iris yelled. "W-who are you to tell me to watch what the future will bring!? Maybe I want it to be full of surprises!" And yet, that gun still shook her.

"Don't worry," Phoenix said, "that is just a vision of what is to come, in almost fourteen years hence. However, there is another option you can take…" he smiled and looked away from Iris; his face was cloaked in shadows.

"Not that you'd ever _have _the ability to do that," the other Iris said. "Doormat and love martyr. The only time you've ever been anything but that was in prison, a gang boss who'd rather keep her secrets close to her chest rather then ever moving on."

Iris closed her eyes and tried to ignore her other self. She wasn't proud of her time as 'Mama', or the founding of the Other Branch Family. It had come in useful, it's true, and it was the only time she'd ever really showed any degree of threat or backbone in almost her entire life. In a way, she hadn't wanted to leave prison. She didn't want to leave behind the fact that she had absolute power thanks to her gang. She would keep the peace and in return get special privileges and even authority over the prison itself. Why, it hadn't been the warden who made that deal with Ares for his little communications station and power room complex. It was _her_.

"I suppose that makes sense," the other Iris said. She had paused for a moment to flip her hair some more, and paused once again. "You've always seen your life's value as what connections and relationships you had. Dahlia. Phoenix. Mother. Bikini. Even Maya and Pearl and Armando now. But you've never really had a value of _yourself_, and you're so determined to go back to the status quo that you won't even let what you learned in prison guide you."

What? What was she saying? Iris could feel herself tearing up. She hated doing that. Crying, simpering… it was what got Doug Swallow killed. Valerie Hawthorne. Terry Fawles. Phoenix and Armando. It was all _her _fault that she never had the ability to stand up to Dahlia… and those useless, stinging tears just reminded her of that. "And so you prove me right," the other Iris said. "So utterly useless to Dahlia and everyone else who ever had to depend on you. Never with the courage to stand up for her morals, if she _had _them. So desperate to return to what you had fifteen years ago."

And Iris backed away further towards the wall, her arms wrapped around herself, but she was very careful to not touch it. She couldn't risk that glimpse again. But… what her other self said made a lot of sense. Maybe that was the truth. Phoenix… he had moved on, he knew that things could never be the same. Iris was sure that whenever he looked at her, he saw Dahlia; no wonder he always seemed so distracted, why he seemed to be more interested in Edgeworth than her. But she… she _couldn't _move on.

"I can tell that you're making that realization itself, you know," the other Iris said. "You're static. But guess what? Things will _never _be the same."

…yes, that was true. Iris sunk to her knees, with her hands on the floor. She couldn't even look herself in the eyes. The tears seemed to well up again… things would never be the same, because she couldn't move on… "And you gave up your one chance to change things," the other Iris added. "How pathetic."

Yes, she had. She'd given up on her prison self… all for a chance to sustain a relationship that could never be. It really was pathetic, just like she was. Pathetic like Sister Iris of Hazakura Temple…

"And pathetic as Mama Iris of the women's penitentiary," the other Iris sneered. "Split personalities, Dahlia and Iris… and once again Dahlia was the superior and once again Dahlia was killed for the sake of Phoenix Wright. How sad." She laughed haughtily and said, "don't you agree, me?"

"Dahlia…" Iris whispered, and she clenched her fists. The tears kept trickling down.

"What?" the other Iris said, mockingly, "I couldn't hear you. Has your voice gone the way of your spine?"

Iris stood up but still did not look her other self in the eye. "Dahlia was a murderer. She was _never _superior," Iris declared, at first softly, but increasingly louder. "And in prison, I was never her either. Sometimes I would think like her, yes, but I didn't gain my power through poisonings and threats." And she smiled at the other Iris- and she was currently unnerved. So was Phoenix. "You see, there was one thing my sister was right about," Iris said, "and it's that people are easily swayed by their hearts. I was… and so were the prisoners and the guards."

"Like April May?" Phoenix said, "didn't your sentence get extended thanks to her?"

Iris turned her sugary smile to him. "Of course, Feenie," she said, "that farcical trial I participated in that found May guilty, and the subsequent revelation that she was innocent. They punished me and let her go… but that never was what really happened, was it?"

"Still, I don't think a charmer would get much power in prison," Phoenix said, looking exasperated.

"Oh, no, it wouldn't," Iris said. "'Being feared and not hated go well together, and the prince can always do this if he does not touch the property or the women of his citizens and subjects'. That's from a book they gave me in prison, it was very good."

"What's your point?" the other Iris said. She was back to flipping her hair. "That you can read?"

"No," Iris said. "All I had to do was spend years as the peacemaker, as the wannabe-attorney. And when the previous gang leader died, all I had to do was swoop in and fill the void. To the prison elite, I would be easily controlled and a weak pacifist barely able to hold off would-be assaulters, so I was completely harmless. And in my first year, that's what happened…"

"Except that you bought the loyalty of the other prisoners," Phoenix said. "You made the prisoners _want _you as their leader."

"Exactly," Iris said, and she smiled once again and started advancing towards the other Iris and Phoenix. "I pounced and destroyed the other leaders. I made them fear me, but never hate me. I let them do want they wanted, so long as they didn't hurt each other. Because the only one allowed to hurt them… was me."

She kept advancing, and the other Iris finally stopped flipping her hair and actually seemed somewhat… alarmed and began moving backwards, away from Iris. "What are you doing?" she said, "what do you want!?"

"You've made me realize something," Iris said. "You're right, I can never be the same person I was before I went to prison, and that I've been hiding what I did and what I learned. There's no reason that I can't try and become a new person. I'll still be the same, pathetic Iris… but at least I'll have a few tricks and rules. And by the way, here's one of them: Feenie is _mine_, not yours, _Dahlia_."

She grabbed the other Iris by the arms and began forcing her backwards. Phoenix looked on with a smug smile. "S-stop!" the other Iris said, "what do you want!?" Her braids were starting to become undone.

"You're one of the reminders of what I was," Iris said, "the useless person who listened to a useless sister. Thanks for showing me exactly what I do and don't need… and I'm afraid you fall in the latter category." She pushed the other Iris back and she made contact with the black wall.

"No… no!" she screamed, "no!"

"How weak can you be!?" demanded Iris, "to last as short as you are? It's been a second!"

"No- I can see-"

"Don't bother!" Iris snarled, and she forced the other Iris so far into the wall that she shattered into darkness.

Phoenix clapped. "Well done," he said, "well done." His eyes glowed white and he said, "do you wish to never become a star?"

"What?" she said. Iris was annoyed and disoriented; had she just killed herself? "I- no. I wouldn't mind being a star, but for now I just want to focus on becoming who I really should be, instead of desperately trying to be the me of the past."

Phoenix frowned, and then jumped back when she moved slightly towards him. "I-I see," Phoenix said, "well, I suppose you can move on, then, to await my proper arrival."

The wall that Iris had forced her other self into vanished, revealing the rest of the gallery down to the courtroom floor. Yes, it was time to move on.

Permanently.

* * *

_Armando_

Armando was vaguely confused. He was currently blind and based on the sounds of breathing, there were three people in there with him.

Well, three and one frigid witch. "I know you can't see, so I'll narrate," Dahlia said dismissively, "there's a bimbo, a bastard, and what looks like me here."

"You're _so _helpful," Armando said sarcastically. "Listen, can you use your magical ghost powers and give me my sight back?"

"I'm afraid my 'magical ghost powers' are reserved for revenge against Mia Fey," Dahlia replied.

"We'd be happy to help but I'm afraid we just aren't able to do anything right now. I'm sorry," what sounded like Iris said.

"Shut up," Dahlia replied, "you sound like my worthless sister."

"But Iris was right," Iris said. "You're just poor and misunderstood, you know. All you ever needed was some loving attention."

"All I needed was that $2 million and for everyone to keep quiet," Dahlia snapped.

"So, uh, who are the other two people in here?" Armando said.

"I told you, a bimbo and a bastard. Mia Fey and Diego Armando," Dahlia said.

"You're very kind," another Armando said suddenly. "Hey, me. How come Hazakura went so badly?"

"Because I was an impulsive, reckless idiot who was so blinded by my pride that when the plan had to be changed I killed Misty instead of just knocking her out or just handcuffing her or something?" Armando said.

"Oh… oh yeah," the other Armando replied. Someone slurped coffee, and then he said, "well, nice to see you have no hang-ups over this."

"I've had a lot of time to think about it," Armando said.

"Here, let me do something about your eyesight first," the other Armando said, and then Armando could see correctly again. He saw Mia standing, watching them, and his old self holding a coffee cup right next to her. And there was another red-haired Dahlia. It seemed like a long, long time since he'd last seen the color red like this.

Wait a minute. Where was Iris… or was that Dahlia-

"Well, that was easy," Dahlia said. "Now, can we go on?"

"No, first you should apologize," the Dahlia next to Mia said, and she smiled serenely at Dahlia and Armando. "I know that you owe it. To our cousins Maya and Mia, and to Pearl and Iris and Valerie, and to Mr. Wright, and Terry and Feenie and Dougie…"

"I don't apologize, you stupid bint," Dahlia said. "What do you take me for? Iris?"

"You're a lot more like her than you think," the other Dahlia said.

Dahlia's eyes flashed white. "WHAT!?" she hissed, "like _her_!?"

"You'd be surprised," Armando said, "you both have dumb hair styles."

"Yeah, and you're both complete failures," the other Armando said.

Dahlia made a sound like she was a strangled cat. "Please don't insult Iris. She doesn't deserve it," the other Dahlia said. "She believed in me when no one else would. And that honestly means a lot to me."

"I _used _her. I _used _her and her stupid, stupid obsession with 'saving' me!" Dahlia snarled.

"Yeah, and that went about as well as your revenge scheme against Mia," the other Armando said. Both Armandos smirked at her. "Good job."

"This is Hell, isn't it?" Dahlia said.

"Shouldn't you have some experience with that?" Armando said.

"Yes," Dahlia said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Actually, this is worse. At least Hell is _lonely_."

"Oh, you miss your family and friends, don't you?" the other Dahlia said, tears in her eyes. Dahlia made another strangled hissing noise.

"I will _destroy you_," she growled at her other self.

"Good luck with that," Armando said. "I'm pretty sure she's not actually real."

"You got that right," the other Armando said. They both slurped their respective coffees at the same time.

"Where did you even get… nevermind," Mia said. "Dahlia, is it that hard to forgive people? I mean, you already got to burn down Hazakura…"

"Don't talk to me, you filthy traitor," Dahlia snapped. "The payment was the death of Iris, not the burning of Hazakura. Your incompetent spy-"

"I didn't want anyone to die," Mia said, "April May's death was not in the plan."

"What about Prima Rose?" Armando said. "She killed three people and was heavily brainwashed."

"That was her punishment," Mia said, "the obliteration of her self as a way to repay for the death of her daughter, her worst crime."

The other Dahlia shuddered. "What a cruel woman," she said.

"Regina or Rose?" the other Armando said.

"Both," the other Dahlia whispered, tears in her eyes.

"Besides," Mia said, "there was something in C'threpio I needed. Something that your sister might know about, Dahlia. The property of a man named 'Ares' originally."

"What's on that chip?" Armando said.

Mia frowned and began tapping her foot. "A list of names," she said, "very important names compiled by a group known as 'QLF'."

"Thanks for the highly specific information," Dahlia drawled. "And what use is that to you?" she added, flipping her hair.

"Oh, it happens to include some very important CIA information about a communications bunker built in a local prison," Mia said, "one supposedly designed for contact between dimensions. To render channeling and the like thoroughly obsolete. Fortunately, it was never used because the right chip with the information was stolen and implanted in a certain roboticist. His death _was _part of the plan, I'm afraid, because I needed that data for this plan. Tragically, my cameras are gone, though."

Ares? Had he heard that name before? "Look," Dahlia said, "who cares? Get this worthless excuse for me out of the way. We need to get going."

"To where?" the other Armando said, "to fight Regina? Ha. Good luck. I don't know what will even work on her."

"To _anywhere_," Dahlia said.

"She just wants to go apologize," the other Dahlia said, tears in her eyes. Apparently she cried more than her sister.

"…I think I found someone more pathetic than Iris and Feenie," Dahlia commented. "Does somebody have a gun? Poison? Electrocution, maybe?"

"I don't think you can hurt her," Armando said, "you need to come to terms with her, Hawthorne."

Dahlia glared at him and then at herself. "I admit that there is some weakness in me that is usually highly repressed and has absolutely no bearing on how I actually act," she said quickly, "now get out of the way."

"…that's not the truth," the other Dahlia said. "Because you haven't accepted what you really want."

"Revenge? Money?"

"Love."

Dahlia looked like she was going to throw up. "I don't think Dahlia wants any love," Mia said, "she really _does _just want revenge."

"Exactly," Dahlia said. "I do _not _have the same weaknesses as my sisters."

"But everyone does!" the other Dahlia insisted. "Deep down, everyone just wants attention! They just want to be loved!"

And then Dahlia punched herself in the face. "You sound like the doormat," Armando commented, while the other Dahlia twitched on the floor and Dahlia let loose a stream of curse words.

"I… I just want her to accept her true self…" the other Dahlia said. She whimpered.

"I _have _accepted my true self. I am a demon. I was exorcised!" Dahlia snapped, and she kicked the other Dahlia in the stomach. With one last sad look, the other Dahlia vanished, as did the other Armando.

"Diego, Dahlia," Mia said, her pupils glowing, "do you wish to never become a star?"

"…I'm already one, and that won't change," Dahlia said.

"And I don't want to be like Hawthorne, but something tells me it's not a reference to being demonic," Armando said. "Just as long as I reunite with Mia, I don't care."

Mia looked at him and then nodded. A black wall vanished and the two exited to the courtroom.

* * *

**A/N: All the Persona 4 jokes came from Sith. As of the time of this writing, I have yet to play it.**


	12. Turnabout Con, Part V

The crowd had gradually gathered in the central court. Some people, like the Boss and Iris, seemed happier. Some people, like Edgeworth and some red-haired chick, were angry. And Maya was currently channeling Andrew Jackson for some reason, who had challenged Fulbright to a duel. There was also a lot of noise, thanks to the Oldbags and Aura loudly ranting about a hallucination of Metis Cykes to Apollo, Juniper, and Ema.

"This is a mess," Simon commented. He scratched Taka's head and added, "so. Wright-dono's Shadow. What do you think?"

"Totally Kanji," Athena said.

"And Edgeworth-dono?" Simon said.

"I… actually, I don't know. Maybe it was like Yosuke's? He doesn't seem very happy, in any case," Athena said.

"…do you think he was dressed in a towel?" Simon said, smirking, "Wright-dono's Shadow?"

"No bet," Athena said, "c'mon, you know him."

"Not really," Simon said.

"Besides, if he was confronted with a towel-wearing version of himself, do you really think he would be so happy right now?" Athena said, pointing at him. He was quietly talking with Iris about something. "Maybe he resolved his sexuality?"

"Shadows don't resolve that, though," Simon pointed out.

"What are you two nerds doing?" Klavier Gavin said, walking over to them.

"We're discussing what the Boss saw," Athena said, completely unoffended by Klavier's barb. "What do you think?"

"I think that he saw people that he knew and that he worked out his own problems," Klavier said, "although at least I've already come to terms with Kristoph and Daryan's betrayals."

"These are some really low-effort Shadows," Simon said.

"Anyway, what are we all standing around for?" Klavier said, "can we… leave?"

"I think we're waiting for Regina now," Athena said, "but… what do we do about her? We're lawyers."

"…perhaps an exorcism is in order," Simon said. "Hmm…"

The Boss wandered over. "Simple," he said, "if you want to stop Regina, you have to convince her to go back on what she's doing."

"Uh, she's already done that," Athena said. She glanced at the blacked-over doors and windows and then back at Boss. "I mean, she hasn't gotten rid of her gates but she's also not here and she's not broadcasting."

Andrew Jackson and Fulbright de-channeled, revealing Maya and Pearl. And Maya suddenly looked utterly depressed and walked over towards Athena's group. "Nick…" she said, "I… I…"

"You were a pawn of Berry, brainwashed incessantly, and then failed to even be useful to your _new _master," the red-haired girl said, also walking over. "Exactly what I'd expect of a Fey."

"You're a Fey," the Boss said.

The woman twitched and walked away. "Why is Dahlia alive again?" Maya said, looking downcast again, "I see she's as pleasant as ever… anyway, Nick, everything that went wrong is my fault…"

"Maya, don't worry about it," Athena said, flashing the peace sign. "C'mon, cheer up! Regina's down now, right! So, let's just go break down those barriers-"

"Wait," Iris said, also arriving at the group, "don't touch those barriers. They're very dangerous."

"You know from experience?" Klavier said.

"…of a sort," Iris said, blushing.

"Anyway," Athena said, "what do we do?"

**Become stars, then.**

"No, no," Athena said, "wait-"

Regina's star reappeared, but now the star itself was gone: instead, Regina was dressed in pure white, with shining white eyes, and with shining golden hair. **I have ascended past **_**all **_**of you**, she stated, but her mouth did not move. **I am the most powerful psychic in history**.

"You're also crazy, pal!" Gumshoe yelled.

"And could you please not threaten us?" Phoenix said, "you already said that you don't want everyone to become stars."

**No. But I have tested you all, and come to a conclusion**.

There was a _zvwish_ing sound and Damon Gant reappeared in the courtroom.

**The trial of Damon Gant will resume. This time, there will be no changes in evidence. And **_**I **_**will be the Judge. **Regina descended to the Judge's throne, a false god for a false trial. **Technically, the trial is not over. So I can continue this**.

"And who exactly would the defense and prosecution be?" Gant said, "I thought it was already proven that I was innocent!"

**No. You never cross-examined the Phantom**. He, too, appeared, together with the witness stand. His outfit was pure white and he had an expressionless mask. Why? Athena wasn't quite sure.

"Boss!" Athena said, "let's do this!" She punched her hand with her fist.

"Wright Anything Agency, all lawyers to the bench," Boss said.

"Prosecutorial offices, take the bench," Edgeworth said, "everyone else. Security."

And the crowd split.

* * *

_June 3, 5:00 PM, District Court, Los Angeles, Courtroom Regina_

The prosecution, defense, and "gallery" were assembled. On one side were Phoenix, Apollo, Athena, Armando, and Kristoph; on the other side were Edgeworth, Franziska, Klavier, and Blackquill. The gallery was actually very large, but the most prominent person was probably Dahlia Hawthorne. How she was still alive Phoenix had no idea, but something told him it would come up.

**I will be fair. However, I expect you to find the correct truth. **Regina had settled onto her throne and then, with a great sparkle, she turned into a shirtless, extremely-feminine looking Edgeworth with giant sparkly eyes. "This is disturbing," Edgeworth himself said, and he glared at it. "I thought I destroyed you."

"Uguu, you wouldn't destroy me, would you?" the other Edgeworth said. It was speaking in a high-pitched whine with no hint of Edgeworth's normal, inexplicable accent, and he began crying. "Do you not like me?"

Blackquill and Athena (and Trucy) burst into laughter, and Blackquill started hitting the desk. "Wow, something worse than my other self," Phoenix commented. Edgeworth facepalmed.

"Poor little brother. Are you having your own issues?" Franziska said, leaning onto the desk.

"Isn't this a trial?" the other Edgeworth said, and it giggled. "Oh, come on, senpais. Please focus."

"You have a uke for a shadow?" Athena said, and she giggled. "I guess we know who tops."

"Please tell me you're talking about bunk beds," Apollo said.

"Of course they are," Kristoph said, "what else could it be?"

"Anyway, let's go on, to this _sugoi _testimony!" the other Edgeworth said. "The Judge calls the Phantom to the stand."

"That's my job!" Franziska snapped, and the Phantom…. remained on the stand.

"I've been here the entire time, you know," he said. Well, she: the Phantom was wearing a Franziska mask now. "How rude of you to ignore Franziska von Karma!"

"Do not steal my look!" Franziska snapped, but seeing as her whip was gone, she could only seethe.

"Let's hear a testimony, shall we?" the other Edgeworth said. "When did you meet the accused?"

"Ahem," Franziska? said. "I was contacted shortly after being placed in prison, by Damon Gant. I was wearing an Athena Cykes mask when they brought me in, so that's how I found out about the communications room I used for communication with Gant after he left prison. Then we were pardoned."

The 'court' was silent. "That was a very bad testimony desu," the other Edgeworth said.

"Please stop," Edgeworth groaned. The other prosecutors looked utterly shocked.

"Well, this will be hard," Kristoph said with obvious false cheerfulness.

"Just let us cross-examine him… or her, whatever," Phoenix said.

"I… I suppose?" the other Edgeworth said. "Well, take it away, senpai."

"What does that even _mean_?" Phoenix said. "Wait. Don't tell me."

Athena sighed. "Well, let's blow this animé away," Armando said. "Defense team go! ...Mr. Phantom, this whole testimony is a trainwreck."

"And I thought Larry was bad…" Phoenix commented.

"How so, Diego Armando?" Franziska? said.

"Okay, first, explain the Athena mask. Why?" Armando said.

"Why not?" Franziska? said.

"Please take this seriously, witness," Athena said, frowning.

"Of course I'm taking this seriously," Franziska? said, pulling off her mask to reveal Edgeworth. "See? I'm serious, Cykes."

"Oh, _come on!_" Edgeworth yelled. Everyone ignored him.

"Moving on," Phoenix said, rolling his eyes, "how did you meet Damon Gant at the women's prison?"

"Obviously, he was incarcerated there," Edgeworth? said.

"Damon Gant. Incarcerated at a women's prison," Apollo deadpanned.

"Yes."

No one said anything for a minute. Phoenix put his head in his hands.

"Okay," Kristoph said cheerfully, "how about the fact that Gant was released at the same time you were? Therefore he couldn't have contacted you 'after he left prison' if you, yourself, were still in prison."

"That is true," Edgeworth? said. "I suppose I'll change my testimony to that effect. Gant broke out of prison. It was covered up by the government in a massive conspiracy, you know, by the same people who faked the moon landing."

There was a collective groan, coming loudest from the defense bench. "Ms. Berry - uh, your Honor - Edgeworth number two…!" Phoenix groaned, having no idea what to call Regina, "This is going nowhere! The witness keeps lying!"

"Just continue the cross-examination, please, senpai?" the other Edgeworth said, covering his mouth and blushing. _Absolutely cringe-inducing_, Phoenix thought.

"The moon landing was real!" Apollo yelled at the Phantom.

"That's just what they _want_ you to think," Edgeworth? sneered. The real Edgeworth began hitting his head on the wall behind the prosecution's bench again.

"And Gant didn't break out of prison," Armando said. "The only one who broke out of prison was me."

"But you didn't-" began Athena. Armando cut her off.

"Sometimes, you have to hold off one custom blend with one of your own," he said cryptically, and he sipped his coffee.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Athena protested.

"Excuse you, _I _was the one who broke out of prison," Edgeworth? said.

"No, I did!" Armando shouted.

"I did!" Edgeworth? yelled, and he ripped off his mask to reveal a Godot mask. "We both did!"

"How did he fit that visor under there?" Klavier said. Edgeworth kept banging his head on the wall.

"We're getting nowhere, guys," the other Edgeworth said, and he sighed. "Hold on. Let me become something a little more scary." And he morphed into Manfred von Karma, who snapped and roared, "Tell the truth, witness!"

"Hmph," Godot? said. "Fine." He summoned a cup of coffee and drank it… and immediately spat it out. "How do you drink this stuff!?"

"Ha. Some version of me," Armando said. "Just testify."

Godot? frowned at his coffee cup and tossed it over his shoulder. "Anyway," he said, "Gant wasn't really in the women's prison. But I was. And I didn't break out. We actually left at the same time. So I used that communications room. And that's the truth."

"Cross-examination. Now!" Manfred barked.

"Ahem," Phoenix said. "Mr. Phantom. We have here in this courtroom the 'boss' of the women's prison, who not only was involved with the communication room's but also was also involved in operations and keeping an eye on the prisoners. Perhaps she can collaborate on your story?"

"Well of course," Godot? said, "coffee metaphor." And then he tried to grappling hook away.

"Get back here!" Blackquill shouted, and he did his weird slicing air thing. The Phantom returned, now with a Blackquill mask.

"I don't say 'coffee metaphor' either, you know," Armando said, "what do you take me for?"

"Uh… Godot of January?" Athena said. Armando dumped his coffee on her.

"Now, Mr. Phantom," Apollo said, "will Ms. Fey collaborate your story?"

"Prosecution!" Manfred boomed, "object!"

"Objection!" Klavier shouted. "Herr Forehead, I'm disappointed. While it's true that Fräulein Fey was the master of the women's prison, what if she decided to collaborate the defense's story because she was dating the defense team leader? Or what if it was a different women's prison?"

"You must think, Apollo Justice," Franziska added, wagging her finger, "you need concrete proof. Evidence is the only authority in the courtroom!"

"That and your whip, right?" Phoenix said.

"Shut up. You will pay for that later," Franziska said.

"Anyway, that's a good point," Athena said, "_can _we prove that he wasn't sent to women's prison?"

"There's records," Edgeworth growled, "the officers who arrested him are in here."

"Biased!" Manfred boomed.

"And the records aren't?" Kristoph said, "fine, how about this: I saw him as well. I don't like Wright or anyone else in this room. And yet I saw him enter the _men's _prison."

"That is ridiculous!" Manfred said.

"You got me," Blackquill? said. "Well done, Gavin-dono."

"Do not be such a fool!" Manfred growled.

"He's kinda boring," Trucy loudly commented. "And loud."

"That is the point!" Manfred declared. "Witness! Explain yourself!"

"Okay, I didn't find out about the communications room until after I was released," the Phantom said, now in a Trucy mask. "Come on, Daddy, do you think I would lie?"

"Please don't," Phoenix said, "this is incredibly disturbing."

"Besides, she lies all the time about the stuff she watches and blogs about," Athena said, "shows how well you know her, Mr. Phantom."

"What?" Phoenix said, "Trucy doesn't lie."

"You'd be surprised, Mr. Nick," Pearl commented loudly.

"Anyway," Trucy? said, "I _was _in the men's prison, and that _was _where I met Damon Gant."

"So just to be clear," Klavier said, "you did _not _wear a mask of Fräulein Cykes?"

"He had no mask on," Blackquill said.

"Why didn't you just _say _that?" Edgeworth demanded.

"Because the defense seems capable of such an easy test," Blackquill said, and he smirked.

Phoenix resisted the urge to hit his head on the wall. "Mr. Phantom," Athena said, "can you describe your plan with Damon Gant for us?"

"Yeah. Explain why you burnt down Hazakura Temple," Armando said. "Go."

"Well, Damon Gant wanted it destroyed because there was no swimming pool," Trucy? said. "Man, he said that sucked! And he was right! So I was happy to do it!"

The court was silent once again. "Can I give witnesses penalties?" the Judge said.

"No!" Manfred snapped, and he added, "but a change is in order! Hmm…" and then he transformed into Zak Gramarye. "Phantom! Just tell 'em what they want."

"I did," Trucy? said, stomping her foot. "I did!"

"So… there was absolutely _no _input from Dahlia Hawthorne?" Armando said.

"What are you talking about?" Franziska said, "how would she be involved?"

"It's a long story," Armando said.

"Well, there _was _none, so there!" Trucy? said.

"Your daughter's acting like a brat, Mr. Wright," Apollo said.

"Don't call your sister a brat!" Phoenix snapped. Apollo sighed and rolled his eyes. "I saw that!"

"Anyway," Athena said, looking exasperated, "that might be the dumbest motive for arson _ever_. Also, that's not even how Mr. Gant operates!"

"Yes, I'd want _blackmail_, not _arson_," Gant said.

"Besides, they could just swim in that handy river!" Kristoph said, a smile on his face.

"Yes, that _does _sound like a good idea," Dahlia added.

"Well, I've seen worse motives for _murder_," Edgeworth commented.

"That's beside the point," Phoenix said. "We've already had testimony from several different people, including the acting judge, that Dahlia was involved."

"Don't be stupid," Zak said. "I never gave any testimony to that effect."

"But-"

"I wasn't under oath, so it didn't count."

"Was Regina ever even dismissed as a witness in the first place?" Athena said, exasperated.

"I'm not on the stand right now," Zak snapped. "Continue your cross-examination of the Phantom." The Phantom, meanwhile, had replaced his Trucy mask with a Zak Gramarye one.

"I hate my life," muttered Apollo.

"Dahlia had nothing to do with my burning down Hazakura temple," Zak? said.

"Yes, I did," Dahlia said, scowling. She was apparently growing tired of the cross-examination going in circles. So was Phoenix.

"You might be covering for the defense," Zak said, laughing.

"_What_," Dahlia said, making a face like someone had just announced a "National Mia Fey Appreciation Day" and she was in charge of the balloons.

"I think we can safely rule that out," Klavier said, also laughing.

"Okay, you got me again," Zak? said, "it was Dahlia's idea, but it was relayed through Gant."

_At least we're getting somewhere_, Phoenix thought, _although I doubt we'll be able to get him to directly implicate Regina_. In the meantime, the two Zaks were getting confusing, even if they were on opposite sides of the courtroom.

"Let's suppose, for the sake of argument, that Ms. Hawthorne did relay instructions through Gant," Apollo said. "Wouldn't that make _her_ the real guilty party?"

The Zak at the witness stand was silent for a moment before responding. "Well, if you wanna get technical… but! That doesn't change the fact that Gant was involved."

"Again, for argument's sake," Apollo said, "if Gant was involved, but Dahlia was pulling the strings, that brings up the possibility that Gant was under duress."

"Oh please," said Gant. "Who do you think I am?"

"Please don't wreck our case!" Athena said.

"You're not exactly trustworthy right now," Armando said to Gant, "besides, just because you say you weren't blackmailed or something doesn't mean that you weren't. If the theory that Dahlia blackmailed you stands, then you would have no reason to confirm it, considering Dahlia is here in this very courtroom, and is still somewhat dangerous."

"What do you mean 'somewhat'?" Dahlia demanded. Armando ignored her.

"Therefore," Phoenix said, "you can't really pin any blame on Gant… assuming, of course, you're telling the truth about him being involved at all."

"Hm," Zak? said, "well, in that case, let's say that…"

"Hold it!" yelled Edgeworth. "Stop changing your story!"

The witness stand Zak pulled off his mask to reveal Norma DePlume. "Wait… I don't remember how she talks." Another mask. Larry Butz. "This I can do!"

Edgeworth began banging his head on the wall again. Phoenix joined him.

"Look, it's pretty simple, Edgey," Larry? said, giving the court a thumbs-up, "I am telling the truth! I was sprung out of prison by a Presidential pardon, and I had to work for the person who saved me! All that stuff I mentioned, I did - I was told to. By Damon Gant. Who was in prison."

"For the last time," Athena said, "you and Gant were let out at the same time!"

"I don't see how that changes things," Larry? said cheerfully.

"I think it's safe to assume that the President was convinced to hand out pardons," Phoenix said, "I mean, if the President wanted to burn down Hazakura temple for Dahlia, he could just use the Army."

"I don't think they're supposed to do that, Mr. Wright," Apollo said.

"_Anyway_," said Phoenix, "witness, are you claiming that Gant was the one who had the President order pardons?"

"Sure!" Larry? said. "Didn't he already say he had blackmail on the President?"

"I never said that," Gant said.

"That's beside the point," Armando said.

"It is," agreed Phoenix, "I just find it more impressive that Gant could hand out orders in the first place, considering Lana Skye was keeping a very close eye on him ever since his release."

"So?" Larry? said. "Clearly Damon Gant is a very clever man."

"You got that right," Gant interjected.

"Please stop," Blackquill said, his eyes flashing.

"Anyway," Larry? said, "he could easily dodge her."

"Yes, it's not like I could watch him constantly," Lana Skye said from the Judge throne.

"Objection!" Franziska shouted, "you are Regina Berry, _not _Lana Skye."

"Oh, but I am," Lana said, "isn't that right, Ema?"

"I- no!" Ema said, looking away, "not again… the real Lana wouldn't be so disappointed in me."

"Yes, she is," Lana replied, "I can see into her mind and heart. Did you forget that?"

"No… you're seeing _my _mind and heart…" Ema said. She was clutching her bag now.

"Technically, I think she is," Athena said, "we need to hurry up and stop her."

"Thank you, Mistress Obvious," Kristoph said.

"Anyway," Phoenix said, "there certainly _is _a possibility that Lana couldn't keep an eye on him constantly. However, if he really was the one planning out all these things, there's one crucial thing we're missing."

Silence reigned. "Please don't tell me you're trying to bluff a psychic," Klavier said, and he shook his head and snapped his fingers. "_Please _don't tell me that."

"I was… collecting my thoughts!" Phoenix lied. To be honest, he wasn't sure what it was, but he knew there had to be something!

"If you're not sure what it was, then don't waste our time," Lana said promptly.

"He's not wasting our time," Apollo said. "Actually, I know exactly what he's trying to say. There _is _one thing that doesn't make sense under the Phantom's newest explanation: how Damon Gant was ever contacted by Dahlia Hawthorne."

And the crowd went wild. "Silence! Silence!" Lana yelled, and she banged her gavel. "Prosecution! Are you going to do anything!?"

"Of course," Edgeworth said, and then he gritted his teeth and slammed one fist on the desk, his glare ugly. The other three quickly followed suit: Franziska clutching herself, Klavier holding his head and shaking it, and Blackquill had a heart attack. "We- we can't explain that away."

"Are you people even _trying_?" Lana said, "a penalty to all of you!"

"You're not a legal judge," the Judge said, "so it really doesn't count."

"A penalty to you too!" Lana yelled, "and don't make me take out the black walls!"

"We just want this to be over…" Franziska muttered, but Klavier shushed her.

"Witness!" Armando yelled, slamming his coffee down, "explain yourself!"

"Well, obviously Damon Gant can channel," Larry? said.

"Objection!" Maya shouted, "no he can't!"

"I wish I _could_," Gant said, playing with his tie.

"Also, you can't communicate with the person you're channeling," Phoenix said, "so that wouldn't work either."

"Damon Gant has an evil twin brother who can channel," Larry? said. "C'mon, think, Nick!"

"Wouldn't _Gant _be the evil twin brother?" Athena said.

"Don't question it," Apollo said, "but if that is the case, then I demand proof! I demand proof of Damon Gant's evil twin brother!"

"Well, we don't have any," Klavier said, "sorry, Herr Forehead."

Lana sighed and snapped her finger. A black spike shot into Klavier and Apollo and they both screamed; when it receded, they were both clutching the desk for support. "Mr. Phantom, I expect better of you," Lana said coldly.

"That-that was awful…" Apollo muttered, but he shook his head. "But it can't hurt me!"

"Because I'm Apollo Justice and I'm fine!" Apollo suddenly yelled from the Judge throne. "I'm fine! I'm fine! It's the only things I know! I mean, I let Clay die and everything, but that didn't stop me because _I'm fine_."

"Stop bringing that up!" Apollo snapped, and then he groaned and sunk towards the desk again. "Boss…"

"We can get through this," Phoenix said, "I know we can."

"Through the power of trust and _me being fine_," Apollo-the-judge said. "Now let's go."

"Oh, you don't sound anything like him!" Athena snapped, and then she sighed. "Okay, now we get an_ actual_ testimony?"

"Yes, of course," Armstrong? said, "this little girl will tell the court about _all _of la secrets… like the one that I've been Jean Armstrong for the past few months!"

"What," everyone said.

"Did you really think that Armstrong would ever improve as a cook?" Armstrong? said, batting his eyes at everyone.

"Wait… then who died?" Edgeworth said.

"That would be la real Chef Armstrong," Armstrong? said, "he was in training in Paris, on the dime of the Big Berry Circus!"

"His food sucked, so we sent him abroad to improve it," Judge Apollo said, "it… didn't work."

"It still tasted la awful~" Armstrong? said.

"Oh come on, that's not even how you use it!" Athena yelled, "awful isn't a noun!"

"Now isn't the time for grammar lessons," Edgeworth said.

"Tough words from you, Edgeworth," Phoenix snapped. Edgeworth glared at him. Athena looked confused.

"Look," Franziska said, "Jean Armstrong or the Phantom! Please testify at your actual meeting with Damon Gant."

"Ahem. Very well," Armstrong? said, and he peeled off his mask to reveal Bobby Fulbright. "It all began shortly after we escaped from prison. Gant contacted me via a secure channel- the CIA communications bunker that I had been using for some time, at the women's prison."

"Why was it installed there?" Armando said.

"I've heard rumors that a man named Ares was behind its installation," the Phantom said. "Not much is known about him, though. If you want more information, you'll have to ask my employer."

"And because you were disguised as Detective Fulbright, you were able to use it at will?" Athena said, toying with her earring.

"Exactly," the Phantom replied.

"Phantom," Blackquill said, "the prosecution requests that you tell us more about how your employer, or Gant-dono according to you, was able to use this."

"He told me it was because it was installed while he was chief of police," the Phantom stated.

"Very well," Judge Apollo said, "you may cross-examine him now."

"To reiterate, Gant had it installed before his downfall in 2017?" Kristoph said, surprisingly being helpful for once.

"Yes, it was," the Phantom said, his face expressionless as always.

"Objection!" Phoneix shouted, pointing, and he slammed his hands on the desk. "Mr. Phantom! I'm afraid that's impossible!"

"Oh? Why?" the Phantom said, "it certainly existed when I took over from Fulbright."

"That might be the case, Mr. Phantom, but there's a slight snag in your theory," Phoenix said, his hands on his hips, "and that would be when the communications center was built."

Apollo-the-Judge shifted into Phoenix, dressed like he had been before. "What was that, honey?" Judge Phoenix said, oil dripping off of him as he put his legs on the judge stand. Everyone looked away (except Armando, who just kept sipping his coffee) and Gant, Athena, and Blackquill started laughing. "What exactly are you _saying_?"

"Simple, Ms. Berry," Phoenix said, undaunted. If Edgeworth (who was now trying to fashion a blindfold out of a cravat) had to put up with something like this, so could he. "I'd like to remind the court of the fact that Ms. Iris Fey was in charge of the women's prison at the time the bunker was installed, and as such had to okay any construction."

"Objection!" Blackquill shouted. He was leaning on the desk now and then slowly turned around. "I'm disappointed, Wright-dono. Surely you realize the problem with that path of reasoning?"

"And that would be?" Athena said.

"Fey-dono not only works for your company, but she's also intimately involved with Wright-dono," Blackquill said, "without any hard evidence, her testimony's not credible."

"W-what!?" Athena and Phoenix yelled.

And then Kristoph made a "tsk, tsk" sound. "You're not thinking, Mr. Blackquill," Kristoph said, and he suddenly dropped his smile and glared at the prosecution, which somehow successfully scared Edgeworth, Franziska, and Klavier. "What would Fey get out of making that up? Looking more impressive, when that is an impossibility for her?"

"Character assassination is not evidence, Gavin-dono," Blackquill replied.

"No, it's not," Kristoph said, "but a collaboration is. All we need is someone else who's spent time in the women's prison… a certain Wendy Oldbag, who not only had no reason to work for Fey but based on the Oldbags' testimony, have been working in the same place for many years."

"That's true," Edgeworth said, "loathe as I am to say it, it seems Ms. Oldbag is useful again."

Blackquill's eyes flashed but he nodded. "Gumshoe, Ema, find out from Oldbag if this is true," Edgeworth said.

The court waited in tense semi-silence (everyone was trying to ignore Judge Phoenix's loud, dripping oil). "It's true, pal," Gumshoe called, "that thing wasn't installed until around five years ago!"

The Phantom simply stood there, but Judge Phoenix looked shocked. "P-Phantom! _Why_ are you _lying_ to this court?" Judge Phoenix demanded, "please tell the truth, sweetie!"

The Phantom stared up at the Judge. "Very well," he said, "Damon Gant had nothing to do with the communications bunker being built. But he did contact me through it. The first time was while I was still posing as Detective Fulbright, although at the time I did not accept that job. Once I was placed in prison, I started being sent to the bunker more and more often to receive instructions."

Judge Phoenix nodded. "Your cross-examination, please~"

"Do you know how Gant used the communications bunker?" Apollo said, finally recovered enough to participate, "Especially since there's no proof that he actually knew it existed?"

"There's no proof that he didn't know about it," Franziska said, "as former chief of police, it's very well possible that he did."

"Objection!" Apollo said. "We already proved that it wasn't there while he was chief of police!"

"Pay attention, Apollo Justice," Franziska said, wagging her finger, "the communications center in the women's prison was not necessarily the only one in existence. If he knew about a similar one…"

"Objection!" Armando said. "I was in prison with Gant, as were Gavin and Blackquill. We saw him on such a regular basis that he can all vouch for the fact that he would never have had any opportunity to use a communications device of that complexity!"

"Objection!" Klavier said, "There's no way that there's that little privacy in prison-"

"Would you like to see for yourself?" Blackquill said, smirking. "I can certainly oblige you, Gavin-dono."

"Nevermind," Klavier said.

"Obviously he wasn't in prison when he contacted me," the Phantom said.

"Objection," said Kristoph, "you already said that you were posing as Bobby Fulbright when you were first contacted. By the time Gant was released from prison, your cover had already been blown."

The Phantom didn't react. "Ooh, Phantom, if you keep this up, I'll have no choice but to _spear_ you," Judge Phoenix said.

"I'm not afraid," replied the Phantom.

"That is true," Athena said, then turned to Phoenix. "What are we supposed to do, Boss? He's obviously just replacing Gant for Regina in his testimony, but how are we supposed to prove that? I mean, she's the judge here, and now she's threatening the witness-"

"Isn't it obvious?" Kristoph interrupted, adjusting his glasses. "We have to drive her into an emotional breakdown."

Phoenix nodded. "I know exactly what to do," he said. He slammed the bench and said, "Mr. Edgeworth, the defense has a request. Full amnesty for the Phantom if he'll tell us what happened with no lies- nothing but the truth- and he has to name the real mastermind. In other words, treat the Phantom like the murder weapon and indict his employer for every murder in his place."

Edgeworth, and the rest of the court, were silent once again. "…as loathe as I am to do this, the prosecution will accept this request," Edgeworth said. "Mr. Phantom, you'll be a free man if you tell us who your real employer was."

The Phantom was silent for a minute. And then he nodded. "I accept," he said, "and I think the court knows my true employer already- one Miss Regina Berry."

Judge Phoenix howled and shifted rapidly into Maya, but there were spears sticking out of Maya's torso, then gurgled and shifted into Iris, who screamed in terror once she laid eyes on the real Iris, then there was a bright flash and Regina Berry, looking as she had looked the morning of LawyerCon, stood on the Judge's throne. "Phantom!" she yelled, "**How dare you!**"

She moved her hand like she was swatting an insect away and the Phantom flew off the witness stand, crashing into the prosecution's desk and landing on Blackquill.

"**I call Dahlia Hawthorne to the stand**," Regina said, "**I promise you the lives of Mia and Maya Fey in return for the truth**."

Dahlia smirked, flipped her hair, and walked to the witness stand calmly. "In that case, of course I'll tell the _truth_," Dahlia said sweetly.

"Oh, no," Phoenix groaned. Everyone else seemed to be having similar reactions.

"**Witness, begin your testimony**."

"Of course," said Dahlia, "Ahem. I was the one whose idea it was to burn down Hazakura temple - although my intention was to kill Iris, but that's beside the point. I never talked directly to the Phantom, though. My wishes were relayed through his employer… Regina Berry."

Regina screeched. "Your cross-examination, please!" the Judge yelled over the noise.

"Dahlia," Phoenix said, stunned, "why are you helping us?"

Dahlia frowned and flipped her hair. "Didn't you hear her? She promised me the lives of Mia and Maya Fey in return for the truth. So that's exactly what I gave."

"You know that wasn't what she meant, right?" Apollo said.

"Are you seriously complaining about my cooperation, 'Polly'?" Dahlia said.

**Get off the stand.** Dahlia was flung through the air and landed on Iris. "My leg!" Iris yelled.

April May suddenly materialized on the witness stand. **Testify as to the real mastermind. Now.**

"_Regina Berry_," April May hissed. "That's who got me killed." She was jerked off of the witness stand, although she didn't go far because she caught the stand itself with her hand.

"Hey!" Athena yelled. "What about our cross-examination!?"

**The witness is lying**_**.**_

"We still have the right to cross-examination!" Apollo protested.

**No you don't**. April May was ripped from her grip on the witness stand and skidded to other side of the courtroom. Cody Hackins materialized on the stand in her place. **Testify as to the real mastermind - cooperate with me, and I shall give you any woman of your choice.**

Cody was silent for a minute, and then pointed at Dahlia. "How about that one?"

"What-" Dahlia started, and then glared at Cody. His hair caught on fire.

"I'm dead, so that doesn't hurt," Cody pouted. "Stop friendzoning me!"

"Who said anything about friends?" Dahlia snapped.

"Feminazi!"

**Just testify.**

"Hmph," Cody said. "I barely know what was going on… but I'm pretty sure that Regina Berry is behind everything. I said that earlier, but _no one listens to me!_ Is it because I'm a man?"

"It's because you're annoying," Edgeworth grumbled.

Cody was flung into Edgeworth. Penny Nichols took the stand.

**Testify in my favor and I'll let you kill Cody Hackins**.

"But this whole room is filled with cishet white scum!" Penny whined.

"A bunch of us are Japanese-American," Maya said, exasperated.

"Don't derail my argument with _facts_!" Penny said.

**Just testify already**.

"Fine," Penny said. "The mastermind was in Kurain when I visited."

**It was Damon Gant, right?**

"No, it was the persyn on the Judge stand thing," Penny said, pointing. She was promptly lifted up into the air and dropped on Cody Hackins, who had only just untangled himself from Edgeworth.

"What did I do to deserve this?" Edgeworth groaned.

"Penny Nichols, Cody Hackins," Franziska said, turning to face them, "was Regina Berry involved in hiring Shelly de Killer to kill you both?"

"Oh," said Penny, "I don't know about me, but I was the one who hired the assassin for Hackins. See, that big baby kept triggering me with his hurt fee-fees and I-"

"I hired Shelly de Killer to get rid of that dumb radfem," Cody said, "she kept sending me hatemail! _And_ she insulted my favorite video game character!"

"So he just killed them both?" Edgeworth said, looking irritated.

**As you can see, I was not involved**. Regina looked smug.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Penny said, "I told you, I use xie/xir/xiz pronouns! Triggered!"

Cody and Penny started arguing, and Blackquill picked both of them up and unceremoniously threw them over the prosecution's desk, into the middle of the court where they could be safely ignored. "Anyway," Edgeworth said, "just because they killed each other doesn't mean you weren't involved, because it's still possible that they were brainwashed into it."

"It also wouldn't absolve you of the other crimes, even if you did have nothing to do with it," Armando said.

**Shut up**. A girl who resembled Prima Rose blinked onto the stand. _This must be the real Ima Rose_, Phoenix thought. "W-What?" she said.

**You saw your mother speak with someone suspicious, did you not**?

"Yes," Ima said, looking around nervously.

**Please describe to the court who you saw speaking with your mother**.

Ima paused for a minute, putting her finger to her lips, thinking. "She looked like… you," she said, staring straight at Regina.

Ima was immediately dragged by unseen forced towards the wall next to the prosecution's bench, which she smacked into roughly. She seemed unharmed and was, in fact, immediately distracted by Taka. "What a beautiful _Nisaetus nipalensis_!" she exclaimed. "Can I touch him?"

"Are you worthy?" Blackquill asked her.

Olga Orly suddenly appeared at the stand. **Please testify as to who had you killed**.

"I don't know!" Olga snapped. "I had nothing to with this!"

**Oh, right. Your death was a mistake. Sorry.**

"Well, if you're apologizing like that, it must have been you," Olga snarled. She, too, was thrown off the stand. In her place stood Proto C'Threpio.

"It's you!" he yelled immediately, pointing angrily at Regina, "You're the one who put that chip in me! _You're_ the one who had me killed!" He went flying. Mimi Miney appeared at the witness stand.

"Wait a minute," Edgeworth said, "aren't you the one who dressed up like me and stabbed Olga Orly to death?"

"Uh… yes," Mimi said.

"Why?" said Edgeworth.

**I have no idea.**

"I told you in court," Mimi said angrily, "we were in rival gangs."

"Just get to the point," Franziska said, her fingers digging into her arm.

"I was brainwashed, that's why I died - I assume it was punishment for the murder of the Big O," Mimi said. "The one who brainwashed me was Regina Berry." She flew into the air and did a couple flips before skidding across the defense bench and falling to the floor.

**I call… I call the Phantom to the stand again!** The Phantom took the stand again. **Tell the court why you tried to kidnap Miles Edgeworth!**

"Because you ordered me to," the Phantom said. He got kicked off the stand. Jean Armstrong replaced him.

**Testify**.

"W-What do you want of zis little girl?" Armstrong said, pulling petals from his rose.

**About me**.

"Ooh, Mme. Berry iz a very nice girl!" Armstrong said, wriggling, "It was on 'er circus' payroll zat I went to la cooking course in fabulous Pa-ree!"

**See?** Regina gestured towards Armstrong. **I'm not a bad person. I wouldn't be the mastermind.**

Edgeworth slammed the desk. "Ms. Berry," he said, "just because you sent Chef Armstrong away to improve his cooking doesn't mean that you are a _good_ person. In fact, it only serves to prove that you were making way for the Phantom to replace him."

**No… no!** Armstrong was flung from the stand. An unearthly howl reverberated through the courtroom, and it all went downhill from there. Numerous dead people began flashing into existence on the witness stand, only to be hurled off before the defense team could cross-examine them. The good majority of them knew nothing about Regina Berry, although some of them attempted to testify as to Regina's powers. There were a few people that Phoenix didn't know at all, and even some people that no one in the room seemed to know. The courtroom was beginning to get crowded, considering the majority of the gallery was still covered in the black stuff. **You're all… you're all useless! Useless!**

A young, tan, fit man in a circus outfit appeared at the witness stand. He squinted towards the Judge throne - Regina had steadily been emitting more and more light over the past hour or so - and said, "Regina? Is that… you?"

**Bat. Sean… please help me**.

He looked around the courtroom. A good deal of the formerly-dead witness had been injured when they were tossed around the room, and the living were attending to them. The blackness, Phoenix now noticed, was slowly advancing. "Regina…" Bat said quietly, "What happened?" Wait, if Bat was here...

**I… I…**

"Regina-" Bat didn't get the opportunity to finish. He vanished. Another man replaced him - it took Phoenix a moment to recognize him as Acro, since he was no longer in a wheelchair.

**Acro…**

"Regina," Acro said, a little coldly.

**Acro, please tell the court… tell them I… I'm not a bad person.**

"Of course you aren't," Acro said, and he did sound earnest, but then he continued, "I'm sure you never intended for things to get this far."

"What do you mean?" Phoenix said.

Acro looked up at Regina. "Mr. Wright," he said, still looking at Regina, "surely you know how much people love Regina? How much they would do anything for her?"

"Yes…?" said Phoenix.

"It was because of that that I was executed so quickly-" Acro said, and he was cut off by the unearthly howl starting up again. Phoenix could barely hear Acro yelling about how Regina didn't mean it, hadn't intended it, but the scream was loud and the darkness had suddenly shuddered forward, prompting those assembled to flee (and drag those who had hurt their legs or feet when falling) towards the center of the courtroom.

**Acro…! Acro, no! I refuse to accept that as testimony!** Acro vanished. **Why has everyone turned against me?! What did I do?! I only wanted… I only wanted…!** A short, fat man with a blond walrus mustache appeared at that stand. **Dad-! Please, help me!**

Russell Berry looked around the was silent.

**Dad….**

Berry looked directly at Regina, who was once again beginning to reach eye-searing levels of brightness. Phoenix wondered how he could stand it. "Regina," he said, softly and calmly.

**Dad…!**

"Regina, what have you done…?"

**I was… I was only trying to help! I only wanted NO ONE ELSE TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!**

And the blackness came rushing forward.

* * *

_Hickfield Clinic, Long Term Care Unit_

"Ms. Berry," a nurse said, walking over to Regina Berry, aged 18, "you're here for Mr. Dingling?"

"Yep!" Regina said cheerfully, "I just _know _today'll be the day that he wakes up!"

The nurse looked down. "Um… about that," the nurse said, "I'm afraid… I'm afraid that Mr. Dingling will never wake up."

"What are you talking about?" Regina said, "c'mon! Have some more faith in him!"

"That's not what I mean, Ms. Berry," the nurse said. She bit her lip and said, "Sean Dingling is dead."

* * *

_Men's Prison Visitation Center_

Regina brushed past Maya and her friends visiting some masked man and walked over to where Acro usually met with her. He said it was to make amends, and he was always crying during their discussions; Regina was already feeling terrible about what had happened to Bat. How would he react? How would he react when he knew that _she _was the murderer?

Yes… she was the murderer. She knew it was true. She slumped at the visitation booth and tried to stop herself from crying, but she failed. Tears- useless tears- leaked out of her, and then she heard someone tap on the glass.

"You lookin' for Ken Dingling?" some gruff prisoner with a cigarette said, passing by the booth and slowing to talk to Regina.

"Yes!" Regina said, "there's something highly important I need to tell him!"

The gruff man sighed and pulled a lollipop out of his mouth. "He's being executed today," he said, "sorry, kid." Then he walked off.

Executed? What?

Regina rushed outside of the visitation center to look at the prison map. Executions… She ran towards it, noticing but not caring as the doors peeled back to allow her to enter. The bars bent and the floor cracked, and she rushed outside- just as the lever was pulled and, with an audible _snap_, Acro died. Then a Russian man cut his body down and cut his throat with a scalpel, presumably for good measure, and guards forced Regina away. She was screaming something, but she wasn't sure what.

All she knew was that she didn't want Acro to be a star too.

* * *

_Big Berry Circus_

Moe left Regina to stare up at the night sky. The circus lights had all been switched off, and the city was far away, leaving the beautiful star-speckled night to look down at Regina. The tears had long since stopped; the last time this had happened was after another dear friend of hers had been revealed to be a monster and lead away by the police.

The stars seemed so peaceful tonight… and there were two new ones…

* * *

_Borscht Club_

It had been an anonymous tip, and Regina met with a man wearing a white suit and hat, with a pointy beard. "Name's Shadi," the man grunted, "Max told me 'bout you."

"Hello, Mr. Shadi," Regina said. She'd traded out the leotard for a dress and was going to college now, although she didn't know what she wanted to study, really. She just felt that after everything that happened, she couldn't stay at the circus anymore. As funny as Moe was, and as cool as Max was, and as sweet as Trilo was, she couldn't stay with the memory of what had happened. She'd also heard some odd news: of Maya's friend Phoenix Wright being disbarred, and of popular opinion on the courts getting lower and lower.

But she couldn't even talk about that, because Acro's execution was highly controversial. He'd refused any and every appeal, and tried very hard to get himself the death penalty, and as Regina got used to the "real" world she learnt that maybe, it was just to spite her.

"I see you got my note," Shadi said. Regina nodded; she'd found a note in her bag from nowhere. "Well, I'm glad. I happen to know something that could be useful to you. You ever went to the Magician Grand Prix?"

"Yeah! It was great!" Regina said, almost feeling like her old self again. She loved it! It was so exciting, seeing everyone compete for the best trick! And nothing could beat the thrill of Max walking into the stadium through the air, at the very first grand prix her father had brought her to.

Admittedly, it was also the only one, and she felt sad again. "There's someone you need to look into then. I heard about what happened at that execution, and, well…" he chuckled, and said, "there's a lot of demand for people like you."

"But… who do you want me to talk to?"

"…there's a woman named Shih-na. Go to the Republic of Zheng Fa. She'll set you up," Shadi said. "Interpol has need, and apparently she works for them now…"

Regina left, and she distinctly heard someone say, "another ten grand for me." But when she turned around again, Shadi was already gone.

* * *

_Lang Manor_

They met in the shadow of an impressive mansion owned by a supposed wolfman. Shih-na was a pale woman with sunglasses and a white bowl-cut, wearing some sort of suit. "Ms. Shih-na?" Regina said nervously, "I heard you wanted to talk to me?"

Shih-na pulled a rock out of her suit and gave it to Regina. "Just hold it," she said, "and we'll see what use you can be."

Regina nodded and just held the rock. "Examine it," Shih-na ordered, "open your hand up and see what the rock does."

Regina nodded and held her hand open, letting the rock rest on her open palm. And then it shot off into the air. Shih-na nodded. "Welcome to Interpol," she said, "we need people like you. Work hard enough, and you might just be able to redeem yourself. Like I'm supposed to."

And Shih-na walked away, leaving Regina to wait for a rock that never fell.

* * *

_February 12, 2021, 3:02 AM: TW-4_

Regina and Shih-na had been sent by Lang to scope out a dangerous men's prison, alone. Why? Because, according to him, the two would be enough. And Regina knew that was the truth.

Regina was copying her boss now: some sort of Zheng Faian dress. And sunglasses. She liked the look. It made her feel pretty!

They passed several cells on their way to the prison basement, although the only prisoner who still appeared to be awake was a masked man who watched them silently, sipping his coffee. Shih-na said he didn't matter. They continued onto the basement without stopping to talk to him.

"Did you ever get your magic psychic-detector rock thing out of orbit?" Regina made small-talk as they descended the stairs. Shih-na ignored her. Yeah. It was probably rare and valuable. She should probably stop asking that on every mission.

The basement was dark and open. Shih-na flicked a flashlight on, and Regina tried to reach out with her senses like Interpol had taught her. There seemed to be many people in here, but no bars that Regina could see. Wasn't that odd for a prison?

"This way," Shih-na said, finally breaking her silence, leading her in a straight line. Regina strained to see through the darkness, but outside of Shih-na's flashlight's beam, the darkness ruled absolute.

They must have been going down a hallway. At the end of the hallway, there was a room, and in this room there was… a bald man in a straightjacket whose face was hidden in shadow despite the light being pointed directly at him. He appeared to be asleep.

"This guy is the most powerful criminal psychic in America," Shih-na said, "and we need information on a recent incident that… interests Interpol."

"Okay," Regina said, "do you want me to talk to him?"

Shih-na laughed for a moment. "Yes. Why else would I have brought you?"

"Okay~" Regina looked at the straightjacketed man again, "What am I supposed to ask about?"

"The recent incident at Gyaxa Space Center," the man suddenly said, "you want information regarding a dropped suspect."

Regina frowned slightly. She'd heard about this Gyaxa place a few months ago - what did he mean by "dropped" suspect? Hadn't the only suspect confessed? …wasn't he in this very prison?

"Not him," the man - Regina decided to nickname him Mr. Straightjacket - said, and he somehow gave off the impression of smiling despite his face still being hidden.

"Who? What?" Regina said. Shih-na nodded at her, which was Regina's cue to sparkle.

"That depends," Mr. Straightjacket said, "which one? The girl or the spy?"

"Either one," Shih-na said, "they both would have their uses."

Mr. Straightjacket… laughed? Regina didn't know how to place it. It sounded ethereal and inhuman, not at all like Moe's or Max's. "I can tell you all about them," he said, "who do you want to hear about first: the acrobat, or the ringmaster?"

Regina's ears pricked up. "Are you fond of circus metaphors?" she said, sparkling.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Mr. Straightjacket said.

Regina thought about Acro. "Okay," she said, "tell me about the acrobat."

"Of course," Mr. Straightjacket said, "the one who'll bend over backwards to another's tune. The one who could've been the killer, and yet falls into the real culprit's hands."

"Huh?" Regina said, "Can you please tell me who you're referring to, mister?"

"The acrobat's name…" Mr. Straightjacket said, "I think you know it well." He paused. "Ken Dingling."

"No way," said Regina, "That's impossible, he- he-" It was too painful to finish the sentence.

"He's been executed," Shih-na finished it for her.

"We have our ways," Mr. Straightjacket said, "surely you've heard of the Hazakura incident?"

"Nope!" Regina said cheerfully, pushing Acro out of her mind. Mr. Straightjacket must have been kidding. It was cruel joke, of course, but maybe that was just the type of person he was.

"Of course you haven't," Mr. Straightjacket said, equally as cheerfully, but this time it was mocking, too.

"That's not very nice," Regina said, frowning.

"People like you and me aren't always nice. We can't always afford it," Mr. Straightjacket said. Regina didn't like that, but he continued before Regina could say anything. "Would you like to hear about the ringmaster, too?"

Shih-na nodded at Regina. Regina sparkled again and said, "Yes, of course."

"No one looks too closely at him, but it's under his hand that everything that catches anyone's eye comes to be. He's due for a fall sometime, you know, but he's already falling, due to a simple mistake that someone else should have paid for."

Regina thought of Acro again. That bust was meant for her.

She pushed it out of her mind. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"I think you know who I'm talking about already," Mr. Straightjacket said, "a certain… Russell Berry."

"No," Regina whispered. This wasn't funny anymore.

"Regina, stay calm," Shih-na ordered, but Regina was finding it hard to listen to her.

"Please tell the truth," Regina said, her voice shaking. Her sparkles shone a little brighter.

"Oh, but I am," Mr. Straightjacket said, and he was probably smirking behind that darkness, "You think Russell Berry is dead, don't you? …what if I told you you were wrong?"

"I saw the body," Regina said breathlessly, "I attended the trial for his m-murder."

Mr. Straightjacket shook his head. "You poor fool," he said. "of course… if he is as dead as you say… no big loss."

"W-What?!" Regina said, and the walls of the room they were in were suddenly thrown into harsh light for a split second.

"You heard me," Mr. Straightjacket challenged, "who cares about the circus anyway? Not anyone worth anything."

"The circus is very popular!" Regina protested.

"Only because word gets around about how the legal owner got away with murder," Mr. Straightjacket replied.

"G-Got away with murder?" Regina said.

"Stay _calm_," Shih-na said. Regina hadn't noticed before, but both of their dresses were beginning to flap in a breeze from nowhere.

"Of course," Mr. Straightjacket said, "Don't tell me you've forgotten. Acro was right! You killed Sean Dingling in cold blood."

"No!" Regina said. The breeze flew faster. Her sparkles glowed brighter.

"I commend your cleverness as far as the pepper was concerned… and you got rid of that useless lion, too. You really cleaned up," Mr. Straightjacket said.

"_No!_" Regina said again, and the glow coming off of her was becoming less and less flickery and more and more constant.

"Regina, stand down," Shih-na said.

"Shut up!" Regina yelled, panicking, turning to Shih-na. "Stay out of this!"

"You're getting too involved-" Shih-na began, but Mr. Straightjacket cut her off.

"Oh, no, let her stay, Ms. Yew. I'm rather enjoying our little discussion," he said, "it truly is fascinating to see so deeply into the mind of a failure."

"I-" Regina said, "I'm not a _failure!_"

"Your father would be _so_ disappointed," Mr. Straightjacket simpered, "after all, you let so many people die. And after all that, you abandoned the Big Berry Circus."

"No!" Regina screeched, and the room was beginning to fill with harsh light. "No!"

"We're going now," Shih-na said stiffly, and she made to grab for Regina's arm, but Regina, on instinct almost, waved her arm, and Shih-na half slid-half flew across the room.

"It is amusing about how you 'accidentally' caused Ken Dingling to be executed, too," Mr. Straightjacket continued, "or at least, that's what you pretend, isn't it? No… Ken was dangerous. He knew what you were really like. So you used your special powers to move his execution date up, under the guise of trying to repeal his death sentence entirely. No one saw it coming."

"What are you talking about?" Regina demanded, tears in her eyes, "I didn't want Acro executed! I _didn't_!"

"But don't you know that they only executed him so early because of you?" Mr. Straightjacket said. "They only wanted your approval - and he _hated_ you, oh, yes he did. How could someone who hated our dear Ms. Berry so much be allowed to continue living?"

"N-No, I didn't - I didn't mean to," Regina started, "you're lying!"

"I don't lie," Mr. Straightjacket said.

"You're **lying**!" Regina yelled, straining her throat. Despite the huge amount of light she was now throwing off, Mr. Straightjacket's face was still shrouded in shadow.

And then Mr. Straightjacket smiled, a chesire grin in the midst of the darkness. "There's one more truth I haven't told," he said, "about your friend Sean Dingling… did you know he was awake and alive? He never could contact his brother - death row, no special privileges, after all."

"B-but," Regina started, but Mr. Straightjacket never let her finish.

"Ken told Sean everything." The disembodied grin was stretching, becoming toothier and uglier. "All about you and your powers and yourschemes and your _negligence_."

"I didn't- I don't-" Regina put her hands on her head, "Mister, please, stop it, please just **stop it**."

But he continued. "And you know what the kicker is? Do you, my dear?"

"**I don't want this**," Regina said. Where was Shih-na? What did she _do_ to her?

"Sean hated you, too. He died in the end, as I'm sure you know - and he died with curses of your name on his lips."

"**No! That's a lie! You LIAAAAAAAAAAAAR!"** Regina's yell echoed throughout the small room and everything went white, and then black.

Regina didn't know how much time had passed between then and when Shih-na shook her back in consciousness.

"We're going now," she said stiffly, and pulled Regina up roughly. Regina barely got the opportunity to look around before Shih-na shepherded her out, but she did see the destruction she? - yes, she had caused: it looked like a small bomb had gone off. Mr. Straightjacket was gone.

"W-Where is Mr. Straightjacket?" Regina asked as Shih-na dragged her back through the prison and into the silent, starlit streets.

"Let's not talk about him anymore," Shih-na said.

"Is he… is he dead?" Regina asked, although she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer.

Shih-na didn't answer for a minute. Then she said: "He left you a message," and handed Regina a small, slightly singed scrap of paper.

"They will come for you. Your true worth has been proven. If you want to escape your choices, seek out Dahlia. She will help you."

_My choices_, Regina thought, and memories filtered back to her, memories of the past few years that she, even now, didn't want to think about. With a heavy heart, she folded the piece of paper and put it in her pocket. _Maybe I can undo them. Or at least, I can make sure I can never make such terrible decisions again… and, maybe, neither can anyone else…._

Shih-na put a hand on her shoulder, and Regina jumped. "Let's go back to Lang," Shih-na said, obviously attempting to sound kind.

Regina shook her off, gave her a long look, and then turned around and ran into the night as fast as she could. She didn't look back.

* * *

_Kurain Village, several years later_

Dahlia Hawthorne was dead. Regina's research had led her to that. That's why she came here.

The Hazakura incident was quite a feat to research: as far as the public was concerned, it had never really happened - the case was simple, clear-cut. The extent of the cover-up was, in a word, massive - so massive that most of the people carrying out the cover-up didn't know the reason why no one must know. The prosecutor responsible for the murder and his accomplice were both thrown in prison with virtually no trial, with the latter's sentence being quietly extended to life, and former being sentenced to death. Of course, no one was executed in the end - although the records for his appeal trial had obviously been tampered with, nor did anyone seem to remember the trial itself. Why had this all happened? The answer was simple: the dead should stay dead, and staying dead didn't involve testifying in court.

And all that meant that she had to find someone who could call this Dahlia Hawthorne. And based on the scant records she had, that would be her dear old friend, Maya Fey, current Master of the Kurian Channelling Technique. The only problem was, she wasn't in town right now. She was awaiting her return at Fey Manor, where she met a young, leather jacket-wearing man with dark brown hair.

"Hello!" she said, attempting to initiate conversation with him, yet again. And once again, his only response was the impassive glare of his sunglasses. This time, Regina pressed forward, undaunted. "What brings you to Kurian?"

This time she got a response. "Waiting for you," he said.

Regina blinked. "Me?"

"Yes," he said, "I knew you'd be here today. I represent, ah, an organization called… QLF." Was it just Regina's imagination, or did he just make that up? "I - I mean, we would like your assistance on something."

"Well, it depends on what it is, but I like being helpful!" replied Regina cheerfully. A few sparkles slipped out, and the young man looked away. "So what can I do for you, mister…?"

"Call me 'Ares'," he said, and for the first time since Regina had bumped into him earlier that day, he made an actual facial expression: he smirked. "Anyway, we need your help securing a little space for a pet project of mine."

"Space? Where?" Regina said.

"In a certain women's prison," Ares replied, "that's not the important part. You could be of great help to the construction, too, of course, but mostly we need the space."

"What are you building?"

He looked away again. "A communications bunker. Just a little something to render a place and a bloodline like this obsolete."

"Obsolete?" Regina said, confused, "What do you mean?"

Ares sneered at her. "Don't be dumb," he said, "what do you _think_ I mean? With it, anyone will be able to communicate with the dead - and not just the dead. Past, future, alternate realities, you name it. How far it'll go, I have no idea… but right now we need to build it. And we need you for that."

Regina nodded silently. It sounded interesting, and she wanted to ask more questions, but she was sure that Ares would yell at her. Something about him just seemed… scary. _I bet he's a hardened criminal_, Regina thought, and then realized she was being rude and judgmental.

"What do you need me for?" she said.

"I told you, we need the space," he said.

"You don't need me for that," Regina pointed out.

Ares said nothing for a minute. "Alright, I suppose it'd be more accurate to say we need you to help _run_ it."

Regina frowned. "I dunno. A communications room that can you can use to talk to alternate universes… that sounds complicated."

Ares was probably rolling his eyes under those sunglasses. "It's not about technical skill," he said irritably, "we need certain… qualities to ensure its operation. You possess them." He smiled, and it looked like he was trying to be kind, but it came across more as though he were baring his teeth. "Don't worry. I'm sure you'll be perfectly fine at the technical aspect of it."

"I'm not sure I'd have the time for it," Regina said apologetically.

"Stop making excuses! This is _going_ to happen, whether you like it or not!" Ares snapped suddenly, and then calmed down. He shoved his hands into his jeans and said, "We'll only need you once: to charge it up. After that, operation will be taken over by someone _already_ in prison."

"Oh," was the only thing Regina could think to say.

"Look, are you in or not?" Ares said, his patience clearly running thin, "You need to make a decision before Wat realizes I-" and he cut himself off, looking away… embarrassed?

"Well, I don't see why not," Regina said at length.

Ares smirked. "Thank you." And then he left without another word. Regina heard a woman yelling angrily in the distance. Something about skipping out on parole.

* * *

_Women's Prison_

Regina and Ares visited the women's prison, constantly one step ahead of some noisy woman in a lab coat. Ex-girlfriend or something? Regina wasn't quite sure what Ares needed her for, to be honest: he _did _seem to have all sorts of permits and orders already lined up. But when she asked him, he just shrugged and said, "there's someone I need you to convince."

That someone turned out to be the accomplice from the Hazakura incident, Sister Iris of the Other Branch Family. Her cell was impressively large, complete with a throne and servants, and, of all things, an organ that some woman was playing badly. "Your music's worse than Feenie's," Sister Iris said, sighing.

The other woman frowned. "I'm sorry, Mama," the woman said, "I'll… I'll see myself out now-"

"Don't worry about it," Iris said, "just keep practicing. I'm sure you'll improve." And she gave the other woman an angelic smile.

The other woman nodded feverishly and went back to pounding on the keys. "I always forgot what Aunt Iris could be like when she actually had a spine," Ares commented.

Huh. "So, uh, that's your aunt?" Regina said, just as Iris glanced at the two standing right outside her cell. She snapped her fingers and a woman holding a rifle ran over and opened up the cell door. Wait, why did a prisoner have a rifle? What kind of prison was this?

"The inmates run it, before you ask," Ares said, "and by the way. She's my dad's boss's wife." He trailed off and added, "I try to avoid my father."

"You should be more friendly with your family," Regina said helpfully. Ares laughed bitterly.

The two walked into the cell and the rifle woman shut the door. "Hello, Ms. Iris!" Regina said, bouncing on her feet.

Iris looked them over. "So, you're the contractor?" she said, "the CIA man?"

"Um, no, we're QLF or something," Regina said.

Iris sighed and the rifle woman pointed her gun at them. "No, no," Iris said, and the gun was raised again, "I want to be civil."

"Of course, Mama," the rifle woman said in a comically deep voice.

"I'm who the government wants me to be," Ares replied, "CIA. FBI. NSA. Anyone or anything like that."

"That's a lot of acronyms," Regina said, "um… what do they all mean?"

"That's a lesson for a different time, Ms…" Iris stopped and frowned. She snapped her fingers again and another woman ran up, a tablet computer in hand. Iris glanced at it, and then handed it back to the woman with a heartfelt thanks. "Berry," Iris finished.

"Hello!" Regina said.

"Oh, just shut up with your false cheerfulness," Ares said, "I know what you did to Mr. Straightjacket." He paused. "Wait, no, that wasn't what I meant to say."

"Mr. Straightjacket?" Iris said, and she looked like she was thinking for a moment, one elbow on her throne and her fist to her chin, like the Thinker. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"I'm sure it's nothing," Ares said quickly, "alright, Ms. Wr- Fey. It seems I need your permission to build."

Iris sighed. "No," she said, "I'm not letting the CIA or anyone else near here. My girls are highly sensitive, you know. I don't want them poked and prodded by government agents."

There was an explosion somewhere in the facility. "Clarice," the woman with a rifle said, "please go check on that."

The organ-mashing woman hopped up and ran out, sparing everyone from the horrible music. "You know, maybe the years have just made Feenie's music sound worse. Maybe he was actually not that bad," Iris said.

"No, it's torture," Ares said, "anyway. No one's going to be poking and prodding you or anyone else."

"I still say no, though," Iris said. "I've heard the rumors. After what happened to April May, I can't trust any of you people."

Ares sighed and pushed his sunglasses up. "What happened to April May?" Regina said, and then Ares elbowed her. Oh, oh yeah. She sparkled and said, "please tell us?"

Iris, her assistant, and the rifle woman stared at her. "No," Iris said.

Regina sparkled some more. "Pretty please?"

"Still no."

Regina was starting to glow faintly. "Pretty, pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"That's not going to work on me," Iris said, "you're not the first one to try that."

So Regina sighed. It had been some time since she used Interpol's techniques, but… "**Please help**." The rifle woman and the assistant were thrown against the bars, but Iris' hair was only ruffled.

"What did I say?" Iris said, and she leaned back. "Just keep trying."

**Gladly**. Regina unleashed her most powerful psychic attack, and for a second the room was illuminated by pure white. And then Iris' eyes were glazed over.

"April May was taken away," Iris said, like a zombie. Then she shook her head, and said, "no. Nothing more."

What was _with _this woman? Regina stomped her foot. This wasn't fun anymore! "Look, we need your help on something," Ares said, and he tapped his foot for a second. "Regina. You want to crack her, then focus on something."

"Crack what?" Iris said.

Ares smirked. "You mentioned a 'Feenie'. Has he actually remembered you even exist?" he said, cocking his head.

Iris twitched and looked away. "I-no-of course! He sends me grape juice all the time!" Iris said. She snapped her fingers and her assistant brought her a glass of it. "I even tell him I drink it!"

"Do you?" Regina said.

"Um, grape juice is bad for you," Iris replied. The rifle woman stared at the grape juice and it promptly turned clear. "Water's not, though."

What was _with _this place? **Please help**, Regina said, blasting Iris with her powers again. The other two women were on the floor now, but Iris was still fine.

"I have a lot of resistance to this, you know," Iris said, "it's a Fey thing."

But Regina could tell that she was starting to crack. She was holding a newspaper clipping now, one reading 'Phoenix Wright Disbarred!', and twisting it. Nervously. **Please help**, Regina reiterated. Iris twisted her paper so hard that it tore, but she still protested.

**Please help**. "No!" **Please help**. "I-" **Please help**. "Please help me…" **Please help. **"Sister Bikini, please help-!"

**Now**. The bars had started to warp, the other two were blinded from the repeated bursts of light and curling in the corners, Ares was unnerved, and the throne was covered in cracks. Iris had her hands on her head and looked like she was in pain.

"Do you agree now, Ms. Fey?" Regina said, back to her happy bouncing self. She felt sad for what she did, but… the ends justified the means, right?

"I-I- I accept," Iris said, and then she collapsed.

Another job well done!

* * *

_October 2026, Kurain Village_

Regina was back in Kurain. The comm bunker had been set up, imbued with her powers, and was now run by Iris on behalf of Ares. However, he had completely disappeared. How weird.

Regina was also yet to talk to Dahlia Hawthorne. "Mystic Maya will see you now," a nun said, poking her head in the room, before retreating. Regina got up and walked into the room the nun had just disappeared into.

Maya looked different from how Regina remembered her - she was older now, obviously, and dressed differently - but she knew she was the same when Maya jumped up and ran towards her.

"Regina Berry, right?" Maya said cheerfully, "I haven't seen you in _forever_! Not since Max's trial! How's the circus going?"

"It's doing fine," Regina said. She wasn't sure she wanted to tell Maya she wasn't really involved much in it anymore.

"How's Moe?" Maya said. "And how're Acro and Bat doing?"

Regina flinched at the questions. She was sure Maya wasn't trying to be insensitive, but…. "They went the way of Dad," Regina said, talking about Acro and Bat. Moe was still alive.

Maya's smile dropped. "Oh," she said. "Oh… is that why you came here? To talk to one of them? I can do that-"

Regina shook her head. "It's okay," she said, picking up a smile, "They're stars now."

Maya looked a little startled to hear her say that. She was probably remembering the end of Max's trial - when Regina cried - but Regina pressed on. "No, there was actually someone else I wanted you to channel."

"Anything for an old friend!" Maya said, back to being cheerful, "So, who is it?"

"Dahlia Hawthorne," Regina said.

Maya's smile vanished. "Um… are you sure you have that name right, Regina?"

"I think so, yes."

"You know what Dahlia _did_, right?" Maya said, now completely serious.

"I know," Regina said, "I know better than most people, I think. But… I really, really need to talk to her."

Maya took half a step back. "You aren't being instructed by someone, are you? I don't want you to get involved with a crime or-"

"No, no," Regina said, "it's a psychic thing, Maya."

But Maya shook her head. "I'm sorry, Regina, but I can't," she said, "and if you try to force me, I'll… I'll call the police. No one has any business channelling a murderer like that."

"Well, if that's how you feel about it," Regina said, half turning away, "then… **YOU SHALL ASSIST ME.**

And for the next hour, Regina blasted Maya with her powers, not stopping even once until she had completely broken her. And then Maya channelled Dahlia Hawthorne.

Dahlia looked around the room before focusing on Regina. "So you're the one who's dumb enough to ask for my help?" she said.

"Yep!" Regina said.

Dahlia gave her a disdainful look. "What do you want?"

"Well, a man called Mr. Straightjacket told me to contact you," Regina said, "He was very mean, but… well…."

"Mr. Straightjacket? Seriously?" Dahlia said, "Does someone with a name like that really seem trustworthy to you?"

"Actually, that was my nickname for him," Regina explained, "anyway, he left a note that said I needed to talk to you. And maybe it's kind of dumb of me, but, well, I felt that it was the truth!"

Dahlia stared at her for a minute. "Aren't you an imprinter?" she said.

"Um… yes!" Regina said.

Dahlia sneered. "I hope you know you can't imprint on me." She flipped her hair, and then tugged on it, apparently irritated at the hairstyle. "I'm dead."

"I know," Regina said, "did you have a point?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you realized that you're probably being played for a fool," Dahlia said, "or being imprinted on."

Regina shook her head. "I don't think you can imprint that long. It's been several years."

"Oh," Dahlia said. And she started playing with her hair again. "Why is Maya Fey's hairstyle so awful?" she said, mostly to herself.

"Aren't you a Fey?" Regina asked.

Dahlia glared at her, eyes white. "Shut up," she said. "As if I want to be associated with them."

"Oh, I know," Regina said, "soooo… do you know anything?"

Dahlia stared at her for almost a full minute. "You went through all the trouble to make Maya Fey channel me… without have an _actual question_?"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Regina said, "it does seem like a bad idea."

"Idiot," Dahlia muttered.

"Well, how about this? Do you know anything about psychics?"

"I know you're a pathetic excuse for one."

"Why are you so unhelpful?"

"I honestly don't know what you were expecting." Dahlia had, by this point, successfully pinned Maya's hair up into braids.

"Hmm… well, there's gotta be a reason Mr. Straightjacket asked me to do this," Regina said.

"Don't ask me," Dahlia said, flipping her hair.

Regina paused. "Hey, didn't you catch some butterflies on fire once?"

"Once?" was all Dahlia said to that.

"Well, that means you're able to catch things on fire with your mind!" Regina said.

"Those were _butterflies_," Dahlia said dismissively. "ones that _I_ summoned in the first place. If I could really catch anything on fire with my mind, Mia Fey would have died much sooner."

Ugh. Dahlia was being sooo unhelpful. "Well… can you teach me?" Regina tried.

"No."

Regina sat back and thought. What could she do to get Dahlia on her side? Wait a minute… a bribe! Criminals like bribes, right? "Do you want some money?"

Dahlia stared at Regina like she had grown a second head. "I'm dead," she said slowly, "I have no use for money."

Yeah, Regina wasn't sure why should thought that would work. "What _do_ you want?"

"Revenge," Dahlia said sweetly.

"Um… sorry, I kinda need Maya," Regina said.

"I know that," Dahlia said, clearly irritated, "unless you can get ahold of my half-sister…."

Regina shook her head. "That won't work. Is there someone else?"

Dahlia looked down, fist at her chin. "Well, I suppose I'd be willing to help you out if you help me get revenge on, say… Phoenix Wright?"

"Um…" Regina said, "that might be a bad idea. He's got a lot of friends now, in some really high places, so… I mean, even if he is disbarred-"

"Excellent," Dahlia said, "whoever got him thrown out of law deserves a night in. Okay, let's see… someone I hate, who has no friends… I know! My sister!"

"Don't you have two?" Regina said.

"The traitorous one, not the - wait, they're both annoying and useless. Just kill the black-haired one, got it?" Dahlia said, smiling.

"Well, that might take some time," Regina said nervously, "she's got a lot of power now… so do you mind if I wait 'til she gets out of prison?" They were going to be pardoned soon anyway….

Dahlia paused, and then nodded. "I suppose… as long as you destroy Hazakura Temple, too. She's sure to go there."

Regina nodded. "Okay!" she said cheerfully. Now to figure out how to actually do that. "So can you teach me about fire now?"

"I already told you, I can't do that," Dahlia snapped. "However, what I can tell you…"

* * *

_Kurain Village, New Year's Eve 2027_

Regina was looking at a newspaper. It had been an exciting last year in Kurain, using her imprinting on the village elders to ensure that no one could go in or out without her permission. She'd also imprinted on two visitors there. How fun! She'd also been talking with Dahlia a lot. She was very useful: helping her with her plans, that sort of thing. Dahlia also told her about someone she met in the afterlife - one Bobby Fulbright. It was through him that Regina learned of the Phantom. This was just the person she was looking for. And even better, he'd already been caught.

Regina had also made another friend recently: the President of the United States of America. It was time to enact what she'd been planning for so long. It was time to make sure that everyone would listen to her and do as she said. It was time to make sure that no one else would become a star.

* * *

_June 3, ?, District Court, Los Angeles, Court Room #7_

**I can't believe you people. How could you want… to die?**

Phoenix watched as she descended from the Judge throne, the light dimming. Was she… crying? The walls of white and black dissipated. The dead were starting to vanish. This included Dahlia. Thank God.

**"But why…**" she said.

"You're not the only person that's lost their parents, you know," Athena said seriously. "I grew up around robots - I've seen what it's like when you don't really have any free will. Ponco and Clonco are great, but… you know, they don't have that thing that makes us human."

"A fear of death?" Aura said sarcastically.

"Well, yeah!" Athena said, "They're going to live forever, so everything's different for them."

"You miss the point, Athena," Blackquill said. "Ponco and Clonco aren't humans, nor should they be, but by the same token, humans should not be Ponco and Clonco. We are not automatons to obey the programmer's every whim."

"It's a fact of life that we all die," Apollo said, "and you know, it wouldn't be fair. Maybe you can bring back the dead, but only temporarily. Look, they're fading-" and he gestured around the courtroom- "but Regina, do you want that to be the last of humanity? A whole bunch of ghosts?"

"Excuse you," one of said ghosts said.

"What Herr Forehead means, is that it's just the human condition, and you can't change that," Klavier said, "I wrote a song about this once, by the way."

"No one cares," Kristoph said. "I, for one, would be sad if everyone was the same."

"Well, that's probably because you can't poison people and that you're a psychopath," Armando said. Then he shook his head and said, "you know, it wouldn't be fair to some of us living to not be able to pass on too. In some ways, some of us are more trapped in life than afraid of death…"

"There is no need to be so depressing," Franziska said. Then she crossed her arms and said, "however, to make everyone the same, as this implies… that would be against the von Karma creed."

"Can we _please _stop giving her reasons to continue?" Apollo said.

Franziska glared at him. "Ms. Berry," Edgeworth said, "I can't claim to understand why you're doing this. But know this- your grasp cannot hold forever. We saw that with Maya and Iris. But if you want to bring endless misery upon this world, feel free to do so."

Regina's light had entirely faded again, and she was back to the young girl that Phoenix had met when he confronted his darker self. But she was clearly struggling to hold back tears. Whether they were tears of sorrow or anger, he didn't know; all he knew was that it was time to deliver the final argument. "Regina," Phoenix said, "I don't know if you realize this, but… maybe it was time for Acro and Bat to move on and be reunited. Maybe it was time for you to move on too." He paused, took a deep breath, and said, "none of us will be here forever. I hope to pass on my experiences and skills, and then one day I'll shuffle off this mortal coil too and join Mia and the others. But it doesn't mean we're truly dead."

"A-and?" Regina said, "why do you want that all? Why-?"

"Because your father was right," Phoenix said softly. "He was right all along. Maybe we don't become stars exactly, but we're not gone and we're always watching over everyone else."

He looked up at the open ceiling, where the night sky was visible. The moon and the stars were hanging overhead, a speckled tapestry of lives over the many years. "Don't you think that's what he'd say if he was here today?" Phoenix said, still looking up, "don't you think that's what your father, or Acro, or Bat, or Clay, or Mia, or anyone else dead, would say?"

"They're not gone," Maya said. She walked out of the 'gallery' to stand in front of Regina. "Regina, my offer still stands. What you did to me, and to Kurain, and to Nick and everyone else… that was unforgivable. But that doesn't mean I won't stop you from seeing your loved ones again."

Regina looked at her, and the last of the light died. "Maya…" she whispered, "Mr. Wright…"

And she collapsed to the floor, sobbing.

* * *

_Two weeks later_

The funeral of Regina Berry was short and sweet. She'd expended too much energy, according to the still yet-to-vanish Dahlia, and accordingly had died; now, Phoenix had dragged his company and the prosecution, along with the judges and the circus staff, to the funeral. There were many touching words, some bad jokes, and a magic trick that seemed impossible. Pearl somehow kicked Dahlia out for the duration of it once she lit the coffin on fire, but in the end everyone agreed that Regina would've liked a cremation more.

And for a second, Phoenix thought he saw Russell Berry and the Dingling brothers watching from a few unused chairs- but just for a second. When he looked again, they were gone.

Life went on as usual at WAA. There were changes, of course; Dahlia was now haunting the office and generally bothering Armando and Iris; Maya returned to Kurain with Pearl to try and fix the damage Regina had done; Damon Gant was officially hired because Lana was tired of watching him; Phoenix and Iris had decided to get engaged; and everyone was pressed by Franziska into planning her wedding for her, as Edgeworth, Klavier, and Franziska were all apparently too busy.

This meant that the plans were drawn up by Kristoph and Dahlia, and subsequently had been scrapped by Apollo since the amount of atroquinine required could probably kill the population of Borginia.

Trials continued, and the courthouse was repaired again. The Phantom and de Killer escaped, but in general life seemed good. And of course, Gumshoe and Maggey Byrde got married, Maggey was somehow already pregnant, and they got into a nonfatal car crash on the way to the airport. Oh well. All's well that ends well?

Although there was one nagging question for Phoenix that night, as he tried to ignore Dahlia criticizing his aesthetic sense: who _was _that Ares man anyways?

* * *

_September 1, 2028_

Unbelievably, Klavier had somehow managed to avoid getting cold feet and both he and Franziska were surprisingly excited about their wedding. Also unbelievably, the wedding itself was a very simple one - granted, it was extremely frilly and German, but simple nonetheless. Apollo served as Klavier's best man, while Adrian Andrews was the maid of honor. Maya, Ema and Kay were bridesmaids (including ugly dresses) and Trucy, Pearl, and Franziska's niece (the one who used to own a dog named Phoenix) were the flowergirls.

Things didn't start to get out of hand until the reception, which started off strong with Apollo's best man speech consisting of making fun of Klavier for about five minutes before Franziska started whipping him and Klavier somehow convincing Kristoph to give the speech instead. That didn't go so well, either. Also, Dahlia was still haunting them.

It all went downhill from there.

To begin with, Dahlia had been working on her "ghost tricks" as she called them, which mostly consisted of lighting things on fire. The champagne did not last three minutes. Armando magnanimously declared himself in charge of beverages after that, which meant coffee for everyone. The assorted tea people were not pleased.

And then the dancing started, and that ended up being a _huge _mistake. To begin with, there were a total of four stable couples at the wedding: Phoenix and Iris (who were being harassed by Dahlia the entire time), Armando and Mia (who Maya was channeling because Pearl loved weddings too much to channel), the Gumshoes (Maggey was already starting to show), and Pearl and the Judge's grandson, who no one was quite sure what his name even was due to the fact that a piano had exploded courtesy of Dahlia right when he introduced himself (fortunately, a backup was found).

As for the rest of the dance, it was a mess. Apollo found himself stuck in a threeway dance with Ema and Juniper, who had gone back to their warring ways. Trucy was getting a little too friendly with Jake Marshall's son Lloyd, whom Phoenix did not approve of, and Athena kept stepping on Blackquill's feet (probably on purpose?). Shi-long Lang somehow lost his shirt and then an impromptu wrestling match broke out between him and the Amazing Nine-Tails, whom no one even remembered inviting. And Kristoph somehow was killing it on the dance floor, hopefully metaphorically. Had anyone seen Lana?

Finally, Gant had declared himself to be in charge of the music and seemed to arbitrarily change the music just to try and make Franizska and Klavier dance to his tune, literally. He also made Edgeworth dance with as many people as possible, apparently using some sort of blackmail. Phoenix was afraid to find out the details. He also worried that Gant might find some blackmail on him (Phoenix was sure that Gant didn't actually have any right now).

"I'll see if I can find some for him," Dahlia had replied, and she drifted off, helpful as ever. At least she was gone.

Then a violent argument had started up, louder than ever before, between Ema and Juniper. "You know," Iris commented, "we never found out why they're acting like that."

"Oh," Trucy said (Lloyd's arm was now around her. What was that man _doing_!?), "that's probably my fault. I was testing a pheromone-based trick on Polly back in February and I guess it still hasn't worn off."

"That's probably my fault," Maya said, emerging from the crowd to stand next to Phoenix. "I, uh, strengthened it."

"Oh. Well, I was also testing it on Uncle Godot," Trucy said. "I wonder why no one reacted to him? Did you strengthen his?"

"I, uh, think I did?" Maya said, thinking.

And then Armando emerged too. He shook his head and drank his coffee. "Everyone's already insanely attracted to me anyways," he said, and he took off his shirt. Maya put her head in her hands, but everyone else was looking at him, even Lloyd. "See what I mean?"

"Put your shirt back on!" Shi-long Lang called, "this is a wedding!"

Armando sighed and fixed himself up. "Hypocrite…" he muttered.

Athena broke up Ema and Juniper, and they moved on to the next stage: the cake. As it was melted, they moved on again to the presents. Pearl successfully held Dahlia off long enough for the presents to be opened, giving Klavier and Franziska 54 whips and three crockpots, and then everyone shoved them out the door for their honeymoon, which was two weeks in Bangkok. Fortunately, Dahlia followed them, sparing everyone else from her.

"Thank God," Phoenix said. Kristoph was highly disappointed. Apparently Dahlia was his date for the evening. This did not bode well.

All in all, it was a pretty good day. Unless you were Apollo, who was sent to the hospital again. In any case, there was now a betting pool as for when Franziska and Klavier would get divorced, but that was beside the point. Currently, Phoenix was playing piano to 'encourage' all of the lingering guests to clear out because of hourly rental-related reasons.

"That was fun," Iris said. By now, almost all of the guests had left, some more ceremoniously than others.

"Yep," Phoenix said, finally closing the lid to the piano. "Who do you think is going to win the divorce bet?"

Iris frowned. "Did _anyone_ bet on their marriage making it to their 10th anniversary?"

"Nope!" Trucy said. She was in charge of the pool.

"Personally, I think they are going to have a very happy marriage," someone said. Phoenix turned around. He hadn't noticed them earlier, but two of those 'travelers' from June had shown up to the wedding: specifically, the youngest ones - the blonde girl with the riding crop and the bluish-gray haired boy with the cravat. It was the girl who had just spoke.

"Who are you, anyway?" Iris said. "Dahlia said you were… time-travelers?"

"That is not important right now," the girl said, "we are simply here for sight-seeing." The boy held up a camera, smiling softly.

"Um, okay," Phoenix said.

The girl grabbed the boy's shoulder and pulled his ear down her level, and whispered something in his ear. They both laughed. "Say cheese!" the boy said suddenly, holding up his camera again.

"Hold on," Iris said, "you still haven't told us-"

The camera flashed and then the two were gone.

"That was neat," said Trucy. Phoenix nodded silently. Plenty of weird things had happened over the past several months. Time-traveling wasn't even scratching the surface.

And looking back on it later that night, Phoenix couldn't really remember what had been so odd.

* * *

**A/N: I'll be writing the sequel to this fic soon! In it, you will actually find out about the time-travelers and what happened with the Hazakura incident! It will be called "Jana von Karma-Gavin: Ace Attorney", be sure to look out for it!**


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